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  • #626185
    Revel
    Participant
    Registered On: December 5, 2020
    Topics: 10
    Replies: 411
    Has thanked: 986 times
    Been thanked: 1517 times

    Hello sisters,

    I have some sad news. On Saturday, February 26, my Mommy passed away. She died of leukemia, and other complications. 🙁

    Back in January 2021, she visited my Daddy and I for a week, and during this time, I revealed her daughter “Revel” to her, and that I’m a crossdresser. She was very impressed and gave me the loving gift of acceptance. She explained that she always wanted another daughter, and with Revel, she felt like she had one. My Mommy was married to my Daddy for 30 years, and before they separated, she promised me that there would be no divorce, but she lied. She also put my family through some difficult times. However, she claimed that she loved her family “so much” and I truly believe this. About a week before she passed away, she called me, and asked me to forgive her for all the hurt she put my Daddy and I through. I forgave her. According to my sibling sister who took care of her, after this conversation, the last thing my Mommy said was “I’m forgiven” and she went into a vegetative state. She never spoke again! She could hear us, but she could not respond. It was so sad. The day before she died, I had a package sent to my sister, and her boyfriend picked it up at her place, and rushed it to the hospital. My Mommy loved giraffes, and in the package was a wooden giraffe. I wrote on it:

    To: Mommy

    Love, Rev

    My sister placed it in her hand, and I told my Mommy over the phone what she was holding, and then I told her that my Daddy wanted to say something, so listen. My Daddy played his guitar and sang her a song that he wrote for her, and afterward he explained that he forgave her for anything and everything. The last thing that he said to her was that he would see her in eternity. After she heard this, she took her last breath. It was so beautiful and she passed away peacefully. I know that I’ll see her again someday, but it’s going to be a long time. What makes this so hard is death is so final. No more calls, texting, or seeing one another in person. Nothing. Very few have called me giving me their condolences. So any support with your kindness is appreciated.

    Note: I want to thank Sam for encouraging me to start a forum topic honoring my Mommy.

    Love you, Mommy!

    Rev

Viewing 16 reply threads
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    • #631354
      Revel
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 5, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 411
      Has thanked: 986 times
      Been thanked: 1517 times

      Update!

      On March 20, 2022 a “Celebration of Life” was held in St. Cloud, MN in remembrance for my Mommy. This location my family chose was a place that my Mommy last saw my Daddy, my sister and I all together back on January 17, 2021 before she was diagnosed with leukemia. My buddy and I went down together to meet my sister and her son (my nephew) and we had a nice get together. We each said something in her memory, had a moment of silence, and had a nice lunch at McDonald’s. We laughed, cried, and shared stories what we remembered about her. My sister gave me our Mommy’s urn, and a matching mini urn that is inscribed:

      For Rev,

      Mommy’s Remains

      Like the larger urn, it has a golden rose on it, and it’s powder pink. It’s just beautiful. I have the mini urn on my shelf in my CD bathroom. I miss talking with my Mommy, but she lives in me, and I’m half of her. 🙂

      She gave me the gift of acceptance, and I gave her the gift of forgiveness.

      Rev

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626979
      ChloeC
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 5, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 548
      Has thanked: 2097 times
      Been thanked: 2609 times

      My condolences on your loss, Revel.  It’s difficult to lose a loved one, friend, spouse, family member.  And it’s so much better to try to remember the good times.  My mother passed a few years ago at age 94.  We had a good relationship as of us 5 adult children, only our sister lived close, but I made the time to come and see her until the end and helped her be there (out of state) for two of my children’s weddings.

      She was one of just two I’ve ‘come out’ to (other than here) my spouse being the other.  I knew she didn’t have much time left, and I wanted to come clean as it were.  Unfortunately, she was quickly falling into dementia and I don’t know if she fully understood me or just didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m glad I did.  She was very open minded all her life, which I fully appreciated, and I do miss her.

      Keep your mother’s memory alive as long as you can, and help pass the good memories along. I’m doing that with my children and grandkids.

      Hugs, ChloeC

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626988
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thank you ChloeC. My condolences as well. Thank you also for sharing about your Mother. I appreciate your advice about keeping my Mommy’s memories alive, and passing the good ones along. When I was younger, I called her “Mommy” like most kids do, and when I became Revel and was in femme mode, I always called her “Mommy” as well. I remember when I first revealed Revel to her back on January 11, 2021. I said: “Open your eyes for a surprise. Well hello, Mommy!” and she had a big smile on her face. Oh, the memories.

        Hugs, Revel

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626928
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 954
      Replies: 454
      Has thanked: 393 times
      Been thanked: 2227 times

      Revel,

      Please accept my condolences. I lost my mom six months ago. It is so hard!

      Gaby

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626936
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thanks Gaby. You’re right, it’s so hard. You have my condolences. It’s nice to have love and support from the sisters here at CDH during this difficult time.

        Rev

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626902
      Jill Quinn
      Lady
      Registered On: July 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 129
      Has thanked: 1092 times
      Been thanked: 579 times

      Dear Revel,

      I’m so very sorry for all the hurt you’ve gone through and are still going through. Your story, though filled with sadness, is also filled with beauty, in the form of forgiveness and how much, and how deeply that affected your mother. She’s in a better place now where pain and illness don’t exist and there’s beauty in that too.

      Hugs, Jill

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626806
      Miss Lollipop
      Lady
      Registered On: February 5, 2022
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 166
      Has thanked: 95 times
      Been thanked: 510 times

      I wish you and your family all the strength and love during this time of healing, Sister. I’m glad she gained her forgiveness, amazing that’s all she was holding out to hear. Heartbreaking.

      You have all the love you’d ever wish for among us, sometimes families are fickle and don’t realize other’s grief. ..It affects us all in individual ways.

      The memories we have of the happier times are really all we have that can’t be taken away by time, loss or age. I hope these keep you going and knowing that in those final moments you would’ve been in her heart.

      That’s all I can really write before I start tearing-uP!

      Love you, Rev!

      x Kitty x

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626935
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thank you, girlfriend. After I forgave my Mommy, she never spoke to me or anyone again. She was incapable of it. This made me very sad, but relieved to know that I didn’t wait until it was too late. Yes, the memories we shared last a long time, and the spirit lasts forever. This isn’t the end. Thank you so much for the comforting words.

        Love you too.

        XOXO Rev

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626733
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 3601
      Has thanked: 51906 times
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      Hi Revel and condolences to you girl and your family as yes loosing the dearest family member as your mom hurts a lot but the message you sent with the giraffe and forgiveness was a wonderful touch of love girlfriend .. As you girlfriend in my life i have lost both grandparents on my side and wifes side my older brother wifes yonger brother then both my parents then a 17 year old daughter just after we were married so yes it all hurts girlfriend but we have to carry on with the love for them big hugs girlfriend ..

      Stephanie Bass

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626774
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thank you girlfriend for that kind compliment. My condolences as well. I’m glad that you mentioned the giraffe. It’s a little wooden giraffe about a foot tall, and I uploaded a picture of it in my private photo gallery for those of you who want to see it. I wanted my Mommy to be holding something in her hand before she died. We all lose loved ones, and when they die, part of us dies inside, but on the flip side of a coin, our parents live in us, and yes, life must go on.

        Every day the pain is a little less, and you lovely ladies here make me feel as I always like to say “much better” with your kindness. ❤️

        Love, Rev

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626688
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 0 times

      Revel, I am also sorry for your loss.  I am also glad you were able to forgive her.  I know that was hard but according to your sister, it touched your Mother deeply.  Prayers and thought to you and your family.

       

      ❤️ Jasmine

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626773
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thanks Jasmine. Forgiving someone can be hard, but honestly I knew in my heart and spirit that it was the right thing to do so when she asked me, I forgave her without hesitation. I’ll never regret it. She helped me with giving me life, and I helped her release her pain with the gift of forgiveness. My sibling sister who helped take care of her said that my Mommy was telling the nurses about her other daughter “Rev” and it was so cute. Thank you for your prayers. Bless you.

        XOXO Revel

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626571
      Lacy Satin
      Lady
      Registered On: June 27, 2018
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 483
      Has thanked: 442 times
      Been thanked: 2257 times

      That is a very touching story. You have put tears in my eyes.

      My mom passed away at a very young age. She spent the last of her days in the hospital with terminal cancer. We were all called to the hospital one day because they said she would not make it for much longer.

      We all showed up and stood around watching her suffer in an unconscious state for hours. By 10:00 pm I had, had enough and I told everyone to leave the room. I sat at her bedside, held her, and told her it was OK to let go. As heartbroken as I was about losing her I felt the need to tell her about my wanting to be her little girl. The girl she so wanted me to be when I was born. Thankfully she did have that little girl she wanted so bad, a few years after me. This is something I have been very aware of all my life.

      I feel my desires to be a girl stemmed from my mom wanting me to be a girl. I so wanted the same attention my little sister got that I didn’t. I don’t blame my mom and I have no regrets growing up with these desires to be one of the girls.

      I have no idea if she heard anything I said to her, but it made me feel better letting it out. After poring  my heart out to her she peacefully passed away in my arms.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626684
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thank you Lacy for sharing. Now you have put tears in my eyes. I know this pain, and it helps to chat with sisters who care to help release some of that pain and sorrow. This is why I started the topic in memory of my Mommy. What you done before your Mom passed away was so touching. You done the right thing expressing how you felt about wanting to be her little girl, and you’re right, you should have no regrets. That’s when you know you did what’s right, when you have no regrets. Hang in there. My deepest condolences.

        Love, Revel

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626560
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 810
      Has thanked: 2882 times
      Been thanked: 2679 times

      Revel,

      I offer my condolences for your loss.  And I will say a prayer for you and your family in this time of sadness.

      And yes, death is final, in a sense. However depending upon one’s beliefs, there may be more.  I pray that there is and that your mommy is part of that “more”.

      Either way, the love you expressed at the end of her earthly life will sustain your memories of her.  And she can live on in those memories and ones you share.

      Much love,

      Raquel

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626683
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thank you kindly, Raquel. What I mean by death is so “final” is the person you knew and loved no longer can talk with you anymore. It all stops. However, I firmly believe that death is only the beginning, not the end. I have faith that I will see my Mommy again in Heaven someday. I told her before she died that I would see her on the other side. You’re right, I will always have the lovely memories that we shared.

        Love, Revel

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626521
      Revel
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 5, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 411
      Has thanked: 986 times
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      Sam,

      I see you were the first sister to reply! You have a very good point, and I like how you mentioned to forgive is divine. My Mommy gave me life, and the loving gift of acceptance so I wanted to give her the comfort of forgiveness. I also want to thank all of the sisters here at CDH for your kind words, love, and support. It helps me feel much better during this difficult time in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. If any of you sisters need to chat with someone about the loss of a loved one, I’m here. Feel free to send me a message.

      Love, Rev

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626425
      Brielle Ross
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 454
      Has thanked: 2268 times
      Been thanked: 1920 times

      Oh Revel! How sad and how wonderful at the same time. You and your family will certainly be blessed both here, and later when you meet your mommy again in heaven.

      Your and your dad’s love and compassion made her final hours and days a comforting time where she could concentrate on the next phase and rest assured all of you will be okay.

      I know you are hurting and miss her terribly, but thank you for sharing this with us! You are a gem !!

      Warm hugs,

      Brie

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626530
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Brielle,

        You’re right, it truly was sad and wonderful at the same time. Thank you girlfriend for the comforting words. I totally agree. You are welcome.

        Love and Hugs, Rev

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626414
      Sofía Alejandra Hurtado Espinoza
      Lady
      Registered On: January 5, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 45
      Has thanked: 25 times
      Been thanked: 153 times

      Hello Revel, it is quite moving to read what you wrote, since I suffered the same loss almost 3 months ago, my mother passed away on December 8, 2021 and it has been the most painful experience that I have lived, live and will live.
      She for me, was, is and will be my greatest example of a woman, her warmth, her tenderness, her dedication, her strength, just to mention some of her best qualities, made her an admirable woman, she had breast cancer 15 years ago years and was able to defeat him because he wanted to see me and my brothers grow up, who at that time were children, he died precisely due to complications in the heart and lungs caused by the cancer that returned, I was there all that last day of his life He wanted to accompany her at all times until she breathed her last breath and her heart beat for the last time.
      Her absence is something that I continue to deal with, but what bothered me the most about her funeral was what everyone told us when saying goodbye, that she was so loved because she always took the time to be there for everyone, she always had words of encouragement and shared her light and love without measure, now I know that she watches me from above with a smile and I have decided, in honor of her, to have the best life I can have and share it with everyone as much as I can, thank you for giving you this time to write to your mother Revel and thank you very much for inspiring me with your post to write this to her, I understand the situation you are living through and if you feel the need to talk about it, do not hesitate to write to me.
      Again, thank you very much, Greetings and hugs to all,
      With love,Sofia

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626528
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Hello Sofia,

        I’m glad you found what I wrote moving, and you and I share the pain of absence. Thank you for sharing all of that, and I’m so glad to know that I helped inspire you as well. I’m flattered. Your Mother sounded like an amazing woman and inspiration. Although every day that goes by the pain is a little less, a part of it will always be there.

        My deepest condolences and love reaches out to you, sister. Remember, your Mother lives in you. 🙂

        Love, Revel

        • #626668
          Sofía Alejandra Hurtado Espinoza
          Lady
          Registered On: January 5, 2022
          Topics: 0
          Replies: 45
          Has thanked: 25 times
          Been thanked: 153 times

          Hi Revel, I really appreciate your words, I know that living through this experience is extremely painful and sad, I’m glad to know that you see it in a very similar way to mine, because both my mother and yours live in us, that part of them that they gave us as our mothers stayed with us, just as that part of us that we gave them as daughters went with them, but not to die, to transcend together with them, that is our connection, the certainty that we will meet again find, until then I want to enjoy the life I have to the fullest and I wish you the same, Revel.
          With love, Sofia

          3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626321
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 0 times

      That is the most “Moving” post I’ve ever read! My heart goes out to you! I was very fortunate that both my parent’s passed “Easy”. Thanks for sharing that.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626525
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thank you so much, Dawn! You are so welcome. Your kind compliment really touched my heart. It’s comforting to know that your parents passed “easy” as well.

        Love and Hugs, Revel

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626268
      Vecca Senn
      Lady
      Registered On: February 22, 2021
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 255
      Has thanked: 1826 times
      Been thanked: 959 times

      I’m sorry for your loss Revel. I am happy that it seemed to have been done well though.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626265
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 860
      Has thanked: 19042 times
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      Sorry to hear of your loss Revel. Thank you for sharing your bitter, sweet story.

      You, your sister, and your daddy really gave her peace. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift. The giraffe was very sweet.

      My condolences to you, and your family

      Love, and hugs

      Lara

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626523
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        You’re welcome, Lara. Yes, forgiveness is truly a wonderful gift. When you forgive someone, they no longer have control over you. In my Mommy’s case, I didn’t want her guilt to pass on from her to me IF I was unforgiving. I’m so glad that I forgave her because death is so final. Once your loved one is gone, it’s too late to tell them in person that you forgive them. Thanks for mentioning the giraffe. To add a little humor during this serious topic, here’s a little giraffe joke:

        The favorite fruit of giraffes is called necktarines. 😀

        Love, Revel

        • This reply was modified 4 months ago by Revel.
        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626256
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 52
      Replies: 916
      Has thanked: 2154 times
      Been thanked: 4278 times

      Revel, my sincere condolences. Loosing a mother is so hard, in 3 weeks it will be 1 year since my own mother passed.
      I feel a little bad, never having told my mother about my CD. Alzheimer’s finally took her, so I am not sure she would understand her son wanted to be a woman.
      I did console her and myself this past year after she pasted, on mother’s day I spent an hour at the grave site singing for her. I was dressed in one of my favorite dresses next to a busy highway.

      All my love to you and your family Cassie

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #626522
        Revel
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 5, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 411
        Has thanked: 986 times
        Been thanked: 1517 times

        Thank you Cassie.

        You’re right, losing a parent is so hard. Thank you for sharing about what happened to your Mother, and how you visited her grave site. It was very touching. Love to you as well, and you have my condolences.

        XOXO Revel

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #626250
      Саманта
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 524
      Replies: 1444
      Has thanked: 8789 times
      Been thanked: 4963 times

      Ah, Rev… thank you for sharing honey

      I’ve been thru this also, several times over.  And we can thank those who’ve gone before us, for shaping us into who we are now.

      To forgive is divine as they say.  Everyone needs to make it home before nightfall.

      On behalf of CDH staff I’d like to kindly offer you our condolences & comfort Rev, bless you dear ❤❤

      5 users thanked author for this post.
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