You've Never Been Caught - Would It Have Been Better If You Had?

Dilemma

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  • #677327
    Holly Marie
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    Registered On: August 8, 2022
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    I’ve kept my crossdressing pretty much a secret and have never actually been caught, but I’ve started wondering about that…  I started dressing when I was very young; I was close to being caught a couple of times, but how would things have been different if I had been?  My immediate family would have definitely found out; would they have treated me any differently – and if they had, would it have been better?  If I’d already been “outed” I probably would have shared my secret with my (very few) girlfriends; I’m sure my wife would have been fine with it, but I’m not going to tell her now after being married such a long time.  Has keeping my secret made me stronger – or would coming out to the world and facing whatever comments were coming my way have been the better choice?  Lemme know what you reckon…  Holly XXX

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    • #679830
      Sarah Cerise
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      Registered On: September 25, 2022
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      Hello Holly
      I was just reading what Holly Morris wrote which has prompted me to respond, You really have to know your partner their thoughts and how they react to circumstance. Its a different perspective for each of us, I have been in the closet now 50 years+. I know from my perspective coming out would end badly, in her words she doesn’t like crossdressers drag queens or men in womens clothes so she will never know. We are very happily married and she definitely doesn’t any idea basically because I have very discreet and very careful, she is happy I am happy stay happy.
      Love Sarah xx

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      • #680007
        Holly Marie
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        Thanks, Sarah; sounds like we are pretty much in the same situation!  There’s no way I’m taking a risk on telling her; I still can’t decide whether it would have been better if I’d been caught all those years ago though… I suppose we’ll never know…  Love you:  Holly XXX

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    • #678485
      Erica Love
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      Registered On: September 2, 2022
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      Hi Holly,

      I’m sure we think we are clever and try to hide the truth, however, most women that I have known in my life have a sixth sense… I think it’s called women’s intuition. If you’ve been married for such a long time, I’m sure to some degree your spouse knows or has a suspicion that there is something different about you and maybe she’s just waiting for you to fess up. JMHO

      xoxo

      Erica❤️

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      • #678558
        Holly Marie
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        Thanks, Erica; I’m very uncertain, but I’ve always got a sneaking suspicion that you may be right – does she know?  Surely she must?  If not, why not?  I’m almost certain that K would be fine with it – but also that she really wouldn’t be bothered if I never owned up.  She may love making me feel uncomfortable, but only on minor subjects – for something of this magnitude, she wouldn’t ever be cruel enough to try and put me through the wringer, hence I’m sure that I’ll never get a definitive steer from her… but will also never be positive!  A minor – but quite delicious – torture!  Love you:  Holly XXX

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    • #678350
      Morriah Wexton
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      Registered On: June 27, 2022
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      I started wearing my sister’s panties at a very early age – still in grade school.  I come from a large family and it was only a matter of time before I got caught.  The only thing was I didn’t know that I got caught.  I was never confronted about it until my senior year of high school when my mom did.  She didn’t condemn me for it but I was left with a bad feeling of shame and regret.  It didn’t stop me at all though.  I can’t really say if it was better to have been caught but all I can say is that it took me a whole lot longer to accept who I was and that I was not going to give it up.  Self- acceptance took a very, very long time because who was I going to talk to about it?  I didn’t have anybody.  That’s why I think this place is important to us all.

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

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    • #678344
      Genivieve Bujold
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      Registered On: April 13, 2017
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      Holly, I will comment on your thinking that since you haven’t told your wife and you have been married for a time, that you might not tell her. A personal experience if I may. I chose to tell my wife after ten years of marriage and children in the mix. I did so to be honest, not wanting to hide things. End result, I hurt her and she didn’t deserve that. Now, I wish I had never told her. Yes the risk of being caught remains but it is a chance. Telling my wife was a certain hurt. The time to tell someone is “before” marrying. At least that way the prospective spouse has the option to say yes or no with full disclosure.

      • #678480
        Kristen Smithly
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        Registered On: September 25, 2020
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        I am on my third and final marriage, if this one doesn’t work out, I’m done. I have told all three of my wives before marriage. The first didn’t really care about my dressing one way or another, until after we divorced and I came after (and got) my 2 kids because of her life choices. She became very vindictive at that point and tried to use my dressing against me. I had her arrested and charged for failure to pay support and legal fees, she didn’t serve any tine but was placed on house arrest. She OD’d and died owing me close to $400K. I didn’t need the $, but it would have helped out the kids in their lives. The second wife enjoyed my dressing and had fun buying me clothing and make-up, and we enjoyed it in our sex life too. Then she found religion and decided I was full of sin and depravity and decided she couldn’t trust me, afraid I was bisexual, I am but that has nothing to do with my dressing, which I started doing around 4 yrs of age. Strange, her affairs with other women was okay, though… Third wife is grudgingly accepting of it, though she’s not too keen. The thing is, the first two never said it was because I hadn’t told them. They deserved to know what, and who, they were getting. Honesty in marriage is as important as communication, As far as crossdressing goes, I’d tell any future bride, and let them decide.

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      • #678478
        Holly Marie
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        Genivieve; I could not agree more with you.  I find myself wishing that I’d told her before we got married, but that’s now in the (distant) past; for me at least, a chance is better than a certainty.  It’s very interesting that so many of the other ladies seem to feel that making a clean breast of it at any time is a better bet – it’s this open exchange of feelings and opinions that makes CDH such a great site to belong to!  Holly XXX

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    • #678340
      melissa la quinta
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      Registered On: September 29, 2016
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      Hi Holly: I think you might be making a mistake by not telling your wife about the feminine side of you, and accepting the consequences of getting caught. I think the post by Holly Morris is an excellent synthesis of the consequences of getting caught, as opposed to coming out with your secret, if when you’ve been married for many years. Good luck regardless of which direction you take on this.

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      • #678479
        Holly Marie
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        Hiya, Melissa:  I’m hoping that the other Holly is also reading this note, as she does make an excellent analysis of the situation, at least based on her own experience.  What I would point out, however, is that my family crest is a chicken on a yellow background.  Yup, I’m a total coward and I always go by the principle of “Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid completely.”  Mind; if I’d been “outed” in my early twenties, the trauma would now be so far in the past as to have stopped hurting me…  On balance, I think I’m better off not having been discovered… but it’s a close run thing, hence my asking the question!  Love you:  Holly XXX

    • #678100
      Holly Morris
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      Registered On: April 15, 2022
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      Hi Holly.

      As you’ve heard from so many other ladies here, no, it is not better to be caught. It’s better to come out to your wife, even if you’ve kept your secret for decades (and yes, I speak from experience). No matter how hard you try, if you hide your crossdressing from her, you will be caught, at some point and in some way, most likely when you are least expecting it, which then puts you immediately on the defensive. However, if you proactively tell her, you’re now being open, honest, and yes, even vulnerable with her, which she will (probably, hopefully) appreciate.

      Let’s face it, regardless of when, where and how you tell your wife that you’re a crossdresser, it’s going to be a difficult, probably emotional, maybe painful discussion. Especially when you’ve been married a long time and you’re just now telling her. That’s because a successful marriage is built on the foundation of trust, and you’re now telling her something that she would probably liked to have known about at the beginning of your relationship. In her eyes, you’ve broken trust and faith with her, so you may have to start over and rebuild all of that (and again, yes, I speak from experience).In essence, she may feel like you’re cheating on her with another woman (you, the woman you want to be), since you’ve hidden all this from her and have never told her about this part of you.

      The other thing too is that she won’t understand it. You’re a man, but you want to dress as a woman? You may even want to go out in public to be seen and treated as a woman? Why? And as hard as it is for us to try and understand why we are this way, it makes even less sense to a woman, especially our wives. Why would you want to feminize yourself? Wear lingerie, makeup, dresses and heels? Isn’t being a man enough? Don’t you like being a man? And…, and this is where it may get tricky…, don’t you like being with your wife? Is she not enough woman for you, so that you have to try and find another woman (yourself)? I’m mentioning this to you because she may think you’re competing with her for her man, and in a sense you are, because you’re taking away her husband and replacing that man with another “woman”.

      You need to understand that telling her that you’re a crossdresser will not be easy, and the discussion you’ll have with her also will not be easy, but from my perspective you should do it. Tell her. You know how you feel right now, hiding this part of you from her. If you’re like me, every time you dress and have to hide it, you enjoy everything except for the fact that you’re not honest with your wife. That thought is always there, always in the back of your mind. Sure, you can hide it from yourself and ignore it, but it’s still there and it makes you feel bad about yourself and how you’re hiding your crossdressing from your wife, the one woman in the entire world that you have chosen to spend your life with. And that one thing has the potential for causing ever greater problems in your marriage.

      From one Holly to another, I’m here for you. I’ve gone through this exact situation in my life, and I can tell you that after I told my wife, and after we got through all of the trauma (yes, trauma, as it’s likely this will be very traumatic for your wife to learn about you, and you’ll be traumatized when you see how this affects her), the ups and downs, the tears (there was a lot of crying on both of our parts), the fears (she may wonder what’s wrong with her, she may wonder if you’re gay, or if you’re transsexual, if you want to go out with men, if you want to have surgery to become a woman, if you want to live fulltime as a woman, if you want to move out, etc.), and everything else, we came out of it actually much stronger than before. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. But first you have to tell her. Then there will be lots and lots and lots of discussions, lots of emotions, tears, and everything else I mentioned.

      And one other thing too. Depending on your relationship with your wife, you may want/need to see a counselor or priest to help work through this. Someone who is trained in family relations and dynamics and can help you work through this together. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a non-biased third party helping to guide the discussions.

      So anyway Holly, as I said, I’m here for you. PM/email me if you’d like to talk further. I know your fears as I’ve been there myself, so I have a little experience in this area. I hope and pray that whatever decision you make, it is the right one for you and your wife.

      Hugs,

      Holly

    • #677880
      Ginger Tarynn Green
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      Registered On: June 16, 2021
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      Let me tell you it is better to confess to your SO rather than get caught.   I was caught by my wife and she started out trying to accept my dressing.   As time went on that acceptance turned into resentment.  She looks at my getting caught as a betrayal of her trust.   I am extremely guilty of the worst way of being caught.   She found two of my bras. When confronted I said I did. It know where they came from.  Wrong answer.   About three months later she found the remainder of my bras in another place and I knew it was time to come clean.   Boy do I wish I would have done that way sooner.    Now I am living with the constant guilt tripping that comes along with a late confession.   So no you should not get caught by your SO.   Just go ahead and tell her all about your dressing and hope for the best without betraying her.   It is the safest bet in my opinion.
      Hugzzz Ginger.

      • #677940
        Ginger Snap
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        Registered On: March 9, 2022
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        Ginger

        So true. After spilling beans of dressing, there’s  always wondering from SO even if supportive. When ever I’m on CDH, usually while wife showering or on phone so as not to take away our time, she questions my why do I need to be on site. But I’m always honest with her. She knows about most of my discussions

        Hugs Ginger

    • #677794
      Rhonda Lee
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      Registered On: September 29, 2021
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      I have demographics on nearly 200 CDs and lots of experience on this. Only 25% of spouses fall into the non-accepting category. 25% are supportive, and the rest are tolerant. So odds are, you fare better to be upfront. Getting caught is NOT smart, and saying something as soon as possible IS. I myself was NOT smart, and my wife was in the 25% non-accepting category, so I lost my marriage, something I have not overcome and likely never will. I lost the respect of many friends and relatives also. An ex- is not apt to paint a positive picture to others. I am totally ostracized by most. I at least had the chance to speak individually to each of my 4 children, who accepted to various degrees, as they had been led to believe I was a child molester or worse, so the truth was freeing for them. I now even give lectures on crossdressing in a daughter’s psychology class and she has taken up the cause of supporting gender issues. My son, who I raised with very rigid Christian ideas, surprised me by easily accepting me, understanding that there is nothing immoral about it. But spouses have disagreed, so family harmony is still tough.

      Know the odds if you take the risk. Whatever they are, you can lose or win big. It is a gamble. And even if one relative is accepting, it is unlikely all will be, so there will generally be negative fallout that strain family relationships.

      I would never advise anyone to volunteer without knowing what they are risking. But I now freely out myself if there is any chance a relationship might get serious and have found that most women are accepting… even supportive nowadays, and that is very important in a marriage. Those who are not won’t make a good partner for me, because I refuse to live in the closet, where I cannot express a critical part of who I am. An issue soon to be faced is whether I can express my feminine side if in assisted living. I’d love to hear from others on that issue.

      Acceptance does not reach the level of romantic attraction, for most, so there is still compromise needed, even in supportive relationships. Boundaries need to be negotiated and honored… nearly always achievable if partners love each other. Gender expression is seldom a deal-breaker. Gender identity usually is. Know the difference.

      Being able to express both our feminine and masculine sides is a HUGE plus. I have learned boldness, empathy, confidence, greater fulfillment in life, and many traits I never before recognized as being part of my true nature, because I have been willing to explore not just who I SHOULD be according to society mores, but who I truly AM. We are all a mixture and should be unafraid to explore all aspects of our selves. In that respect, crossdressing is a huge blessing, to be explored by all in my opinion. It is important to know we need not sacrifice our male or female identity because of the manner in which we feel comfortable expressing, and there is nothing immoral about exploring and experiencing all aspects of our being or reason to condemn anyone who differs.

      • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Rhonda Lee.
      • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Rhonda Lee.
      • #678335
        Ginger Snap
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        Rhonda

        Excellent and well explained. Everything you said was spot on. Maybe not understood by general population,  but exactly the way we live and survive.

        Luv Hugs Ginger

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    • #677772
      Zenn
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      Registered On: April 4, 2022
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      I am a late bloomer, started with nail polish on my toes in 2017 with my wife’s approval, little did either of us know where it would lead. Now I dress every day, go out in public, have told my sister and friends. I don’t think I could keep a secret life like most do here, just not in my makeup. Not to say there haven’t been a few fights about how far to go, how much I spend and did I really need those earrings. Also been butterflies and turmoil when out and about, especially traveling through some of the states we have been through.

      As far a getting caught only one instance was in Walmart doing the weekly shopping a guy stopped me, had not seen him in 10-12 years, we talked for 20 minutes, toward the end he asked how I am, “fine” I said, he said “I guess you are, you have been smiling the whole time”.

      The only negative time was again at Walmart, waiting in the checkout line, couple behind me, the lady is having a “fit” about me, her husband was looking apologetic.

      Zenn

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    • #677731
      Helena Field
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      Registered On: February 14, 2022
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      Hi Holly
      I voted no.Secret crossdresser and for my wife’s health I would like to keep it that way.
      I don’t have wig or make up and spend most of the day underdressed.
      Nearly got caught when my wife found panties in the shed but told her not mine and nothing else was said.So I think it is still a secret.
      Love
      Helena

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    • #677706
      Wendy Swift
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      Registered On: May 11, 2020
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      I’ve never been caught dressed.  Had a few close calls tho.  However, back in the day I was also dabbling in zentais, and I did get caught wearing it.   My wife came home early from class that evening and she saw me in the zentai zipping by her in panic making a bee line for the basement.

      She asked me numerous questions like “what was that black thing you were wearing” and “what were you doing ?”.  I was incredibly embarrassed and I eventually came clean.

      My wife is awesome and very understanding plus supportive.  However, I have a strong gut feeling that if she caught me fully transformed as Wendy, it would be a serious wtf moment for her.  Yeah everything will be out on the table, but the discussion would be downright awkward.

      I know one of her questions would be “why didn’t you tell me this earlier ?” and she would be very resentful that I kept that a secret from her.  So I was very lucky that I never get caught dressed, as I know if I did get caught I would have been divorced already.

      I did eventually tell her about Wendy, and she was cool with it.  Now, instead of dressing and being paranoid at the smallest of sounds, I can dress in front of her and be totally relaxed.

       

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    • #677650
      Michelle McQueen
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      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      Getting caught is probably the biggest fear CD’s have. It can go terribly wrong upsetting and branding us for life among our family and friends or if we’re really lucky go great with acceptance and support… good luck. Its a huge gamble most aren’t willing to take. The chances of it going well today is many times better than it was just twenty, thirty, years ago. When I was young it was dangerous to be outed and my life would certainly have been much different.

      I had been dressing since a very young age but never actually got caught, some close calls but never really caught, then in my second year of marriage the wife found one of my bras. She thought I was having an affair with some big boobed woman until I convinced her it was mine and I was a cross dresser. We went to therapy where I lied my ass off and claimed I was “cured” then took dressing deep in the closet for the next 30+ years and was never caught again. I was good at hiding even purging at times so as not to be caught but the clothes buying never stopped for long.

      About 5 or 6 years ago I couldn’t hide it any longer so I came out to the wife. She was pissed and we had many long tearful conversations until she said she accepted this about me. I was so happy that at last someone knew my secret and I didn’t have to hide from the wife anymore. She didn’t want to see me dressed but at least I knew she knew. The cat was out of the bag!

      After about six months or so she back tracked and blew up on me one night doing her best to humiliate me which worked like only a close spouse can do pushing all the buttons. She said she would never have married me if she had known my secret before. I got so depressed to the point of suicide, so instead, I purged everything I had and swore to stop… but we know how that goes don’t we girls?

      I began collecting clothes again in secret then decided I wasn’t going back in the closet so easily and we had another big blow up… Michelle was here to stay regardless of the outcome… I felt that strong about it. She threatened blackmail but I didn’t care at this point. Eventually after months she began to accept me in small steps and as far as I know she didn’t tell anyone, well, maybe her sister who never liked me anyway… idk… but today we live with a balance we both can work with and its no big deal anymore. It works for us.

    • #677623
      Lanna Barton
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      Registered On: May 25, 2017
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      That’s how my SO found out. Came home early from work one day and there I was

    • #677603
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness
      Registered On: August 27, 2017
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      I was caught at various times in my life. 1/, In my early teens by some relatives who came to check on me when my folks were away at our holiday house for the weekend. At that time I was “right into” my Mum’s stuff, (including having my “thing” about strapless bras.. I cut the straps off one of hers… Dont hink she was impressed, but never said anything)… I got the big lecture from my Dad…

      2/. I told my ex not long after we were married, she hasted it all with a passion. When my girls got to teenage years, I left a bra where I should not have and the “boss covered for me’ by saying it was one of hers. (Tho I dont think I ever saw her in a black bra the whole 20 odd years we were married…)

      Some years back my new and darling partner found some jewellery I’d left laying around and since then a photo or two. In summary, “she knows but does not want to know”.

      3/. I was in full Caty mode at a self contained apartment place where I am a regular  . Could not get the car park roller door to function, so I had to get the receptionist to come out and do it for me…

      Never batted an eyelid…

      No matter how much we try we’ will all get caught at some stage.

       

      Caty.

       

       

    • #677602
      Paula Johnson
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      Registered On: April 16, 2022
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      Is it better to be caught?, oh hell no.!
      It’s way better to at least hint with your SO and judge the reaction than to hide and deceive and think that getting caught would have a better outcome.

      My mom found my stash when I was 16 of   Weekday labeled panties, bra and my water ballon breasts. She was cool about it but the embarrassment made me hide for years.
      My X found my hiding on of her bras along with my water balloon boobs and it wasn’t the worst things in the world but it was still very embarrassing and made for more hiding.
      I’ve been with my current wife for twenty years. In the last few years the desire to dress again. I started making a stash again and then one night I got the balls to just come out and and tell my wife about my wanting to dress and the history of my dressing since my teenage years.

      She asked if I was gay and I was seeking a relationship with anyone else and I said no and I mean NO.

      She has been a rock in my life before and after I came out. She is a thrift store mega  shopper and has loaded me up on all kinds of clothing and nail polish. When she was taking off on a weeklong trip recently she asked what I’m going to do while she was gone and I told her I was going to dress every day when I get home from work.
      I came home from work the first day she was gone and she had a new bra for me laid out on the bed.

      I can not think that coming out and being honest from the start was not the best approach.   Just my 2C.

      Paula

    • #677600
      Lara Tucker
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      Registered On: September 29, 2021
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      I voted no.

      I didn’t have these feelings until a few years ago. I am another late bloomer. I have not told my wife yet. I was confused, and unsure about these feelings for a little while. I was almost caught once, and I know that it’s only a matter of time before I will get caught. I also know that these feelings are not going away, and I really enjoy them, so I’m just waiting for a convenient moment in the near future to come out to my wife.
      I think getting caught will show a betrayal of trust, and make it nearly impossible to explain things on my terms.

      💕Lara

       

    • #677597
      Cece X
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      Registered On: April 8, 2020
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      Thanks for asking this very interesting question, Holly. I have not been caught, but I dress fully only at home and I live alone. No one ever knocks on my door unexpectedly, so my neighbors have not seen me dressed yet. I suppose someone will be surprised one day when I open the door.

      I spoke about my crossdressing with my new girlfriend, who does not live with me. So far, she has seen me only in panties and so has not yet experienced me fully dressed. I will be working in more femme wear gradually for our nights together. I expect to wear a bra under my shirt and sweater when the cooler fall weather arrives. Stockings and garter belts later, and so on, until the big reveal.

      I have gone out wearing a padded bra under a baggy shirt. Sometimes people stare for a moment but probably are not sure what is going on there, especially since the rest of my visible attire is masculine. A few months ago I visited my brother dressed like this. I thought he noticed that something was a bit odd, but he did not mention anything.

      I have told most of my closest friends that I sometimes crossdress, but not in any great detail since they are not really interested. I really do not feel like I need to announce or explain my crossdressing to the whole world, however. If I barely understand why I crossdress, I do not expect anyone else will understand it any better. Maybe simply getting “caught” would be more convenient.

      • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Cece X.
    • #677420
      ChloeC
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      Registered On: November 5, 2019
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      Is it better to be caught? Well, in my experience, the answer is probably No.  I have been ‘caught’ (3 times that I can recall), but all it did was encourage me to get better at hiding my desires…which I did.

      So, okay, confession time. My mother ‘caught’ me with an item of hers in my bedroom when I was a teen. She didn’t tell my stepfather (who would have beat me!), but in those days, any deviation from expected male behavior mostly classified one as gay (there are a lot of other less friendly words used back then.) She only admonished me that being gay was not the best lifestyle to attain to. I didn’t tell her what was really going on until a few years ago before she died.  (I don’t think she fully understood me then either, but, well, I tried.)

      A friend also ‘caught’ me, coming upon a less obvious piece of clothing in my room, and I just joked it away, and not much changed, but I became a lot more intent on making sure I wasn’t found out.

      The last time (leading up to 2000), was because I was lazy…and didn’t think through 2 possible problems. I was traveling a lot for the Y2K issues and I had been at an out of state office for two days, working mostly with women rather than men that I usually did.  We got along great. They offered to take me to the airport on my last morning and I agreed. I was using one of those garment suitcase pieces of luggage that folded over and latched at the bottom, rather than a standard suitcase. It had outside large zippered pockets for things like socks etc. which caused the pockets to be upside down when the luggage was being carried. I had some items in one and did not zipper it fully as I was rushed to meet them as they came a little early. Some, ahem, items fell out right as I was getting in the car. I was quick to retrieve and get things squared away, but I suspect they wondered, at least, but nothing was said. I was leaving, my job was done, programs were working correctly so no harm, no foul.

      I finally learned my lesson. Take my time, think it all through, prepare for possibilities.

      My spouse knows and only once or at most twice in our 44 years has she admonished me to be a little more careful with things.

      ChloëC

      • This reply was modified 1 week ago by ChloeC.
      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #677417
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 59
      Replies: 1026
      Has thanked: 2410 times
      Been thanked: 4712 times

      As has already been said it is not a matter of if but when you will get caught. I got caught by my X. the first thing she did was to tell our 3 grown kids then threatened to tell my 4 4 brothers. I know this sounds mean and hateful but for me this has worked to bring Cassie out to many people. To date I told all my brothers, been out shopping many times, gone to physical therapy, gone to Church, and my 50th class reunion –all as Cassie.

      NEVER would I have had the courage to do ANY of this without the threat (push) from my X and all the wonderful stories from the girls here at CDH.

      . Cassie

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #678230
        Pattie Obarito
        Lady
        Registered On: December 25, 2019
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 60
        Has thanked: 0 times
        Been thanked: 214 times

        44 brothers?   Your poor mother….

         

        (yes i know it is a typo)

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #678271
          Cassie Jayson
          Duchess
          Registered On: September 29, 2019
          Topics: 59
          Replies: 1026
          Has thanked: 2410 times
          Been thanked: 4712 times

          whoops

        • #678266
          Holly Marie
          Lady
          Registered On: August 8, 2022
          Topics: 3
          Replies: 66
          Has thanked: 68 times
          Been thanked: 245 times

          Typo?  42 of them could have been adopted……  (Aaaahhh… 42 – the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe and Everything… including brothers!)  Holly XXX

    • #677400
      Janice Goode
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 35
      Has thanked: 175 times
      Been thanked: 135 times

      I was caught by my sister around 21 and it turned into a blessing because she ended up being really supportive. It was also such a weight of my chest to have someone I knew know about Janice at the time.

    • #677398
      ANDREA RAVEN
      Lady
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 365
      Has thanked: 57 times
      Been thanked: 927 times

      Hi Holly

      I was caught a couple of times when I was very young. But later in life with a partner and two offspring and not crossdressing for many years the urge returned To cut a very long story short, I was caught, in full flow, dress, tights (panty hose) heels, wig makeup everything. It was the most frightening thing in my life. My heart rate did not slow down for three days. Believe me this is not the way to tell your partner! Several years on it is still not something we can talk about.  Don’t ever get caught, own up, it’s hard but believe me getting caught is one of the hardest things in life you will ever have to go through……………….xx

    • #677394
      Michelle Brown
      Registered On: August 23, 2015
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 239
      Has thanked: 5733 times
      Been thanked: 968 times

      There have been times I wish I had been caught.My life would have been easier.But first,a little time travel.I started with Moms clothes,way back in the sixties.When,according to Mom and Dad,there were men and women and thats it.I dropped some hints and recieved very negative answers.But to their credit,this is how they were raised as children.Now to the present time,I dress when I want to ,Both Mom and Dad have passed ,and time goes on.My sister knows of Michelle and loves it.So now I an one very happy part time lady and loving it. Hugs Michelle.

    • #677393
      Fiona Black
      Lady
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 189
      Has thanked: 88 times
      Been thanked: 708 times

      I’ve never been caught. Since I started dressing fully and going out in public en femme, I have told a handful of people I know about Fiona and have met some new people with whom I was open about Fiona and the reception from all of them has been very accepting & positive.  I am glad I handled it like I did because it has made me much more comfortable in being the real me.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #677382
      Paula Here
      Lady
      Registered On: April 13, 2020
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 194
      Has thanked: 889 times
      Been thanked: 1236 times

      I was caught. It would have been better if i came out. The weeks and months that followed were terifying not knowing if i was loosing my family or not.

      Paula

    • #677376
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 893
      Has thanked: 9 times
      Been thanked: 2467 times

      If you are caught, it will be virtually impossible to tell your story, your way.

      Rachel Maddox said:

      The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you’ve just told them.”

      By doing that, you just deflated some of the BS that might be directed at you…

    • #677374
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 926
      Has thanked: 826 times
      Been thanked: 4412 times

      I voted no.

      I often tell girls the question isn’t IF you’ll be caught, it’s WHEN.  Even the most meticulously closeted CD’s eventually slip up.  When they do they immediately lose the narrative and are now on the defensive.  That’s not a good place to be if you’re married.  I know a thing or two about that.

      Regardless of circumstances, far better outcomes are possible if you come out on your terms.  Yes, that can be a terrifying and difficult process.  It’s still better than your partner’s wrath when you get caught.

      If you are convinced coming out would irreparably harm your relationship, I’d offer that you need to re-evaluate your relationship.  You can’t fix who you are and it isn’t going away.  It’s only a matter of time before you get caught.

      • #677630
        Holly Marie
        Lady
        Registered On: August 8, 2022
        Topics: 3
        Replies: 66
        Has thanked: 68 times
        Been thanked: 245 times

        Hiya, ladies:  I chose Emily’s comment to reply to pretty much at random; I could have picked almost any one.  I’m amazed – and delighted – to see the varied, thoughtful and incisive comments that have been made.  I originally thought that there would be very few replies, mostly saying that getting caught would be a nightmare, but so many ladies have looked a little more closely and given consideration to the possibilities; thank you all.  I’m not positive about the “Not if you’ll get caught – when” hypothesis as I’ve been dressing for so long and not been caught… but – obviously – that could change any minute now!  Robyn makes a good point in suggesting that using the term “caught” implies a feeling of doing something wrong;  I can see that, though I don’t feel that I’m doing anything wrong myself.  Things were different many years ago, but if I were just starting out (as a youngster) nowadays, I think I would be open about it – keeping my secret nowadays is more to do with not wanting to explain why I’ve kept it secret for so long!  All in all, I think the quality of the comments received just proves why CDH is such a wonderful site!  Holly XXX

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #677364
      Kris Burton
      Lady
      Registered On: August 6, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 64
      Has thanked: 160 times
      Been thanked: 285 times

      I have never been “caught”. I’ve only been actively CDing for a little over a year, and i came out to my wife – the only person on my “needs to know” list – almost immediately. Even if I had tried to hide longer, I know I could not have sustained it – way too much stress, and this is supposed to be fun, right?

      I found that not feeling like you have anything to hide is yet another advantage of being a CD “late bloomer”.

    • #677355
      Robyn Drake
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: March 19, 2019
      Topics: 56
      Replies: 755
      Has thanked: 1312 times
      Been thanked: 2339 times

      I know I’m being very simplistic here, but I think there is something important to say about getting caught, and that is, that getting caught implies that I am doing something wrong.

      Just some food for thought.

      – Robyn

    • #677343
      helenmarie
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2018
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 197
      Has thanked: 8 times
      Been thanked: 666 times

      Hello Holly,                      I was caught out when I was in my early twenties, still living at home then. My Farther told me to burn all the clothes & never to wear any more again. Well after a few years I started to wear them again & have worn ( indoors only ) them ever since. Then when I retired, I started to get bolder & going out into the back garden fully dressed, then the little girl next door caught me, so had to tell my neighbours about me & crossdressing. It was the best thing that happened to me, now I can go out & about fully dressed & enjoy myself, so exciting & a wonderful experience. So yes, getting caught worked for me

      love     Helenmarie

    • #677341
      Alla Andrews
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 31, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 7
      Has thanked: 5 times
      Been thanked: 110 times

      When I was 12 or 13, I took a pair of my mom’s panties and started wearing them and forgot about it. Later that evening I bent down to pet the dog and my dad went ballistic, I felt such shame and told the family I lost a bet. I of course did not understand at the time and that berating from my dad actually forced me to hide till I was 50. I have only come out to a few people, I tried with my wife and she would not even talk with me. My attitude has been (right or wrong), I am going to be who I am, enjoy what I am wearing and if anyone notices or cares (once I start wearing clothes more openly) I will let them know that yes I like to wear women’s clothes.

    • #677335
      Stephaniewy
      Lady
      Registered On: September 24, 2021
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 200
      Has thanked: 916 times
      Been thanked: 1105 times

      Never have been “caught” but knew it would happen and was getting tired of hiding my fun.  Once I retired I came out to my wife about my desire to cd.  She has been great and supportive.  Sometimes I wish I had been caught by my adult kids so I could dress when they are here.  They are here allot lately, as my son moved back to town and daughter on an extended visit.  I havent had the courage to tell them, sure they wouldnt mind.  Son walked in on us one morning having coffee and I was in a floral satin robe with bra and panties I think he saw the robe and went on his way.  I dont think he put it together but I kinda wish he had.  Dropped lots of hints to my daughter but I dont think she wants to think about her dad dressing.  Maybe someday I will have the courage to find out

    • #677331
      Susan Talbot
      Lady
      Registered On: June 28, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 251
      Has thanked: 2481 times
      Been thanked: 934 times

      I was never caught.  It was close a few times.  I told my fiancée over a year ago.  I wanted to be honest with her before I asked her to marry me. She has been very accepting, open to anything and very helpful.

      Susan

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