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Hi girls I just came out to my wife a few days ago I had previously told her I like panties and lingerie and she dealt with that and didn’t mind seeing me in panties. Now that I came out I ordered a crossdressers kit from glamour boutique this bothered her she said that she doesn’t know why I need more stuff I have one pair of heels a cheap wig and she said that I can wear her old dresses bras panties lingerie and I can get sample makeup from sephora. I guess I should be grateful about this but I am concerned I won’t be able to get more things, can anyone else relate to this? Also she wants me to do this in total private and doesn’t want me talking to other crossdressers or participate on websites like this however I feel I need to talk to people who are experiencing the same things o am going through. She doesnt want to see me dressed yet hopefully in time things will get easier for her as I am trying to take it slow and don’t want to bankrupt us with my dressing
Hi Amber,
I can certainly emphasize with you right now, I told my wife 2 weeks ago that I was trans. She has been having a tough time overall with it, but she joined up here and another site that I’m on. She’s trying to accept, but like your wife, has absolutely no desire to see me dressed. Hopefully as time goes on and they become more comfortable with things, our wives will be more accepting and open to things.
Good luck. 😀
take your time with her , be grateful that she is accepting or tolerating. go slowly. have her go to the SO site on this site
Thanks that is what I am trying to do it’s just this is the first time I have been out and open and since she pays the bills I never could go buy any items without her knowing and now that I can I just really want too But I will definitely slow down
Hi Amber,
My wife and I had this conversation this fall. She was supportive, and as soon as she said she wasn’t leaving me, I pushed really hard and bought a bunch of stuff and pushed her to see me dressed. This was a bad idea. It was too much too soon. Over the past few months, we’ve talked about it alot which has really helped, and now she’s totally ok with everything. I try not to spend too much money, and the more freedom I have, the less I need to spend and can “pass” up deals and sales because I know the clothes won’t look good on me anyway. I guess what I’m trying to say is, keep the dialog open with your wife, and while you’ll want to push, tell her why. You want to get to that point of freedom where you know you can fully express yourself and she still loves you. Make that known. If she knows why you’re pushing so hard, she may tolerate it more, and you may be able to push less hard. Again, keep communicating and try to think about it from her perspective. It’s not an easy thing that you’ve done by telling her and I applaud you!
In the same boat,
Eva C.
Thanks you for the advice it’s great will definitely do that hope it will help I think it will its been going a little better we kind of can talk about Amber now so that’s a start
be patient
i was so happy when my wife said she was ok with my dressing (after much discussion of course)
but after i started thinking about it I backed off a little because i womdered what was it really doing to her
In the same boat but for a longer period of time. My wife became aware of my enjoyment of crossdressing some 25 years ago, still it is hidden.
She knows I have enjoyed crossdressing from a child but doesn’t get it. To be honest neither do I, I just know how good/natural I feel when en femme. I did try leading her into an acceptance by ‘stealth’, gradually getting her to accept my dressing little by little, but realised this was not the avenue to go down, the one time I didn’t feel comfortable as me.
I am like you as well I don’t totally get it why I like dressingit just feels good relaxes me but I like being a man as well and sometimes I wanna dress every day but other times I could only get the urge one week of the month
I am shortly approaching the first anniversary of disclosing to my wife. It was one of the scariest things that I have done during my marriage. Keeping it secret from my wife was one of the most stressful times of my marriage. My wfe was aware of the stress and was near forcing it out of me. She thought the stress was financially rooted.
Thankfully, I was blessed with a wife who has been supportive and understanding. However, the past year has not been smooth sailing. We have had are disagreements, but overall, we are better off than we were prior. Being patient and cognizant of my wife’s feelings was paramount to our success.
Mac
Well my wife and I went to the mall yesterday and she thought it would be a good idea to get me foundation and went and bought it for me as well as a new pair of pantyhose she didn’t want people to stare at me so I guess things are going pretty well I can talk about Amber with her some too I just am avoiding asking for more things for a while after I got my hose foundation and when we got home in the mail my crossdressing kit from glamour boutique was in the mail. I got breast forms a gaff dress and pocket bra. i have yet to put on anything in front of her but hopefully soon I can at least show her what I got
Hi Amber,
Like the other girls my advice is to take it slow. You know all your life Amber is part of you, yet your wife has learned about this only a couple of days ago.
I told my wife early January and I am fortunate her love for me is strong, yet she did not want to know anything about my feminine side. Only this week she has started to ask some questions about my feelings and me trying to find a balance.
Your wife seems very understanding and supportive. Give her some time to get to know Amber.
Hugs, Liv
Thanks Liv I appreciate it I am pretty lucky she loves me and I understanding she i opening up more with it so that’s good
My crossdressing started in earnest when I was forced into retirement and was left alone while my wife continued working . Since I was home I could order my own clothes, etc. Christmas was fun, dress for her and one for me… My lady came home early and I was caught in the perverbial “deer caught in the headlights” .. Discussion after discussion followed. And this happened prior to my friends here at CDH. Our love prevailed … And eventually one day we went shopping together for panties, stockings, and cami’s for me…and we did have a manicure together.. My lady prefers that I dress when the opportunity presents itself…she makes outings with her friends she may or may not know that it gives me en femme time. This seems to be working for our relationship…. My enfemme time , however, has been limited since my wife’s mom passed away and she is having difficulty with her passing.. We did have a nice vacation which helped her sorrow
Long story short: tell your SO, it is very important…if she accepts go slow but keep communicating… Thank you all for letting me share my experience… You are all good friends
LeonaraThanks for the good advice
Since November, I have been in full CD mode at nearly every opportunity. I have three kids in high school still and my wife works long hours in the winter months. So at night with locked door I have taken advantage of this time to try out my growing wardrobe. Only the past two months have I dared photograph myself.
I know it won’t be too long before I slip up and need to share with my wife what the hell I am doing. I’ve accidentally left out used makeup cleansing cloths in the shower. I gave her my iPad to look up something on Amazon and in the basket was a petticoat. She joked about me getting one and then moved on.
The only other person that “knows” is an older sister who found an outfit on my bed when I was around 14. I am going to talk to her this weekend because I can’t hide much longer.
Wish me luck!
Hannah Jeanne
Good luck Hannah hope everything goes well
Hi Amber! I wish you good luck. You S/O seems pretty reasonable about CD. I think that she will be ok….just give a bit of time.
Lady Veronica
Thanks all is going well been getting more makeup and more practice love not having to hide and I have her blessing to be able to go out now
I told my wife in April she was shocked, distressed and hurt. She can’t stand even thinking about me dressed. She could not ever come to accept. It strained our relationship. But she is very good at compartmentalism and could put the subject on a shelf for a month at a time. A little over a month ago we decided that I would stop dressing. I’ve since dressed up once and think about it often. But right know I’ll open up the pictures and smile. If I never dress again I’ll be very happy for the 8 months I spent as Hannah. If I get to in the future that will be great too. I love my wife more than I do dressing and since we couldn’t come up with a compromise I packed up Hannah – but didn’t purge.
It’s tough to balance wants needs and – if it is more than cross dressing- being true to yourself.
Just be open and honest and prioritize the importance of anything you do.
Hannah Jeanne
Hi Amber
The best thing i can tell you is Take it slow!!!! Rember your wife was attracted to you ,a man not a woman seeing you is a big shock even if it’s only a little at a time but the more she sees you and the more time you give her it will become better and easier for her to accept. at least in my case that has been true, I would try to get her to read some stories and watch anything that has to do with cding so that she is exposed to it and immerse in it. But be careful lol not to over Elam her to quickly with it. It takes time if she loves you she will come around, if you love her you will give her the time and the truth about your feelings on Cding. Time takes time!😍😮I’ve known my 2nd / current friend since college. We were friends when I came out to my first wife. She thought I had it “under control”. What she didn’t know is I just stuffed it down because I was affraid she would be with me if I dressed. She asked me to tell her if it came up.
I realised that in my heart I put up barriers. In my head I felt she didn’t know the real me and never fully opened up to her. It wasn’t till I realised I was acting towards her like I did the ex. Over a long weekend alone I thought about it and the clothes I wanted to buy and realized I never worked through things. I just denied my gender and sexuality pushing it down deep. Finally I got the courage to tell her. When I accepted myself I realized just how much I love my wife and it was like I was in love with a first girlfriend.
Of course she was convinced I was gay and wanted to sleep with men. I assured her that she’s the only one for me. I start seeing a therapist in a few weeks. My full transition to my fem side is slow but I started shaving my chest and legs to help myself move forward. She a little overwhelmed but the sex is the best its ever been for me. My thought is I still want to be a man but I can’t love her if I hide my true self. Otherwise I will never be whole. This is an ongoing journey but in the first time in a long time I feel good about myself and love my best friend with all my heart. (There are good days and bad days you just have to move one day at a time.)
Hi every woman is different my wife struggled at first too because she thought I wanted to be s woman and couldn’t deal with that and then she thought I wanted to be with men it took weeks of reassuring her but now it’s good
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