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Hello. I am Olivia, 27 years old, and a MTF crossdresser. I won’t go into the details of my history of getting involved in wearing women’s clothes, but I do think it’s quite fun!
So, what I need help with is very common, and that is to simply go out by myself. I have been to an LGBTQ club with a friend for my first adventure being seen in public (I’m sure I looked like a guy, but I could pull it off if nobody really examined me. I enjoyed going out. The second was with the same friend, and I had the courage to go to Wal-Mart, but at like 11 o’clock at night. I wasn’t ready to be seen by too many people. And plus, I still don’t know if I was even passable.
Anyway, I got dressed up yesterday and wanted to just go to the mall and buy one measly item… in the day time. Well, I finally worked up the courage to leave my apartment, but when I got to the mall parking lot, I just couldn’t go in. I wanted to so bad. I would have if I had a friend with me though.
What I think is my issue is that I don’t know how to handle the attention, whether good or bad. I also feel like I’m overdone to blend in. I wouldn’t mind being hit on, I even had two compliments during my first time out at the LGBTQ club. I don’t know, I just don’t know if the people looking at me can tell that I’m a guy, an ugly girl, or if I’m hot stuff. My profile picture is what I wore yesterday to the mall.
Any advice would be tremendously appreciated!
Hi Olivia,
Your fear is something every one of us has had to face, sometime. Once you take the plunge for the first time, each future outing will become easier than the last..but the first one is a biggie. “Passing” involves more than clothes and makeup, so the odds of someone clocking you are high. So what? Looks can’t harm you, and comments can be ignored. Just be sure you are in a safe environment. Walmart is probably a good place, or even a mall; and you don’t have to stay very long; just enough to get your feet wet, so to speak. You CAN do it.Olivia, you’re certainly on your way, start building that encouragment and discover that new world ahead. We are blessed in having many wonderful ladies here always willing to help in every way. From their advice and tips to better understand more of who you are and support that is second to none. With acceptance for all that passes I know you’ll be happy to be part of a community that really cares for all. It’s wonderful that you have your wife’s support as it makes one journey so much fulfilling. The best to you both and it’s very nice meeting you. Welcome. ..
Stephanie 🌹
I tend to second Bettylou. I’ve recently made my first few forays out to a mall on my own, I know the feeling of fear you describe. The first time I too, sat in my car, and thought that I must be crazy or something to be doing this! I did however get out, held my head up and calmly walked into the mall.
I wandered around, but didn’t have the courage to go into any women’s stores to look, and maybe try on some clothes, but I got comfortable enough just window shopping as it were.
Had a few interactions, but they were small, and all went well. I’m pretty sure that I was “made” when I was ordering coffee and a snack by my voice. But all was well.
Amy
Welcome Olivia!
I think you look great! A more modest set of breast forms would go a long way for passabilty, but otherwise you appear striking but not too out of place. If you are untethered I would recommend taking this as far as you feel, you have what it takes!
Hearts and rainbows,
Aoife
Aoife, thank you! What do you mean by “untethered”? Also, I love my breasts! Lol. But yes, I do feel like they contribute to me getting attention.
Don’t worry about passing, and don’t worry about what others think!
Enjoy yourself, and try to steer clear of trouble makers.
You’re doing nothing wrong but there are some who might want to take issue.
If they do, treat them nicely, don’t rise to the bait!
Even if you don’t think you’re passable, do the best job you can on the makeup. It’ll make you feel good, and really, most people won’t even take a second glance.
Love Laura
Just zoomed in on your picture – you’ll be fine!
If it was me, I’d choose a nice A line skirt to enhance the figure!
Love Laura
You look beautiful… go for it girl..😘
Thanks hun! 😘😘
Additional thought
My main driver for going out is that I know I will feel so disappointed with myself if I don’t.
See if that works as a spur.
It’s happened to me a few times – instead of just getting on with the shopping, walking or whatever, I stop to think about it and spook myself. I have turned back a few times, and each time was both mad with myself and almost in tears.
That feeling kept coming back, so I just thought “Sod this – this is not fun, or conducive to a happy life”.
Next opportunity, I didn’t give myself time to think about it, I just went for it – and in that situation, the adrenaline kicks in, and, if you just trust yourself, because you’re happy and enjoying yourself, you’re likely to make good decisions, engage in positive conversation, and give yourself happy memories that will last forever…. well… until the next time you go out!
Relax, hold your head up, shoulders back, smile, feel the open air on your clothing and skin, feel alive, be alive!
Love Laura
Yes, I am tired of being disappointed when I back out. I’ll get the courage soon! I love dressing up, and I think I would love going out too!! ❤😍
That feeling of nervousness appears every time – it’s the adrenaline.
I had some free time today, so Laura was in the house!
Just some basic makeup, but since it’s been over 6 weeks since I last dressed, I whooped aloud when I saw the results.
I immediately went for a walk across the fields, pausing slightly before going onto the footpath by a busy road – only 5 minutes to the fields, but I would be seen by traffic…
Hoping my green Parka coat with furry hood would provide a kind of camouflage – most ladies around here wear them – I took a deep breath and walked.
I was glad I did – I felt energised, and every step of the walk was like affirmation that Laura not only deserves a little outing, but I needed it too!
After tidying up and feeling virtuous and hungry, I swapped the Parka for a new, furry collared beige coat, the wellies for pink trainers, and set off for a nearby town for lunch.
I popped my nude court heels on the seat, and a nude Dune handbag for keys and debit card.
When I got to the car park, I sat with the engine running, and almost drove off again! The nerves kicked in.
I checked my makeup – still looked nice – made sure all the buttons on my brown, leaf-pattern autumnal dress were done up, swapped trainers for heels, switched the car off and went.
The car park leads directly to shops, so I went into Marks and Spencer’s, pausing to admire the lovely shoes, and feeling a little disappointed that they only had up to size 8.
I was aware of looking around to see if anyone was staring or clocking me, so stopped myself, and admired a nice skirt instead.
No-one offered to help, and I was hungry, so I went to a coffee shop and got a sandwich and coffee, which I enjoyed peacefully.
I’d set a limit of 3:30 so I could get changed and remove the makeup before collecting the children.
Mission accomplished, I set about making sure I’d put everything away, including the makeup, shoes and handbag and changed, tidying a little more as I went.
Unfortunately I lost track of time slightly, so had to zoom off.
After chatting to my eldest son’s best friend’s mother for 10 minutes while they played, I suddenly realised that I’d forgotten to take my makeup off…
Nothing had been said by anyone…
Ooops!
Back in drab with the kids now, but I have a few nice little Laura memories to jolly myself along now!
I have long ago given up caring if anyone outs me, but I really didn’t intend for such a big giveaway… should be interesting!
Love Laura
Yeah, let me know how it goes!
Hi olivia
taking that first step is always the hardest one. I remember my first time and you always think, will I fit in, do I look good. My best advice is to believe in yourself and not to worry about others. In reality most people are so preoccupied with their own life they don’t care or notice. The most important aspect is that you are happy with who you are.
become that confident woman that you really want to be.
best of luck
Rachael
For me I found going out for the first few times was very stressful and incredibly exciting. The first time I wore a just above the knee denim skirt, front closure bra, cami and white button down blouse. I did have on pantyhose and ballet slippers. I had on simple makeup and a short wig. I didn’t want to look over dressed or out of place from the usual women walking around. I enjoyed my stroll through the mall and no one really gave me a second glance. I did practice walking as much like a women with some hip sway. I did have butt and hip forms to give me some curves. I had on small breast forms to not attract attention. I have light colored eyebrows and not very thick which I think helped my look. I wore a couple of dangly earth tone bracelets and clip on earrings.
I think going out the first time in a public arena type place, stores, malls etc dressing conservative is the way to go. Going out to a bar then spice it up! I would love to be a slim as you because clothe selection is so much greater.
Carla
Thanks for the reply! Dressing conservatively makes sense and I can see how that can help at first. My breasts are big, which I’m sure attracts attention. But I love my breasts. Lol. I guess I can tone it down a little! Lol
Lol! Thanks hun! ❤
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