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  • #407705
    Mona
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    Registered On: December 18, 2018
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    Okay girls, I hope this topic doesn’t get me in too much trouble.  We often hear the argument: Society is OK with women wearing men’s clothes, so why is it considered odd or unacceptable when men wear women’s clothes? It’s just clothes, after all.  Now, I recognize that there are many in the CDH community who wear feminine attire as a normal expression of their gender identity.  In this sense, they are not truly cross dressing.  But for many others (including myself), I think the “it’s just clothes” line of reasoning is flawed, if not complete BS.  If it were just clothes, we cross dressers would simply run around as hairy men in dresses and heels.  Instead, most of us strive to achieve a complete transformation through the use of breast forms, makeup, wigs, removal of body hair, etc., with women’s undergarments beneath it all.  Some of us also dedicate significant amounts of time to studying female comportment and voice feminization.  In contrast, the vast majority of women who routinely wear jeans and trousers do not simultaneously want to grow facial and body hair, wear boxer shorts as underwear, and use the men’s restroom when out and about.  In short, most of us MtF cross dressers want to fully pass, but for almost all women this is not the case at all.  Hence, I pose the question/challenge, is it really “just clothes”?

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    • #563649
      Ballymacreely Elizabeth(Liz)
      Lady
      Registered On: October 7, 2021
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      Mona I agree 100% with you love. I’d love to walk into a church or something wearing a skirt or dress, but I’d be laughed at. Hugs

    • #563640
      Katie Plowright
      Lady
      Registered On: October 15, 2021
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      I am not going to over think this point because as a few have said it just confuses me even further. So being a simple soul, I enjoy crossdressing and every associated nuisance, always have done and always will. To quote and English advert …….Simples.

    • #563633
      Charlene Victoria
      Lady
      Registered On: November 29, 2016
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      I see by the original date of this entry I am much more than “fashionably late” to this dance. I have read many of the replies, but not all. No disrespect intended. I just don’t have the time to read them all. By the number of replies it can be concluded this topic is truly important to us all. Thank you all for much helpful insight.

      I don’t dress regularly. I would love to, but due to my current family situation I choose not to. Yet I am very feminine in heart. As stated previously I have come to understand myself to be a woman tasked with male responsibilities. But just as I choose not to dress so I choose to be more feminine in my gestures, posture, carry, crossing my legs, through my facial skin care, shaving my underarms and various other parts of my body, using a woman’s deodorant,  sitting to use the toilet, using panty liners daily, wearing ballet slippers around the house, wearing lipstick while in drab.

      And delightfully (to me) it seems that my femininity “bleeds” through for I have noted that the women I share office space with at times will engage me in conversation that normally would be reserved for another woman. At times I have wondered, “why would she share that with me? I am a man.”

      One of my frustration with dressing is that I feel like it is masquerade. I don’t simply want to look like a woman, I want to be one. As I have grown in my understanding of self I realize I want to be a woman  because I am a woman.

      As with a cis-woman, clothes convey a message about the inner person wearing them. The style I choose to dress in conveys an image of the woman I am and would be if I choose to create the “freedom” to be so full time.

      For me clothes just provide a fuller and deeper expression of the person I understand myself to be. I love to dress but I have matured to a place in my personal journey where I am at peace with being me, a woman tasked with male resonsibilities. Regardless with what I am wearing I am still a woman. And to my delight and relief I have discovered this understanding of self is good place to be.

      Kindly,

      Charlene

      • This reply was modified 11 months ago by Charlene Victoria. Reason: Additions and corrections
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    • #563306
      Anonymous
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      For a few of us, it’s “just clothes”, and I have gone out in the past as a guy in a skirt. No longer; now, the clothes are an outer expression of the girl I really am on the inside…and I’m no longer comfortable when in drab. And I’m convinced it’s much the same for most of us. On the other hand, it DOES make for a handy excuse when we are caught and don’t want to “out” ourselves.

      Lulu

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    • #563302
      Charlotte Lapin
      Lady
      Registered On: December 12, 2019
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      It’s certainly not “just clothes.” At least, not for me. The clothes are just an outward manifestation of something which goes very deep. In my case, it goes all the way back to being tagged as target of ridicule in grade school when I defended another boy’s right to play with dolls, if that was what he wished.

      Skirts, blouses, and heels were nowhere on the horizon.

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    • #563293
      Barb Wire
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
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      I’m “normal”!!??

      Why thank you, Mona!!

      Amazing that such a simple word can put a smile on my face! I love it when past posts make-the-headlines again because a girl or many have another thought to share!

      Have a great weekend ladies!

      💓 Barb

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    • #563136
      Anonymous
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      The question might also ask- “ Who am I and why do I like being ?????? Or not being ??????. Perhaps we dressed to “ change” something. It might be our looks, our inner feelings or something completely different. One thing is for sure- we dress because we “ want to”. That Is desire.
      What that action them causes is the crucial part of being CD or identity “ mover”.
      If we receive no satisfaction, we might give up. The action is one part the result is another. If the two meet and cause “ a pleasant reaction” then we try to fathom out what we are experiencing. The whole process is not static . It moves with us. Many might dress to escape their current state. That of course is understandably satisfying when it “ works” for us.
      I dress to improve-
      Not only the looks but the attitude and personality. We know we are often “ better” for dressing. We become more femme
      And we actually treat others on a better and more appreciative way. In this case the clothes were just the catalyst but oh the sensations are good too.
      It’s a bit like Guiness “Looks good, tastes good and by golly it does
      You good” ( 1960’s add ).
      Please
      Continue to enjoy yours😊

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    • #563133
      Marlene Kaye
      Lady
      Registered On: September 11, 2021
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      I think, if you can leave your cd attire lying around the house, like pantyhose on the towel rack left to dry, or a row of nylon panties on the shower rail overnight to dry, silk slip lying on floor next to the bed and stockings from yesterday all bunched up next to a garter, and anyone who walks in your place as has no issues with your clothes, then yes their just clothes, but…..if you gotta keep everything your love to wear, hidden, including high heels and make up or wigs and body forms, then no, theyre not just clothes, and yes its true, what you wear outside can and will decide your friends, so it stands with what level of cd are you willing to expose to those around you, and hope some of the people you already know will not abandoned you for wearing pantyhose at home, I know I will never be able to come out of my nylon closet to many people that I call friend, for that very reason, their friendship is still important to me, and so are my pantyhose and panties.

    • #563124
      Anonymous
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      For me, it’s not about the clothing or makeup (even tho I love them), it is about the feminine energy in my heart.

      • #563249
        Charlene Victoria
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        Registered On: November 29, 2016
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        “. . . about the feminine energy in my heart.”

        Rasa, I love this statement and without doubt manifesting that energy is a major motivation for my dressing. Thank you.

         

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    • #563006
      Darcy Grigsby
      Lady
      Registered On: July 1, 2020
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      I thought it was just the clothes once, but I’ve come to realize it is much more.

    • #562979
      Ballymacreely Elizabeth(Liz)
      Lady
      Registered On: October 7, 2021
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      Mona, for me personally it’s just about clothes. I think female clothing is nicer with much more of a choice. Ironically if I was en fem, I’d try to make myself look more like a woman, than just a guy in a dress. Does that make sense?

    • #562972
      Gail Rich
      Lady
      Registered On: October 11, 2017
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      I think it depends on the situation. When I am home alone, I lounge in a nightgown or dress in bra, panties, pantyhose, slip and a dress. It is just clothes. It’s what I feel comfortable in. I don’t wear a wig, makeup and heels. I am not trying to be feminine.
      However, on those few occasions when I have gone out in public, it is a lot more than just clothes. I do wear a Wig, makeup and heels. I try to act in as feminine manner as possible. I am trying to be feminine and be perceived as feminine.

    • #562967
      Dani Grand
      Baroness
      Registered On: October 9, 2018
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      For me personally, no. It is also about form and function.

      My Mom insisted throughout her 9 months of carrying me that I was a girl. All throughout my youth, it was all I would hear. I had both girl and boy clothing thru the 2nd grade so there is something to it.

      And life comes full cycle.

    • #562626
      Liara Wolfe
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      The clothes are important but so is the makeup. For me it’s not just about dressing and applying makeup ( although I love that). It’s about being as feminine as I can.

      Hugs, Liara

    • #562625
      Angela Booth
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      Registered On: August 1, 2020
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      I have come to the conclusion that the clothes are the apparel that are representative of the person I am. The accouterments I wear reinforce the image I want to portray. To some it may be just clothes, to me it is my life.

    • #562501
      Flower
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 13, 2021
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      Female clothes are better than men’s clothes and look better, I don’t like pants,I love dresses and skits with silky pantyhose and high heels.

      • #562964
        Flower
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 13, 2021
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        Thank you

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    • #504666
      Jennifer Swanson
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 20, 2019
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      Emotional intelligence tells us that feelings drive action.  The action of crossdressing is driven by a desire to feel feminine.  We’ve all experienced that feeling.  Those of you on this site that have taken the feminine/ masculine test leaned to femininity.  The clothes are one outward manifestation of that inner feeling.  I believe that femininity begins with a feeling and then appears in its various forms from deep inside you.

    • #504645
      Tina Que
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      Registered On: April 14, 2021
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      My drab clothes do not excite me at all. I wear them to work and try to make sure they go together. Underdressing gives me a sense of excitement when wearing my daily drab attire. The thought of what I will wear after work excites me. Which bra will I wear with the outfit I have chose to wear? Which breastforms fill the bra the best? Will that combination fill out the top or dress I have chose?

      When getting together with other CD, does the wig, lipstick and shoes go with the outfit I have chose? Does wearing some or all of these things excite me? Do I feel good or great when I am wearing some or all of these things?

      The answer is yes. I get excited with the thought of dressing en femme after work. I feel good or great wearing en femme clothes when I am not at work.

      It is not just the clothes but how I feel when anticipating and wearing en femme clothes.

    • #504607
      Dream
      Registered On: December 31, 2020
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      Just a thought. Lets say men and womens clothes were the same. Then what? No bras and no boxers. Silky panties were worn by both sexes. Does my fem-in-him side just fade out? How would we express the inner desire to be? Be what?
      It is not just the clothes. It is more than that. It is balance of the mind and the world we live in. I dress for more than just to look like a girl. I dress because a large part of me is driven to create balance in my heart and mind. The risk I have taken these last 60 years equate to a desire beyond just to wear a pair of panties. There is no real answer to the why. I have looked and looked and looked. Still it always comes back to one thing. The reason is you. It is how we were made. It is the drive and desire to be who you are. We all have our different levels of desire. Some are happy with panties and a garter. Some need much more but in the end it is to be who we are. It was never about the clothes. It was always to be me. That is it. I just want to be me……….

      • #504637
        Davidamae
        Lady
        Registered On: January 14, 2019
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        Hope there’s no rule against double comments: I was recently introduced to a new word, “Androgynous” as MTF clothing and shoes play a big part in what my mirrors reflect back as feminine. But the feminine movements and mannerisms as I prance around beyond my mirrors is the femininity that I most enjoy as ‘Myself’’ I’m certain that there’s a level of visual Femininity & Masculinity I could reach with the minimum amount of clothing. I’m have the same confidence that the style of walking, sitting, standing. The positioning of feet and hands could easily convey my feminine or my masculine persona with the most drape Gunnysack apparel

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    • #417163
      donna misteriosa
      Lady
      Registered On: September 27, 2017
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      Is it really just clothes-great question Mona and not any easy question for me to answer. I love my male side, women, hot rods, home renos, physical activities. Then there is this other side that loves women’s clothing!
      -At a very young age (4), I found one of my mother’s old slips, held it up to look at it, and had to try it on. Why, too young for it to be a sexual thing.
      -Again very young age (6), the Sear’s catalogue opened to the lingerie section, I studied each item on the many pages. Read each description of the items, not fully understanding what I was reading. Was I attracted to the lingerie models or the lingerie, or both?
      -At the age of 10, I found some of mother’s old girdles, bras and pantyhose that she stored in a drawer in the bathroom. Tried on each and every item in that drawer. Loved the feel of the different materials, and more importantly, loved the image in the mirror. Yes, the fuzzy hormone feeling was racing through my body.
      -As a teen, girls were a major distraction. Their young developing bodies and the their outfits would lite a fire inside me/my pants LOL. When I dressed, was I thinking of the young ladies or was it the lingerie I was wearing, or both?
      -Over the years, each lingerie purchase was an upgrade from the previous. The lingerie looked great, however I desired more. At the time PVC skirts were in fashion, all the sexy ladies were wearing them. I wanted my own shirt.
      -Fast forward to present, I purchased a few beautiful dresses and more lingerie. The lingerie felt great, the dresses fit my body, however something was missing. After a long look in the mirror, I reached into my sock drawer and stuffed my bra. What a transformation! I loved the image in the mirror-it looked and felt right. Now I want more!
      -With a house full of women, long flowing hair, makeup, shoes, handbags and the beautiful CDH images of MTF transformation, I now want proper breast forms, a wig, learn how to apply makeup….

      To conclude, is it really just clothes, hard to say, and frankly I don’t care. Just like all my other interests, I’m always changing things for the better. If it feels right, so be it!

    • #416638
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Lady
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
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      Hi gals, here’s my take on the question. I find the way I dress is a catalyst on how I want to feel. If I’m at work I enjoy wearing cook gear, it give me confidence.

      If I’m only bike I like to wear cycling gear. It keeps me dry and makes me want to be competitive. On a side note can’t wait to do this en femme. See how lycra kings as I call them will react to being challenged by a woman.

       

      When I’m in a dress it’s makes me feel feminine and sexy. Comfortable with the side of me that enjoys shopping, makeup, sexy underwear.

       

      In short the way we dress is an expression of how we want to feel and be perceived.

      Love Trish

    • #416623
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 10, 2019
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      I think that there are many variations here. For some, it really is just about the clothes. However, for others, it is about something much deeper. In that group, perhaps there are 2 main groupings: those who really like to emulate women but on a temporary basis and those who realize that their gender identity is not what they thought it to be.

      All of these are subject to How Much and How Far and that’s where the variations come in. The various categories help to better define things, but it is always a case of where you believe you fall in the category: this end, that end or somewhere in the middle…

    • #416442
      Samantha Joan
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 17, 2019
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      What a great question!

      It is nice to read all the replies and views.

      My take on it would be that at the beginning of this journey, it was just about the clothes. Makeup, wigs, forms, etc was beyond reach at the time.

      Fast forward to 2016 and everything changes. I am working in an office that is predominately female, all of different ages and styles of dress. Being able to come out properly in that safe environment allowed me to understand that it is not just about the clothes and has led me to the realisation that yes, the clothes/styling/outfit are an important part but the makeup, hair, shaping of the body play a huge part of what many of us, including myself want to achieve and that is to pass.

      On one occasion, I heard someone say “Who’s she” at work, when I turned around they were surprised but amazed at the same time, this to me is the goal, or when someone said “Wish I had legs like hers” it wasn’t the clothes but felt those comments were the sum of the whole parts put together.

      Having embraced Samantha more fully, this has made me more aware of products and creams to help with the wrinkles, line and generally to keep me looking the best I can, which can only be a good thing, regardless of who is underneath.

      Hugs

      Samantha x x

       

       

       

    • #416437
      Davidamae
      Lady
      Registered On: January 14, 2019
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      Hi; I adore this ability to share in this fashion of Girl talk. As a Crossdressing Closet Girl it is so much more than the clothes. My developing my feminine movements and mannerisms, my walking and talking has almost nothing to do with someone flinging my Closet door open and outing me. I grew up hearing the saying, “ clothes make the man” – how much more the woman! If I wear my 501 Levi’s and a plaid work shirt … pull my hair up into a high ponytail add a little eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick … while modeling my feminine movements and mannerisms is it  … still about my garments?

    • #416419
      Anonymous
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      I realize I may be in the minority, but only speaking for myself I want to say that I’m a ‘man on a mission’, so to speak. By that I mean I’m not necessarily trying to ‘pass’ by wearing certain so-called female clothing, rather I’m wanting to project the image of a guy in a dress (or skirt). My ‘mission’ in all of this is to take back lost territory. Up until 300 or so years ago, skirts were a ‘guy thing’, that is until the gals took them away from us. You may be tempted to say ‘that was then, this is now’ 3 or 4 hundred years is many lifetimes ago. True enough, but that time span is a mere ‘drop in the bucket’ when compared with the totality of human history. So to answer your original question (is it just clothing?), I say no, rather I regard it as a weapon of war. We are at war to take back lost territory that’s rightfully ours.

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    • #409270
      June (Rei) Durden
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
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      No, definitely not just the clothes.

      The urge/obsession/need to dress is perhaps the simplest and most obvious signpost pointing towards a destination many of us never realized we were headed for.

      Once some of the raging hormones of youth have been replaced with (even a small measure) of maturity and life perspective suddenly things start to click and what was once blurry begins to come into focus. That’s my 2 cents worth.

      Great question though, and a topic that bears further thought.

      Thanks, Rei

      • #416609
        Kathleen
        Duchess
        Registered On: February 20, 2020
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        I often wonder what the destination really is. I’m not afraid but I sure am curious. Mayne that’s what it’s always been about…curious about what it’s like to be a girl

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    • #409204
      Jill Marshall
      Duchess
      Registered On: June 28, 2020
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      I know I’ve said ‘it’s just clothes’ to myself many times, but I don’t think of it as a line of reasoning as much as I do a defense mechanism, or a starting point in the process of acceptance.  Saying it sets aside unresolved questions for or about myself that I haven’t fully unraveled, so I can be free to go find answers in the experience itself.  It is a rebuttal in advance of negative judgement I anticipate, that dressing is an expression of some flaw of sexuality or morality or personality.  It is a reassurance to others, since there is no common vocabulary or shared understanding between myself and a non-CD of how deeply I believe in what I feel and see.  My ‘theory’ would be that the better you know and accept yourself, and the better others know and accept you, the less you say it.  I said it to my wife once, during the distress of revelation, but to her I would never have to say it again.  If I came out to others, starting from scratch?  Knowing what I know now, I’d try not to go there, but it might not be up to me.

    • #409173
      Ashley Love
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      Registered On: August 25, 2020
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      Honestly, it isn’t “just clothes.”  I am a M2F cross dresser that would never pass as my body type would stand out like a sore thumb.  That being said I can say I feel comfortable wearing feminine clothing (sometimes mixed with a bit of my male persona) doing house work, lounging around, etc.  Even my wife (genuine female) sees Ashley as a part of me and just as the clothes makes the man…the clothes makes the Ashley and she brings about a balance in my life that I cannot live without.

    • #409158
      Anonymous
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      Hi Mona good question for me in a word no, clothes wigs  make up etc are just our tools to show the real you. They allow us to show our true persona, releasing our real honest feelings.

      Love Sarah xx

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    • #409139
      Rachel McFadden
      Lady
      Registered On: November 13, 2020
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      It definitely can’t be ‘just clothes’ for the vast majority of us here and certainly not for me.

      Unless I spend my whole life cut off from the outside world and any human interaction, who I feel “I am” and the person I’m happiest being can’t really be separated from how others perceive me and treat me. Just wearing women’s clothes will not turn my male form into something/someone that anyone will regard as female and there’s no way I can realistically expect anyone else to consider me to be Rachel if it turn up with a beard clothed in normal men’s garments.

      In order to be who I want be and live the life that makes me happy (at least to do that without becoming a hermit) I need to pass, I need to have the confidence in myself to say, “Hi, I’m Rachel” when I meet someone and they need to be sufficiently comfortable in who/what they’re presented with to say, “Hi Rachel” back to me. As a consequence, the clothes, the wig, the breastforms and makup aren’t just a method of covering my body, they are a gateway to the person and life that I feel I am and should be living.

      Rachel xx

       

    • #408879
      Sonia Pink
      Lady
      Registered On: May 18, 2019
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      No it’s definitely not just clothes ( although it’s normally all I have time for !!) I’d say for me anyways it’s about being someone else , I do sometime wonder about many things and how different it can be if maybe this or that would have happened,  in my mind I feel more relaxed as a woman , in reality I’m normally tight for time and it all feels very rushed ! On the odd occasions I get time to fully embrace the situation I definitely feel relaxed and comfortable. And again only in my mind to feel I could quite happily go full time , although funnily enough I’d definitely class myself as a transvestite as opposed to transsexual I very much like the thought of being able to choose male or female !!!

    • #408872
      Anonymous
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      No it’s not just about clothes, it’s about expressing our individual identity and the pleasure of exploring our femininity with in ourselves. Clothes are not just clothes but an important ingredient in supporting the transformation to the female  gender we strongly identify with, and happy to be.

    • #408859
      Sharon
      Lady
      Registered On: July 27, 2020
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      No, it is not just about clothes.  It just feels right to dress to my gender not my assigned sex.   It is not sexual.  It is not sensual.  It just has to be done to make me feel normal.  If I can’t then I just want to die.  I guess that this is what is called gender dysphoria.

    • #408646
      Maya Sol
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      Registered On: July 19, 2020
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      It’s not “just clothes” even for me. I see it as an “advanced fetish” / “extra sex activity” but I do feel like 10-20% that I want to be more woman. I do thinking sometimes that it’ll be cool to be real woman, but I’m happy what I am. As for my body, I do keep it hair clean, long head hair (natural) and I even started to do some feminine moves.

      As many other things in my life, if I want to understand something I’m creating a set in my mind and thinking what will happen. So I thought to myself: “OK, let pretend that I’m buying a remote farm / house / land / island / whatever, so I can leave freely alone and I can choose how to look, will I fully dressed 100% as a woman?”. In this case I couldn’t decide what I’ll do.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #408545
      Patrichia Ann
      Lady
      Registered On: November 20, 2020
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      In short, no.

      I started down this path many years ago in an attempt to minimize hearing crap on a CB (I drive a Semi) about being a slow old person in an old truck and I should retire. My first foray into this was a cheap wig. I soon realized that that made me look like an old hippie with bad hair. So I upgraded the wig over time to a professional quality one. Along the way it also became very apparent that getting out of the truck to fuel and do truck business meant that I had to pass as a true female. This resulted in Breast forms and eventually Hip and Butt pads.
      I have had to add a an number of clothing articles over the years and the ability to accessorize and mix/match different articles became important because of limited storage space in the sleeper. I have even ventured into the world of Pheromones to complete the ‘sale’ of the image.

      Over the many years I have perfected my look and image sufficiently to fully pass in most all places. I have perfected the explanations for the voice, hands and the part of the arms I will show (expose). I have not been questioned on this in years.

      But that leads to the question: is it just the clothes?

      I my case I feel the answer is no. Clothes are like an accessory to the Body and the Image you present. Between shaving the body hair, adding forms and wigs to perfect the “base” look, then adding makeup and Pheromones, the clothing finishes off the sale of a Genetic Female look to those around you.

      if everything is right, you pass. if not, the ‘tell’ gives you away, and the clothes don’t help the “sale”.

    • #408538
      Anonymous
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      Thought-provoking question;  THEY are just clothes…until I put them on.  Then they become an expression of the identity I suppressed for almost all of my adult life.  With 20/20 hindsight, I see that those shopping excursions I used to make, buying clothes and jewelry for my wife and teenage daughters when I was out of the country,  were for things I wanted myself.   Now I have them, and I feel good about it.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

       

    • #408529
      Michelle Last
      Lady
      Registered On: August 14, 2020
      Topics: 11
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      I love philosophical discussions like this. It helps me to better understand myself when others share their thoughts on why we cross dress. I started out wearing just panties or pantyhose. I’ve always loved the look of a pretty pair of panties stretched across a female derriere. I would wear a pair of panties and masturbate while looking at my butt in a mirror and fantasizing that I was seeing a beautiful woman in sexy panties. So, it started out as a fetish with me. And it remained a fetish for many many years. It was my means of sexual gratification as a substitute for my lack of success in attracting the kind of women that I found attractive.

      I find it strange that it wasn’t until a few years after I married the woman of my dreams that the thought of going further than lingerie occurred to me. It was then that I began trying on my wife’s dresses along with bras and panties. From there it progressed to shoes, wigs, breast forms, hip padding, and makeup.

      So, yes, now it is more than just the clothes. It is more than sexual gratification although that is the primary goal. But I do have this desire to emulate the female look and behavior. It is very exciting to me to try to look and feel completely feminine.

      Thank you Mona for opening this discussion.

       

       

       

       

      10 users thanked author for this post.
    • #408500
      Саманта
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
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      Hi Mona,

      I regard myself as something far closer to woman than to man.  So they’re just my clothes but it’s not just clothes 😅

    • #408472
      Jennifer McCrennaugh
      Lady
      Registered On: July 18, 2019
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      I suppose for a fetishist it might just be the clothes (or a particular article of clothing) but I suspect for many of us, myself included, it is more. Much more. While I have no need to transition, there is with me a feminine “streak” that longs beyond words for expression in life. I used to smirk at that “new fangled” term bi-gendered. But as I get older I find myself wondering if that’s not me after all.

    • #408467
      Anonymous
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      Gee when you put it that way I guess it’s not “Just Clothes” I had always thought it was that is until I dressed fully with the intent of being passable. Because you’re right! I didn’t wanna be a man in a dress I wanted to project the thing that I love about women… feminity. You can’t be a hairy beast dressed in women’s clothing and be feminine. You just can’t. Thanks to the fateful night out fully dressed I thought I was passable. I understand now that I really wasn’t ( didn’t hip and butt pads) I didn’t have a woman’s shape. Since breaking down and joining CDH I have had the chance to hear from many men who are like me and I’m just now starting to get that there really isn’t anything wrong with me. Thank you for the insight it means a lot.

    • #408459
      Leslie
      Lady
      Registered On: September 14, 2020
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      Hell no it isn’t just clothes! Its makeup, wigs, jewelry, shoes and most of all it is attitude and a lot of practice.

      10 users thanked author for this post.
    • #408426
      Mikey Johnson
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
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      Wow Mona – great discussion.

      This is something I’ve actually thought about a lot – and I still don’t think I’ve figured it out.

      But you are onto something – it’s not just the clothes.  I think when I started I thought it was.  But as I allowed myself to do more with it, and realized I could get wigs, and corsets, and shoes that actually fit, and everything else, well.  It went from it sure is fun to put on the wife’s slip on heels and a short skirt to OMG it’s so fun to actually look like a woman!

      I think I’ve always thought it would be fun to “be” a woman or a girl.  I’ve always fantasized about what it must feel like to walk about in just a skirt and your undies (now I know!), and to have breasts (not really, but they LOOK pretty good!) and to be pretty (now we’re stretching, but I do try).

      As I believe I’ve stated before, I don’t really see myself as a female, but just as me – a guy who likes to “imitate” females, and to do the best he can at it.  Once I started going down the path I just seem to enjoy it more, and I want to keep doing a better job of it.  There’s just something thrilling that comes over me when I begin to get dressed, and do my makeup, and the wig, and the jewelry!  And the few times I’ve been out – well, I suppose part of it is I’ve just not done it much, and there is risk, so it’s partly just the thrill of getting away with it.  But even apart from that, the feeling of walking along in a skirt with the fabric swishing across your bare legs and a nice pair of heels, your hair brushing your neck, your earrings moving just a little, your shoulders and upper back open to the sun – it’s something divine.

      So thanks for the topic – made me think!

      Mikey

       

    • #408293
      Becka
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
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      Well my dean, I think it comes down to the individual.

      – For some, “just wearing jeans” may be enough

      – For some, it may be that and underwear, or just underwear

      – For some, it may be wearing whatever and going out in public

      – For some, it may be full on dressing including wigs, makeup, etc., but in the privacy of their own homes.

      – And so on,

      So don’t be judgemental about any of it.  We do what we want, what makes us feel good and what we are comfortable doing, and taking the risks into account.

      Nothing more.

       

    • #408147
      Regine Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
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      No,its definately not “just clothes” When I put on Regine, I become female, in my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, It truly is a transformation.
      Regine

    • #407940
      Leah
      Baroness
      Registered On: June 13, 2018
      Topics: 3
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      I do agree society does have a double standard in which women can wear whatever clothes they want and they think nothing of it.  But if a guy wants to wear lingerie, or a dress or typical female clothing, he is presumed gay or some kind of pervert or weird.

      So many people do not understand what cross dressers go through mentally ..the guilt and shame and inner struggles from our feminine side we try to blend in with our make side.

       

      For me, whether I wear something to bed or had leggings, skirt, stockings on…they feel comfortable and natural to me, and not any different then if I had guy clothes on.  Maybe that’s why my clothes tend to me more on the ultra feminine side

    • #407868
      rhonda
      Lady
      Registered On: October 13, 2015
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      The clothes are just the bait to bring you into this lifestyle , once lured in well you just cant stop , mostly because you dont want to .

    • #407866
      Davidamae
      Lady
      Registered On: January 14, 2019
      Topics: 6
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      Mona; CDH’s Queen of Style! Your presentation continues to be one of style and Grace that’s a constant compliment to the World of Femininity. I recently have started my 3rd year as a Dresser. I’m actually a MTF Crossdressing Closet Girl. I spend a great amount of my Dressing time developing my feminine movements and mannerisms and my femme voice. I doubt I’ll ever get the opportunity to step out of my Closet. I liken it to being a House Cat .. feline grace of movement. Women come with many degrees of femininity. Not all display the level of femininity that I admire. My mirrors and my garments are the catalyst to capture and present that feminine feeling and look rather than a man in a dress or a clod in heels. For me it’s far more than just clothing for the body. The movements and mannerisms are the essence of femininity wrapped in the Garments of Display

    • #407849
      Bobbi Sue
      Registered On: September 15, 2020
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      Mona,

      I agree.  Eventually we all come to that realization.   But that doesn’t mean everyone is compelled to go further.   I suspect most are happy to just switch for a few moments.

    • #407830
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      It goes beyond the clothes for me, for sure, but the reasons for wanting to wear specific items of clothing are so varied that it’s not possible to generalise.

      Why would a woman choose an impractical light, low cut dress and wear it on a windy day if they didn’t want to reveal parts of themselves that would be hidden in a sensible jumper and jeans combination?

      If men’s clothes are so comfortable and practical, why doesn’t everyone wear them all the time?

      Personally, I find dresses and skirts to be far more practical and comfortable than trousers!

      Dressing is about the look that you want to have, for most – but then again, not everyone is image conscious all the time.

      And then again, people who regularly say that they don’t care what they look like are lying, unless they’re naked.

      Because, whether they grabbed the first pair of jeans and first t-shirt that came to hand, or spent an hour deliberating, they chose to look that way.

      Women don’t have vast numbers of options ruled out of their wardrobes – they have total clothing freedom, so FtM cross dressing is a rare and generally unremarkable thing.

      Male cross dressing hits the headlines – Harry Stiles wears a dress – sensational!

      For me (and it’s all personal taste), the appearance of a man in a dress is ugly and requires a feminine hairstyle, feminine makeup, shoes and all the trimmings to complete a look. A dress, to me, is intrinsically feminine.

      And yes, I then feel more feminine (Not female), but it’s like freeing up parts of me that are suppressed because of the image I feel I have to maintain as a man.

      Can’t discuss clothes with women, especially underwear.

      Well guess what?

      When presenting the image, many women are delighted to discuss all manner of intimately feminine things with no qualms or glances to see how you react. I had a lovely conversation with a lady who wanted to buy a new wig, and another with a lady who had had a mastectomy, and wanted to look at my forms.

      Guess how many conversations like that I’ve had with women in guy mode?

      So dressing doesn’t just provide some mystical feminine feeling inside, it projects feminity.

      I don’t dress to blend in, as I’m 6’4″. No point hiding when it’s not possible!

      Neither do I dress outrageously – but I do wear the clothes that I have seen ordinary women wearing which have caused me to gasp with delight at the image they present.

      And enjoy the compliments when I get them. It’s nice to have conversations started with compliments on one’s appearance – and even nicer not to feel restrained in responding!

      Love Laura

       

       

       

      • #407841
        Riley McCort
        Lady
        Registered On: September 10, 2020
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        Laura well said! For me its because part of me is femme. Has been for a very long time. I feel as comfortable en femme as I do dressed in drab. Women have SO many cute things to wear from cute bras n panties to full outfits. Mens clothes are boorrriiinngg!! I have told my wife that more then once. I absolutely LOVE our dress up times. Picking out my outfits. So many options and its so fun. Jewelry and all. I so wish I had a gurl that was a friend to dress with. Anyway keep rockin it ladies!!

        Riley 💋

    • #407828
      Anonymous
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      The funny thing is, I had this thought yesterday of writing an article titled “My Life Beyond Gender.”

      All my life I have been sensitive, nurturing, caring, wanting to connect and communicate on a deeper level. Early in life I was criticized for these feelings and I tried to cover them up for decades. I am a much calmer and happier person now. This is my true self.

    • #407813
      Cindy Harper
      Lady
      Registered On: February 11, 2020
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      I am unsure. I think for me it was initially just thr clothes let’s face it they look much better and the choice by comparison OMG.

      It probably then grew into a desire to want to wear them more and more but then because of societies views becomes the requirement to be passable and that brings with it a whole other package.  Ironically I have just returned from a grocery shopping trip and stood  socially distanced of course behind two ladies.

      One dressed possibly to go to the office in a smart dress,  hosiery and Gorgeous high heel boots.  In front of her was another lady in a hoodie with jogging bottoms,  clothes I could have just as easily worn without anyone taking a second glance.

      But I did not want to be her I wanted the dress and heels.

      Unless I had been passable that would have attracted lots of strange looks.

      Think I ended up rambling a bit there girls 💋

       

       

       

    • #407801
      Anonymous
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      Hi lovelies

      Well I was going to write this big detailed post…..but Bianca has read my mind….so for mine, read hers…. nailed it B❤️

      I would just add, that it has become a lot more for me than just dressing, a lot more !!….apart from work, I don’t just dress female, I act and even think female….I am starting to accept that grace is taking over totally.

      lastly, I really don’t want to upset any S/O’s….but if women became ” hairy”, swore a lot, drank too much and developed bad wind when they wore men’s clothes, maybe they would realise more why we start to crossdress anyway.

      Love, grace ❤️

    • #407746
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
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      Hi Mona

      For me it began with simple cross dressing. Then it did develop into the full look, make up, wig etc. Told myself it was to help me pass in public, to be able to ‘blend in’ not attract unwanted attention, just relax and be out looking how I wanted to look.

      Recently realising it’s much more. The feminine floodgates have opened. Loving girly films, girly magazine, talking about girly stuff and OMG feelings with female colleagues at work. I find myself less likely to anger, driving more defensively, even thinking about getting a smaller ‘cuter’ car. Look after my skin and general health much more, even make sure I smell good!!!

      Is there a woman in me trying to get out? Or is it just the feminine half of me coming out from under a lifetime of taught ‘masculinity’, societal gender stereotyping.

      My life is so much happier now. And think simply cross dressing was the first glint of my ‘fabulous fem side’ coming out. Now it is blossoming and I am no longer living with half of ME buried away. Now Bianca is out in the open I am loving it. Trying to make up for a lifetime of missed experiences, missed because I was afraid they weren’t manly, may make me look a bit ‘gay’, or may attract ridicule. Caring less about these things with each passing day.

      ”I won’t let them break me down to dust, I know that there’s a place for us, for we are glorious”

      (from The Greatest Showman)

      ❤️B

      • #409315
        Roberta Broussard
        Baroness
        Registered On: July 20, 2020
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        Bianca, I think you explained the flood gates perfectly. The more I dress, the more I think about dressing. As I’m dressing I feel like a weight is being lifted away from me. My thoughts and actions just become softer and more feminine. It has just been  amazing at how natural and comfortable it became. When I’m dressed, even in something as simple as shorts and a top. This female persona just comes over me. Its as though the feminine clothes makes my male persona dissapear. I guess what has been so amazing to me , has been how my female persona is so much stronger than my male.

        For me, I think its much more than the clothes.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #407814
        Autumn Valiant
        Duchess
        Registered On: July 14, 2019
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        Bianca…

        “Or is it just the feminine half of me coming out from under a lifetime of taught ‘masculinity’, societal gender stereotyping.”

        That says it all for me. I can remember as a child hiding any thoughts of participating in anything “girly” for fear of the repercussions. I hid it all too well for so long that I managed to hide it from myself.

        So Mona, No, it’s not just the (amazing fantastic beautiful) clothes.

        Hugs

        Autumn

      • #407802
        Anonymous
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        B❤️

        Brilliant…thank you xx

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #407718
      Anonymous
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      like i said before. women dont dress sexy because they dont want to feel like a piece of bait. they dont want to be hit on by every male that sees them. they just want to blend in unnoticed. women will dress to out do other women or when going out in a group. maybe even to impress the guy shes with to make him feel good. girls dress like most of you cds. to fit in and not to attract unwanted attention. so clothes are really an attention getter, depending on what and how you wear them. more for women because the male sees the outside where the woman sees the inside. thats why you look at a pretty girl and think why is she with him? she sees the inside.

    • #407713
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 51
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      Yes and no.    First of all we do all those things so we can go out in public without being laughed at or much worse. That’s just self defense.  Would I wear very feminine clothing including dresses if it was as OK to do as it is for a woman to wear a pair of jeans? Absolutely

       

      Lots of men remove their facial hair every day and many men remove their body hair as well. There are male oriented products on the market to do both. That does not make them CD.

      Lots of non CD men now wear earrings and have long hair so we are making progress. It’s just a lot slower than women.

    • #407712
      Anonymous
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      I think most women dress in men’s clothing simply for the comfort and practicality of the clothing. They don’t really try to emulate the masculinity of men (with exceptions, of course) and their femininity still shines through in all but the most frumpy of men’s wear.
      I can only speak for myself but I don’t think I’m alone in that I definitely seek out the connection to those precious moments when I truly feel my feminine side emerges and gets nourishment from from the attention and pretty clothes. The women’s clothing I enjoy wearing isn’t necessarily comfortable nor practical but it lights something within me that I enjoy and love.

      • #416410
        Roberta Broussard
        Baroness
        Registered On: July 20, 2020
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        Very well put Kristin !

    • #407710
      Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: April 8, 2020
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      Great point!

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #563251
      Charlene Victoria
      Lady
      Registered On: November 29, 2016
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      Hi LisaT.

      As usual your reply is both well thought out and expressed. You have said much of what I am thinking as I collect and organize my thoughts for a reply to this important consideration. Thank you for your reply.

      Hugs,

      Charrie

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #409232
      Regine Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
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      It is possible, Stephanie, My only difference of opinion, is ,when in Man mode, I am a very masculine man, as I have stated before, I am completely alpha male, until its time for Regi. So, am I the yin to my Yang? 2 sides to the same page? An interesting question.
      Regine

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #408634
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 39
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      Interesting point, Stephanie.

      I think it’s rather because of what Gender Awareness is trying to make everyone aware of – the rainbow signifier is well chosen!

      We’re all somewhere on a rainbow spectrum of gender and sexuality – the two are interlinked although separate.

      Masculine and feminine are gender traits, male and female are “defined” genders, and woman is the feminine side of man.

      It’s never been a case of never the twain shall meet, but physically, there’s obviously differences, and a man will never have the same life and emotional experiences as a woman because of how the more obnoxious men treat women.

      The problem is that society would have us believe that men are from Mars (utterly ridiculous!), etc., so a man who experiences feelings defined by someone somewhere (probably a bloke in the pub) feels like he’s a wierdo and must suppress this.

      Happy Gender Awareness week!

      Love Laura

    • #408860
      Anonymous
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      Laura, you write some amazing replies, always a pleasure to read them.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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