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    • #95510
      Kendra
      Duchess

      Hi Girls,

      Now that I am back into the flow of crossdressing, my mind is wrapped up in questions of gender, and it seems that reading about it only makes it all less clear.   I  wonder what you other girls think.

      There are times when I am really happy as a man – like when I am hanging out with my son, or playing sports or drinking beer with buddies and talking politics.   I am often very happy in male mode.   But for some reason I don’t like the label “male crossdresser”.

      My attraction to women’s clothing may have started as a fetish when I was a kid, and dressing up still does make me feel sexy, but dressing as a woman now gives me pleasure and satisfaction that goes well beyond sexual. There are times when I am absolutely desperate to wear makeup and dresses – and when I do dress en femme I like it when people refer to me as “she” or “her”.    Also ….. I seem to want to dress en femme more and more as I get older

      Looking at who I am friends with doesn’t help me decide where I am on the gender scale – I have plenty of male friends that I hang out with and speak to about politics and sports and I have plenty of female friends that I talk to about family, relationships, my self-doubts, and their emotional needs.  I fit both stereotypes quit nicely – as long as I know there will be time for the other side another day.

      Sexual orientation doesn’t provide any clues – I once thought of myself as strictly heterosexual and I am still very attracted to women, but there have been times over the years when I have been dressed that some of those guys look pretty good to me  ….. and that attraction to men when I am dressed seems to be increasing.

      Maybe I just need to calm down and think of myself as “genderfluid” – whatever that means – but somehow trying to think of myself that way doesn’t keep my mind from spinning.  Using the least uncomfortable label I can think of is not really that satisfying.

      Do you girls struggle with this?   Or are you more comfortable with who you are?

      Today I am Kendra the confused!

    • #95512
      Gina Angelo
      Ambassador

      Let me echo it for a third time, I also don’t like the term male crossdresser

      Too much to explain here but I now realize that I am of two overlapping yet different personalities and even sexualities. I also have grown tired of gender fluid because often that has a sexual connotation only

      As of yesterday, I have realized that I am a Two Spirit, for that best describes me

      • #95516
        Kendra
        Duchess

        “two spirit” eh! (forgive me I am Canadian) – I have only heard that term in relation to indigenous peoples but I think you are right, it sounds better than genderfluid

    • #95532
      Anonymous

       
      <p style=”margin: 0in 0in 0pt; line-height: normal;”><span style=”color: #000000; font-family: Calibri;”>I feel for you. For much of my life I have felt much more drawn to women’s clothes and have wished I had been born female. I have dressed in women’s clothing since I was a child when I would try on my sisters or mothers clothes or underwear. I liked how it made me feel. Many on here refer to dressing in “drab” referring to men’s clothes. I do get that. A few years ago I began learning ballroom dance and to be honest, I like being the leader versus follower. I have had occasion to go to formal dances where the preferred attire was a tux. And I liked how I looked wearing it. Not to say I didn’t love the gorgeous formal gowns that the women were wearing. But overall the experience has helped me feel a bit more comfortable with being a male. This is going to sound a bit vane but I also realize that I am reasonably attractive as a man and not so much as a woman. I look at myself and see Dan Aykroyd dressed as Julia Child. </span><span style=”color: #000000; font-family: Calibri;”> </span></p>
       
      <p style=”margin: 0in 0in 0pt; line-height: normal;”><span style=”color: #000000; font-family: Calibri;”>But I do struggle with this issue. I have seriously considered and I am still considering transitioning. My girlfriend noticed that my personality changes when I am en femme. She says I become softer and less sarcastic. And I too enjoy when I am recognized and addressed as a woman. I obviously don’t have an answer. But we live in a world that is basically set up as either/or, male or female, black or white, and I think we tend to look at situations without realizing that there is a whole world of gray in between. So for me I tend to see that the choice has to be that I am either male or female when actually I am a mixture of both. What I am trying to do is to balance out what is right for me. This is made doubly difficult in a world that expects us to be one or the other. </span></p>

    • #95541

      Hi Kendra, it has taken me many years to come to terms with who and indeed what I am. In accepting my female side as part my whole self, I have realised that both sides of my personality are what makes me, well me.. I am happy with my male side and I enjoy doing what I do in that mode, I am also increasingly enjoying my female side, one will not survive without the other. Two Sprit is, I think a very good description, however, I think it is important to not overthink this, it matters little what label you decide to put on it, you are who you are, it’s the whole person that matters irrespective of what label you put on it. Enjoy life!

      Andrea xx

    • #95570

      Hi Kendra.  Yes I have worked on that question a lot and it even became more important once I told my wife of my dressing.  I too do not want to be with a man and prefer women but do love the attention a man gives me when I am dressed and looking pretty.  I may look at this different than most but as of this last year, here is what I have decided.  First labels are not important but they do matter as we try to describe ourselves to others and shake out our feelings.   Second I feel we are all transgender and there is a rainbow or levels we are at.  Some dress because it feels good and makes some sexual urge but do not want to dress often.  Some like to dress once or twice a month.  Some may like to dress every day at least underdress everyday. Some have to dress everyday and be a feminine as possible and Some even have to go to part or full surgery to fully change to a woman.  I think we all have different lives and different levels at which we feel comfortable.  But what I see is we all have that woman inside us and that makes us all a little or a lot Transgender.  As for sexual wants that is another issue and it should be viewed as another issue not to be confused with gender.

      I hope this helps, I know some do define cross-dresser and transgender differently but I know many cross-dressers and transgender girls that flow back and forth between those definitions.  I know one thing is that it does not matter what the label is I am who I am and I love myself as a woman and as a man and just wish the rest of the world would at the least accept I am who I am and it does not affect them so why do they care what I do as long as I do not hurt others.

      Good luck with your finding yourself.  I think you are going to be fine and you well enjoy life no mater what gender  you portray.

      Drop me a line if you want to chat more.

      Sara

      • #95617
        Kendra
        Duchess

        thanks Sara Marie, I appreciate your comments

    • #95576

      I love the comment about the roller coaster, and for the first time it occurred to me that the roller coaster isn’t a bad thing.

      When we are on a real roller coaster, we surrender. We get pulled up the incline and then thrown over the edge. Roll up a hill and thrown around a bend. Up a hill and through a tunnel. The difference for the different people riding it is that some will hang on and resist, and others will throw their hands in the air and trust, enjoy, and wait for the next part. We’re all going to end up in the same place. At the end the hair is a mess, but we’re safe, exhilarated, and that much more ready for the next adventure.

      Yeah, that feels better.

    • #95730
      Edie Majeski
      Baroness

      I to don’t care to for ‘crossdresser’ describing me. It tends to group all transgender as one, which we are not. Also, now that crossdressing seems to be more acceptable these day and easier to buy what is needed to look like a female, there are guys out there crossdressing as a fad. I am a transvestite and a heterosexual. I enjoy looking and feeling like a female but have no sexual attraction to men. I am also capable of taking on a female personality which I can turn on and off when needed.

    • #96342
      Anonymous

      IMO, “Crossdresser” is a loaded term, rife with a history of misconception and connotation of stereotype. also a classic “polite slur”. I don’t “Crossdress” any more than a Bisexual person is a “Crossover”. I just don’t like it.

      transgender is much more inclusive.

       

      one girls opinion

       

      Nadia

       

       

      • #96349
        Gina Angelo
        Ambassador

        Totally agree with you Nadia. Crossdressing is a verb, crossdresser is a noun describing an act, but doesn’t get to the emotional expression that accompanies the act

        I prefer transgendered or in my case I prefer Two Spirit, but anything but Crossdresser. It even bothers me that this word is in our website

    • #96352

      Hi Kendra,

      Wow it is like we are both on the same part of the Journey at the present time. I have also have become uncomfortable with the term Cross dresser recently. I see my self more on the transgender spectrum lately. And find my self wondering if some where in side of my soul  I really am female ? I to want to dress more as I am getting older. Feeling more desperate to express fem more often. As for the Sexual orientation. I sure get what you mean. Those guys  can look pretty good sometimes.  I find when this Journey goes Quiet for me for a while, and then comes back again. it is usually with a vengeance and my mind is certainly spinning in all directions these days. I was away last week for a couple of days and dressed both days. I was feeling so desperate to dress. But the interesting thing was on the way home I stopped in a mall to do some Girl Shopping and asked the sales person what was the largest size they had in the dress I was looking at as I was a transgender person although I was dressed in male mode at the time It shows the frame of mind I am in at the Present time. I am trying not to over think this. Easier said than done. Just trying to flow along each day with the Journey. But I have to admit some time it feels Frighting were it might end up

      • #96355
        Kendra
        Duchess

        Amanda, you are brave to go into a store that does not explicitly cater to the needs of transgendered people and then while dressed in male clothing with no makeup on, identify as transgendered and ask for help. Very brave indeed.  I have done that in stores that cater to the transgendered – like Walk on the Wildside in Toronto and Janet’s Closet in the Greater Detroit Area, but I have not done it in a store that has not identified that way.  Outside of those two stores I refer to above, I buy on-line or I am “purchasing for someone else”.

        I hope you were treated well in that store.   Did you get the dress?

    • #96371
      Jessica
      Lady

      I love this discussion. Acceptance of me as me (the whole person) is (for this whole person anyway) a process. It’s a journey. I think I accept myself more and more, and I am very grateful for this site and all of the ladies here because I get you and you get me. I don’t feel alone, issolated, or icky.
      I go back and forth on the term crossdresser. I like the fluid idea, because it seems to discribe my gender-vibe. Two Spirit is good as well, but I am only one spirit.

      A person sure can think to much about this.

      Jess

    • #96592

      Hi Kendra,

      Sorry it took a while to answer your Question. Yes I did buy the dress at one store. And tried on pair of Capris at another store and bought those also. Staff were very accommodating. The stores were Suzy Sheer ( Dress ) Winners ( Capris )

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