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A moment I have been both longing for and dreading finally happened… I came out to my mother. Although she didn’t know it, she has been a major part of my cd/trans journey. A number of recent developments in my life made me realize that now was the time to tell her. I had planned to tell her that I was a crossdresser and that maybe I am actually trans, but when I started talking she listened and I just kept talking. I told her that for as long as I can remember I thought my body was all wrong because I was supposed to be shaped more like her. I told her that by the time I finished high school, I was wearing her underwear and sometimes bras and pantyhose to school every day and about how it was a special treat on days alone in the house to wear her business clothes. I told her about how I’ve developed this side of me as an adult by buying my own clothing, shapewear, and wigs and about going to a dressing service. I even showed her my pictures from that happy day.
Then I told her some even harder stuff… that there’s a woman who she knows, who knew my secret and you encouraged me. Through her I met a man who was interested in me as a woman. My mother’s acquaintance helped me dress and he took me out on dates far away. I had to tell her some of the more intimate stuff so that she would understand how serious this was. I told her that my relationship with him had ended, but that I was deeply grateful for how happy, respected, and most of all feminine he had made me feel. I showed her a picture of my last birthday with me sitting on his lap fully feminized and looking as happy as possible. Finally I told her that I didn’t know where I wanted to go from her, but that at 38 years old I wanted to more fully embrace this part of me. I’m tired of being jealous of women I see when I walk around as myself and think I should look like them.
I really didn’t know what to expect from her as my mother used to be quite judgmental, but she responded as well as any mother could. Of course she had realized that someone was going through her clothing, but she did not know nearly the full extent of it. She told me that she loved me and that I looked beautiful in the pictures. It might be strange for her, but if I wanted to be her daughter, she would do the best she could to treat me like one. She was glad I had a friend who I confided in and wanted to make sure that I was being safe.
She said that she needed a few days to fully process everything that I had told her, but that in a week or two we could have our first mother-daughter dinner date. I absolutely can’t wait for her to meet Michelle. Life isn’t easy with this “little secret” but I’m truly grateful to have gotten this lucky and this much support so far.
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Thank you for sharing your story Michelle. A lot of it resonated with me and I feel for everyone on this topic as it is one of the most frightening things to go through with.
I told my mother before that I was attracted to men a year or two ago, but recently revealed that I have been crossdressing in private for many years. It also started with wearing some of her clothes and keeping some, buying online and only very recently in stores. She understood thankfully and was completely oblivious about everything before I told her. I am planning on a second conversation to talk about it more in depth (maybe some fashion advice too!)
Katie
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Thanks Katie! If you look at some of my other posts, I was able to meet my mother as Michelle! It was one of the best days I’ve had.
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Michelle
totally understand. I told my mom when I was younger that I wanted to be a girl. But it wasn’t the right time. She knew and understood but not really
Unfortunately my mom is no longer with us but my goal is still to transition
everyone needs to live their true authentic live if they can
Leah
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Registered On: November 26, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 132Has thanked: 225 timesBeen thanked: 556 timesSo wonderful that you could share with your mother. I also had recently shared my story with my mom, she said that she didn’t fully understand it, but she loved me none the less. It felt so good to share my story with her.
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- Registered On: September 5, 2016Topics: 6Replies: 180Has thanked: 266 timesBeen thanked: 842 times
Michelle
What a wonderful story. To be able to tell someone that close to you that being your parent and then them being accepting. I just told my wife a year ago and that was very freeing. Being able to tell my mom would have been a dream. My guess is that she knew or at least knew I was trying things on but didn’t want to address it. My sisters dressed me once when I was young and I tried on more of their things as I got older. My guess is that at least one would have been ok with me. Unfortunately that one passed away a few years ago.
Your mother must be an amazing person. Sharing your story gives us all hope that there are people out there that will accept us and show us love. Thank you for sharing !
carole
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Thank you all for the love and support, it means so much to me. That conversation with my mother may have been the most exhilarating one I’ve ever had even though there are at least two other people who know about Michelle (me!) I told my mother that I would leave the ball in her court and wouldn’t say anymore until she was ready, but I’m so excited and keep checking my phone.
I feel so shallow, but I keep thinking about what my look will be when she meets Michelle. I tend to like skirts and dresses and am pretty good at dressing appropriately for the situation, but I feel like this should be as low key as possible. The nice thing about this time of year is that it’s natural to cover up, so I’m thinking it will be jeans and a comfy sweater. Any advice on this would be appreciated.
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- Registered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 679Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 2720 times
JJ
Your mention of your brothers reminded me of something else I should have added to my story.
One day when I was going out, one of my older brothers came over to visit mom with his son and two grandchildren.My mother actually introduced me to them as her “friend” Lisa. This simple act paved the way for my introduction to the entire family, something that I not really thought of doing. It made it so easy for me. After all, if “MOM” approved, that was the end of the discussion.
A wonderful gift.
That is fantastic. We are our own worst enemies, and such a simple act by your mother and acceptance by you brother shows that.
Most of the world doesn’t care how we dress, and while many family members or spouses may not understand why we dress, most will accept it.
As was said to me, and I have often repeated, “if somebody has a problem with it, it is their problem, not your’s.”
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JJ
Your mention of your brothers reminded me of something else I should have added to my story.
One day when I was going out, one of my older brothers came over to visit mom with his son and two grandchildren.My mother actually introduced me to them as her “friend” Lisa. This simple act paved the way for my introduction to the entire family, something that I not really thought of doing. It made it so easy for me. After all, if “MOM” approved, that was the end of the discussion.
A wonderful gift.
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- Registered On: September 13, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 679Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 2720 times
Very cool story, I loved reading it, and most of all the outcome.
We are generally really hard on ourselves and hide more then we probably need to. If you (we) have a real need or desire to be femme, then coming out to ones we love can be very empowering, if scary. I am just a man who like to dress en femme, so there is no “need” for me to tell anybody in particular, but for those who do, people who love us will ultimately understand. If they truly love us they will want us to be happy even if they don’t fully understand. I never had a doubt my mother would be accepting if I told her (she has now passed), but I never felt the need to. I feel the same is true with my brothers…I doubt they would understand, but they would accept it because we just love each other as family.
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I’m very happy for you Michelle.
My mother is gone now, but I came out to her about 15 years ago.
She was living alone in the New York house that I grew up in and I was staying there on a visit from Arizona.I had two dinner arrangements planned, as Lisa, with two different women that were old friends and knew of my cross dressing through conversations and photos that I had shown to them.
I discussed everything with my mother about this beforehand, and showed her a couple of photos. She said that I looked nice and was actually interested in seeing me. I also think that the confidence I had in going out in public said a lot to her.
So, the next day, after I was dressed to go, I went over to introduce her to Lisa. She said I looked beautiful. She also said something that I’ll never forget. She said, my mother (Grandmother) would have loved you.
After that, whenever I stayed with her, she always insisted on seeing me before I went out. She loved Lisa.
I miss you mom.
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- Registered On: April 15, 2022Topics: 117Replies: 311Has thanked: 3870 timesBeen thanked: 3865 times
Hi Michelle.
Wow! Your mom sounds like an amazing woman, so you are extremely lucky to have her in your life. I’m so glad your discussion with her went well and I’m completely amazed (and a bit jealous) that she’s open to having you as her daughter; that’s a wonderful gift to you! You’ll have to keep us informed here as your journey progresses and let us know how that goes.
Congratulations!
Hugs,
Holly
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Thanks Holly. I’m surprised just how well it went. It could not have happened a few years ago, but she’s also grown and changed after some hard experiences in her life.
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- Registered On: February 11, 2019Topics: 24Replies: 1681Has thanked: 5126 timesBeen thanked: 5593 times
Michelle, I’m so glad to hear the reveal to your Mom went so well. Then to actually go out with her, sounds wonderful, hopefully it all goes very well, and I bet it will.
This brings up something near to my heart, that I never did tell my Mom she had a part time daughter. When my Mom passed very suddenly in the 90’s I was still so totally closeted it really wasn’t something I’d considered. Now if I could I would tell her about Amy and I believe she would understand and accept, as yours has.
I always thought I was being pretty discrete when I borrowed her clothes, but I have since realized that she would have known someone had been in her things. She also caught me a few times, so perhaps a reveal of Amy wouldn’t have such a surprise to her.
Michelle, I hope you haven’t minded me adding my own story to yours.
Amy
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Thank you for adding to my story and I’m sorry that you never had the chance to tell your mother about Amy.
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- Registered On: June 14, 2021Topics: 31Replies: 1882Has thanked: 14319 timesBeen thanked: 9526 times
Congratulations! Your mom is very special. Looks like fantastic times ahead.
You say you want to transition but you were so brave to face your mom and completely spill the beans that you must have balls the size of grapefruits.
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hahaha. That made me laugh! I would be happy to be brave without the male stereotypes.
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- Registered On: November 23, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 524Has thanked: 373 timesBeen thanked: 2294 times
I realize it must have been terribly difficult for you to tell her but in the long run you are much better off for having done so. Enjoy the rest of your journey!
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- Registered On: August 23, 2015Topics: 3Replies: 288Has thanked: 8889 timesBeen thanked: 1261 times
Congratulations Michelle,Way to go.Secrets get heavier to carry with time,so your secret is off your shoulders .Stand tall and be all the woman you can be.YOU GO GIRL.
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Good for you Michelle, what a huge burden that you don’t have to carry anymore. I wish you all the best in your new journey with your mom and that she continues to accept you as Michelle. What a thrill to go on a mother, daughter date!
Sherri
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- Registered On: November 10, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 995Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 2778 times
Michelle:
Sometimes we get to a point in our lives where we can no longer invest energy in secrets and lies. It just becomes too much to carry. At that point it becomes necessary to tell our truth and the path is only forward; not sideways and not back. I trust it will continue to go well.
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- Registered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 1516Has thanked: 5396 timesBeen thanked: 6999 times
It is one of the biggest steps that you can take to tell someone. I also told my mother first and I had the same kind of reaction as you did. We were lucky and blessed that they accepted us but feel for those who cannot do the same.
I hope it leads to better things for you Michelle.
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- Registered On: November 1, 2022Topics: 0Replies: 266Has thanked: 1921 timesBeen thanked: 1058 times
Hi, Michelle. Wow! Congratulations on having such an awesome mom. I told my mom and she said that she ever caught me dressed as Allysa she would beat the tar out of me and make me change clothes. I am 55 and I have alot of respect for her so I told her that she would never see me as Allysa
Hugs, Allysa2 users thanked author for this post.
I’m so sorry that was your experience. You deserve better.
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- Registered On: September 29, 2022Topics: 7Replies: 152Has thanked: 1064 timesBeen thanked: 990 times
Wow, Michelle! That’s amazing! Congratulations on showing her your full self, I can only imagine how hard that must have been, and what abrelied it must be now. Whenever I think about coming out to my mom, or my adult daughter, I just… can’t. Maybe someday, maybe never, it could go either way. What a gift to be able to get to know your mom as Michelle!
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I hope that you and your mom continue to make progress.
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