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I have noticed something about crossdressing its more common than one might have thought. We are so use to hiding covering our tracks. If our secret get out we are ruined Top secret government stuff. After coming out of the wardrobe I told my doctor her reaction was oh my brother crossdresses also. My niece’s let it slip that her boyfriend does it they share clothes I seen some pics and he is a beginner. Recently on Flickr I have been getting messages form people I went to school with telling me they crossdress also. So this lifestyle, Hobby or what ever you want to call it is all around us.
It’s hearing things like this, that make one realize that society as a whole, really is just one toxic cesspool. Think about how many people would suffer less, because they were free to be themselves? I admire the courage of everyone who has the guts to wear whatever they want to wear, to be however and whoever they want to be, apologetically, and show the world their authentic selves, every day. Pretty much everyone in this community, and every person who openly identifies as not straight/cis.) I find every person on the color spectrum (LGBTQ2ia+) a testament to the true strength of the human.
I think you are right, this is much more common than is usually given credit, as it is considered so unmanly by many.
A short while ago I was in a store and chatting with the saleswoman and she told me her boyfriend crossdresses too, and he can look so much better then me, she said!
The world is slowly getting more accepting to this, but we still have way to go.
Amy
I think every man should try on women’s clothing at least once in their life. The crossdressing lifestyle is not for everyone. But I think men would be less toxic if they wore women’s clothes now and then.
I hope crossdressing is more common. I think most guys just don’t want to admit to it.
Xoxo,
Dani
Thank you. I love to hear stories like this. If only there was a secret handshake or something 🙂
I think the secret handshake is a limp wrist while making duck face…🥁🥁💥
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Maybe one that is a little more secretive than that 😉
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It great to read of so many cross dressing now. We know cross dressing has always been practiced through the ages and now with the internet its becoming more and more wide spread and accepted even if many still do not approve of it. Before the internet most of us thought we were the only ones in the world who had this habit but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. I’m hoping to see the day that a CD in public is common and accepted by society in general.
Totally agree! And you’re only referring to the people who admit to being a crossdresser. There are hordes more who have thought about it, but never acted on the desire. It is a very freeing experience to get dressed and go out without caring what others might think. Now, about that secret handshake…..
I believe the number of cross dressers is much higher than anyone can figure. After all there are many men that are totally ashamed by it and hide it, and will not admit it under severe torture. Then there are those the dress, but ie is a fashion thing, not cross dressing! I am on another group for high heels and many men there CD but if you bring it up they get all holy and tell you is is fashion. IMO, I like the simple description that CD’ing is wearing clothing intended for the opposite gender, so they definitely are CD’ers.
The thing I always made me giggle a bit as I worked for a large enough company that there was about thirty guys I worked with. If 10% cross dress that made three of us in that office. In my mind I liked to play, “Who is the cross dresser?” and try to figure out who the other one or two guys I worked with dressed!
Its impossible to know how many of us there are, partly because people don’t always tell the truth even on anonymous questionairres and because we are so diligent about hiding our tracks.
Still, looking back on my long lifetime, it strikes me that for something supposedly so rare, there was pretty widespread knowledge that ‘some’ males liked wearing women’s clothes and some genetic males tended to be decidedly feminine. Of course, there were all the usual stereotypes and it wasn’t often discussed.
I agree with all that has been stated above. If society woudl be more accepting of our cross dressing, we al;l woudl be surprised of how many of us are out there. I also find it very interesting that no matter where you are form, we all have a lot of similarities, wants, needs and desires. Which makes one wonder, how did so many of us get the dressing bug so to speak.
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I know, it’s fascinating. I give a lot of thought to the “why”.
I think in time society will be more accepting and perhaps even embrace crossdressing. As with any great change, it takes much time, much work, and sacrifice.
It wasn’t long ago that it was scandalous to be a gay person outed in society. Families, friends, and jobs were lost. Now being gay is not only accepted, but celebrated.
Change is always slower than anyone would like but it does happen, and it will happen.
Hugs,
Betty
It makes me wonder what it would take to “push it over,” where it would be normal and accepted. If every single person who is “in the closet” were to come out one day, how many people would there be?
Of course, part of the fun for me is that it’s a bit weird. If it was normal for guys to wear dresses, I don’t think it would be quite as much fun. I just don’t people to be afraid for their children when I’m around.
My doctor told me essentially the same thing. Crossdressing is much more common than most anyone’s personal experience would indicate.
[soapbox]
My take on why it’s such a hidden thing and a source of so much shame for men is at odds with what appears to be the prevailing theory, though. When patriarchy was a real thing, and not the all-purpose feminist excuse it has now become, men could dress flamboyantly, and the more flamboyant the more it signaled high social status. No, this donning of extravagant attire was not deemed crossdressing per se. But to modern eyes, styles of that era continue to be admired when it comes to traditionally female attire, but men costumed in period accurate dress in dramatizations nowadays are usually the clownish, stupid, or sinister characters. Literal male to female crossdressing, at least among the upper classes, was surprising well-tolerated as recently as Victorian times in parts of Europe. In many parts of Asia, it never has been treated as a serious issue. Heck, tea houses and bars staffed with young men dressed in maid uniforms are a mainstream phenomenon in Tokyo, and while women’s rights have made significant advancements in Japan, it’s still very much an “man’s world” there.
Now, in the west, we find ourselves in a situation where GGs can dress as feminine or as masculine as they like, but that option is not accorded to men. This correlates with a current collapse of respect for male authority, to the point where such is deemed to be either evil or comic (see “mansplaining” for example). Gillette infamously tried to sell razors to men while branding them as “toxic.”
Passage of anti-crossdressing laws in the US temporally correlate with the rise in the power of the women’s suffrage movement, an interesting coincidence, at very least. I will also point out how many of the ladies on this site lament how rare it is to find GGs who tolerate, much less embrace, our crossdressing. GGs have a huge influence on what is deemed to be normative male behavior, and this influence is only amplified as their general authority grows.
[/soapbox]
Charlotte,
Your second to last paragraph is intriguing. You say women can dress as feminine or masculine as we please and that option is not afforded to men. You could dress however you like but you seemingly choose not to. What keeps you from dressing how you want to in public? Privilege seems to elude the mind of the non-transitioning crossdresser. There are distinct advantages to being male in our society and you get to decide how you present outside of your home. You enjoy the advantages of being male and can choose to present as female whenever you like but suffer non the societal and economic disadvantages. When non-transitioning crossdressers complain about women being afforded a privilege they wish to have, it is insulting to GG. It seems to me some crossdressers want to have their cake and eat it too.Hi Betty. Thank you for this reply.
Many seem to forget that about one century ago women were restricted to wearing only dresses/skirts.
And that it took many pioneers to start wearing trousers while facing the outrage of the general public. Then of course the big change in the tide was tied up to the war effort in WWII, where it was not even a fashion statement anymore, but among other things a safety issue.
So, one thing to remember is that the majority of those women had no intention of pass themselves as males.
Which brings the other subject… a woman wearing pants is more often than non, not crossdressing at all. That cry claiming unfairness from many mtf crossdressers is, in my opinion, comparing pears to apples.
The day men in general decide they want to start wearing dresses made for men… I will still continue wearing dresses made for women. 😉And yet, men wearing skirts are, at best, targets of ridicule, and at worst, targets of violence.
This is the blind spot keep trying to point out, and which to my surprise, prevails even here, of all places. Many on this thread have reflexively blamed men for the intolerance directed toward men wearing feminine clothing, a few even resorting to the “toxic” label promoted by feminists.
It’s a shame.
It is interesting that you call “crossdressing” to the clothing styles from the French royalty, for example. How could a man wearing silk stockings and high heeled shoes, and wigs and brocades be considered crossdressing, if they were the ones wearing such items before females? So, sorry, but no crossdressing there.
Back to present times, we must be exposed to very different environments, as I don’t perceive a feminist conspiracy to outlaw or worse any “feminine behavior” in men. If anything, it may be the other way around, where there are claims or “toxic masculinity” and attempts to raise boys to be less… aggressive? Tough? Playful? Assertive? Many of the “masculine” behaviors are discouraged and boys are even medicated so they will peacefully comply.
And even without that, from what I have seen, most women happen to be ok with crossdressing! Yes, they are! Unless it is their boyfriend or husband or son who are the ones crossdressing. That makes a huge difference in most cases.
There are distinct advantages to being male or female in today’s society, but I believe the advantages men are said to have are sorely overstated. And if one thinks men can present as female whenever they like, they haven’t been paying attention to accounts of the consequences for doing so which many here have written about. Feminity in men is far more stigmatized than is masculinity in women. There’s really no debate on that point. The question is why the disparity. Many reflexively blame men for it. I have a different view.
I believe the disparity resides with the fact that women fought and worked hard to have the freedom to do more and dress how they choose. Yes, there are many potential consequences for a man who wants to walk freely dressed as a woman, I am well aware. Women didn’t make change by complaining about it in the closet. If you want change, you have to make it for yourself. It isn’t women that are holding you back and you sorely lack the understanding of what it is to walk in this world as a genetic woman.
Best wishes,
Betty-
I have to agree with you Betty. I believe as much as we try to imitate females there is no way we can ever really know what its like to be born and live and work in society as a woman. All we CD’s can do is deal with the issues our unique lifestyle brings.
On the other hand, females cannot know what its really like to be born and live as a man in society. We can only observe each other from across that great divide.
Thank you. You are so right. I can no better understand what it is truly like to be a man than a man can understand my world.
I’m overwhelmed with some of the comments that come across as harsh to the wife/SO or GG. I’m trying so hard to understand and make progress but it is very challenging so when I read things about how easy GG have it or how terrible a wife is for not being accepting, it upsets me and I want to give up trying to understand and make progress.
It is important to remember that wives are here reading posts and comments in a genuine effort to understand and make progress.
Hugs,
Betty-
Betty, of course its easy to only see one side and not understand why the other side can’t see it our way… its just human nature that even starts wars.
Frustration is abundant on both sides and can usually only be overcome by a long process of discussion, open mindedness, patience, and honesty with ourselves which is just as important as with our partners. As much as we CD’s would like too, it just can’t be rushed. People resist change and do so slowly thus frustration happens.
It has taken my wife and I over six years to get where we are now but we have found a balance that works for us. It wasn’t always easy but she understands my needs and I understand her concerns. When a couple can find common ground to grow it really bonds each other together. We are closer now than ever in our long marriage. The trick is to not give up, so please Betty don’t give up on your husband. The rewards can be wonderful for both of you.
Hi Betty, I’ve been a crossdresser since I was 6 years old and I was fortunate enough to be able to pass as female with out any problems. I totally understand where most GG’s are coming from regarding their husbands desire to look pretty once in a while. I told my wife about my hobby before we got married because I couldn’t go into a relationship hiding something like this. I wanted to give her the the chance to cut and run. Well she still married me and recently she was all over me about my crossdressing and saying she had married a man not a women and I’m thinking to myself…WTF? So I said to her you knew I crossdressed so why did you marry me and she said well I thought I could change you. All of this after 47 years together. I love her dearly but still cannot understand where she is coming from and have given up trying. My two boys totally accept my crossdressing and fully support me but the one who really counts does not. When I read articles from the other girls saying how supportive there wives are I’m always thinking…where did I go wrong?
Cheers,
Trish
Trish,
I think you are an exception to the rule. You did everything “right” and it still blew up in your face, so to speak. I think there are many foolish women (no offense to your wife) that enter into relationships in hopes of changing their partner. You cannot change the fundamental aspects of who you are. A person can mature, grow, and change (to some degree) over time but the core aspects always remain. While I don’t understand the “need” to crossdress, I do understand that it is a deeply rooted desire that does not subside. If it wasn’t such a deep desire/need I would guess many crossdressers would happily pack up their panties to enjoy an “easier” life. If it was that easy to do, this site wouldn’t exist and we wouldn’t be having these conversations.Hugs,
BettyIt isn’t a disadvantage to be paid less for the same work?
It would be, if it were so. But it’s not. This is just the sort of thing I’ve been writing about. There’s an abundance of assumptions we just take for granted which are based on myths, if not outright lies. The alleged pay gap is one of those lies.
The American Association of University Women contracted a statistician to research the issue, and found that the 70-odd% figure which is often bandied about has no basis in fact. Instead, the statistician found the gap is around 3%, which given margin for error in the findings, made it a wash. And yes, that 3% gap favors men, but when you consider that for new hires, women with equal merit usually start at measurably higher salaries compared to men, it more than balances out, at least in my opinion.
I respectfully disagree with you. When I read your words you sound to me that you are angry and blame women and society for your perceived problems. When I read your words they sound to me that you have a firm belief that you, and only you, are correct and there is no room to consider things differently than you already believe or from another perspective.
I may well be misinterpreting what you intend to convey and I sincerely apologize if that it the case. I don’t think any progress will come from our efforts, or lack thereof, to understand each other so I’ll refrain from further comment.
I wish you all the best,
Betty
Your physician is correct. None of this is new.
Add to that, many of the things considered feminine today were created by both genders but for men initially. Men donned powdered wigs, overdresses and make up. Mascara was created to hide gray in the eye brows and to extend lashes to inspire a more youthful appearance. Heels on boots aided in mounting a steed but then became everyday wear on boots and eventually ordinary shoes.
If you opt to go back further in history, The Watchers came to the earth and taught earth women the art of cosmetics. Or, depending on the variant you wish, the Greek gods also taught earth women to coif and apply make up.
Pick your storyline or path as you like – they all end up at a similar destination.
i love being a crossdresser. Recently, after attending my usualThursday night drag show, I needed a bite to eat before heading home. I stopped at an all night diner and no one said anything about my outfit. Enjoyed my meal, chatted with the waitress who said I looked nice and went on my merry way. Im sure that I was the subject of talk for them the rest of the night, but I really dont care and plan to,eat there more often.
Hi Brandie,
Yes, I think it is more common than some in society let on, but like everything else that has happened in history, there will be a tipping point, and cross-dressing will probably become more accepted.
Regarding history, I could make the claim that the rise of the middle class (and not feminism) has been responsible for a lot of current attitudes. Back in the ‘old’ days, when people wanted a remembrance of who they are/were, first you had to be extremely wealthy which most weren’t to pay a commission to have a painter paint your portrait. Then you wanted to look your best and not just some trashy daywear, so you put on your best outfit that you seldom wore, and then the painter using his whole palette went to work making it even splashier. Just don’t trust those few paintings we have of a few very, very, very rich people as somehow that was standard daily wear, it wasn’t.
Also, the vast majority of people were POOR!!!! They didn’t have the time nor the money to indulge in wearing fancy clothes, much less decent clothes. They worked from sunup to sundown and then went to bed, seldom washing themselves or their clothes. And the kids worked too. No school, hardly any playtime. You just don’t see most of that in paintings of the day. And the few portraits we do see, the ones where men are wearing what we would now consider lavish clothing, well, just think on this – those give rise to those lascivious attitudes we now have which encourages media to throw more our way as if that was standard living conditions. It weren’t.
The rise of the middle-class starting in the late 1800’s industrialization gave rise to a whole class of people eventually having some spare time on their hands along with money, along with pent up desires. I doubt very many males ‘back in the day’ had the time or money or anything to indulge in cross-dressing. Today we do.
And with the rise of the middle-class came class distinction and proper behavior attitudes having nothing to do with ‘feminism’. Whole groups now had the power to try to impose their will on the rest, whether it be old fashioned liberal or conservative attitudes or current versions of each, again having very little if anything to do with feminism.
And as others here have pointed out, there is still a huge wage disparity between men and women’s wages. And, go raise a kid by yourself. I did. Lose your father and have a mother that had to work at a time when few were working and definitely not mothers of little ones. Mine did. I grew up with brothers and sisters and I watched very carefully how my mother was treated, how they were treated, how they lived and grew and moved into adulthood.
It wasn’t by complaining or wishing or hoping that things would somehow have been different or will immediately get better. It was by just getting out there, being a good person, contributing, helping, joining in, and like here, sharing experiences, giving hope to others is what counts. General acceptance may not come in my lifetime, but it will come. Complaining will never help, doing things however small to help or encourage oneself or others does.
Hugs, ChloeC
I kicked the coming out anthill over by posting the same AV I use here on Classmates .com with an announcement that I am Barbie and not John. I found out very quickly who my true friends were. People who can’t accept that you are still at the core the same person they always knew then they never were true friends.
To have a full life as Barbie I had to sacrifice my life as John. That was not easy. I liked a lot of things about my old male life.
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That is one of the first steps towards ‘normalization; making something so prevalent that it is ‘accepted’ as usual.
I do not like the words, ‘normalization’ (as it carries the connotation that it is perverse although cross-dressing has been with us since time immemorial) or ‘acceptance’ (as if social acceptance should be a criteria for permission to do something ‘normal’ in the first place). Perhaps better terms are available.
However, in the past, oh, 70-years, people in certain nations or societies have become less imbued with that strident objection peculiar to people too prone to blaming others for their problems of perception. I wonder if some nations or societies simply don’t have any problem with gender variance.
The most consistent and relevant estimate amongst a wide range of speculative estimates is that 3% of males ‘dress’ for any length of time (if periodically). Still, I have always felt that to be a low estimate and there is the sense, as mentioned below, that the relevant statistics were meaningless because respondents were less than forthcoming.
There has also been a growing sense that what is wholly ‘masculine’ may not be so certain, and ditto for ‘feminine’. The definitions for masculinity, femininity and androgyny have, in some ways, achieved clarity as more focused and finite collections of attributes, traits and behaviours. This still confuses a lot of people who find the elaborate mosaic of human identities overwhelming and feel only comfortable with what they are familiar with.
But is spite of all of the setbacks, misapprehensions, condemnations and viciousness that have also become openly prevalent it still has become at least a topic for public discussion and therefore understanding. It has become better.
That is heartening.
Araminta.
Your belief that 3% is low is correct. I have seen other studies that have estimated the level of crossdressing at 5%. Some have gone as high as 10% but I feel this is stretching the credibility of statistics. I will agree to the middle level of 5%.
This then gives rise to the question of “How many crossdressers are there?” A rough mathematical exercise goes as this. There are 8 billion people on earth. If half are male (I know it’s less, but let’s keep the math simple) that is 4 billion. If 5% partake in crossdressing, part time or fulltime, partial (underdressing) to full dress, that means 200 million men worldwide crossdress.
Transferring this idea down to your local level, if your immediate area is 1000 people the number of crossdressers is 25. (1000÷2×.05)
So as you walk down the street you are likely to pass one everyday. Your grocery store, your bank, the gas station, the post office, everywhere you go, you have the potential, even the probability of being in the presence of a crossdresser.
WE ARE EVERYWHERE!
Ain’t it cool. 😁
❤
Beth
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