In Between

[Jenny]

How manny of you are like me?
…..😢😨….
Some days i wish i was a women, beautiful,
Curvy, with breast! Long hair high cheekbones and happy!
Than other days i wish i was big broad shoulder and strong with muscles and large chest but not the way we all like not tits but pecks!
See i am neither I am in between i can not be happy one way or the other!
I am 5ft 11″ and thin with NO shoulders what so ever, very thin arms and legs that most women would kill for; all though arms and legs are as hairy as a wolf man! But wait you would think i should be happy, i would if i could fit-in one way or the other. Men see me as skiny wimp, women see me as a feminine small man nothing to be excited for. I do not pass as a women i do not pass as a man! Most of the time i am ok but then i see a man and I know i am NOT a man, I see a good looking women in a outfit i would love to wear and I know i am NOT a women.
I am happily married with 2 kids that do not know what I am truely. I hide in the dark dressed as Jenny run at the slightest sound so not to be found out. And day after day i go on but sometimes i just wish I could just be one or the other and STOP being in-between. I tried to work out and get big but did not work so i tried to be more girly and that does not work wife and kids are unsure why Dad likes skiny jeans all the time.
So who else is just in-between? Why are we Us? No answer as of why most are what we are. Alone in a room/ world with others.

[June (Rei) Durden]

Jenny, Seriously, you just described me almost to a tee ( or is it a T?)

I was never happy with the man staring at me in the mirror, but am now learning to love the woman that’s looking out my eyes.

It’s taken me ages and it is still evolving, but  be patient and kind and honest with yourself first, there’s no rule book here but CDH has been a HUGE benefit to me in coming to terms with Rei. Good luck and if I can help at all, I’ll do so gladly.

[Molly]

Jenny;

Beautiful description of my days… Please know that you are NOT alone in these feelings.   Don’t have any answers, but you have my thanks for describing the state so accurately.

-Molly

[Anonymous]

Hello Jenny

Think they call it ” between a rock and a hard place…..all I can suggest is use CDH and ask, ask, ask. Nearly everyone here will have problems of some sort, but the help and advice you can get really is priceless…even if it just cheers you up on bad days…don’t despair.

grace xx

[Anonymous]

I spent most of my life “in between” but lately my feelings have shifted to leaning to the female side, like 24/7.

Kay

[Robin Snow]

Hi Jenny,

I think there’s a lot of us here on CDH who feel the  way you do.   I’ve always had this inner woman deep inside me yearning to get out.  Because of her I’ve never considered myself to be what society defines as a “real man.”  I was never truly happy with myself until the day I let her out and I can finally be me … non-binary, genderfluid.  I can be the man, the woman and everything in between and life is good.  The moral to the story is to accept yourself for who you are and live your life.

Hugs,

Robin

[Siobhan]

You are not alone. You are in good company.  Eddie Izzard in his autobiography describes being in “boy mode” and “girl mode” and not knowing how he will be in the morning, yet needs to plan to be in girl mode.  What you describe sounds quite normal for someone who may be gender fluid.

[Anonymous]

Jenny… you have pretty much described my life, not as hairy as the wolf man, 6 feet 170 most of my life and add 2 more kids. As a teen I wished I could be all female. I was always the smallest in school and bullied. At 18 I found my soulmate, at 19 we were married…32 years ago now. I’m a HD truck and equipment mechanic, welder, machinist, with a stint as an operator. Totally love the outdoors, volunteered for years with SAR… I’ve always tried to be manly, but this strong feminine side is always trying to  sneak out… now I just go with being Male but very in touch with my feminine attributes. On the feminine test I score 48 male 88 female. My wife wants me male… but has allowed me to underdress to a point. Ladies jeans just fit better then male drab ones, so that’s what I’ve started to wear. Everybody here on CDH is in a little bit different situation, from different backgrounds, different life status….but your in a good place… we are all just trying to figure out who we are and where we can fit in on this crazy spinning rock

[Patty Phose]

It seems you can work on those problems. Ive had many dreams where I was a beautiful and sexy woman and I was outside some where and everyone was admiring my sexy legs in my shiny pantyhose and heels. My breasts were perfect shaped and my pretty hair was long and flowing. I bought some great clothes and wigs and went out in them.

So, you’re a little thing. Build yourself up a bit. Not into a hulking beasts. Just add a bit of muscle tone so you don’t look so thin and frail. You can always conceal that somewhat in your femme mode.

You have great femme legs but they are hairy? Remove the hair. Your arms are hairy too? Wear long sleeves in femme mode.

Just build yourself up enough to where you look like an avearge guy to others. Then conceal your less impressive features up and reveal your more impressive assets in femme mode. ow much you want to do this is up to you.

[Teralynn Loving]

Hi Jenny,  Teralynn here. Welcome to our wonderful online community. You my dear are at a psychological impasse trying to determine who you should try to be. Since I look at things from a psychological perspective I can perhaps give you some ideas on how to become content with who you are, instead of being unhappy about who you are not. I only have 94 emails to catch up today! Once I do I will send you a private message that I want you to carefully consider. You owe it to yourself, your wife and to your children to find a way to be happy. Some of the ideas I will send you mayhelp to get you to that place. – Blessings from Teralynn

[Katie Collins]

Hi Jenny,

There are many elements of your introduction in my life. I’m also happily married with kids, but they don’t know. I know that my wife and kids love me so that is the most important thing in my life. So there is no need to impress anyone with big muscles. Yes, I would love to crossdress more often, but I take what I can get and enjoy it when I can. Have you ever tried a professional crossdressing service? Definitely worth a try. It can transform you into the woman you always want to be. I’m now in my fifties and consider myself very happy. It’s about getting the balance right, and about getting your priorities right.

Katie x

[Amanda Woods]

Yes, I feel much the same way, its OK, be you and stay beautiful

[Author]

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