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I’m sure you’ve experienced the question “why” regarding the need to dip your toes in the waters of woman. I know I have been asked it, both by loved ones and by myself. Once you remove all the unknowns, it becomes quite clear. Even at our best days as men, we are still stuck in a small box of options and opportunities. How we are allowed to act, how we are allowed to dress, what we are allowed to like– every aspect is small and simple and restricting.
Valorie hates this box. She’s had to exist behind it for nearly the entirety of my life, always getting giddy and excited at cute tops and skirts and dresses and shoes and makeup styles and hairstyles, and…. Well I could just go on and on haha
Like any normal girl, she has longed to express herself freely. She sees a cute outfit and starts throwing an internal temper tantrum when I walk away from it. “No, don’t go to the men’s section, there’s nothing there for us.”
How true is that? There’s nothing there for US. For the man, sure. And if I was simple and didn’t have a bold, wild, understandably frustrated woman in my head, I could be content with simple. She isn’t. She wants simple to go right out the window. She wants animal print and flowers and bright vivid colors to go with bright and showy makeup looks. She tells me I’m not a simple person, and that I never have been. What’s most interesting is if you let her, the woman inside can be one of your greatest cheerleaders.
I deal with gender dysphoria. To what degree and what severity? I’m somewhere in the middle. I don’t hate the man but I definitely don’t love him either. He’s like an old car, reliable and run-of-the-mill, but gets me where I need to go every day. V is far more sporty. And to live a life as her, it would mean sticking out and being noticed far more often.
The greatest hang up I have right now is my attempting to meld the two people, letting more of V color the dull spots of my man life. I’ve been called feminine (and words like that) off and on throughout my life. So, obviously the man doesn’t really want the woman to show through. You get tired of being called feminine when you put in a real effort to be masculine haha
This was a lot of words with not a ton to show for it, but it’s just my thought process on this early Saturday morning.
Thanks for listening ladies,
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