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It has been a while since I have seen this topic discussed, and Friday I encountered a situation at a Goodwill thrift store.
Early Friday I had driven clear across Atlanta for an appointment with a wig consultant, and on the return drive home I decided to visit a few Goodwill stores which I had never been in before. I was cross dressed, necessary to get the full effect for determining which wigs looked best for me.
While I was in one GW store, looking at dresses, I observed a male, en drab, in his 60s, also looking at dresses. In fact, he was examining them very closely, as if to see how they suited his fancy, meaning how they would look on him.
(Side Note: All Goodwill store dressing rooms remain closed in the Atlanta area, but clothing is returnable for store credit for 7-days.)
I have run into this same situation before, and my own policy is to essentially mind my own business, although I have raised the topic at support meetings, and a few girls say it would be ok to make a gentle approach and say hello or something similar. Of course, if the gentleman did ask my opinion on the dress, I would gladly give it to him and maybe see where the conversation went from there. BTW, I am NOT inferring a “hook up” by any means! What I am saying is should one CD help another CD out with clothing selections, if the conditions are acceptable? Should I have volunteered my assistance?
Oh, so what did happen last Friday? He glanced once briefly over at me, continued looking at dresses, then walked away.
I would have welcomed the help and introduction.
I have been in a Goodwill store a few times looking. I did buy my winter coat there. But I felt like I stood out looking in the women’s section. I was in male clothes BTW. And in my 60’S. Having a CD en femme along would have taken the pressure off for sure. Let people think we are shopping together and things are for her. Know what I mean? I’m still very new to doing things in public. Every step in this journey causes anxiety. And I know each time will build my confidence. Still, it’s those firsts that get the heart pounding in my ears.
And I would have welcomed someone telling me about a local support group. Not to mention info on CDH.
So yeah, go for it.
I had the same thing happen to me while shoe shopping but other way around. A fully dressed crossdresser came in while I was looking at heels and I noticed her trying on shoes and as I walked by I said hello. She then returned my hello and continued shopping. I had checked out before her and was at my car now when she came out. I thought to myself I have to say something to her so I walked over as she was getting to her car and asked if she got any good deals . She was very shy at first to answer but then I told her I was a crossdresser as well and loved her outfit. After that she opened up and we talked about wigs and beard cover and things. Then we both went on our separate ways.
As the saying goes, It took a very brave person to be the first to eat a (fill in the blank with whatever exotic now foodstuff). It also takes courage to cross that gulf that separates two people who individually would like to but are afraid of embarrassing the other,,,or themselves, neither of which is a desired outcome.
Maybe, seeing someone in a situation like you were in, if you were close enough, perhaps a conversation starter is something like, upon noticing the item AND thinking it does look attractive, glancing over and saying, “Oh, that looks very attractive, is it for someone special?” That allows all sorts of potentially positive responses without giving much away.
That other person whom you encountered could still walk away without saying anything, which is no different than what happened, or say something like “No, just looking” or say something like a “yes” without acknowledging much of anything, but it could allow for a conversation opener.
And of course that last thing any of us would want to do is embarrass a potential lonely traveler on the same road from being able to share with those more than sympathetic to their inner own doubts.
What to do? A tough question, for sure.
Hugs, ChloëC
Peggy I had an experience on the other end last week. I was working at my Torrid job on Sunday when a customer came in who was looking at the dresses and asked a few questions. I was 90% sure she was a crossdresser. She was a little over 6 ft, large shoulders and facial features that looked male/ish?? to me. I didn’t want to ask her if she was trans/cd. If she was maybe she would not want to be outed, if she were a GG she would be very offended and I may have lost my job.
. Cassie
As those who have been kind enough to thank my past posts likely know, I don’t go out full femme as per my SO’s concerns but I do love getting compliments on my “is she or isn’t he” outfits. I’ve gotten them this week from female staff at the aquatic center and my local cannabis store.
But if I were _shopping_ live and in person for fully femme bits I think I’d be put off unless I asked first (which I just might, knowing me). So, I agree with Meghan, wait to be asked, let a sister stay in her comfort zone.
Tough call, fer sure.
It’s funny this subject has come up just now, as there is an individual I keep seeing when I go out for a coffee. I always tend to sit in the same place overlooking the main street, and occasionally a tall individual strides down the street in quite bold clothes (usually a bright jacket and short denim skirt) who I am convinced must be a CD. Even as I write this, I know it sounds incredibly judgmental, but I think we all have a sense of knowing if someone is dressing or not – whether it’s the style of clothes, physical appearance or gait.
Whoever they are, they appear incredibly confident, and it often makes me feel somewhat ashamed that I am not out doing the same thing. The interesting thing is that I never see anyone else ever reacting – whether they are thinking what I’m thinking is, of course, a different matter.
Katie
I had one uncomfortable experience while shopping at a GW for a pair of lady jeans. I tired on 2 pairs of size 16 that didn’t fit. I returned them and was looking at the size 18’s when I saw a guy staring me down across the store. He knew what I was shopping for and made me very uncomfortable with his glaring stare down! I lost my courage and quickly put away the jeans and left. I hope to make it back soon.
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