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  • #424872
    Sarah Renee
    Participant
    Registered On: December 30, 2020
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 3
    Has thanked: 0 times
    Been thanked: 46 times

    My boyfriend and I started experimenting a few years ago. He came to me and said he wanted to dress up so I gave him some of my clothes and I did his makeup. It’s always an “in the bedroom” kinda thing. Which always ends in sex. But he tells me he wants to come out and maybe go out in public dressed up. I want to help him with that. But my problem is I can’t tell whether or not it’s more than just a sexual thing. He hasn’t given himself a female name. I want to be as supportive as I can be because I love him and I actually am the one who started with experimenting and he really enjoyed it. I am just wondering what others think. He talks often about getting breasts. But he’s not into getting a sex change. He wants to be more feminine and I want to help him with that. How do I help him express himself in a way that separates it from sex? Or does it sound like it’s only a sexual identity sort of thing? Anyone who has any advice I’d love to hear it. Maybe talk about it more if anyone is interested. Thanks a bunch 🌟

Viewing 9 reply threads
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    • #435349
      rebekka moore
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 77
      Replies: 875
      Has thanked: 441 times
      Been thanked: 1764 times

      This may not help but it could be a little of both.
      – He is turned on sexually by dressing.
      – He really does like to dress.

      Think long and hard about what you are after with your efforts to “help him”. It is also a situation where you will “get more than you asked for”.

      From your descriptions it sounds like he could be in pursuit of more that he is currently showing. This could easily progress into him wanting to spend time with other CD’s/Men, in a sexual setting. Would you be okay with that too? You have to consider these things, if for nothing else to protect yourself.

      I get the sense that it is “fun” for you and even gratifying sexually. That is the way it is now, but if the crossdressing becomes more “serious” for him, permanent and with others besides yourself, you have to be ready for that. Or be ready to step away.

      I don’t mean to be a downer. Just want to you to realize what this may all mean, for you. I’m a person who likes to CD and does, and my wife hates it. It has had ill effects on our marriage.

      Best to you both!
      Rebecka

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #431806
      Maria
      Lady
      Registered On: November 29, 2018
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 21
      Has thanked: 5 times
      Been thanked: 48 times

      I’ve asked a few times and I just think he over thinks it. I’m still not really sure where he draws the line between it being a sexual thing and it being what he feels like on the inside. I’ve tried talking to him about it but it really seems like he’s not really sure where the line is. I know that it isn’t all sexual and he wants to come out and dress up. (I use “he” because he doesn’t identify as female he identifies as male) that’s why I’m here trying to find an answer to my question because I want to help him with understanding himself in this sense.

      Hi Sarah. With regards to try to help him figure it out, its so great you are helping, however it might take time. I am 33 and its still sexual yet I want to go out in world as a woman, but I know I am not a transwoman. maybe I am gender fluid. My point is I have been trying to work it out for 20 years, and put a lot of thought into it for the last 12 months in particular, it takes time. Experimenting with your help will certainly help, I wish I had that support!

       

       

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #429806
      Dawn Wyvern
      Chat Crew
      Registered On: February 23, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 215
      Has thanked: 178 times
      Been thanked: 862 times

      Hi Sarah

      Lovely to see you here and a big Thank You for sharing your story with us all and I see you have been able to gain a lot of information and suggestions from the members here.

      You may know that there is a special only partners and SO’s area on CDH for you to ask questions of others in a similar situation as yourself away from the general pages. Its well supported and may be able to help with areas you are not sure of.

      hugs

      Dawn

      (admin)

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #425200
      Falecia McGuire
      Lady
      Registered On: January 11, 2019
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 126
      Has thanked: 113 times
      Been thanked: 728 times

      Sarah,
      Well, it’s definitely a “sex” thing, but it is a sex thing because it is so much more.  Each of us finds joy in many aspects of our human behaviors.  Some experiences and behaviors cause arousal.  If you’ve found that your bedtime together has been satisfying for both of you, then you’re probably in a good place.  As alluded to by other members, many of us have had problems with too much crossdressing in our sexual relationships.  If I can be amateur psychologist for a moment, the dynamics of those potential problems can be avoided if you are honest, humble, and accepting of one another’s feelings.  I think cis women can grow resentful when they surmise, after a time, that their CD partner is more stimulated by the clothing and the fantasy than he is by you.  That would not be uncommon because we are all insecure about our sexual attractiveness.  Truthfully, however, all sexual relationships encompass some form of fantasy – that is what it’s all about!  If your partner has chosen to play-out his CD fantasy with you, then you are clearly part of the fantasy.  And . . . in my opinion and experience crossdressers are more tuned-in to your needs and identity as a woman.  Remember, he’s chosen to look like a woman because he likes how (you) they look and you are the woman with whom he has chosen to share this fantasy.  If he wants to explore his femininity and you’re enjoying it, don’t overthink it.  I believe the only rule that is important in your relationship is that you treat each other with kindness and respect.

      FAM

      • #425207
        Sarah Renee
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 30, 2020
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 3
        Has thanked: 0 times
        Been thanked: 46 times

        It’s funny you bring that up because there was a time where I felt like I wasn’t enough because I wasn’t a man. I don’t have a penis and I can’t fulfill his fantasy in the way I think it needs to be fulfilled. But he had a talk with me and told me that he loves me and it’s just part of the excitement to imagine being done by a male. But we have all the “tools” to do what he likes. I definitely got over it and figured out that he loves me and if he didn’t want me then he wouldn’t stay. And I’ve always been attracted to men like him, so It’s not like I don’t enjoy it also. I really appreciate you’re reply! Thanks a bunch!

        • #425890
          Falecia McGuire
          Lady
          Registered On: January 11, 2019
          Topics: 8
          Replies: 126
          Has thanked: 113 times
          Been thanked: 728 times

          Sarah,

          I’ve given some thought to your reply.  I hope I did not give you the wrong impression by affirming the sex thing and the fantasy.  Unless your boyfriend has said that his fantasy is to be done by a man, I would not assume or speculate about it.  The gender thing in crossdressing is not at all those with whom we share sexual activity.  Many (if not most) crossdressers are completely heterosexual and have not the slightest desire to have sex with a man.  As you expand your reading on these pages (CDH) you will frequently see that many of us regard ourselves as sort-of-lesbians because we want to look like women but are only attracted to women.  I’m sure that others on this site may feel differently – and that’s OK!  I think that many cis women find CD distasteful because of fidelity issues.  Promiscuity is not a healthy component of any relationship.  One of the most frustrating aspects of being identified as a crossdresser are the assumptions people make about our character.  The struggle of all LGBTGQ people is to be viewed and accepted as morally, ethically, and (yes) spiritually motivated.  If a CD cannot be regarded as a good and reliable partner, husband, father, brother, uncle, or friend just because he enjoys wearing women’s clothes, it would be a pretty dismal life perspective.  But the struggle continues and people such as yourself can make a difference.

          FAM

    • #425187
      Roxanne Korgi
      Lady
      Registered On: December 20, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 52
      Has thanked: 300 times
      Been thanked: 220 times

      Hi Sarah
      Similarly as all the previous Gurlz have given input, I feel I can’t add much more but to read these and other inputs on this site…

      You have enough to act on and then return with specific questions.

      You will get serious positive support again focused on your needs from the Gurlz here!!

      Wish you all the strength you need going forward.

      Kind Regards
      Roxie.

    • #425122
      Teralynn Loving
      Lady
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1070
      Has thanked: 8050 times
      Been thanked: 1881 times

      Hi Sarah, Teralynn here. Welcome to our wonderful online community Luv. Significant others of crossdressing people are welcomed here by our membership because most of us recognize what a change like a sudden urge to crossdress can bring to a relationship. Even initial support can turn in to worry about what increased crossdressing activity might do to your relationship. I look at crossdressing from a psychological perspective. Normally I would have reached out to help you but honestly some of my CDH sisters have already covered the most important things you should consider. At this stage a sit down serious conversation about where he intends to take his crossdressing journey is in order. You also should state any limitations you feel he needs to observe so that you remain accepting and supportive of his crossdressing. There are a lot of relationships that have gone sour by too much too soon. You are to be applauded for being so supportive so far. Take the proper action that will allow you to stay so. If I can ever be of service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my profile page wall or a private message will get the fastest response. I also recommend you join the support group on this site which only allows significant others of crossdressers to join. – Blessings from Teralynn

      • #425211
        Lucinda Hawkns
        Lady
        Registered On: September 1, 2015
        Topics: 6
        Replies: 1222
        Has thanked: 77 times
        Been thanked: 1274 times

        Teralynn said it all and so  di the rest of every one here.   i could not add any more words to help you out.   but yes in deed sit and talk about it to him. let him know how you feel about it when in bed room, its not all sex, if you want to dress up and go out help him dress up and look and pass as a female and see how things go from there.  you are a very excepting wife, wish my wife would be like you.   i dress up but wife will not help or see me dressed up but she has seen me getting dressed up and putting on make up and knows i put on perfume. what is a lady with out perfume on?    she tells me when i can dress up for we have a 23 year old still living at home so i dress up when he works nights. well hope all things work out for you. and yes you came to the right place for sure.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #424927
      Shreya Shah
      Lady
      Registered On: April 23, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 184
      Has thanked: 184 times
      Been thanked: 550 times

      Hey Sarah , that’s great that you’re supporting your bf in his crossdressing. It does not happen with everyone. You’re from the Rare.

      I’ll advise you both to sit down and discuss what you both want. As you’re supportive it doesn’t seems any problem for your bf to express his feeling.  Otherwise girls like us face many issues in expressing our feeling. So we choose to keep it secret.

      Hope you both will have a wonderful time together.

      Good luck.

    • #424880
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 757
      Has thanked: 2425 times
      Been thanked: 3732 times

      It seems to me that he’s at a stage where the desire to dress crosses over with a sexual stimulus so much that it’s difficult to see where the line is. Possibly, there is no line – the clothes feel exciting to wear, and many are designed to make women look appealing to men – and here’s where a lot of confusion can arise!

      There’s also the fact that cross dressing is not a subject that comes up for wider discussion because of the unspoken stigmas attached – it’s still a taboo in many ways.

      How many of his friends and family know? If not many, then it probably still feels like a guilty secret, especially with the sexual edge.

      But plenty of us recognise both sides – and cross dressing is not so much of a big deal these days – it’s really fun to go out en femme, and more people seem to love it than hate it. Depends where you are, of course.

      Because of COVID-19, it’s not as easy to go out at the moment, but next time it becomes a possibility, why not try dressing him in “ordinary” female clothing, do his makeup, and just go out and do “normal” girl things, like shopping, getting your nails done, and an evening out in a bar after dinner?

      Just ask him to be a girl for a day as a kind of adventure – maybe a dare? Whatever makes it interesting!

      If you live near some countryside, maybe go for a long walk – that’s what I did for my first proper outing, and it eased me into meeting other people while out, which is a scary prospect the first few times.

      Give him an adopted name for the occasion and see how it goes – he may resist, but I would think that jumping in like this is the best way to discover whether it’s just an interest or stimulus, or a part of his personality that’s here to stay.

      If nothing else, it would be a lot of fun – you could play the dominant part, or even cross dress yourself to add to the fun.

      I hope this helps!

      Love Laura

    • #424879
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 646
      Has thanked: 2419 times
      Been thanked: 2432 times

      Hi Sarah

      And welcome to the site.

      your bf is so lucky to have a partner who is accepting, even encouraging.

      If you both enjoy it the skies the limit. Take it as far as you both want and feel comfortable with. You are doing nobody any harm.

      It can be great fun to practice and experiment indoors, and if you both ultimately want to take a step into that big scary outside world for a girls night out go for it.

      There have been so many stories on this site (myself included) about the positive experiences going out dressed in whatever makes us happy. It gives us a profound sense of joy,  and is usually met with interest,   curiosity, fun, even apathy.

      Does your bf know about this site? He may be encouraged to see many many men here, mostly heterosexual who love cross dressing and have ‘normalised’ it in our daily lives to a greater or lesser extent.

      For some yes it is a bit of a sexual fetish, for some it’s wearing gorgeous underwear under our drab male appearance, some androgynise our look, incorporating clothing from menswear and womenswear, whatever makes us happy, and for some it’s the full en femme look. We love to experiment with fashions, make up, wigs, footwear, foundation wear to adjust our shape etc, things women have always had access to but denied to us because of the pressures of societal gender stereotypes. We are breaking free from who we are supposed to be to be who we want to be.

      So proud of you for reaching out for help and support. You are a rare and wonderful person Sarah.

      ❤️Bianca

      • #424894
        Ginny Virginia
        Lady
        Registered On: December 22, 2020
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 146
        Has thanked: 593 times
        Been thanked: 534 times

        Hi, Sarah

        I would like to echo Bianca’s appreciation for your support of your bf, something many of us here has yet to either seek or receive from our significant others. I really can’t add much to Bianca’s excellent response, which sums up very well some of the challenges and opportunities for people who enjoy the crossdressing lifestyle and/or are struggling to express our inner selves, whether feminine or masculine. Many of us have had the same experience of beginning (or continuing) to enjoy this as part of sexual role play, which is fun but for some may not be enough. One fun thing I did with my bi female roommates when I first started to experiment with crossdressing was to go on a shopping trip with them, first as a man (starting with lingerie at VS) and gradually adding more things and ending up dressed as a woman at a Bloomingdale’s makeup counter (Clinique, as it happened). It was a blast and something we all enjoyed together. Perhaps you could try that?

        I have droned on long enough but feel free to PM me as well. Happy to chat! Your BF is a lucky guy and you are a lucky woman!

        Hugs,

        Ginny

      • #424891
        Sarah Renee
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 30, 2020
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 3
        Has thanked: 0 times
        Been thanked: 46 times

        I really appreciate your reply would you be interested in talking a little more about all this? I just happened upon this website and I’m pretty sure we can private message one another. I want to help him express this side of him. And I looked at your profile and the forms you respond too and am interested in talking to you about things. If that’s okay I just don’t know any people who are like this in my life and am interested in talking about it all.

        • #424920
          Riley McCort
          Lady
          Registered On: September 10, 2020
          Topics: 9
          Replies: 46
          Has thanked: 52 times
          Been thanked: 205 times

          Hi Sarah. I think first off you should both sit down and have a serious discussion about what his motives are for dressing and the whole “tranny” thing. If its just a sexual turn-on then that’s fine but getting breasts just for that reason may be a bad idea. For most of us here it starts out sexual then over time if we stay with it we find out if it was a phase or bringing our hidden side out. Theres a huge difference between wanting to look like a girl for sex or actually finding out that you are 2 identities in one mind and body. If you want to chat please feel free to message me. Best of luck hon.
          Riley 💋

          4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #424876
      Renee Peirsen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 4, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 33
      Has thanked: 3 times
      Been thanked: 77 times

      Maybe you could start by proposing a female name for her?

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #424878
        Sarah Renee
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 30, 2020
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 3
        Has thanked: 0 times
        Been thanked: 46 times

        I’ve asked a few times and I just think he over thinks it. I’m still not really sure where he draws the line between it being a sexual thing and it being what he feels like on the inside. I’ve tried talking to him about it but it really seems like he’s not really sure where the line is. I know that it isn’t all sexual and he wants to come out and dress up. (I use “he” because he doesn’t identify as female he identifies as male) that’s why I’m here trying to find an answer to my question because I want to help him with understanding himself in this sense.

        • #429782
          Roberta Broussard
          Baroness
          Registered On: July 20, 2020
          Topics: 4
          Replies: 62
          Has thanked: 829 times
          Been thanked: 247 times

          Maybe, just maybe, he’s held on to being a man for so long that its hard to let his guard down. Its kind of like the first time in the deep end of the pool. It just takes a little time and a some encouragement to let go of the side of the pool.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
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