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I don’t know if you all know, but there is a sister site that has open called Transgender Heaven. It is very similar to CDH. I have join and there was a very interesting forum on “Are Cross Dressers Transgender”. I was surprised as to the number of posts that said no, only those who want to fully transition. I responded yes in the broad sense that I am in essence part male and part female. I do love to cross dress. In fact as I believe supported in many post, notwithstanding my many attempts to purge as my cross dressing can be more of a burden sometimes–having to hide away in secret, only dressing when home, if I go out I have to be super careful not to get caught, confirms I don’t have a choice in the matter, it is what I call “hard wired”. So I thought I would put the question to you, Do any of us have a choice in the matter?
Hi Jennifer, I would say yes too, in the sense all of us have a choice, simple yes or no. People choose to become transgender, like people choose to crossdress. Thats the simple part out of the way, now the harder part. People have different feelings and levels of suppression, just think how many people out there have femme feelings but never do anything about it, live a life in drab? conversely many people act on their feelings from a very young age, really without fully understanding whats going on properly. There are so many emotions and feelings going on with us that it is hard to supress and the matter of choice becomes necessity, so for some there is a choice but for others like myself, we have to relent and admit to ourselves that we are femme inside and we have to express it. For me, its like a safety valve! if I didnt dress femme occasionally, I would go out of my mind!
Fiona xxxx
[quote quote=139920]for some there is a choice but for others like myself, we have to relent and admit to ourselves that we are femme inside and we have to express it. For me, its like a safety valve! if I didnt dress femme occasionally, I would go out of my mind!
Fiona xxxx
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Fionasafety valve, sanity switch mean the same thing but spot on. Urge grows in me to “normalise” once in a while, I can put up with my male side then for another period of time. Always sleep in nightwear just to top off the day
I didn’t choose cross dressing, it chose me. I don’t think I could stop. It’s a very difficult type of behavior to stop and I have reinforced the behavior with some rewards that would make it almost impossible to quit forever, sure perhaps I could quit for a time but I think there would always be a return to it. I’m only 2 years into cross dressing no childhood history and it has a hold on me.
Lisa
I do believe cross dressing is hard wired. Some may outgrow it but most do not. So I do agree with you that it is not necessarily always a choice. However, this in no way means crossdressers are also trans.
Per my psychologist, there is a clean cut difference between the two. Crossdressers have no driving NEED to transition to the gender they identify with. For many crossdressers, occasionally expressing your other side is enough to satisfy your needs. As a trans woman, I do have a need to fully transition. Occasionally dressing en femme is not enough for me. Many doctors agree that to be transgender you need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria. It is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have it. It is much more than wanting to express a feminine or masculine side. It is more of a physical disdain for your natural body image. This has led me to the point of extreme depression and suicidal thoughts on multiple occasions. I have been struggling with this my whole life. I’ve seen multiple therapists, been on anti depressants, and nothing has been able to shake this depression cycle. It isn’t that I just feel more confident or happy as a woman. I am a woman.
This is in no way a stab at those who strictly cross dress. I have a lot of respect for those who can turn their feminine alter ego on and off. I wish I could sometimes lol.
Skyler. Just read your wonderful post. It’s one of the best explanations I’ve ever heard between CD’ers and trans. Thank you and I hope your journey as a woman is a happy one. Z
For some I believe crossdressing as crucial to life as eating and drinking, so I guess technically it is a choice.
But using that logic asking someone why they dress would be like asking someome why they eat food. So it’s a choice for me, inside something powerful tells me to eat, drink and crossdress and I choose to listen.
Maria x
[quote quote=139942]For some I believe crossdressing as crucial to life as eating and drinking, so I guess technically it is a choice.
But using that logic asking someone why they dress would be like asking someome why they eat food. So it’s a choice for me, inside something powerful tells me to eat, drink and crossdress and I choose to listen.
Maria x
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Eloquently putLacey x
Hi Girls, matter of choice? I thought about this again and thought in very simple terms, choice means yes or no. But in reality there are different levels of choices like ‘can I be bothered to go to the pub tonight’ or ‘should I go to the gym’. easy yes or no answers, next level, do I eat or drink, believe it or not, we still have a choice! yes or no but if we choose the latter, we would inadvertely die, so its not much of a choice, but it is possible. Last but not least ‘do I have a choice to be born’ , now arguably, technically the answer would be yes, safe sex etc, but you, do you have a choice? no you dont, when you are conceived, its in the lap of the gods whether you make it to the end!
Back to cross dressing, somewhere along the line, before you put your first pair of knickers on you had to make the human decision, ‘do I want to do this’? you can either put them on or not put them on, the fact you have feelings is irrelevant, I would like to put laxative in my bosses tea sometimes, but I never would! what makes it different for us is the fact its a strong mental impulsion, desire coupled with very strong feminine feelings. whether its biological, hereditary or the way you were brought up, I really dont know, but one thing is for sure, I do have a choice, but my choice is to go with my body and mind, I see no point in trying to resist, it would only cause me more anxiety, frustration and hoplessness. See! I told you I was outspoken but please do not take any offence!
Fiona xxx
LOL. Anyway! its jennifers fault for bringing this topic up in the first place! Only kidding! Love you all! 🙂
Fiona(probably going to be in trouble! 🙁 ) xxxxx
for me it is a compulsion and the only release that keeps me sane
I was born in the wrong body probably 4o-45 yrs too early
I guess that when it comes to CD/TG issues, I’m sort of a libertarian. I firmly believe in the freedom of the individual to decide how to behave and how to handle their emotions. I do not believe in a “pink gene” to explain crossdressing/transgenderism (Maybe to explain the level of drive to explain transexualism, but that is a different story).
You have cases of identical twins both being transgendered. But you also have cases of identical twins where one of them is transgendered and the other one isn’t. At the end, does it really matter what was the original cause of emotion which made you try out “dressing up as the opposite gender” for the first time? For me, I don’t think it does. I don’t need an explanation for myself or to give it to anybody else.
I don’t need to wear a dress to survive (different than needing water or food). So for me, it is a choice since I don’t need to crossdress, but I like doing so. It is not about arousal, or well being.
If you were to wake up in the middle of the night and it is pitch dark and you were not able to move… Would you still be able to tell if you are wearing a dress or a man’s night-shirt? I wouldn’t.
So, for me there is a choice every time that I can decide if I will dress up or not. It may never be a choice nor I will be able to forget or ignore the fact that I like to be able to do it. Big difference.
As for the original question, are crossdressers transgendered? Some are. Some are not. Being TG doesn’t give you an special discount anywhere, same as not being TG doesn’t make you inferior to anybody who is.
(Disclaimer, my point of view is only mine, and I will gladly agree to disagree with anybody having a different view).
Gaby ♥
Over the last few decades I’ve seen that the various terms used to describe trans people and activities are in constant flux. As such we can all end up with slightly different interpretations about what each term means. You may think of yourself as transgendered, but to someone else you may not be. Sexual fetish or gender identity issue or floating around the huge space inbetween: we are all human which means we are individual, complicated, constantly changing, wonderous beings. The one thing that we don’t need is pigeonholing and label wars.
As for is this a choice? Again I believe it is down to the individual. I could stop crossdressing tomorrow but it wouldn’t last and how depressed would I end up? I’ve had depression before, and don’t want to go back there ever again.
Hi Jennifer,
Great question and one to ponder on. I planned my initial response to be yes, yes there is a choice because there is always a choice. But after a better part of 30+ years of repressing Michelle and not allowing myself to even consider dressing, I do not feel that there is a choice any more. I was miserable and never truly comfortable with who I was so I cannot and will not ever do that to myself again. I like who I am evolving into. I am happier than I have ever been. I still do not know where it will all lead but I know it will be better than where I was.
Hugs,
Michelle
My opinion on this question is, basically life long crossdressers do not really have a choice, we are who we are. For many years I went through periods of purging only to come back to it every time. So in that sense I did’t have a choice, this thing never goes away. We can make the decision to give up, but in reality does that ever happen? the urge, at least in my case, is always there. It was only when I accepted that crossdressing is part of the ‘whole’ me that I could come to terms with who I really am, so for me there really is no choice. You could say, ‘then if you have no choice, why don’t you transition?’ I have thought about it, but it’s not for me, personal circumstances, age and the fact that I like both sides of me and therefore just as I can not live without my crossdressing, I also can not live with out my male side. As to wether I am ‘transgender’ surely any one that possesses both male and female attributes and feelings is, at least to some extent transgender. I don’t believe ‘transgender’ automatically translates into ‘transition’.
Hi Girls,
I have surrendered myself to my desire to crossdress. I LOVE doing it far too much to stop again. Although, we all have a choice as to whether or not to dress up or not to dress up. You don’t need to act on your desire, I stopped for over 20 years but I have returned and am taking advantage of every minute I can dress an femme. There’s always the choice to act on the desire, I personally became absolutely miserable without Brenda in my life. Even my SO stated that I’m a better, calmer, nicer person when I dress an femme.
Hugs, Bren
@LIly, we are much the same, maybe call it a compulsion, maybe I am just a girly addict. Yes, we do have a choice once that urge hits us, to be careful, denning ourselves because we know it is not safe, especially when one has to be in the closet most of the time. With me I do think it is expressing my inborn side, Jennifer just wants to come out sometimes, sometimes it is so strong she takes chances.
@Bren, I agree darling, when I am Jennifer I am much calmer, no need to put out that male BS, just flow and be happy. I am a lot more friendly to others as I just love who I am at that time.Love you all!
Jennifer
For me, dressing is an expression of something, but I don’t know what. It feels too good to stop though. While I don’t think I have a choice being interested in it, I do choose to engage with it. As far as being trans goes, best I can figure right now, my body is literally half of my identity as male, while the rest of my ‘being’ or whatever is split between a male and female identity happily ridding along in this male body. Do I like that dress on me because it makes me feel feminine as a male, or is it because I am expressing the inborn feminine side of me? I don’t really know! It’s fun and feels right, I do know that. I have purged and grown a stash or two as well, so I identify with a compulsion, but beats me where it comes from or why per say.
I think I agree with Gaby that “are you trans” is a really hard question to answer because both the definitions and the people doing the defining changes. That is not meant to disparage anyone here! Please, whoever you are and however you feel is fine and I make zero judgements across the board. We’re all beautiful people here! I cross-dress in my own time for myself, so I personally I don’t really need labels and thus haven’t spent enough time trying to figure that out. I think I’m trying to not be so scared just being, though I know giving a name to something makes it tangible and easy to work with and understand better.
Hi Jennifer.
I have come to the conclusion that we don’t have A choice, it’s something we are born with like the color of our eyes and hair and our sex. It’s something to enjoy and to be proud of not ashamed of. Trying to ignore it may work for A short time but it seams to come back even stronger. So why fight it, it’s who we are enjoy it.
Sarasue
I don’t feel like I have a choice I know it is an urge to dress and express myself in the most feminine way I can
i also want to look the best I can whilstvdep downbrealising I will never pass
i also want to be able to be more open about who I am
i am not ashamed any more to say to my SO that is am CROSSDRESSER
This however is not without its difficulties
XxxBeccs
I think that those of us who are CD/TG (the exact labels change but I consider trans to be anyone who falls outside what many feel are the gender “norms”) are born with a predisposition to it but not everyone acts on it. There is usually some point where a “trigger” of some sort brings the desire/need to the fore and we act on it. Once it surfaces, the desire doesn’t go away though we may at times make a conscious choice not to act on it But I believe that to completely deny acting on it causes even more mental stress than allowing it -even if under some constraints due to family or job issues.
CynThere are probably as many opinions on this topic as there are shades of grey (or any other colour). All of them will be right to some degree and none will be wrong. It is how each of us personalise our own answer to the question. For me having come, very late in life, to the acceptance that I identify more (important point there) as a female than I do as a male, means that I consider myself to be transgender. I do consider that, personally, accepting my desire to cross dress was part of my progression to recognising and accepting that I am transgender. It just felt right and gave me a glimpse of a way to resolve my internal dissatisfaction with who I was expected to be. If I had known 40 years ago what I have found out in the last 4 years I may have avoided so much self angst. But then I would not be the person I am now (and that includes my partner, family and friends).
Steph
It maybe a fine line but I do consider myself both a crossdresser, and trans. There are many parts of my psychy that are femme, or that I want to be. I don’t think a person needs to fully transition to be considered “trans”.
BTW, I’ve registered at TGH too, and their site is alike in format, but has issues. CDH is head and shoulders better.
Sammy, well… there is always the chance that somebody who may have decided to “Hang their heels” may have also cut all contact with anybody related to cd/tg sites, friends, etc. And if that is the case, how would you know from them that they have been not engaged with any cd behavior at all, for many, many years?
And yet… if I say “I’m stopping” and I dying right after, was I successful in “quitting”? or if somebody at 21 yo decides to quit, and he never does it again at all, but then at 99 yo he wears a pink robe because it is cold… did he fail in his quitting?
So… I do believe people can stop the behavior and succeed at it. It would depend a lot on what was the motivation. Say, a jail inmate forced to dress by other inmates… leaves jail and never dresses anymore. “Oh but that is not a real CD”… so, trying to define who is a real cd is kind of tricky, isn’t it? 🙂
Gaby
Sammy, can’t believe I missed your answer here, sorry about that!
You said something very relevant to me. “I’d just go to living it out in my mind”. As I have mentioned in the past, my personal situation doesn’t allow me to dress often. I could sneak out an hour or two here and there, but after having had chances to have extended time for pretty much full time dressing, these stolen minutes are just no match.
So, most of the time I can be living it out in my mind… I don’t have to wonder how this or that would be. Most of it, been there done that. And it was good and I enjoyed most of those chances.
So now in my everyday life, what I would get out of dressing for an hour or two is just not worth it knowing how much it would hurt my wife if she caughts me. (She knows, not supportive at this time).
So, I don’t have to wear something feminine to be me. Because being me is not tied up to anything else but my soul. So, changing that to living it in my soul is more… me!
🙂
Gaby 💜
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