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  • #378843
    Valorie Baird
    Participant
    Registered On: January 10, 2019
    Topics: 15
    Replies: 28
    Has thanked: 81 times
    Been thanked: 309 times

    Hey girls,

    I’m sure you’ve experienced the question “why” regarding the need to dip your toes in the waters of woman. I know I have been asked it, both by loved ones and by myself. Once you remove all the unknowns, it becomes quite clear. Even at our best days as men, we are still stuck in a small box of options and opportunities. How we are allowed to act, how we are allowed to dress, what we are allowed to like– every aspect is small and simple and restricting.

    Valorie hates this box. She’s had to exist behind it for nearly the entirety of my life, always getting giddy and excited at cute tops and skirts and dresses and shoes and makeup styles and hairstyles, and…. Well I could just go on and on haha

    Like any normal girl, she has longed to express herself freely. She sees a cute outfit and starts throwing an internal temper tantrum when I walk away from it. “No, don’t go to the men’s section, there’s nothing there for us.”

    How true is that? There’s nothing there for US. For the man, sure. And if I was simple and didn’t have a bold, wild, understandably frustrated woman in my head, I could be content with simple. She isn’t. She wants simple to go right out the window. She wants animal print and flowers and bright vivid colors to go with bright and showy makeup looks. She tells me I’m not a simple person, and that I never have been. What’s most interesting is if you let her, the woman inside can be one of your greatest cheerleaders.

    I deal with gender dysphoria. To what degree and what severity? I’m somewhere in the middle. I don’t hate the man but I definitely don’t love him either. He’s like an old car, reliable and run-of-the-mill, but gets me where I need to go every day. V is far more sporty. And to live a life as her, it would mean sticking out and being noticed far more often.

    The greatest hang up I have right now is my attempting to meld the two people, letting more of V color the dull spots of my man life. I’ve been called feminine (and words like that) off and on throughout my life. So, obviously the man doesn’t really want the woman to show through. You get tired of being called feminine when you put in a real effort to be masculine haha

    This was a lot of words with not a ton to show for it, but it’s just my thought process on this early Saturday morning.

    Thanks for listening ladies,

    V

     

     

Viewing 7 reply threads
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    • #379249
      Diana W
      Participant
      Registered On: July 9, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 209
      Has thanked: 881 times
      Been thanked: 902 times

      Hi Valorie!

       

      I LOVE the car analogy.  And what you said is so true.  As men we are put in a box.  We have such a limited range of clothing choices.   And we’re not supposed to be sentimental, or emotional.  I’ve never been excited about male clothes I’ve bought, not to the extent I get when I buy a new dress or skirt or blouse.  Diana wants to break free but we’re so restricted right now in how she can express herself.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #379137
      Seren
      Participant
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 398
      Has thanked: 3367 times
      Been thanked: 1775 times

      Thanks for sharing Valorie xx

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #379134
      Ashley
      Participant
      Registered On: May 25, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 165
      Has thanked: 447 times
      Been thanked: 532 times

      I’ve never been that into animal prints myself, but lately I’m starting to come around to thinking there is a right way to do them 🙂

      I’m still not sure dysphoria is what I experience. For the most part, I just really want to be female sometimes, I’ve never really felt like I actually am. To be honest, it still feels weird for me to think of myself as female. Is that because I don’t let myself, or because it’s what I genuinely feel? Am I Ashley or is she just a part of me? That’s something else I’m still not sure of. I filled up my profile with faceapp photos to see if that might do anything for me. I think it has, but sticking with the theme, I don’t know what yet. I think I can say it was affirming in some way, because it confirmed what I’d suspected for a long time now: that I would like myself as female.

      I really like your car analogy! mine might be a little different… Ashley is still a sports car. But my male self is more like a truck: he does everything I want him to. I don’t want to get rid of him because I like him for what he can do and sometimes I’m perfectly happy just going out and doing truck stuff. Yet sometimes I feel stuck with him because I know he just can’t do everything I want to do. Sometimes I want to leave him at home and go out and do sports car stuff.

      Nobody thinks a person who has both a truck and a sports car is so weird….

    • #379024
      Kay Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 506
      Has thanked: 4796 times
      Been thanked: 2623 times

      the woman inside can be one of your greatest cheerleaders

      Valorie,

      You make a really great point. The woman inside is a gift and a true asset. We really should listen to our inner woman. She needs to be heard, not repressed. She can bring great happiness and bliss into our lives!

    • #378880
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Participant
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 605
      Has thanked: 3786 times
      Been thanked: 2208 times

      Hi Valorie You are right we are not simple. We as a community are very diverse when it comes to expressing our selves. We are not unlike the feminine gender. We all enjoy getting all dressed up so to allow that cute and pretty side of us to show for others to see how we feel. We have no other way to show how we feel because we were not given the body that matches our brain. It is so easy for our cis sisters to show others that they identify with the female gender by allowing their hair to grow out and wearing some thing simple like a pair of shorts and a cute top. No one questions who they most identify with. We first have to hide what we were given and then add what were not given. Then we can begin dressing our body with clothes that best represent the gender we most identify with that is so far from being simple in fact it almost impossible for a lot of us. I believe we have to just make it simple by not over doing it. Simple outfits that have matching colors lets others know who maybe looking that you identify with the fem world and enjoy expressing it. If anyone is offended by it then just do not look and go about your business. Its up to us make it simple. Our cis sisters notice everything, as we do, it is just apart of being a woman, We can go out shopping just being out with other woman admiring cute outfits and how they were put together.That can be such a simple nice day to confirm our identity. We defiantly are not simple people but should work at it to make it a little less stressful so we can enjoy expressing that special part of us that makes us special Luv Stephanie

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #378866
      Bianca Everdene
      Participant
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 539
      Has thanked: 1809 times
      Been thanked: 1821 times

      Hi Valorie

      well said.

      Great analogy with the cars, and totally agree. My male self is like my old black 7 seater people carrier, reliable and functional. But who doesn’t want a ride in a Bugatti Veyron every now and then ❤️ Love getting my Bianca out.

      And I agree with Olivia. This is such a great site to put these feelings many of us have into words, when we may have to keep them hidden in our daily lives. A great outlet to share our inner self. And it feels good to get positive feedback that others  have the same thoughts.

      ❤️B

    • #378858
      Olivia Livin
      Participant
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 1455
      Has thanked: 6266 times
      Been thanked: 3386 times

      Valorie

      Good morning

      For many people, the simple act of putting our thoughts down on paper, keyboard, whatever somehow makes them more….tangible….real. Possibly making it easier to truly live our thoughts.

      Be You

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #378845
      Stephanie Roberts
      Participant
      Registered On: May 20, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 290
      Has thanked: 2297 times
      Been thanked: 939 times

      Thanks for sharing these thoughts Valorie. I always imagined Stephanie being more conservative, but even Stephanie might want to be bold and bright every now and then.

      Love, Stephanie ❤️

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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