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Hey Ladies, I’ve been thinking about something. Sorry if this seems sorta philosophical, but it’s something I’ve always wondered about. When we are our womanly selves our real selves, who are we?
Ok, yeah I know weird question, but like I said it’s something I’ve always wondered about. I’ve always wondered what kind of woman I am, am I flirty, sporty? Do I like certain things, not like certain things? Being a crossdresser has helped me see a whole new side of the world, I’ve seen some of the things real women go through, clothes shopping, bra shopping, fixing my hair. These are just some of the things I have a totally new found respect for real women for dealing with. Hell I get confused trying to figure out make-up.
When I become Jessica, I like the feeling I have of letting my kinder, sweeter side out for the world (even though I’m still a private dresser save for the time I went to the mailbox). I know that my female self and my male self are two sides of the same coin, and it bugs me that the one side sits alone in the dark while the other side sees the light. It sucks that when I’m my male self I feel as if people are scared of me, I’ve seen kids hide behind their parents. They never see the kinder side of me, they never see Jessica.
I often find myself sitting and while searching something online, or watching TV my mind wonders is this the kind of woman I am? When I see other women, I find myself asking the same question, then it starts to make me rethink things.
I can’t count the number of times I hoped for some kind of Sci-fi event to happen to allow me to change who I am, but I don’t know who I am. I love my female side, I love being Jessica, yet I can’t help but think I’m not being Jessica correctly.
I sometimes feel like I’m playing at being a woman, when I’m really trying. I have the utmost respect for women, it’s not easy being a woman. Yet I feel like I’m mocking them and making fun of them, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just crazy?
I’m sorry again if this got too philosophical, this was just something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.
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