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hi girls, pardon the pun but i’m stuck!
Fiona is special to me, more special than anyone knows. She brings out the true me, the young spirited me, the fun me. Try as I might, I cant bring my wife to get involved, she is happy to let me dress but that is all. I suppose I am luckier than most. cd’ing for me is all about moving forward! but I am stuck in neutral with nowhere to go! I really dont know whats going on, I have compromised by only dressing at weekends so she has ‘man’ time with me. I am beginning to wonder if she views Fiona as a threat? but why on earth may she think this?
i’m going round in circles, quite frankly, getting rather dizzy with it all. any suggestions anyone, and where do I go from here before I go totally mad!
fiona xxx
Hi Fiona
I’m in a similar situation, although having been “let off the leash” only recently, I’m still relishing the few extra freedoms I have.
I guess your wife will operate at her speed within her parameters, and, like mine, will not be pushed into anything she doesn’t want to do.
But relationships are all about compromise however frustrating.
I’d say to keep your eyes on the big prize, but take little opportunities when they arise – or try to create some at a slow pace;
For your birthday, why not have a murder mystery party, and to make it fair on all, assign female roles to males and vice versa. If anyone objects, let them have their way – it’s fun, after all!
Another suggestion is, and you may need to work up to this, for an intimate night, turn off the lights, get jiggy, as the saying goes, and slip on something silky as the crescendo approaches. Trust me, you’ll both get how good this is, and it opens up conversation really well on the topic.
Get her to have a talk. Not one where you demand your rights, but where you say what you’d like without expecting to get it, and listen to what objections she has. I can’t promise anything, but with understanding and compromise as the goals, you should be able to gain a small amout of ground.
Enjoy any small gains you make for a week or two, then talk about it again.
Constant dialog will switch her off, but regular, spaced chats will let her know that this is important to you and hopefully she will take you seriously.
Off her own bat, my wife signed up to a site with a good CD SO section. Gulp! I have no idea which site… but has come to me to discuss it. It’s good to keep the dialog flowing, even if no progress is made on each occasion.
The most amazing thing my wife has suggested to me, which you could suggest to yours, is to meet in a town some miles from where you live. The twist is that you are both “in disguise” and have to find each other.
Gives quality Laura time and time with the SO while dressed into the bargain!
Hope some of this works for you – to me, patience and dialog are the keys.
It’s taken me 18 years with my SO to get as far as I have – I hope some ladies who have been luckier have better suggestions!
Love
Laura
hi laura, thanks for the very comprehensive reply! I am open for any suggestions and you are quite correct when you suggest ‘constant dialogue is a turn off’ , I am guilty of this, not because I am nagging, but because I need reassurance, in fact reassurance has been constant with me throughout my cd life although obviously prior to telling my wife, no one knew, so I was reassuring myself! does that make any sense?
I hate being negative with anything, and I certainly will give anything my best shot. maybe time will help, as we age, our thoughts become more laid back so maybe time may be a healer here. looking at it all from a positive sense, at least my wife knows now and I can dress in the bedroom at weekends to get much needed, quality, fiona time, albeit at a cost of still not being able to dress downstairs and walk around the house freely, as the kids dont know….yet! I suppose, really, we have to be grateful for small mercy’s.
love fiona xxxx
Hi Fiona,
I lost my wife 8 years ago to cancer and I miss her Dearly. You all still have wives. You need to work it out somehow. I found out life can be very short. Vicki and the other me work very hard to satisfy our needs and still be a good husband and father. It can be shit at times but we made it work. My Susan is gone now, so I can do what I want, and so Vicki is pretty much full time. But I would give anything to have Sue back.
So Ladies work it out, the Clock is running. You never know when it will stop.
Merry Christmas With Love and Kisses
Vicki E.hi vicki. ohhhh my, i’m so sorry 🙁 . this kinda puts things in a whole new perspective. I feel so selfish, as you quite rightly put ‘we still have our wives’ I guess, we can get wrapped up with ourselves and lose the total picture for a while. thanks for posting vicki, I wish you well and if you need a chat, please message me anytime hun, ok?
love and hugs, fiona xxx
Hi Fiona
As none of us truly know either of you as individuals whose feelings, personal needs, family backgrounds (fingerprints you might say) are different from anybody elses. Nor do we understand the particulars of your relationship to even a small degree, past conversations etc., offering overly specific advice can cause more harm than good. Only you as seperate people and as a caring couple can possibly know what your limits and reasons are when it comes to emotional needs, what you’re willing to give up(or lose) and how to reach those goals, hopefully together.
Honest communication, in pieces and lots of time/ patience have shown themselves to be important factors to lasting compromises. baby steps towards a better future for all. Love and hugs
Hi hun
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Have to say as a SO sometimes your femme side is threat we can compare ourselves and become quite jealous of the “other woman”. I realise that makes no sense but if you have better legs etc it makes a SO feel insecure. And in away you have brought another woman into the relationship so jealousy is a big part</p>As many have said in this post, if you did not “tell all” beforehand, your So “signed up” for the “male you”, so if there’s “any variations to the contract”, it’s a moral to cause trouble.
I’m with Victoria, I’d be a mess with out my “Helen”, (sorry, not her real name) So as much as I hate all the lies and deception that go on, cos I’d much rather be “up front” about it, it would be very selfish of me not to be the man she first got involved with !!
So as you will readily see from my other posts and photos, I keep Caty away from her as much as possible, but still manage to have real Caty time every now and again and except for the middle of an Australian summer, underdress almost 24/7.
Decisions! Decisions!!! Hope you end up making the right one for you.
Caty
- Fonia,
I agree go slow, My SOGGF discovered me wearing an outfit of hers by accident, 3weeks weeks b4 Halloween in 2014, she was royally pissed, threatening to throw me UNLESS I AGREED TO DRESS FULLY FEMININE THRU HALLOWEEN. Come Halloween she Dresses me up in an Evening Gown say tonight’s Halloween we are going out to dinner at a RESTAURANT downtown that REQUIRES FORMAL ATTIRE, But since you like FEMALE ATTIRE, I’m going to rent a tux and you are going to have to negotiate being a Woman in a long floor length Pencil evening gown in hiheels AND NOT spill on gown nor fall walking on sidewalk etc. Boy what a chore 5″ spiked pumps.
Anyway then next day SOGGF stayed home from work Said you did good last night at for last 3 weeks. I think you really enjoyed be dressed up FULLY ENFEM, how about continuing to do some thru new year’s eve when my office is having a Formal New Year’s eve dinner dance at same restaurant? I said okay we did have a great time, but I don’t think I can dance as a woman in a tight evening gown and hiheels. She said I thought as much, so today you and I will practice and each Friday night. Also you’re going to let you hair grow longer.
Anyway come NYE I was completely at ease. Bye this time SOGGF had taken me shopping for my own female wardrobe, her hair salon for a female haircut, color and style, she was actually enjoying me being tammie. Then New Year’s day she said I really like u being Tammie, so how bout continuing. BY THE NEXT OCTOBER she had GOTTEN ME MY OWN 38DDD FORMS, “saying that its about time for you have your own forms, instead of using my spare pair” (she a double radical masectomy breast CANCER survivor)
So maybe if you, suggest that she DRESS YOU UP fully enfem, however she pleases maybe she really like it. Then maybe you could have a “GIRLS DAY OR NIGHT OUT” shopping etc.
Kinda like what my SOGGF did to me in reverse
Now I DRESS FULLY ENFEMM 24/7
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