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  • #589592
    Carmen Cruz
    Participant
    Registered On: September 12, 2021
    Topics: 27
    Replies: 286
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    Sorry, I need to vent. And you’re all such wonderful gals here, so I’m sorry for ranting… but…

    People need to realize (in particular the trans community), the no matter how we “look”, the pain, the confusion, the feeling, the emotional impact… it’s all relative.

    I don’t have it easy. I DO have a right to complain and “feel” like it’s an uphill battle. My feelings are just as valid as any other trans. My emotions are like any other human being.

    It’s all relative. A few people (the online community anyway), are just haters. As if my journey is “different” than everybody else’s. How fair is that, or cruel quite frankly, to discount my journey because I look the way I do? It’s kind of messed up really. Because I’d never discount anybody else’s journey for the way they look.

    It’s all relative! I have just as many wants and desires, as many insecurities and thoughts of not “being good enough” as every body else. Treating me “differently” as another in this community quite frankly sucks. My mom and dad didn’t make me with the thought of, oooooh, let’s make him have an easy journey if he decides to become a cd/trans when he’s 49 years old. They didn’t intentionally make me to piss people off. Yet, how is this all my fault for looking the way I do?

    ANYHOW, you girls are amazing. I’m sorry to make this about me… but I had to let it out.

    UPDATE: For clarity, please know everyone on CDH has been amazing, and I love all you girls. This post was born out of just testing out the waters of the trans community so to speak. I’m still unsure if I am trans… but I did see an identification that makes more sense to me… transfeminine. Anyhow, just know this post isn’t about CDH or those here who have interacted with me on this site.

Viewing 18 reply threads
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    • #590497
      Bobbi
      Registered On: September 13, 2018
      Topics: 36
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      I had an encounter with a transwoman one time about 20 years ago. she was really pretty, but was really quite rude & mean. I knew she was wearing a breast plate, because I could see the mould marks, & where it ended. I’m not “model pretty” but I can hold my own against pretty much any girl. Anyway, here’s the “juicy part”: She walks up to me, & says “Ooh, look girls, somebody’s dressed up for Halloween!”, & grabs my breast. (My first thought was to deck her, & walk out!). Instead: I lifted my top & my natural 38DDs came flopping out for all to see! I said “OK, your turn! let’s see em’ honey!” I don’t know how her face was able to turn that red with all the whore makeup she was wearing, but I clearly humiliated her in front of the entire bar!
      The bartender (a lovely older gentleman), bought me a drink & said “Thank you, she’s had that coming to her for a while. Nobody here really liked her, so we’re glad you got rid of her.”.

    • #590464
      Regine Kelly
      Lady
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 44
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      Thank you, for your post, Carmen.
      what you say is so true,
      I, am guilty of doing just what you are venting over, a little different, but so very similar. I recently had an interaction, with someone, where I talked out my A$$, not having all the facts of this other persons story, and inadvertently caused pain, which was not at all my intention. I immediately apologized, but the damage was done, and I fear that relationship will be forever destroyed.
      I always try to be the kindest person I could possibly be, but ,I am guilty of falling short of the mark, just by not thinking before I speak, it is a common trait in humanity, but we must all inspect ourselves, before we judge others.
      In your particular case, I am sure it is envy, you are so beautiful, I too am envious, lol
      Hugs, Regi:=)

    • #590060
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
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      Sadly it is part of life. Envy is an emotion we all carry. Usually it is in a pleasant form. I envy you and your looks. God was kind to you and that’s life. There will always be someone who has it all and we look on in envy. But that’s where we park the bus. It makes us realise that there are those that will have more or do better in life but it can make us work harder to aspire to better things and realise our limitations. Envy is an admiration in this case.

      The danger is that the envy becomes resentment and this is where it becomes nasty. I am saddened that you have received such treatment from those that are no different to you. With hate comes the blinkered ambition to cause pain. They do not know you,your struggles or frailties, they want to hurt because of their resentment.

      No your parents didn’t bring you up to piss people off. What they did was raise someone who is a beautiful person and  be the best she can. We are all like that and that is why we are a sisterhood that care and share. We band together and show our strength against the hateful, we are a shield against the venomous barbs.

      Stay beautiful Carmen.

       

       

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      • #590121
        Barb Wire
        Duchess - Annual
        Registered On: September 16, 2021
        Topics: 15
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        “barbs”??

        Hey! Is that a shot at my rowboat form HMS Angela?

        🙂 Barb

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        • #590172
          Angela Booth
          Lady
          Registered On: August 1, 2020
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          Aah, but you aren’t a venomous Barb…..You are one of those we want to hook up with…

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          • #590231
            Barb Wire
            Duchess - Annual
            Registered On: September 16, 2021
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            Well, gee, Angela. Thanks!

            In that case, I’ll release my grip and recoil.

            Barb with a capital ‘B’ 🙂

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    • #589959
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 49
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      Carmen, this is why I love CDH so much. Everyone here comes from so many different place on the trans umbrella. So are crossdressers only or maybe only underdressers and they are happy and satisfied with their lives that way. Some go ALL the way and are/have fully transitioned. All are welcomed here and are made to feel safe.

      when I first came to CDH I did not want to to be considered trans, I was just a crossdresser! Today I would really like to ‘socially’ transition and then decide if I would like to take that further. Even now some days I think of myself as ONLY a crossdresser and other times move to start transitioning. Still trying to find myself.

      Cassie

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    • #589912
      1968 Sonia
      Lady
      Registered On: November 14, 2021
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      Hi Carmen and Girls!!!

      From my point of view this is not a journey to….. whatever the goal could be ( in this particular case to end a transgender transition) , it’s a journey through life and NOW we find eachothers here facing important challenges and we should to be careful and cheerful with all of us.

      What is going to happen tomorrow??? Who knows… anyway our goal should be to became day by day a more more conplete full of acceptance person.

      Kisses girls you inspire me so much!!!

      Sonia

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    • #589887
      Lara Tucker
      Lady
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
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      Thanks for this post Carmen,

      It’s very difficult to improve on Marcellete’s post. Perhaps if all of us were more introspective, and people were just a little slower to judgement we would have a lot more happiness. 

      Yes, I will start with me first, and work on not judging people, especially by looks!

      ❤️Lara🤗

      • This reply was modified 5 months ago by Lara Tucker. Reason: Emoji
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      • #589896
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
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        Hi Lara, hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season.

        I think we all do… that initial human thought based on looks because quite frankly, that’s the very first impression we have. But HOW we interact with that person… that makes all the difference.

        We as humans tend to interact with other people based on our own experience. We project our insecurities on others and make it everyone else’s fault, without looking at WHY we are acting the way we are.

        All we can really do, is just try to be the best version of ourselves each day, and hope we don’t make some huge ass stinking bad choices along the way. But even when we do, we need to reflect, and find ways to be better. It’s a continuous process. Nobody is perfect. Ever.

        I honestly made the mistake yesterday of firing back, as I let me frustration get in the way and “turning the other cheek” just wasn’t an option anymore. I had posted on another site something about feeling dysphoric about my butt (I wish it were more feminine along with my hips). OMG, the messages I got from trans folks telling me “I’m making fun of people with real dysphoria”… or “I’m just a bitch and don’t know what real dysphoria is”… or “I’m not an f’n trans, I look too much like a woman”. After hearing it enough, I fired back a pic of myself and drew in a mustache and beard with “here, are you happy? Am I man enough looking now to be accepted as a real trans?”

        I felt horrible and good at the same time… but mostly horrible. Lapse of judgement on my part, hence coming here and talking it through. I don’t want to feel that way towards people. I hate feeling bitter in this life. I hate being resentful towards others. It’s just not my thing.

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        • #589922
          Lara Tucker
          Lady
          Registered On: September 29, 2021
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          Yes, I think we all can take a moment to stop and think when we get angry, before swinging for the fences! Everyone seems so ready for a fight these days. I’ve certainly been guilty too.

          Hope you ave a wonderful holiday season too!

          Lara

          • This reply was modified 5 months ago by Lara Tucker. Reason: Spelling
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    • #589791
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 77
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      Carmen, thank you for sharing that vent hon.  Yes, your feelings are every bit as valid as any other transgender/transfeminine – as any other person, period.  We all have our different struggles and pains to contend with, and we all matter, regardless of our situation and the troubles we go through as we deal with them.   Never let societies ignorance or peoples fears stand between you and your happiness, hard as they can make it at times.

      Lots of Hugs

      Stevie

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    • #589785
      Liara Wolfe
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
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      Carmen,

      When you, or anyone else for that matter, feels the need to vent I say go for it. I feel that is part of what all of us girls are here for, support. Anything I can do to help, I will certainly try.

      I too am not sure where I fit in as far as my feminine journey goes. I don’t think I am trans but I know I am more than a CD. Still trying to figure it out.

      Love you Carmen. Hugs, Liara

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      • #589835
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
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        Thank you. Yes, maybe I’m a little sensitive to it. The feeling of belonging, I think that’s important for everyone. For the most part, in every aspect of my life, I’ve been able to just let go of the drama and just do me ya know? This journey however is different. It’s more personal I guess.

        I’ve always heard stories of how catty cis women can be towards each other. It seems in the trans community, that exists, but it’s even moreso. Especially in the MTF community, not only do we have men’s competitive spirit and egos, we also have the insecurities of “women” as we embed femininity into our spirit and egos. It’s like a double whammy of sheer cattiness. LMAO.

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        • #589878
          Michelle McQueen
          Lady
          Registered On: June 14, 2021
          Topics: 24
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          Hi Carmen.

          I think you nailed it on the catty and maybe being constantly on HRT encourages that kind of behavior…. idk. I do know some fully trans girls get an attitude toward CD’s like our lifestyle is only a hobby or we’re too scared to go farther and therefore it means we’re not serious and it doesn’t mean much.

          I understand being trans is a completely different world full time in many many ways and its only natural for them to want to be surrounded by their peers and no longer CD’s who might not understand their unique issues. I get that. Donna is an example and I understand why she’s moving on. But t-girls don’t have to get an attitude against CD’s because I’m sure they were CD’s too at some point.

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          • #589886
            Carmen Cruz
            Lady
            Registered On: September 12, 2021
            Topics: 27
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            I think people really forget… you can’t hate on someone for being “different”… because you yourself are every bit as different to them as they are to you.

            That’s the concept missing. Unfortunately, the “do unto others” bit is taken to negative doing as well. Meaning, someone different as “norm” (whatever the hell norm even means), is seen as “less than” by the world, yet, those very same people turn around and hate on others who they view differently. It’s really ridiculous.

            A trans hating on a CD because they’re not a “real” trans??? C’mon now. That’s totally hypocritical. It’s a cycle of hate that never would end. They’re fine with telling you you’re not a “real” trans… but they’re sure not fine with you turning it around and telling them they’re not a “real” woman. Sorry, I’m just using that as an example, as I’d never tell anyone that… but you know what I mean.

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        • #589837
          Anonymous
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          remember Carmen not to long ago posted a post about belonging or not belonging this post you made is how myself feel as well as many others. Suppose some are just to scared to post anything of the nature of possible actions towards self.

          Donna

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    • #589784
      Barb Wire
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
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      Way to go, Carmen! Let it out LOUD and PROUD!

      I never really had the courage to speak up, until a few months ago. And, I’m making up for lost time!

      Live your life! I’m finally living mine with girls like you at my side, as we are by yours.

      Gosh, I kinda like getting older and “wiser”! (Except for the arthritis part, LOL!).

      Love, Barb 🙂

      • #589836
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
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        You’re so funny Barb. Thank you. I have no response other than… love ya girl! 🙂

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #589770
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 24
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      Hi Carmen.

      I can’t see how anyone could diss on you except out of jealously and those types of people aren’t worth our time or brain power so simply ignore them. They weren’t your friend to begin with.

      BTW, I support all girls here no matter where they are on the spectrum as long as they are respectful of others. I hate a bully whether male or female or alien.

      Speaking of jealously…. I would die for you smooth flawless skin but I don’t dislike you for it… lol

      All of us girls, CD or trans, have to have or develop a thick skin to deal with todays society.

      • #589844
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
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        I agree with that. I think it’s the empath in me that gets to me. I also have a daughter who is LGBT. I needed to vent and let it out or I felt myself wanting to have the attitude of “F them, if they’re gonna hate on me, I’ll just do it back, and I’ll win.” I felt inside that I wanted to rub it in so to speak… but unfortunately, the big heart in me tells me crap, they clearly have emotional distress already which is why they treat me (and other) like they do, so I can’t knowingly bite them back. I soooooo do want to though.

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    • #589751
      Anonymous
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      A sideways look.
      If we were who we long to be and we were in each other’s presence, would we behave in a way that seeks friendships or would we seek to find fault? Are we really bound by our relative place in society.? Or is there something inside that really matters both for us as a community? If we are striving to be ourselves, how much easier is it with the genuine help and support of other? And if we value each other as individuals then why not celebrate that together. We are supposedly more attentive to the details and empathetic. Let that be the way to progress- together.

      Love and blessings- Anya

    • #589747
      Danika Ruse
      Lady
      Registered On: October 20, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      Carmen,

      Let me first start by saying you are absolutely beautiful.  No one deserves to be treated poorly no matter what they look like or what path they have chosen to follow.  I hope those who have wronged you have been informed of their offensive language and have made the appropriate apology.

      Being very new to this site, I have not witnessed any of this personally and I hope I never do.  I have no patience for bully’s.  I have felt feminine most of my life but have kept it suppressed mainly because I don’t have the courage to come out completely and frankly I don’t think I would ever pass and be accepted in public.  My wife knows and is very supportive of me but honestly I think this is about as far as it goes for me.  You, have chosen to live your life the way you feel most comfortable and you should be applauded, not ridiculed.  I will admit, I am jealous, you are gorgeous but I think I can relate to how difficult it has been for you to get to where you are today.

      My real life is stark opposite of my crossdressing life, I have a very masculine physique and persona and it scares me to tears to think if anyone inside my circle found out my deepest and most personal secret.  (Literal tears, my ex-wife knows and has made threats to tell my friends)  I am sure you have had many of the same fears and concerns, how dare anyone pass judgement because I am quite certain most of the ladies here have had or are having those same doubts and insecurities along their own journey.

      I don’t believe I am judgmental or that I really ever have been regarding CD and Trans because of who I am inside.  I don’t really know anyone who is CD or Trans for anyone I have come in contact with I have always been polite.  I would never call someone out, how rude would that be.  I can say, I met a young lady who worked at an auto parts store who was obviously born a male but presented appropriately.  She helped with the parts I needed and during the exchange I complemented her nail polish, she smiled and thanked me and as I departed I made a positive comment on her eye makeup which really made her smile and I could tell she appreciated it.  I wanted so much to just talk with her but didn’t want to make her feel self conscious or to come off as rude.

      You keep doing you!  YOU GO GIRL!  Hold your head high and be proud of who you are, what you look like, the struggles you have overcome, the fears you have conquered and the example you are setting for those of us who have yet to achieve your level of dignity, courage and self-acceptance.

      Thank you for posting this, it helped me rationalize my own fears and put them in perspective and recognize that I am really no different than you or anyone else on this roller coaster of a life.

      I hope you have a very Happy Holiday and a great rest of your day

      Hugs,

      Dani

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      • #589787
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
        Topics: 27
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        Thank you so much. CDH is a wonderful community, btw. So it isn’t here. This place is my safe-zone and the girls here are amazing.

        I just needed to vent, or I felt myself getting bitter and not in a mental space I enjoy.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #589720
      Anonymous
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      Anya repeats the repeats again and again. There is much reward in finding the BEST in everybody. Forgiveness is holy. Please just let’s hug, I only have one arm- I gnawed the other off in my frustration. I know I’m a megaphone- but I still plead for humility and love. It is rewarding – and it should be. So how about some more passion in our friendships? I didn’t come here to read a book ( although I could recommend a few – written by qualified and experienced members. If you want to find out- go and search. Please all have a calm and caring Christmas/ holiday/ and realign with each other. No more hurting,
      Please! Thank you, Bless you, Anya xox

    • #589716
      Brielle Ross
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 5
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      Hi Carmen, I totally agree with your post! People on this site (or any supporting LGBTQA) should be the most supportive and affirming of any SM (Social Media! giggle) site on the Net. Those of us who are transitioning (even if we don’t do HRT or have surgeries) do have the same insecurities, if not more, as anyone else. My wife doesn’t mean to, but sometimes she’ll make an offhand comment that cuts me deeper than any overt insult or hateful remark. What makes it hurt worse is that she doesn’t even know that it is harmful. Now that I am on the other side, so to speak, I see now how I have done that my whole life. Eye rolls, dismissive words, or just not listening can hurt as much as a punch in the gut. And I am as guilty of it as anyone.

      Transitioning people who are on HRT are going through female puberty and will suffer the same lack of self-esteem as any young GG. Just because we are physically adult or even seasoned-citizens, it doesn’t mean we are emotionally put-together. I think you are just fabulous and if you need any uplifting, just reach out to me, GF! I admire you for being out and making your life into what you feel is best. The rest of them can just F— off! Sorry, moderators, but this sort of thing so pisses me off.

      Hugs and supportive kisses,

      Brielle XOXOXO

      • #589723
        Anonymous
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        Hear hear!!

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    • #589707
      Anonymous
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      It’s whats on the inside that counts. Being pretty isn’t the same as being a good person. Being below somebody’s subjective ideal doesn’t equate to inferior. Being “abnormal” doesn’t make you abnormal.

      Why the f*** can’t people be nice to each other?

      Connie

      xxx

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      • #589854
        Carmen Cruz
        Lady
        Registered On: September 12, 2021
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        LOL. I was reading your post, internally agreeing, taking it all in, nodding affirmatively… THEN I get to:

        “Why the f*** can’t people be nice to each other?”

        AND BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EX-f’n-actly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s really the problem with this world.

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    • #589688
      Anonymous
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      HI Carmen can relate to everything you said get that too alot . We all equal no matter what people says and expect to be treated that way. As for those haters ignore them what I do. WIshing you a beautiful day Carmen

      Hugs
      Donna

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    • #589686
      Jane Plain
      Lady
      Registered On: January 14, 2021
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      Hi Carmen,

      If being who we are was as easy as just trying to look feminine this world would be a different place. Imagine being without fear of rejection, ridicule and the many negative emotions we keep inside. We could put our best foot forward (in heals of course) and hold our heads high while going about our daily lives. There would be so many more of us openly out on the streets.

      The thing is we are who we are on the inside. This makes you – you. Others don’t know what’s going on inside of us. We all wear masks in daily life whether that be male or female. We only let our insides out when we talk openly and honestly. Doing so is often difficult (for some not possible) in daily life. We, here, can relate to those internal conflicts.

      I agree with Marcellette. We all have an unconscious bias no matter how hard we try. We like things that appeal to us. When that comes to people we obviously see the outside first. Having beautiful clothes, hair, makeup, figure and possibly passing are for many the things we strive for – all external things. We must remember the person is on the inside and not judge until you know them.

      Love Jane X.

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    • #589653
      Fredrika Jones
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
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      You are beautiful. Don’t take crap from anybody. Take it one day at a time. Lean on and listen to your true friends.

      A little corny, maybe, but all true.

      Big Hug and Kiss,
      Fredrika

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #589652
      Marcellette Laval
      Lady
      Registered On: February 1, 2021
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      Carmen,

      Thank you for sharing this, I think it is important for us to hear….  I’m saddened to hear of your mistreatment, but glad that you can vent here safely with us!

      So often, and I know I’ve certainly been guilty of this, we tend to see physical beauty and presume that those who possess it somehow have it ‘easy’ in life.  Clearly this isn’t true, but somehow it seems conditioned within us to reactively believe this when we see someone who is physically beautiful (masculine or feminine).

      There is also an unavoidable reality that people also tend to engage on appearances first – unfortunate yes, but that’s the reality of the world isn’t it?  I think it becomes particularly difficult when this is overlayed on the crossdressing/trans experience, and community.  Speaking from a MTF perspective, looking feminine is (for many, but not all) a vital part of feeling feminine – and looking feminine (enough) can be difficult.  So pile those things together and one can see how, as presumptuous, unfair, and untrue as it may be, feelings that a beautiful CD has it ‘easier’ can arise.  Because a piece of it is true, right – there are some men whose facial and physical features make it easier for them to becoming convincingly feminine, perhaps even beautifully feminine, and there are others who may internally feel every bit as feminine as the physically beautiful CD, but whose physical features will never allow them to present in that same way to the outside world.  So to them, the feeling that the beautiful CD has it ‘easier’ (at least in the physical presentation regard) is understandable.  I think the issue, and as you have also expressed it, is that this is no justification for treating a physically beautiful CD any differently, or for presuming that their internal struggles and overall life challenges are any less difficult than everyone else’s.

      I’ve taken what you’ve said to heart, and in doing so I took the time this morning to reflect on how I have treated other CDs and I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t lived up to my own beliefs here.  In my mind I believe that all CDs are beautiful, regardless of how femininely they may be able to present themselves.  However, when I look back over the past 10 months that I’ve been on CDH and specifically all the photos that I’ve ‘liked’ and commented upon – it seems that for the most part I have only been providing comments (and by extension ‘support’) on the pics of CDs who present most  femininely.  So how’s that for hypocrisy…clearly I still have a way to go..

      Thanks again for this post Carmen, and for the opportunity it provided for us all to examine ourselves.  Powerful, meaningful, and worthy activity to be sure..

      Marcellette

       

    • #589847
      Carmen Cruz
      Lady
      Registered On: September 12, 2021
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 286
      Has thanked: 433 times
      Been thanked: 1721 times

      Hi Bonnie. Thank you so much. I’m also a CD, but feeling lately there is more to this for me. I’m struggling with that feeling. I’m a solutions guy, a mr. fix it for friends who struggle around me. I’m not used to not having a solution for a “problem” (for lack of a better term) I myself can’t identify inside myself. It give me anxiety and makes me feel “lost”. With that, I think I’m more sensitive than I should be. I can’t even imagine what I’d be like on HRT lol… I’m already an emotional being and operate entirely from my heart.

      With that said, yes, all my pics are the real me. I’ve gotten the “wow, you are so much prettier in person”… but I don’t think that has anything to do with looks, I think it’s more that my personality is “gentle”. I get that a lot in guy mode, so it has nothing to do with crossdressing lol.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
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