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  • #662115
    Ashley Konners
    Participant
    Registered On: August 15, 2020
    Topics: 39
    Replies: 532
    Has thanked: 1938 times
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    Hello ladies,

    Have you ever thought about how your cding would be if things were different in your life?
    Maybe no spouse/ children, maybe a different job, if you moved to a new town.
    I’ve wondered if I would dress more if I wasn’t married, had a family or moved to a new town. I find that the “pink fog” ( a term I learned here) is at a very high point again in my life. I can honestly say that yes I think I would probably be out more so other then maybe my place of work. It took me years to accept myself and I absolutely love my feminine side and enjoy being out in either full in girl mode or even wearing woman’s clothes while still presenting as a man. Im at the point in my life where I just want to be happy and enjoy everyday to the fullest even if that means wearing certain items of clothes , makeup , perfume while out and about. This is me world so like it or take me out of your life cause there is no chance of stopping now but more so taking things to the next level.   Anyway what things might be different for you if things were different? Love to here your responses.
    thanks

    Ashley.

Viewing 27 reply threads
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    • #663617
      Davina
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: April 15, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 85
      Has thanked: 645 times
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      Ashley, yes I have thought about it. My life would probably be quite different. However, I don’t regret my decisions. I have a wonderful wife, 3 children and 12 grandchildren. In addition, albeit late in my life, I am truly enjoying what time I can crossdressing.

      I appreciate the comments from the others about the internet. I to wish it would have come earlier in my life, so I would know my feelings are shared by so many others.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #663443
      Jess Secret
      Lady
      Registered On: February 18, 2021
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 435
      Has thanked: 1100 times
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      Great thread Ashley, very thought provoking. It’s so hard to say how my CD’ing might have been over the years had things been different in my life. I considered myself “straight” in my teens, what if I had gotten into a long term relationship with a girl then rather than get a boyfriend a few years later when I desired to be with a guy? Chances and percentages are the girl wouldn’t have accepted my dressing the way my boyfriend does, that certainly could have altered my thinking especially if I thought she was a great enough SO to not break up with her. I couldn’t be happier with the path my life has taken in having a great boyfriend and having the excitement of wearing gorgeous lingerie to bed (especially for my boyfriend) and I do wonder if I was with a girl this whole time if I would have still desired to do it if she wasn’t accepting, or would I have broken up with her at some point? What if she was accepting? So many hypothetical questions obviously.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #663135
      Becka
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 99
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      Being completely honest,

      I’d be doing way more dressing, may be even some modifications, and very, very bi-sexually active.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #663449
        Jess Secret
        Lady
        Registered On: February 18, 2021
        Topics: 15
        Replies: 435
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        Speaking from experience Becka I have a boyfriend and it’s incredible to be bi-sexually active.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #663602
          Becka
          Lady
          Registered On: January 7, 2017
          Topics: 99
          Replies: 1137
          Has thanked: 727 times
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          Wonderful!

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #662822
      Lea
      Lady
      Registered On: March 23, 2016
      Topics: 87
      Replies: 353
      Has thanked: 575 times
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      Ashley, I sometimes wonder if things were different, more about what could happen if things end up different.

      What if my wife decides she’s done, what if my child feels embarrassed of me, what if my mom finds out, what if work finds out, what if crossdressing is finally accepted, what if my wife embraces this side of me…. it’s all interesting to wonder about.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662810
      Alison Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 819
      Has thanked: 664 times
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      I really hate “what if” games, because they’re more of “what would I have hoped would have happened” and have no basis in reality.  My Mom used to tell me we could have been rich, her Dad invented 6 Up.

      I’ve seen how little changes have made big differences in my life.  My ex’s inability to work towards saving the marriage led me to go out to a transformation place and go from dressing only at home in hiding to going out in public.  Doing this enabled me to meet others in the community, to gain confidence going out in public, to be there for a friend when she needed support.  I have seen how leaving a change of clothes home when I went to the beach caused me to have to go home first and then get into a car accident.  So I can’t begin to imagine how different things would have been if I made big changes.

      Taking things to the extreme, what if my parents “did it” 5 minutes earlier or 5 minutes later?  Then likely another sperm would have “won the race” and I’d be a totally different person.

      I can tell you what did happen.  Because my wife was working out of town, I was able to go to a conference.  Because my wife had moved out, when my company started to (essentially) pay me to take a certain number of steps, I started walking through my neighborhood en femme.  Because of the lockdown at the beginning of the pandemic, I was taking a walk through my neighborhood en femme almost every day.  Because of this, I made a friend whom I would often pass on my walk and still make small talk with when we see each other.  Also because of the lockdown, I was able to dress better than 90% of the time, to prove to myself that I don’t want to transition.  With the pandemic still not over, I have been trying to take walks en femme even some office work days before I change into my male attire.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662567
      Michelle Brown
      Registered On: August 23, 2015
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 230
      Has thanked: 4993 times
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      If things were different in my life,I would have come out as Michelle in my 30s.The three of us children were raised in a Irish,German,Catholic household and that good old Catholic guilt was drilled into each of us from the age of five years .I would have been on my own sooner free to explore being Michelle.No sense looking back,I am very happy being Michelle now and will continue to be the best part time lady that I can be.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662531
      Clarissa Renoir
      Lady
      Registered On: July 12, 2017
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 63
      Has thanked: 92 times
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      I guess the biggest thing is I wish that I would have explored/known this about myself earlier in life. Then again, I don’t know how things would have turned out and probably not met my wonderful and supportive wife. I guess in my case the old saying applies: “you can sh*t in one hand and wish in another. Which will fill up first?”

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662514
      Araminta Purdy
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 480
      Has thanked: 1003 times
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      Not exactly a regret but the societal environment today is far different from what it was when I was age 20-years. If I was 20 now I would feel sufficiently empowered to lead a wholly different life. I suppose that’s a good thing. Many thanks to those heroines who made it possible.

      Araminta.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662509
      MelanieElizabeth
      Lady
      Registered On: January 9, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 251
      Has thanked: 733 times
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      Omg Ashley this is such a Pandora’s box I don’t even want to think about it. Although I have many times over the years as I’m sure we all have. I wouldn’t want to change my life much but I do wish I had a better understanding of myself at an earlier age. I could have have expressed my feelings to my wife before marriage and children but like many of us I didn’t know what I truly was so it wasn’t  possible. I have been in my current relationship since high school and back then I had no idea I was a cd, I knew I was different than most. I knew I enjoyed femme clothing since early childhood but what did that really mean? I knew I wasn’t gay but something was always amiss, I tried to ignore the urges, tried to deny myself and pretend it didn’t exist but this only led to more difficulties later in life. Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s the only glimpse into this lifestyle was from the day time talk shows like sally Jesse or Donahue, so that’s not exactly a world I wanted to explore. So things were driven into hiding, spent many years denying even to myself that I was a cd. Putting it into a nutshell if I could go back I wish I had admitted I had a femme side first to myself and then to the one person I chose to share my life with. If I’d done these things earlier I’d have spent far less time feeling guilty about this benign activity and maybe my wife would have had an easier time accepting me and maybe just maybe carved out a little time for the two of us to enjoy a girls night out together once in a while.  A girl can dream can’t she?

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662504
      Kim Dahlenbergen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 18, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 157
      Has thanked: 97 times
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      I mostly avoid thinking about ‘what-if’ scenarios. It just seems pointless. Sure once in a while, a day dream might lead down that path, briefly. I spend more of my mental energy thinking about what I can do to express myself and experience meaningful moments of the life I have as a woman.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662441
      Liara Wolfe
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 1598
      Has thanked: 3124 times
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      Yes I have thought about all that and how wonderful it would be to dress when ever I wanted.

      Hugs, Liara

    • #662375
      Clarissa Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: July 17, 2021
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 127
      Has thanked: 954 times
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      One of my best friends decided as a very young girl that she didn’t want to live as a girl and she just began to act like a boy and everybody’s accepted her. She is still living close to where she was born, using her girl name but I doubt anybody here consider her a girl. All her life she has taken the male role and even her wife denies being a lesbian. Just an old couple being married for 35 years. They were even accepted at Thule air base where my friend was a truck driver , all her life she has been doing male jobs. Recently I asked her if she had ever been with a man, she was a little shocked and replied: I’m not gay!

      I often wish I had had the guts to do what she did, just living the way you wanted.

      I do not think she would accept me as a crossdresser, so I haven’t told her.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662374
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 80
      Replies: 1943
      Has thanked: 8549 times
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      Still think of it often.  Oh, if I could turn back time…

      Had there been the level of support and acceptance back in the 80’s that there is now – and the information to educate myself with! – everything would be different.   I was never married and with children, so that wouldn’t be lost*…. had I had the encouragement of ” its FINE to feel as you do “, I believe transition would have happened.

      (* As a side note, I have sometimes wondered if my gender issue subconsciously worked against marriage happening …)

      A big difference miģht be that I would be at cdh as an SO, lol.  At any rate, I would have eliminated decades of struggle within myself.

      Stevie

    • #662368
      Саманта
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 612
      Replies: 1580
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      if someone had told me when i was a kid, that i was “allowed” to do this out in the open, and that such a thing as transitioning was possible…i would’ve done this 30 years ago.

      whether or not i truly regret that it didn’t happen that way… well, i have mixed feelings about that.

    • #662352
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 947
      Has thanked: 1463 times
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      Hi Ashley

      I have lived for 60 years before realising my potential as a woman! The last six years have seen a huge change in my appreciation of woman’s distractions, affairs, equality etc.
      What would I do differently? I’m not sure if anything at all… I’ve had to reach a maturity that allowed me to say “punk you all… I’m gonna be me!”. I don’t believe I would’ve done anything different as I believe one has but one life to live irrespective of dreams or wishes. I was born a man but will die a woman… getting to that point is just life!

      Pestilential Polly

       

       

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662341
      Fredrika Jones
      Lady
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 415
      Has thanked: 506 times
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      I’m 65, but I’ve only been dressing for about 3 years. I’m divorced, but that happened long before dressing. So it would seem that I’m blessed, in that I haven’t suffered most of the burdens that others have. I don’t dress at work because I wear standard work clothes, so it just makes sense to wear them to and from work. It wouldn’t go well if I did dress to come to work, and my ex-wife would not have been at all accepting. I haven’t had any hassles in the area where I live (Burien, suburb south of Seattle), so I just count my blessings and move on!
      Kisses to all,
      Fredrika Jones

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    • #662266
      Lisa Leigh
      Lady
      Registered On: April 20, 2022
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 149
      Has thanked: 457 times
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      I love the “what if’s” in our lives.

      being in my 60’s I lived in a era when crossdressing was seen as a sickness, a social disease. Those that dared to come out to the public were not safe from ramifications. Even at a young age I knew to keep it to myself. I had earlier talked with my mother about my feelings and I wanted to be a girl. Of course she shocked but her reply was calm and said god had made me a boy and a boy I shall be. So over the years I kept it to myself, hid my feelings  from everyone. But as I grew up my feelings stayed with me. Now looking back I wished I hadn’t of hid my feelings, but explored my feelings more. Still being in that era where many were sent off. It’s hard to say what would have happened. Those that are much younger can now live their life with less fear and more acceptance.

      looking at today I could have come out at anytime along my timeline but i chose not to. I kept it to myself. Been married for 42 years and have two wonderful daughters. I do wish, almost everyday, that I could be the women I have hid inside me for my entire life. I dress not for sexual gratification, but for Lisa to be released and for her and me to feel alive. I guess you could say it’s been a battle of duality.

      • #662357
        Suzanne Martin
        Hostess
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 185
        Has thanked: 913 times
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        Lisa –

        Your story sounds familiar.  I’m 68 and dressed in my mothers things starting when I was about 12, maybe a little older.  As Angela said I was very careful when I “borrowed” her things.  I made sure to remember where and how I found them.  Nothing was ever said so I’m not sure if she noticed or not.  There were times throughout my life that I dressed but only for short periods of time.  I came out to my wife about 3 years ago and have enjoyed dressing since then without the shame and guilt I felt in my younger years.  I’ve been talking with my therapist about the “what ifs” realizing that I can’t turn back time.  I’m sure there would have been many things that would have been different, however,, I am happy with the life I led.  I’m sure it would have been nice to have been myself long before I acknowledged this part of myself but I can’t change that, all I can do is enjoy the time I have.

        XOXO
        Suzanne

        3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #662278
        Ashley Konners
        Lady
        Registered On: August 15, 2020
        Topics: 39
        Replies: 532
        Has thanked: 1938 times
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        I know how you must feel Lisa, I too had to hide my feeling from everyone. I’ve often wondered if my mom or sister ever noticed there things moved and or as they left them.  At first it was strictly in my bedroom, then maybe leave me room and venture downstairs.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #662281
          Lisa Leigh
          Lady
          Registered On: April 20, 2022
          Topics: 4
          Replies: 149
          Has thanked: 457 times
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          My mother busted me as items had moved. I think she knew and I was set up. She was never nice about it and didn’t want to talk about, I wish she would of. I learned to go thru the laundry, as discussing as it sounds. We had A laundry shoot that went to the basement. Amazing the things we did when we were young.
          But now, years later, my daughter came out to me the her boy friend was trans! (F2M) My reply was “are you happy, then I’m fine with it.” Be who you are, not what someone else what’s you to be.

    • #662260
      Stephanie Lake
      Lady
      Registered On: September 20, 2021
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 63
      Has thanked: 396 times
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      Before I met my wife, I underdressed only, just panties and sometimes camisoles or pantyhose (I hadn’t discovered thigh highs yet). That all stopped when we got serious, over 30 years ago, and I had to get rid of everything so as not to scare her away. In the last 2 years or so, I have restarted and progressed to outer clothes, including dresses. I often wonder where I would be if I either had not gotten married or had come out to my wife earlier. I’ll never know, but I still think “what could have been”.

    • #662249
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 1420
      Has thanked: 8729 times
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      I think all of us have thought about “What if…” but as others have said, way back then society was very different with very limited means to contact anyone who could understand. I always knew I was different and felt alone in the world so I did what I thought was expected of me trying to prove something that I was not.

      I can think of two situations when I could have made a different decision either time and my life would have been completely different but of course hindsight is great and we don’t get any do overs. I think older CD’s/trans are more determined to be themselves because they couldn’t when younger. The youth of today have so many opportunities and acceptance than ever before.

    • #662245
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1101
      Has thanked: 4165 times
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      How many of us think back and try to conceive how life would be different if circumstances had been different, the ‘What ifs’ are endless’. We could think of many scenarios which would lead us to the dream life we want, but would that lead to regrets and even resentment towards those that we perceive as blocking the path? Then that creates the ‘If only’ with possibly more regrets and so it goes on.

      All we do know is that we are where we are and should make the best of it.

      For my own thoughts, well of course I would like to have done things differently which would have changed the course of my life but it was difficult for a young TG/Crossdresser. Over some decades I am where I would never have dreamed of being. Social attitudes have changed, laws have changed, information is at the touch of a button and it is easier to make decisions and be seen as the person we want to be.

       

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    • #662240
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 50
      Replies: 1451
      Has thanked: 386 times
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      Sure. That’s why 23 years ago I made the necessary changes that would allow me to live my life in whatever way I chose.  Those 23 years have been the best ones of my life so 0 regrets and will live whatever is left in the same way.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #662243
        Ashley Konners
        Lady
        Registered On: August 15, 2020
        Topics: 39
        Replies: 532
        Has thanked: 1938 times
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        Sounds great Celeste, glad your living your life hun. So proud and envious of you.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #662215
      rhonda
      Lady
      Registered On: October 13, 2015
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 139
      Has thanked: 1378 times
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      Looking back I wouldn’t be struggling with to be or not to be , I think I would be totally , like now I’m in to be tomorrow maybe not Lord help us all

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662212
      Lauren Mugnaia
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 1, 2021
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 258
      Has thanked: 2456 times
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      If things were different, I definitely would have transitioned after my first wife passed away, probably would have gone with HRT and surgery. Even further back, if things were different, seeing as I have always known I was transgender, I probably would have transitioned when I was old enough to move away from home.
      …if things were different…lots of things would have changed!

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662211
      Darcy Grigsby
      Lady
      Registered On: July 1, 2020
      Topics: 33
      Replies: 202
      Has thanked: 64 times
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      If I had had the internet when CD’ing first came into my life I think I would have enjoyed the comfort of learning that I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t weird or demented. And I’m sure my life would have gone in a wildly dirrent direction. At the same time I’m glad it didn’t exist as I think my youthful exuberance and lack of consequence understanding could have gotten me into some real danger.

      If I have any regret with it at all is that I wish I had been more honest with myself before I took on adult responsibilities in my male only form. I would have liked to explore who I was or could be before I boxed in my life. That’s not to say I don’t like my life as is but I could have explored a bit more and done some things that would now make it easier to accommodate Darcy in my life.

    • #662205
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 489
      Has thanked: 1477 times
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      Different for me would be if we were accepted for ourselves. Not having to reshuffle our lives if we came out. I think I might present as the girl I often wish to be full time. Some days in work clothes with my hair in a bun dressed as a man. You know that is perfectly acceptable in out society. More often I would try to be a well dressed attractive woman. Wow. Isn’t that a dream that won’t come true? By the way. I would have my very own breasts.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662202
      Wendy Swift
      Lady
      Registered On: May 11, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 816
      Has thanked: 881 times
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      Very good question.

      At my stage in life (to flip things around) I wondered how my dressing would have changed if I were single.  With a loving and supportive wife that is ok with Wendy, I have pretty much dress as often as I want.  On the other hand, I have been talked to about the large amount of items I’ve bought for Wendy over the years, and she does have a point.

      I digress, if I were single, I think I would still be living with my parents which means my dressing would surely be impacted in a negative way as both my parents are now retired and stay close to home.  My parents would not be supportive of Wendy and I would not have the amount of clothing I have now if I was with my parents.

       

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #662129
      Maive O’Neal
      Lady
      Registered On: May 18, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 40
      Has thanked: 52 times
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      I often think about what it would have been like if I had all the information about crossdressing when I was younger that is available today. We had no internet and definitely did not discuss these things. I believe I would have accepted myself and lived a totally different life. Instead of hiding for 50 years. But we can’t go back, and we can only look ahead. But it is fun to imagine!!!! Good question Ashley

      Maive

      • #662130
        Ashley Konners
        Lady
        Registered On: August 15, 2020
        Topics: 39
        Replies: 532
        Has thanked: 1938 times
        Been thanked: 2553 times

        Yes I hear you loud and clear. No internet or anyone to turn to back in the day hun. Glad your living the way you feel best for you.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #662120
      MacKenzie Alexandra
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: May 20, 2016
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 661
      Has thanked: 178 times
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      Ashley,

      I believe that anyone who says she doesn’t think about how her life may have been different is lying.  That being said, I have often been curious how my life would have been different.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

      6 users thanked author for this post.
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