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I just recently purchased a book on eBay entitled CROSSDRESSERS by Peggy J. Rudd, Ed.D, and she mentions 3 classifications of crossdressers: FETISH, TRUE CDs, and TRANSSEXUALS.
The first classification, FETISH of FETISHISTS, have no desire to live like a woman, they are only interested in the arousal they get from wearing specific woman’s clothing, like stockings or panties.
At first in my earlier years crossdressing I was somewhat like that, but now, due to the fact that my niece wants to help feminize me, so I can be, in a sense live outwardly like a woman, but still be male (I have no intent of becoming a Transsexual, though sometimes the thought has crossed my mind)..
Buying a wig is a beginning, but I still have a lot of work to do to make a successful transformation to a female lifestyle so I can appear in public as a girl; but like I mentioned earlier, I have support and guidance from my niece, a true female.
Being a fetish crossdresser in the past, does that still make out to be some kind of pervert, and not a true crossdresser.
Please respond (Anyone!), I feel kind of out of kilter right now about my real crossdresser identity.
Hi Evita
Deep breath!
don’t panic! Don’t panic and don’t worry too much about what one book tells you. Confusion goes hand in hand with the changes you are going through. That certainly doesn’t make you anything other maybe confused.
I’d suggest just spending some time reading the articles and you’ll quickly realize that we are all making this up as we go along. You’re not alone Evita, just stay calm.
Hugs from Roberta
The first thing you need to do is stop inferring that people who crossdress, for whatever reason, are perverts. It’s been a theme through your posts on many occasions.
Fetishists are those who derive pleasure from specific activities; for many that’s sexual pleasure but having such a desire doesn’t mean someone is a pervert. Only their subsequent actions can indicate perversion but that too has such a broad scope that it’s almost meaningless. Even if one did consider the actions of another as perverse that doesn’t mean those actions cause harm. A person could have a fetish for surgical masks. Is that likely to harm anyone?
If you want your niece to help make you more woman-like then have fun with it. Don’t infer that anyone who does like to crossdress, alone or with help, is perverted. It’s not at all helpful.
lets see, i cross dress because i love to look pretty and not for sexual pleasure. i also have the book but i have 3 of them and its all words to get us confused. we love to dress up for letting our feminine side out, we are trapped in a mans body and the female wants to come out. i have been cross dressing for 30+ years. on and off till the internet came along. i know dress up mostly in female clothing but with my male clothing over it, when my feminine side wants to come out i just take off my pants and shirt and i am all dressed up, all i have to do is make up and perfume and ear rings and heels and wig and i am done. my wife knows of my desire to dress up but will not see me when dressed up but i know she sneaks in to see me all dolled up, for she smells my perfume i have on. i buy my own female stuff, i use to wear my wife’s till she told me to stop wearing her dresses and using her perfume. so know i buy my own dresses, skirts, nylons, panties, bras, pads, make up, heels, jewelry, ear rings, perfume, nail polish. what a expensive desire. but welcome to CDH.
Hi Evita,
I wouldn’t worry about it. I started out that way too when I was young. I eventually discovered there was more to dressing then just the fetish aspect. It became a wonderful de-stresser for me. The point to take home is to do what makes you happy and enables you to be yourself.
Q
reply to Stephanie Q
As I have aged, I find that my fetish aspect has almost dissapeared. Since retiring, and my wife’s acceptance, I dress every day in complete freedom. My pleasure now comes from the comfort and contentment of dressing. Pervert is not in the CD dictionary!
Hi Evita! I too have read a lot of books in search of info about why people are the way they are. Do try to remember that the views generally put across in a book are the AUTHORS opinion and not the rest of the world. Remember that Christianity was considered an abomination at one time…now it is one of the major religions in the world. People change over time, you will change over time. A seniors opinions are formed over a long time span, a majority of people are still way back on the path to enlightenment. It seems that human beings in general adopt the train of thought that is popular at a given time in life. We all know how things, lifestyles and opinions change from day to day. Most people do not want to “stand out from the crowd”. It takes a special person to “stand out” and become a trend setter. Look how far the Gay/Lesbian faction have come! To thine own self be true Evita. Be what you want to be and to heck with anyone else who objects. I laugh every time I hear teachers and others say to children…..”you can be anything you want”! The truth is…sure you can be anyone you want BUT NOT unless it is popular at the moment. When asked that question at school by the guidance counceller, I said…I want to be a girl.! That got me a fast trip to the shrink!!!! Also got my butt whipped by parents. Their belief was to “beat it out of the boy”! They still (at 95) don’t know my inner feelings. Stay your course Matey….sail on down “YOUR” path. Lady Veronica Graunwolf
I never knew about labels until maybe 2001 when I got my first computer. Nobody else did either. I would just wear women clothes, not overly feminine, and nobody gave a crap. Then I got internet and found out about many labels. Then I was confused as I had a label and was not normal as I thought I was. I found out many people have labels for me also. So i tried to define me and with that came much sadness. I felt the need to fit in somewhere even though I didn’t. It took many years to say no to labels, I cannot label myself because I cannot be confined to a label. Im a dynamic human being and I need to embrace it instead of fixing the not normal side as I saw it. Today I still don’t fit in anywhere with most people. Im a happy mixture of male and female. I wear mostly female clothes but they need to pass for mens kind of. Sometimes I get a look of two but not to many. For me its ideal as I am combination of both sexes and that is a good thing. Im double the trouble lol. Move on and do your thing, be you, whomever that may be.
Don’t worry about the labels and definitions too much. There are a lot of people who think that anything beyond hetero sex in missionary position and then only for the purpose of reproduction is perverse.
We are who we are. We force no one, we harm no one and it’s basically none of their business. I’ve got a saying; Whether you like hot dogs or tacos is only important if I’m having dinner with you.
In practical terms, it’s still a good idea not to flaunt it in most places although there are some wonderful exceptions.
In my case, I spent a long time stressing over being primarily attracted to women, yet still sometimes attracted to men. Being bisexual stressed me some in early adulthood. It took me a while to be ok with not being completely hetero. Although I’d done some crossdressing as a teenager for the turn on, I’d forgotten about it until I was almost 40.
Since then, except when I’ve been in a committed relationship, I’ve enjoyed dressing en femme a lot and enjoyed being with the occasional man as well as women.
It’s who and what I am. There’s no evil in it that I can see, so I feel no guilt, but there are some intolerant people in the world that I avoid.
Relax and enjoy dear Evita, we’re all here.
I started putting on my mother’s clothes when I was a child. So according to “labels” was I a pervert or doing it as a fetish? Absolutely not…I loved how the clothes felt and when I put them on and who I believed I was inside a girl. Even my Mom when she found out did not shame me but let me enjoy being myself and bought me panties, bras and girly things. So I put no faith in so called experts that label people that just want to live their life without hurting anyone.
In some discussion groups I’ve been labeled a fetish cross dresser. I love to wear nice pantyhose and show my legs. Combined with my often sexy shoes, which are often too high heels, my legs look amazing. Then to show off those legs I’m often in a too short dress. This is how I dress pretty much everyday at home.
When I go out, I add my bra with breast forms, a wig and some makeup when I go out just to complete my feminine appearance. It’s scary at times but also exciting and a thrill and rush I can’t get from doing anything else.
In the discussion groups, it’s been noted that I have a thing for pantyhose and get a thrill from wearing them. True. That thrill is enhanced when I wear them out in public. True. The rest of the clothes I wear is not as important to me as the pantyhose. They are just just accessories. True. I like to dress like women I want to be intimate with. True. I’m fine with that and I agree.
I believe the difference between me and true cross dresser is the true cross dresser wants to dress and look like a woman all the time. The clothing items they are wearing is not as important as using them to create their feminine image. They might wear longer dresses and skirts, maybe even with bare legs. Slacks and flat shoes may give them a more blend in and passable appearance when out in public. I love my pantyhose, heels and short dresses. This would not be me. My main concession to blending in is a mid thigh length dress and 3 inch heels.
The transsexual is the person who feels they are the wrong gender and desires to become the gender they identify with. This can be for either born male or female. I am nowhere near this.
This is just my opinion of course. I don’t wrestle with the labels and stereotypes. I like being a fetish cross dresser if that’s what I actually am. Being a true cross dresser is a bit too bland and drab like for me. I have no desire to be a female I like being a man but love dressing up in my women’s attire.
Don’t worry. Figure out where you might be and roll with it. This can be complicated and confusing too as I believe there is considerable overlap between these 3 identified categories.
Hi Evita, I totally understand your confusion… it’s confusing for all of us, especially because we change over time (and for some of us our perspectives change from day to day). I also understand the aversion many have with labels. However, it is perfectly natural for humans to seek labels and classifications – it helps us create order in our world and it can be very comforting to feel that we are seeing the big picture, even if that picture is a bit flawed. So, go right ahead and use whatever label you feel describes you best. If you’re like most, that label will change depending on how you feel at that moment.
Now let me turn to this term ‘pervert’ (there I said it and the world did not end). I understand that this is a toxic word, and for most of us it is extremely hurtful. But, I’ve been thinking about this word for the last few days and think that maybe we are thinking about it the wrong way. Rather than pretend it doesn’t exist (and we all know it does, and know it is thought and used by many that are unfamiliar with crossdressing, even those close to us), we should try to embrace this term – defuse it of its power. The LGB community has done this with great success. Back 20 years ago the term queer was extremely derogatory, but now it’s used to express pride and strength. Now, I don’t think we can have that kind of success with respect to the straight world. But, I do think that such an attitude can be empowering to each of us personally. So, let me be the first to say
“I’m a PERVERT and proud of it!!!!” or maybe “Power to the Perverts” or “I’m a perv, she’s a perv, he’s a perv … we’re all pervs!!”
Okay maybe I’m getting carried away (especially with that last one), but I think you get my point.
Yours in her most pervyisness Julie 💋💋💋
Hi Evita
First I wish to thank Joan, Jane and Lady Veronica for their words of wisdom. They bring me comfort and insight.
Couple of months ago, I had my first visit to my Psychiatrist. At the end of my session, I asked him – “Am I a fetish?” I had sexual arousal too when I were in or removing my female clothing.
Like you that feeling is getting more and more rare. I just enjoy the moments when I am in female clothing.
He explained that feeling aroused is nothing wrong, it was a natural human instinct as a male (which I have always wish I were not).
I hope this helps.
Alice
I just love that word Perverted. My definition of a pervert is one who thinks your actions or thoughts go against what society thinks is acceptable thinking or acting. I love trucks…..lots of others say that is “perverted” for ladies. I like guns…that is considered perverted by the anti-gun people and so on and so on. To bad schools today don’t teach the English Language or whatever language and what the correct usage of words should be……not general catch-all street phrases. But then the street personages think I speak perverted language called proper English. I laugh out loud, not LOL. Or, that is not any of your affair, not MYOB!
Oh well…..as long as I am content with how I speak and act…who cares about the others.
Lady Veronica
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