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  • #574821
    Kate Prose
    Participant
    Registered On: November 11, 2021
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 3
    Has thanked: 35 times
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    Hello,

    I’ve just joined; I’ve recently started dating a straight man who likes to CD and I’m reaching out to try and understand what that means.  I am trying to be open minded about it – what does it matter what he wears, right? but am worried I might find it a turn-off to see my 6ft 5 hunky man in lingerie.  That said, I really like him, and I’m hoping I can find him attractive in whatever he chooses to wear.

    It’s not that long since women couldn’t wear trousers, and I don’t believe my wearing trousers makes me any less of a woman, so why should his wearing a dress make him any less of a man?

    Would love to hear your thoughts.

    Kate

     

Viewing 42 reply threads
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    • #605352
      Corrine Coughlin
      Lady
      Registered On: January 8, 2022
      Topics: 1
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      Speaking from experience, if you need to come to terms with it you’ll may end up saying things that hurt him deeply. All it takes is one remark said in anger and he’ll stop dressing in front of you or engage with you while he’s her. That’s if she doesn’t withdraw completely. It’s a trust thing. He told you up front. That’s huge! I look at it two ways. He’s honest and doesn’t want to keep his most intimate part from you because he wants it to work and have a playmate so to speak. The other way to look at it is he’s laying his fetish on you and you’ll be the one that has to deal with it. There’s no rite decision. It’s relationship to relationship and how the three of you get along. The choice is yours but you need to be very cognoscente of what you say when the relationship is being tested. Do you kinda get what I trying to say? I’m presuming he isn’t out to the world so your holding a secret of his that could destroy him and he knows that. I will tell you this. When she’s with you she’ll be all in. She’ll love you like no other. 6’5″ isn’t a big deal. Look at the WNBA. Check out some of those girls off the court if you want to see glamor at the higher altitudes. Don’t let her be a hairy guy in panties. If he’s serious about CDing she’ll want to look a s good as humanly possible. You get to have a real life 6’5″ Barbi doll to play with! Good luck!!!

      p.s. Get ready to spend some money. Beauty isn’t cheap!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #593604
      Michelle Pepper
      Lady
      Registered On: December 25, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 29
      Has thanked: 79 times
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      Kate, one thing I would suggest is to keep it real. It is that big of deal for a man to wear a dress? For us CD’s, it’s not. But we’re not you.
      A lot of women try to be understanding at first. My ex wife was. She even went so far as to buy me clothes, help me learn how to put on make up and learn how to dress, walk and even act like a woman. I thought my dream had come true.
      But, all of that was just her trying to be supportive. But in reality, if was selfish of me to allow her to try so hard. She married a man. She knew I was bi before we married, and it sort of morphed into CDing.
      But in the end, she got tired of having to support all of this, and said enough was enough. She didn’t even give me the option to choose between her and the fem side of me. I could tell it was coming. So I stopped doing it in front of her. But seems every time she looked at me, regardless of how masculine I was, all she could see what a feminine man inside a masculine body.
      For the record, I don’t blame her one bit. She married me as a man, because a man is what she wanted in life. Not a CD.
      So if you find yourself having to force yourself to keep supporting you man, then chances are, a man is all you want.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #592663
      1968 Sonia
      Lady
      Registered On: November 14, 2021
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 51
      Has thanked: 143 times
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      Hi Katie,

      I think that every girl here is inside the transgender spectrum and is travelling in a  more or less conscient way through a journey that requires breaking learnt behaviours, rebuilding our personality and if we are lucky to reintegrate our real and personal balance of masculinity and femenity.

      That means probably changes in our feelings, sensibility, perceptions and sexuality.

      I never expected so but after 4 years of therapy I accepted that I am crossdresser/ travesti one month ago and also that in this moment of mi life I want to enjoy sex as a girl.

      When I said it to my wife ( we have  complicated relationship) the possibility of divrce was clear but she said Ok follow your way and let’s see if we find each other.

      Today morning she has been my macho and we enjoyed sex much more that any time in the last 10 years. And who knows what come in the future…

      What I want to mean Katie is that CDs are in a fluid way full of changes …..

      If you feel prepared or even you can enjoy for example to change or to share gender roled come on and go for it!!!!

      If you don’t I think is much pressure for both.

      Big Kisses

       

      Sonia

       

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    • #592615
      Jeannie Jones
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 645
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      My fiancé really likes to see me in panties. I told her about them early on so if we we were making out and she happened to see a panty peek she would be prepared. She said she wanted to see them and when I dropped my jeans she said go ahead and wear them if you like them. If I want to add any other fem clothes she has said we can talk about it and if she is ok with it I will add stuff.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #592542
      Robyn DeVyne
      Lady
      Registered On: October 24, 2020
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 617
      Has thanked: 1943 times
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      Kate

      Understanding him is definitely going to take time and compassion.  So deep breathes and one little step/day at a time.

      Think about it in another way…

      Your 6’5″ hunky man is still the hunky man on the inside.  His feminine side has always been there.

      He’s just now having the courage to make the outside/visual match what is on the inside.

      He may not be able to put it into words, hence action and change of dress is how he’s letting that out to try and express whats on the inside.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #591497
      Dream
      Registered On: December 31, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 60
      Has thanked: 376 times
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      Hi Kate
      I find that what keeps people from moving forward is the concern of the unknown. A lot goes unresolved because the fear of communicating our inner private feelings. Your man friend has feelings he probably hasn’t told anyone. For vast majority of us to be able to express what is deep inside, after years of hiding and suppressing, it is really hard to talk about. For you and him take a weekend together without having to go anywhere. Turn off the tv and turn on some music. Tell him your fears and feeling about his dressing and your relationship. Open your mind to open his. Talk about it openly. Some of his fears is exposer. You will have to kill those fears. Then he will open up. If he looks like he is having a hard time letting out his thoughts. He is. For myself, every time I told a woman about my cross dressing it was traumatic. Shaking, long pauses middle of a sentance, and looking down not at you. Looking down is the years of shame he has endured. I will add one thing here. I had good feeling that the woman I would be telling wasn’t going to run and become a town cryer. So the fact he has told you he really loves you and trust you. As a CD I will tell you that we are faithful, loving, caring, and one of the best partner you could ask for. The fact that your here you already know what a different type of guy he is from any other guy that you ever dated before. Now to handle the big question how do you or will you feel with your man in women’s clothes. I suggest on this weekend you help him dress as far as he wants to. He will express his feeling better. He will still have trouble bring it out. Just lead the way. You both will have an experience that you both have never had. When the weekend is over you will have your answer. You will know how you feel. I can’t tell you how you will feel but you will have received a gift from him that is the most heart filled, personal, and precious gift he has given anyone.

      Hope this helps

      Dream

      • #592424
        Jane Plain
        Lady
        Registered On: January 14, 2021
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 33
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        Hi Kate, I cannot add anymore than what Dream has said and put down in writing so well.

        It is great that he has opened up to you and that is something many don’t do through fear and the possibility of rejection. You must also be you – don’t let others sway you. There will be opinions both positive and negative on how you work your way through this. Remember, this is your life and you live it to be happy, live it your way.

        Lovely to have you here Kate.

        Love Jane X.

      • #592412
        Brenda Stevens
        Lady
        Registered On: December 10, 2019
        Topics: 1
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        Dream, you express so beautifully the things that I believe Kate has and wants to hear. Just so beautifully said and being a CD myself Kate my recommendation is to listen to what Dream has said here…just believe it and enjoy and explore the company of this ‘hunky man’. I can tell you truthfully there are CD’s out there who absolutely love the company and companionship of a woman. Hugs and best wishes to you Kate.

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    • #576761
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
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      Hi Kate, my girlfriend knows about my crossdressing and she accepts me for it. Though we do not talk about it that much and I do not push it on her. I am concerned that once she sees me all dolled up that she will lose attraction for me. I’d be curious to know your real reaction if you do get a chance to see your BF fully dressed.

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    • #576754
      Requal Joanne
      Lady
      Registered On: December 15, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 531
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      Welcome Kate, this is wonderful address of friendly and supportive persons.  It is pleasing to read that you are supportive of your boyfriend’s CDing.   It does not maker him any less a man.  It is his way of expressing his feminine side and de-stressing from the daily strains of life.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #575705
      ANDREA RAVEN
      Lady
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 364
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      Hi Kate

      You have received a lot of excellent responses here, it shows how willing out community are to help support SO’s in your position. The first thing I would say is don’t panic, it might all seem very odd a difficult to understand, but with a little bit of time and talking to the girls on here you will understand it better and feel much more comfortable with the whole thing. Being perfect honest, I would say it won’t always be a smooth ride, but then life never is, but I feel if you come to terms with it, and can reach a reasonable understanding with your partner you can learn to live with it and possibly find it satisfying.  I am always happy to chat, and answer any questions you may think of, I suspect there are quite a few at the moment! Just PM me any time…………….x

    • #575246
      Jin Crocker
      Lady
      Registered On: November 15, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 538
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      Love him for what is inside, not how he chooses to wrap the outside. A ferrari without fenders is still a nice car.

      My Personal experience is that my GF was turned on my seeing me in girly things!

    • #575221
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 6364
      Has thanked: 12742 times
      Been thanked: 13189 times

      Kate.  welcome is so nice meeting you. Your a very special partner and very understanding I must say. Your partner is so fortunate. There are certainly many happy stories about couples discovering this unique relationship but  unfortunately many don’t.
      This is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. Only a few years  ago that I opened up to my wife after 40 years of marriage. It was a huge surprise for her and certainly very emotional. The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused. Seeing her and the hurt that it caused was hard. We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it out. But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and girl we do have a wonderful group here exclusive for significant others where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. There you can really enjoy chatting with others like you and truly enjoy conversations in your circle.
      This group – private ( wives and significant others ) . For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic.
      Links to where Eleanor can be found on the Meet the Ambassadors page.  I have provided the link to that page below.   Eleanor is  our gg ambassador on site.
      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/wives-and-significant-others/
      Now you need to get him/her to join too. She will definitely enjoy this amazing place. Hopefully she opens up to you again.
      So now relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you and welcome.
      Stephanie 🌹

    • #575212
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 911
      Has thanked: 3050 times
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      Kate,

      So much has been written below. I’ll  just add my $0.02.  BTW, I crossdress in secret, because I believe my wife of 27 years would not accept it.

      Most stories here start with, “I began wearing panties (or pantyhose) when I was very young.”  And now, 20 or even 60 years later we now wear bras, dresses, makeup, jewelry, heels, and wigs.  This is our commonality.

      We are hetero-, we are bi-, we are homosexual, we are “other”.  We are open, we are hidden.  We are masculine in appearance, even when dressed, we could be mistaken for a runway model.  We are tall and thin, the rest of us, well, let’s just say we aren’t. We are proud, we are cautious, we are scared, we are ashamed.  We are bold, we are timid.  We are comfortable with who we are,  we are confused. We seek acceptance, we could care less.  We want to be a woman, we want to transition to a degree, we just want to express a feminine part of ourselves, we are just the proverbial “man-in-a-dress.”

      I am all of the above.  Sounds crazy, right?  It can be a difficult thing to wrap one’s mind around.

      Understanding from an SO can be a huge relief and source of inner peace.  If everything I’ve read here is true, and everything I have come to accept about myself is true, we can’t “not crossdress.”

      Like so many have said, it sounds like your BF trusts you and your relationship is off to a better start than many of our own.  Speaking for myself, alone, I don’t know why I am the way I am, so even if I had “the talk” with my wife, I couldn’t answer that question. And as humans, we all want to know the “why.”  As a child will ask, “Daddy, why is the sky blue?”  And philosophers have pondered for ages, “Why are we here?”

      Thanks for listening.  Thank you for seeking some answers, while I only offer more questions.

      Kate, I wish the best for you in your future and your relationship with your BF.  And for all our sakes, hope you can be one more person in this world who can remain open.  We need more people like you in this world.

      Much love,

      Raquel

    • #575175
      Lacy Satin
      Lady
      Registered On: June 27, 2018
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 483
      Has thanked: 442 times
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      It’s wonderful to hear your trying to be open minded about it.

      There is a huge range of reasons for men to like crossdressing. I believe the least of your worries should be that he is gay.

      Our reasons for enjoying it is very complex and quite embarrassing to try to explain to the woman we love.

      If his crossdressing is just the pleasure he gets from wearing silky lingerie then let him. It’s just clothing!

      Speaking for myself, wearing silky lingerie in the bedroom with my wife is a big turn on for me. My wife has accepted it and has told me “It doesn’t turn me on, but it doesn’t turn me off either”  I really believe our sex life has been enhanced by it.  I know what it has done for my sexual experience and in turn I always make sure I am doing everything for my wife that pleases her.

      Crossdressing for many of us men is fun and exciting and it harms no one. We do not do it to compete in anyway with your femininity.

    • #575116
      Bridget
      Lady
      Registered On: November 8, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 10
      Has thanked: 35 times
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      Hi Kate. My advice is to live, love, and be happy…so long as the bitch doesn’t look better than you or stretch out your heels!! If he makes you happy, you’ll accept him for who he is and not what clothes he wears.

      Good luck and warm welcome to the community.
      Hugss
      Bridget

    • #575077
      Catherine Dickson
      Lady
      Registered On: January 22, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 270
      Has thanked: 332 times
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      Way to be open minded! I’m trying to get my wife to adopt that same attitude. Btw, I’m a hunky (well, more chunky, really) 6’6″ lingerie wearer 👍🏻💅💄

      Catherine

    • #575072
      Sarah Lane
      Lady
      Registered On: September 1, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 73
      Has thanked: 994 times
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      Hey Kate

      Well done you for being understanding and willing to learn more about what makes a crossdresser tick.

      There are so many reasons each of us crossdress, there is no one single reason that binds us all together except maybe we all feel so good when dressed. I told my wife when I came out to her that I don’t dress to feel like a women, I dress to feel happy. After we had our first few conversations  she worked out that it was the type of fabric that drove me more than anything else. This was something that I had not clicked on to and making me aware of it helped me understand my crossdressing desire a bit more.

      Communication is key, find out what he likes the most about it and then you may be able to work from that platform. Set rules where you feel you need to but also offer balance where required too.

      Good luck

      Sarah

    • #575051
      Melinda
      Lady
      Registered On: February 8, 2016
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 59
      Has thanked: 270 times
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      Hi Kate,

      Thank you for being so open-minded. Being a couple dealing with a man’s desire to crossdress has its challenges. You mentioned lingerie. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings as you work through seeing your boyfriend dressed. I have seen videos advising CD’s not to wear sexy lingerie in the presence of an SO because it could be territorial. You sound very kind and understanding and I am sure you have received tremendous appreciation from the ladies here. He is expressing his needs. You, of course, get to do the same. Negotiate terms. Communicate really well. He is the same person you always knew and facing this head on is really good training for all of the ups and downs of a relationship. Think of how much he trusts you since he was willing to share this huge secret with you.

      Good luck! Stop back anytime and fill us in on how things are going!

      Love,

      Melinda

    • #575035
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1065
      Has thanked: 23505 times
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      Hi Kate,

      Welcome!

      You have come to a good place to get some insight. Check out the SO part of the site if you haven’t already.

      It sounds like you are off to a pretty good start to an open, and understanding relationship!

      hugs,

      Lara

    • #575020
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 95
      Replies: 5392
      Has thanked: 7464 times
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      Hi Kate,

      Welcome to CDH.

      Alice

    • #574977
      Vecca Senn
      Lady
      Registered On: February 22, 2021
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 265
      Has thanked: 1967 times
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      Everyone of us LOVES you for being honest and supportive! Welcome

    • #574975
      Michelle Isgurly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 12, 2021
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 41
      Has thanked: 133 times
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      He is very lucky to have found someone as special as you Kate. I have always wondered as well why women can wear any male clothes they want but it’s taboo the other way around.

      Please, please, please just this one thing if you are ok with him expressing himself, don’t change out of nowhere. Maybe set a limit or boundary but don’t go totally the other and shut down completely on him. It took lots of courage for him to share that with you which proves he has strong feelings for you and it matters.

      I say this because my wife who was having fun with me expressing me did a 360 out of nowhere. She said she doesn’t want to be part of this anymore and I was just crushed because I felt lied to and a fool. She seemed to be having so much fun with me and and we would even go out, of course I was loving it. She used to buy me many things to wear and help with my makeup, nails and hair. Then POOF! I was so hurt and devastated. I tried talking to her about it but got nowhere.

      Please be understanding and just have fun with it or as I said set boundaries

       

      Hugs, Michelle

      • #605137
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 108
        Has thanked: 133 times
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        Michelle,
        Your experience has been mine… truly devastating. I suspect that a woman can come and go on this, going from totally accepting to insisting their BF or hubby eradicate all thoughts of dressing, let alone dressing itself. They may just discover they cannot tolerate it, they may think we love ourselves more than them, they may be persuaded by counselors and friends who have not knowledge of the subject and no tolerance, or they may think we could change if we wanted to and really loved them and were not so selfish… probably a combination of the above and more. But the 180 flips are VERY common, even among wives who have participated actively in support groups and helping their husbands become more feminine in appearance and presentation. I know many who have had this experience.

        I am hoping that as society becomes better educated women will come to realize that being CD is not a choice, and that CDs, BECAUSE of their sensitivity and love for all things feminine, make excellent life partners, with longer marriages, I believe, than are typical.

    • #574947
      Regine Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 44
      Replies: 1451
      Has thanked: 20372 times
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      Welcome, Kate, and thank you for accepting, and trying to better understand your BF.
      There are so many different reasons, why we do what we do,some simple, some so complex it is mindbending.
      For myself, it is simple. I am not gay(unless I’m a lesbian), i just enjoy the way it makes me feel. It has changed my emotional state, made me softer towards my mate and others, I feel pretty, and much much calmer,
      So, I am simply a better, happier person, when I am enfemme.
      One caveat, talk, talk, and talk some more, with your bf, communication, honest and open, is the key to happiness, IMO.
      Hugs, Regi👸💖

      • #605163
        Melinda Jones
        Lady
        Registered On: November 5, 2021
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 2
        Has thanked: 35 times
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        So true, well said Regine.

    • #574945
      Michelle Brown
      Registered On: August 23, 2015
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 239
      Has thanked: 5704 times
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      Hello Kate,Welcome to CDH.I am a single crossdresser,not married so I cant speak of the SO s feelings and thoughts.I can tell you my urge to crossdress is as strong as a real womans feelings to be a mother.Pretty good stuff from a single crossdresser ,right? LOL.Kate,trust and honesty,from he and you ,is the foundation of your relationship.Talk about it,be open and ask all your questions and please,both of you,communicate.I apologize to you because I am not as well written as some of the ladies here. Hugs to both of you.

    • #574938
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 3901
      Has thanked: 55913 times
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      Hi Kate nice to meet you so happy you decided to look us up and support your boyfriend by learning what we and he are all about just trying out our femme side in life .. As others have said look into the forum side  Wifes and Signifacant others and hang around here also as we all treasure your input to us as trying to help your Boyfriend/ girlfriend  ha ha both can be a pleasure to have around.. As myself here when i got married i came out to my wife very quickly and had many chat sessions and we have been married now 38 years working on 39  have never been out just a home girl with my wife .. Looking forward to Keystone Conferance coming up in March next year for my outing with my wife also going with me .. We all here can discuss things with you please just ask we are a support site to all here as miss Grace said we dont bite  well some girls do be careful(ha ha ) just kidding .. Good luck and sit down and chat ask many questions with him and with us  talking allways helps  hugs miss Kate ..

      Stephanie Bass

    • #574915
      Mandy Wife
      Baroness
      Registered On: September 12, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 264
      Has thanked: 166 times
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      Hi Kate and welcome! Have you joined the Wives & SOs group – if not then request to join and a few of us post in there as well as on the open forums.

      Im happily married to my CD husband and talking is key so it’s great you are already talking and exploring together

      • This reply was modified 10 months ago by Mandy Wife. Reason: Coz I can't spell!!
    • #574913
      Lucinda Hawkns
      Lady
      Registered On: September 1, 2015
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 1390
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      wow and hello and you came to the right place  like every one has said  especially Teralynn he said it all.   i am clueless on what else to say to you besides what other people have told you.  i am a closet cross dresser my wife knows and lets me dress up when no other adult child is home, but will not help with make up or see me even tho she has.    to me cross dressing helps me relax and be free of depression and panic attacks, plus the clothing feels so much better fit and great looking. yes real woman do not dress like woman now days they wear pants, shirt, no make up or perfume, plus the hair is cut too short, great words Teralynn

    • #574910
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
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      Hi Kate,

      I think you’ve come to the right place to gain some relevant perspectives, and mine is going to be somewhat different the others I’ve read so far.

      I am Gay, but I haven’t been my whole life, and contrary to perhaps the most common narrative these days, I didn’t feel or know I was Gay my whole life. I’m more of the mindset, that there may be a hormonal component to why I now feel Gay. As men age, we produce less testosterone and we begin acting more feminine than we did when we were younger. The same thing is happening to women in reverse, they are producing less estrogen and start to act more masculine.  For me the change began a little over 20 years ago, when for the first time in my life I began noticing I was attracted sexually to other men.

      Being a CD  is for me an outward reflection of who I am; I am absolutely telling those who see me that  feminine look is part of who I am; I would say this about all of the clothes I wear, my hairstyle, etc. And for me at least, I’m becoming increasingly feminine and I’m Gay. It’s clearly not unusual to be both. That isn’t to say there are not hetero crossdressers as you’ve heard from in other posts.

      But this does take me back to a comment made by Dani Grand in one of the other posts, that I believe you should as least consider. Is your new boyfriend a hetero who just happens to enjoy wearing feminine clothes, or is he going through the early stages of what I went through? For me, that initial recognition that I was finding men sexually attractive led to a bi-curious stage where I attempted to deny my new feels, to experimentation with other men (my bisexual phase), to finally feeling completely Gay. Hormonal changes can occur at other times in our lives, or if you believe the o.

      Just one person’s opinion. I hope I’m not offending anyone, definitely not my intention.

      XOXO,

      Diane

      • #605135
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 2
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        I know many gay men but have not known any who I knew to be crossdressers. I was warned both by a (gay) pastor and my counselor that if I attended a church which has a large gay population the gay men might be stand-offish around a crossdresser. I found that to be true but not a problem. We all accepted each other for the people we were.

        There are studies which have verified that the vast majority of crossdressers are hetero. Interestingly, surveys I have seen show that the percentage of crossdressers who are gay is less than the percentage of gay men in the total male population, but the percentage of crossdressers who are bi is greater. In total, gay plus bi is about the same, according to studies I have seen or heard of… 18%.

        I have before this note never known a crossdresser to change his sexual persuasion. I know this is a big fear of wives, but I do think it rare. The other biggest fear of wives is that their spouse will transition. I believe this is more likely than changing sexual attraction but still uncommon. The vast majority of those I have known to transition had a sense that they were women from their earliest memories. Most crossdressers evolve more slowly, with earliest memories of being drawn to women’s attire more typically age 12 or 13 or so. They seldom internally identify as women, although they have a compelling need to express their feminine side by the way they dress and present. That said, many have earlier experiences or may recall being more comfortable being around girls than boys or perhaps were influenced by family members to wear feminine garb.

        The main point is we all have different mixes of characteristics which are generally considered masculine or feminine. There is nothing “wrong” with any of this. We are all gifted in different ways. Few can help being the way we are. It is not a choice. But honest dialogue is essential to any successful relationship. I have found it very rare for crossdressers to lie if asked directly about their propensities by their partner. Few want to hide… a huge burden… but many are afraid to open up to loved ones, fearing rejection and lack of acceptance, and few want to take the monkey off their back only to burden another loved one with trying to keep a difficult secret. A woman opening up dialogue will most likely receive honest replies. If something matters to you, take the initiative and ask. You will almost certainly get the truth rather quickly, especially if you show compassion and demonstrate a willingness to listen without condemnation to whatever you hear. I hesitate to advise a crossdresser to open up to their wife if they are not prepared to handle the risk of rejection.. usually works for the best, but the risk of loss is great. But I would always encourage a female partner to inquire if they want to know more about their lover.

    • #574904
      Teralynn Loving
      Lady
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      Welcome Kate! You have come to the right place if you are truly looking for knowledge and a better understanding of perhaps why your boyfriend enjoys crossdressing. However, the real answer to the question of whether or not you can have a successful relationship with this man is for you to see him dressed and have a serious conversation with him about his dressing and if it is disturbing to you but otherwise you like being with  him a lot then seeing if he is willing to allow some restrictions on his dressing.  There is a study that indicates that if you are around a crossdresser for a while a partner can become more comfortable with their man’s crossdressing especially if she really likes other things about him. Most crossdressing people do not want to give up their crossdressing and to try and force them to usually results in many of them sneaking around and doing it in secret. So if you really want a long relationship with your current boyfriend then don’t throw what you have with him presently away until you decide whether his crossdressing within limits can be tolerated. I have been crossdressing for over two decades and married much longer than that. After having a serious conversation with my wife of many years in which I answered all her questions to the best of my ability, she accepted the fact that I would be dressing as Teralynn at times but as her husband John also. Nowadays, she accepts my dressing and is not uncomfortable with whatever I wear. A little awkward at first, but as she was around Teralynn more and more she became not only accepting but also helpful in helping me acquire feminine attire and giving me hints on how to present a more feminine appearance. I hope everything works out for you two. If he is a terrific guy – don’t lose him! – Blessings from Teralynn

       

    • #574903
      Anonymous
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      We all have a feminine side, some more than others, so I see no reason why we shouldn’t express it if we feel that way inclined. If we feel more at ease in a dress sobeit. I know I certainly do so my male side must have taken a nose dive somewhere along the way.
      Enjoy life Kate…xxx Melina

    • #574889
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 39
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      I’ve been with my wife for nearly 22 years, and CD’d for fancy dress parties, plays and in secret… until one day, 3 years ago when I fully came out, and told my wife that I wanted to CD more.

      She doesn’t like her husband CDing, but is fine with other men doing it – and doesn’t understand why herself!

      So our compromise is that I get to go away and spend a day or 2 cross dressed once a month or so.

      I write lengthy stories about my excursions in the Personal Cross Dressing Stories forum – and am more amazed every time at the reactions of others – I really feel like the majority of people have no problems with cross dressers, it’s just a bit unusual still, as so few of us get out and about for whatever reasons we still have.

      Please have a read of some of my stories – and those of other people who live the dream.

      It may still seem an unusual dream to most – but I think it’s gaining in acceptance!

      Love Laura

    • #574882
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 30
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      Welcome Kate, and thank you for reaching out to find out more, and realisation that it’s pretty one sided, a woman can wear anything from menswear, but the reverse isn’t true. Why?

      You have such a wonderful array of clothing make up etc to choose from, and we want to enjoy it too. Just normal men, it’s only clothes!

      Hope you stick around. Your partner is a lucky man to find somebody accepting, many still find mental barriers they are unable to overcome.

      ❤️Bianca

    • #574880
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 51
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      You have a great attitude but I gather from your post that you have not as yet spent time with him while he’s dressed up.  Once you’ve done that you will have a better idea how you actually feel about it.

      Also no idea from your profile how old you both are.  Gender can be a fluid thing that changes with time.  Most cross dressers will be cross dressers all their lives but a few will decide to transition to full time.

    • #574876
      Jaime Dallas
      Lady
      Registered On: October 19, 2021
      Topics: 23
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      Hi Katie,

      It is really good to see that you are approaching this with open mind. You also are trying to help him. Kudos to you.

      If he likes to dress up, it would really help him. From my personal experience, you will also see that he would be more calmer and more relaxed.

      Good luck to both of you.
      Jaime

    • #574873
      Charlotte Walker
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 18, 2021
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      Hi
      Nice to meet you I’m a hetrosexual who still loves women but love the feel of womens clothes crossdress as often as i can.
      Any questions please ask or if you just want chat I’m here for you.

      Hugs Charlotte

    • #574869
      Cerys Burton
      Lady
      Registered On: February 2, 2021
      Topics: 69
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      Kate, You have a great guy there. The fact that you have only just started dating and he’s come clean about being a crossdresser. Many, if not most, would keep it a secret.
      The fact that he’s come clean so soon means that it is an important part of his life. So important that he wants you to know so that it doesn’t come between you later on. This also shows that you are important to him.
      Most crossdressers simple enjoy dressing as a woman. The reasons for this are many fold and you’ll never come to the end of the list.
      I started crossdressing 40 years ago. Back then it was a turn on. I was 14 and discovering myself, girls, and all the other nonsense puberty throws at you. I met the girl that was to become my wife a couple of years later. I’d occasionally wear her stockings or her underwear as part of our “special time”. It was some years later that I bought clothes of my own. My girlfriend, as she was, became to really enjoy this side of me, but a few years on she turned 180 and started to hate it. This remained for many years. Eventually, she came around, and now, she’s been my wife for 29 years, and she is very supportive of my crossdressing. We still have issues caused by my “hobby” but generally things are good. These days, the sexual/kinky/ turn on aspect of my crossdressing is very much pushed into the background. Crossdressing for me these day is a boost to my confidence. A massive bout of depression caused by a family member doing something very wrong, threw me into the darkness. My crossdressing is my antidepressant. It boosts me. It excites me. It lifts me out of the dark.
      I have no intention nor desire to transition into being female. I’m very much a man in a dress.
      Look after that new man you have. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, let him know. Also tell him that you want no secrets. He must be honest with you from the off. Secrets cause issues that can run deep. Trust me, I know. He is to be open and honest with you, and you must be open and honest with him. Trust and honesty now will save a lot of anguish later.

      Cerys.

    • #574868
      Jill Quinn
      Lady
      Registered On: July 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      Kate,

      Speaking just for myself and my wife, I can say that for me, I still don’t understand my feelings, but now I accept them rather than push them to the side in shame and guilt. Those are not good things to live with, trust me.

      I know that when I wear women’s clothing, what little I have, I feel sexy, even more compassion than normal, and strangely safe and secure.  I still enjoy being a man and doing things that are generally thought of as being manly, I just happen to like wearing feminine things.

      And like Rhonda said, I truly appreciate my wife, now more than ever. She had those same questions about me when I told her a few months ago. Are you gay? Do you want to transition to a woman? Are there anymore secrets you need to tell me? The answer to all of those is no. But she also asked why I didn’t tell her sooner instead of waiting 14 years. Again, I felt shame and guilt and like some deviant and I didn’t want her to think those same things of me.

      At least your guy is telling you now at the beginning of what I can only hope will be a beautiful relationship for you both. You may consider respectfully requesting that he goes slowly with you and his cross dressing until you get more comfortable with it. It has taken my wife some time too and that’s totally understandable.

      Hugs and best wishes for you both, Jill

      • #574894
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: September 29, 2021
        Topics: 2
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        Revealing our fem sides late in a relationship is usually tough and often damaging. My wife felt I had deceived her all our married years. In truth, I was deceiving myself, believing I was not really a crossdresser and could suppress the desires, which I mostly managed to do. I did not think there were others like me, and grew up in a rigid family, so had a lot of guilt about something I thought I could/should/would change. Why burden her or others with something that I thought I could change and which, if revealed, might ruin the relationship, or force her to keep a secret once known?
        I did not tune into social media and did not realize I was “abnormal” and that others exist in abundance until age 60. Only then could I confront my own demons and realize this is who I am, nothing to be ashamed about, just a gift of being able to express both a masculine and feminine side.
        I no longer believe that someone like me lied or deceived their partner. We just lie to and deceive ourselves by believing we can be like those we emulate and it is wrong to be who we truly are. In truth, most of us are trying to protect our families from carrying the cross we feel we alone must and should bear. We believe as we presume our partners would believe… that we have a choice and should be able by self-will to be different than who we are. I no longer believe we have this choice. I no longer am ashamed of who I know myself to be or unwilling to accept it. But that knowledge does not help others who have not been so enlightened or walked a mile in our heels.

    • #574846
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      Sounds like you already have it figured out!… nothing wrong, just a potential turn-off. There are lots of benefits to couples who can accept what it is and find ways to enjoy those benefits. To name a few,
      – many women appreciate knowing the sensitive feminine side of their partners (probably one reason for your attraction to him) and it is greatly freeing to a man who can accept and express them rather than suppress what is truly part of his nature
      – many women have told me that they’d rather have a shopping partner than be a golf widow, and many realize tangible benefits when shopping with a CD… if the CD buys a dress, chances are good he will reciprocate with a gift you enjoy
      – while it is a crossdresser and partner’s bill of rights not to share clothes, many couples find that this is convenient and desirable, especially when it comes to articles like jewelry;
      – a CD usually greatly appreciates a supportive, accepting mate; you should find much greater appreciation from him than from most men
      – a CD will be less inclined to get upset if you need more time to prepare for an outing; he will understand what efforts you have to go through to look your feminine best and will notice and appreciate in detail everything you do and wear; you no doubt will be quicker than him to get ready, and should you ever get separated, he will be able to identify you to authorities in great detail!
      – if you ever want to attend events geared toward or including women, he will be more likely than most to want to join you.
      – CD partnerships tend to be much more lasting; most men I know talk lovingly about their partners, realizing how special they are to be accepting;
      – you can both feel free to accept and express your true selves… both the masculine and feminine sides which we all have; honest, truer, relationships, expressing both personalities, tend to be deeper and longer-lasting than those where we try to mold ourselves into unrealistic images expected by society;
      – there is far more to share together when we can accept both the feminine and masculine sides of our being.
      – most women I know speaking very lovingly of their CD partners, having come to grips with the fact that personality and actions are more important than presentation… presentation need not be a deal-breaker and seldom is; on the flip side, most CDs speak lovingly of their partners… male conversations often center more on their loving partners than on locker-room talk.
      – CD partners are typically very defensive of each other, quickly attacking anyone who speaks unkindly toward the other and protecting them in other ways.
      I could go on. Hopefully you will discover all this for yourself. Good luck! You have probably found someone unusually gifted and special.

      • #574871
        Heather Harrison
        Lady
        Registered On: August 3, 2020
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        Rhonda,

        I certainly can’t add to anything in your response. My wife and I have been together 21 years and my dressing hasn’t been much of an issue; Plus we can wear each other’s outfits.

        Heather

      • #574858
        Kate Prose
        Lady
        Registered On: November 11, 2021
        Topics: 1
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        What a lovely reply, thanks so much!

        • #574885
          Rhonda Lee
          Baroness - Annual
          Registered On: September 29, 2021
          Topics: 2
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          Fashion is cultural. It varies by geographic location and time. Consider that Genghis Khan introduced pants for men in order to better ride horses. I saw one of the first pair of pants, worn by him, displayed in a museum. Robes until then, and even now in many cultures, were popular. In Biblical times, tunics were worn by both men and women. The best explanation of Deuteronomy 22:5 I have heard posits that its intent was to dissuade men from wearing female garments for hygenic reasons, as they were essentially unisex attire.

          Until a century ago men wore wigs, jabeaus, fluffy sleeves, high heels, hose, and other garments when fashionably dressed; such would now be considered feminine attire. I “crossdressed” once at a party, portraying an English country gentleman. No one suspected I was a crossdresser.

          In Victorian times men imposed some of the less comfortable items on women. Children, especially of nobility, often wore dresses. Even today, this is not uncommon in many societies. Baptismal gowns are often worn by boys. Audrey Hepburn introduced pants to women nearly a century ago.

          Feminine and androgynous attire and colors are becoming more popular for men nowadays. Most women feel comfortable shopping in the men’s department, and many garments are offered in both. I was surprised when doing a presentation at Citadel that a female cadet, who personally felt a need to wear male clothes, confided in me afterwards that she was uneasy shopping in the men’s department and wanted advice on how to do so without embarrassment.

          I present regularly to a college class studying fashion and design and it is clear that they are exploring new trends, including fashions which would appeal to crossdressers as well as women. Some stores specialize in purses, hose, and other garments, with men being their primary audience. I have heard that far more hosiery is sold online to men than to women. In other countries dresses, skirts, pantsuits, and such are accepted attire for men as well as women.

          We are all unique. It is all ok. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

          • #574969
            Laura Lovett
            Lady
            Registered On: March 26, 2020
            Topics: 39
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            Deuteronomy 22:5 is interesting, as, although he describes cross dressing as an abomination, cross dressing was something very different back then – and certain theories point to using cross dressing deliberately to access harems, using it for mischief.

            Deuteronomy also describes shellfish and the meat of animals with hooves as abominations, and advocates the marriage of men to their rape victims as punishment – just for context to consider. We shouldn’t think about 22:5 in isolation from the rest of the chapter – or book.

            The New Testament passage of 1. Samuel 16: considers appearance:

            “The Lord sees not as man sees”.

             

            Love Laura

            4 users thanked author for this post.
          • #575129
            Teralynn Loving
            Lady
            Registered On: October 17, 2019
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            Well said indeed Laura! – Blessings from Teralynn

            3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #574851
        Jill Quinn
        Lady
        Registered On: July 24, 2021
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        Rhonda,

        Thank you for that extremely well written and thoughtful response. I believe you hit every detail on the head. Well done girl!

        Hugs, Jill

      • #574849
        Kate Prose
        Lady
        Registered On: November 11, 2021
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        What a lovely message, thank you so much!

    • #574842
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      We know it isn’t easy for SO’s to accept but you have a great attitude and he is very lucky. The best of luck to both of you on your exciting journey. One bit of advice to remember… our dressing desires may wax and wane but it never goes away.

    • #574836
      Dani Grand
      Baroness
      Registered On: October 9, 2018
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      Those are excellent questions and points.

      I’m certainly not an expert but will share my experience.

      My SO learned well after being married of my ‘other’ side. It was supposed to be a kept secret. But, since we are only as sick as our secrets, I shared it with her. Here today, more than 10 years later, I am not sure if that was a good idea. We’ve been out together and the like. Still, there is an air of discomfort.

      For you, I can share my SOs feelings – initial or otherwise:
      1. Is he gay? (no)
      2. Does he prefer boys to girls? (no)
      3. Would be prefer to be this all the time? (well, I could be talked into it. I frankly enjoy being able to be both where it helps.)

      This where you have to determine with him – I think – what drives him and why.

      For me personally, CD has been an ‘all my life’ thing. It didn’t change my sexual desires. Just the way I wanted to present myself. I, too, am tall (not that tall but still tall) but still have that desire to feel pretty.

      I think you are right to say this ‘why should his wearing a dress make him any less of a man?’ It won’t make him any less of a man. Clothing is clothing, right? Well, sure, but…

      When it’s just the two of you, fine…but there is a big world out there that doesn’t have quite the same understanding as the fine people in this forum. This starts with immediate family, friends, neighbors, etc.

      For the SO – particularly the genetic girls – it becomes a challenge to understand it all, explain that to others, potentially integrate it into your like, and finally, to ‘defend it’ – if needed. That’s a tall ‘ask’ of anyone.

      Again, not an expert but sharing my experience.

      Dani

    • #574833
      Lanna Barton
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2017
      Topics: 11
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      My Wife and I share clothing all the time. She likes my sweatshirts and pants and I love her tops. Plus we have our own wardrobes. With exception I have 2. We even shop for clothing together. She trusts my fashion sense. Which astonishingly is better then hers LOL!

       

      Lanna

    • #574832
      Anonymous
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      Welcome Kate ….

      hopefully using this wonderful place will enlighten you more. We love a GG’s side of the story. There’s loads of wonderful girls here who will hopefully help you through this thing that we love to do…we don’t bite!!!…just ask.

      Grace xx

    • #574829
      Barb Wire
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
      Topics: 17
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      Hi Kate and welcome!

      It is a paradox, isn’t it?

      All the best with your relationship!

      xo Barb

    • #574826
      Anonymous
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      I have repressed my crossdressing for over 50 years,feeling shame that wearing teh snug dresses,hose etc helped calm my anxiety..Ironically,my exwife encouraged me to explore this part of me,realizing the internalized shame and guilt could have hasd a big effect on my depressions which I have had since childhood..What a person wears has no bearing on who they are on the inside. I believe this is just a personal taste which exists-no one knows why for sure-..I do use my crossdressing in a safe place,ie ,outside my home,a beautician met me ,1 on 1 for a makeover after hours at the salon,she did not judge me,ans judging from the photo of the 2 of us elsewhere on my posts,we both loved the experience..Already planning a February experience with her,with me wearing a satin blue dress…In closing,My very best friend as a child,I found out was gay when we were in our 20s..It took less than one second for me to say…so what,this does not change the firiendship I have with him,or he with me(I am a hetero crossdresser)…Find your support system,they are jewels. Hold to them,Good luck,Makayla Lee

    • #575057
      Anonymous
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      That might also explain the age thing, when I was younger it seemed to come and go more. Now it’s full time, maybe because there is less testosterone getting in the way. Anyway you said everything perfectly. Thanks💕 Katie

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #574930
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 25
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      Perfect Dr Plumb such a wonderful Biology report i have never thought of this in that way thank you for your insite ..

      Stephanie Bass

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