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I have a question for the older members- I was just thinking about how great it is to have a community like this on the internet and it got me to wondering- for those of you who came up in the pre-internet age, how did you find others in the community? I’m not talking about hooking up or finding dates (though that would be interesting to know too), but I’m talking more about how would you find friends and allies who you could confide in and who you could share your love of dressing with? Where did you get advice from? How did you know where the trans and crossdressing friendly places were? Was there any sort of “code” that you would use to find and connect with others? Were there particular places you could go to to get information you needed? Just curious.
Short answer – I didn’t, there probably were codes and places to meet but naive fellow that I was I just blundered on probably thinking that I was the only one with these desires – boy how things have changed.
Diana.
Cynthia,
I am 76 and I have been dressing since I was eight. I have been a closeted CD since I was a eight years old I never told anyone until I was 40 yo and came out to my wife which didn’t go very well for the first 15 years then she finally accepted my crossdressing.
Kathleen
Does anyone remember Transformation magazine? I could buy it at the magazine and book shop. For a while, that was where I got all my information. I didn’t have any friends or relatives to talk to about my female feelings. Every month I looked forward to buying the new magazine and reading it cover to cover.
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you never got your decoder ring hehe just joking. As for learning about the community and the lifestyle internet brought me to the fine community of CDHHi Cynthia the short answer is the same as everyone else i didn’t leave the closet, i thought i was the only one who took pleasure in dressing up so hid it away, even now I’m in my 60s and I’m still in the closet to my wife and family x
Hugs Rozalyne x
Hi Cynthia,
In the mid 70’s International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE) published a magazine “Tapestry.” Advertisers were CD and TS friendly and there were member listings/personal ads by state one could send written letters to. As you said this predates most having a computer on the desk.
Or one could stop in a local store to pick up gift per se of lingerie or women’s attire.
Alice
Hi Cynthia, I’m 66 and like many of the others who’ve responded so far, I thought I was the only one who did this. Well I did hear about Renee Richards, the tennis playing MTF trans, and was a bit jealous that she managed to do it. Oh and also Christine Jorgensen. But this was not common at all and there was a lot of negativity towards it. I then started to learn about drag queens as there were a few TV shows about them. And a few movies (Some Like It Hot, Rocky Horror Picture Show), and the TV show Bosum Buddies. The internet, thankfully, had really opened my eyes. Not sure if and how my life would have been different if I had the internet when I was much younger. In terms of a code or anything like that, nope, I had no idea. Thanks for posting this topic. All the Best, Hugs, Krista.
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was that like the magazine translivingAlthough I had been cross dressing since early childhood in the 1950s, I was not aware of an actual national organization until the 1970s, when I came across an advertisement in Penthouse magazine for Tri-ESS (Society For The Second Self).
In the early 80s, I made contact with Tri-Ess via U.S. Mail, and they in turn put me in contact with a local chapter close to me in Norfolk, Virginia. My wife and I were invited to attend their meetings and activities, but I backed out, because I was an active duty U.S. Navy cryptologist at that time and believed I would be placing my security clearance in jeopardy.
By the 1990s, I had retired from the Navy, and the internet was coming into use, and I contacted Tri-ESS. This time without fear of losing a security clearance.
I have been dressing since I was 5. It was totally secret until right around my 15th Bday. I met the man I had my first ever crush on, and became his girlfriend. Vincent had moved to Texas from California, where he had been involved with CD’s out there.
Long story short, he introduced me to several of his gay and CD friends. Of course in ’75, there was no local group that outwardly supported any of us here. Our circles were small and very tight knit, even in the same towns. Of course there were always rumors about us, most of it negative and almost all of it false. Information was traded by word of mouth until we had our first couple of adult movie places that allowed more than just str8’s inside.
The magazines and personals papers followed, until eventually the internet became widespread. Then we had the gay bars. Those became the meeting place of choice for a sit down, face to face meeting with a new person.
It wasn’t always easy to meet new people and you really had to be careful. For every positive story of success, there was also usually a negative one. Even some unscrupulous people who would use the ads and papers to draw some of us out, for public humiliation at the least, up to physical assaults at the other end. Thank goodness those have mostly gone away. But just like before the net, you need to keep your eyes open for all the online scams, which can be just as dangerous as they used to be.
Don’t let the bad outweigh the good you will also find in this life. There is a huge world to discover and explore as your second self. Many new friends and supporters, and truth be told, they are out there looking for you, too.
PaulaF
Wow. Thanks for all the replies. I really am in awe of all of you ladies who ventured out into the world back then, even knowing the risks involved. I think those of us who have always had the internet there forget the danger that was involved in simply just getting to know others back in the analog age.
I also can’t imagine being so cut off from others. I’m thankful that we know have the internet to meet others and explore our lifestyle with a lot less risks involved than having to go to go to a store and physically buy a magazine or go to a bar or having to answer an ad in the newspaper. It’s horrible that so many of you felt so alone, but now we have each other!
So far this has been the only place for me.
In what I’ve searched for everything seems to be geared towards much younger people, and I’m glad they have those resources available to them.
Where older gals are concerned things seem to take a more sexual and pornographic turn. I may be wrong about that.
Gives some thought to creating more resources however.
[quote quote=458670]was that like the magazine transliving[/quote]
It was (and still is) more of an adult theme magazine. Every month there was a centerfold, if you know what I mean. It did have interviews and articles. It was my only source of information at the time.
Hello Cynthia….
I had never spoken to anyone about my obsession before i literally stumbled across CDH while surfing……( I have no idea what it was doing in the sea, my surfboard ran right into it……….sorry!!!)
reading all these replies, two things spring immediately to mind….
What a place we have here and just how lucky we are !!!!
Grace xx
I was 14 and had my first boyfriend and his cousin who was older introduced to a few back alley clubs where the gay and TS community would meet up to party plus there were a couple of adult theaters that didn’t mind girls like us hanging around as the other patrons enjoyed our company. We met other people and expanded our network of friends and such but it was very hush hush. We didn’t just have to watch for non-lakers but the police also as a lot of us were under age and there were no liquor licenses. I also knew a couple of swingers and they had parties on the weekend which I would hostess at which is a nice way of saying I was a prostitute at these events. They gut busted and took off never to be seen again. Crazy times, I wonder how I’m alive when I think about these nights.
Hi Cynthia I began Cding at a very early like so many here. I was fortunate, I grew up with three sisters most of there clothes fit me for some strange reason. I started going out in public at or around 15 or 16. Its much easier to pass when we slight small body frames and long hair on boys was acceptable. I am trying to remember how i came upon two gay bars, one of them was geared more to trans people the other was mostly all gay men. I would love to have photo’s of me back then I had no problem getting the attention of men. I met so many girls like us from different parts of the world. Some of the girls from Asia looked absolutely gorgeous. I met one girl that told me about a hair salon that did hair for CDs, next store over was a place that sold sexy intimates for girls like us. I bought a few items and found a pamphlet for private club for CDs and transsexuals. It was a wonderful private that allowed you to store your clothes and allowed to do your make up and dress like you always wanted. The bottom line is if you are looking hard enough you will find. Get involved with our community and stop denying who you are as a person. You may not be gay but you still come under the LGBT community flag. There is no reason to be lonely anymore. Making the right decisions is so much easier now. The internet has allowed us to understand we are not alone hopefully that should rid us from that offal feeling of shame that most of us had to deal with when we were younger. Just a little input from a mature life long cross-dresser.
Luv Stephanie
The first time I met other crossdressers was 1996. I was 29 and it was at a Tri-Ess meeting. Tri-Ess was a national organization with chapters all over the county (I think they’re still around, but our Los Angeles chapter is long gone). I’ve been racking my brain trying to remember how I discovered it. Most likely, in a trans magazine. It could have been on the internet, but I know for a fact that I didn’t have a personal computer at that time.
Shortly after that first Tri-Ess meeting, I started going out dressed to a drag bar called the Queen Mary. It’s long gone, but those were good times!
I have been dressing since the 60’s and about and about since the mid 70’s.
In those days we only had newspapers which ran agony aunt sections with people such as Claire Rainer or Marjory Proops who used to offer advice to individuals who crossdressed or partners. The main line of recommendation was to call the local ‘Gay’ switchboard (this was long before the LGBT+ days ) and get information there.
I did this in the 70’s and was put in touch with the Bristol Gay network and then with a lovely local lady who was in the process of transitioning and she took me under her wing, introducing me to the Beaumont Society – a secret British self help group for TV/CD who held regional meetings in peoples houses. from there I found contacts all over the UK.
I eventually ended up at London Friend in the mid 80’s, which was a Gay and Lesbian centre in Islington London, where a TV/TS group met 2 nights a week and where some of the London balls were organised. We used to go to all the big night clubs and dance the night away as part of the ‘In crowd’ and New romantics with boy george et al !
There is a lovely book by Christine Burns all about the early days of TG in the UK (I have some contributions to this … ) which is well worth a read if you are interested in TG history
Hugs
Dawn x
Sadly, like some of the other replies, my answer is that I just didn’t. I grew up on a farm in the ultra conservative and ultra Catholic Midwest US. So, I lived most of my life in the closet, and actually feeling like I was the only who had these feelings of wanting to express my femininity. Had I grown up in a city that had a gay community, things very well may have turned out differently for me. It wasn’t until the internet came around that I realized that there were others like me. And then when I discovered CDH I found that there was actually a community of people that I could fit in with. All of you girls here are such a life line and an inspiration and hope.
Birel
100% this is the first forum where I can talk about where I am with myself, ask questions of likeminded people. This forum has truly helped me explore myself in a very safe way. I absolutely love that there is no sex chat aspect to this site. The topics come up but it’s about discussing feelings. It might sound like a small thing but before I came here I always wore essential frilly uncomfortably sexy panties. I posted a question and a woman here turned me to Jockey for women. No joke, it was life changing to feel womanly in panties that are feminine yet comfortable.
I started CD’ing in the early 80’s as a kid. Dressed off and on since then. The 80’s and 90’s I had literally no one. No allies, no CD friends. Pure isolation. It wasn’t until the internet age that I realized how many like minds there were out there but even then it was kinda gross. Porn stuff and lurkers/admirers. The last 4-5 years I have been to some trans conferences and met some great people. Discovering CDH has been an utter godsend. Especially now as I finally get honest with myself and begin transition. Here there are REAL people, and I’ve made REAL friends. Truly life-saving
Amazing ladies. Just incredible. Thank you all for your testimonials. These are the things that help us to better understand ourselves and each other.
Although I am older in years I feel like a child compared to all of you who have commented and all of your experiences. Thank you for being the tip of the spear, as it were, even as difficult as it sometimes was. I get more than a little emotional thinking about some of the things that you, my sisters, must have endured. Make no mistake, it’s not just the internet but your personal strength and tenacity that has made it possible for recent arrivals like myself to feel emboldened to express a feminine persona.
Its posts like this that drew me to CDH in the first place. I so much appreciate the family I’ve found here.
My very best to you all,
Clara
Cynthia,
I’m guessing most people like us would say, “there was no such thing.” Never heard of anyone else like me (except when I read the section about transvestites and transsexuals in my parents book, “Everything you wanted to know about sex but we’re afraid to ask.”). I secreted it from their bedroom. So in theory, I knew it existed but only on the outer margins of society where one dare not tread.
I also remember watching “Second Serve” a movie about transsexual tennis player Renee Richards. I marveled at the idea that one could switch sexes.
Basically, I’m guessing most of us hid in shame and isolation.
God bless,
Steph[postquote quote=460102]
I had to laugh when I read this. For years I have been wearing pretty much nothing but satin, nylon, and spandex panties. What a difference it made when I discovered that there was nothing wrong with wearing cotton panties. The other kinds are great for dates and going out and such, but not really every day wear. You are so right, nothing beats comfortable (especially breathable) panties.
Its an excellent question Cynthia. In part it reflects how the internet in just one generation has made such a world wide difference. Here I sit in Australia talking and sharing with other girls all around the world. Unimaginable just 20 years ago. When I was younger and prior to the Net I was simple unaware of just how many like minded individuals existed and assumed I was one of very few. Sad in some ways as it made you feel very isolated and want to simply suppress the urge to express our woman side as you felt you were outside of what was acceptable. It was also a time of little social tolerance for transgender persons and this again made me keep my feelings to myself. Despite all that, those limits could never remove the pleasure from cross dressing when i was able to do it and i am grateful for that. It was always very personal and something that made me feel complete (as it still does). I wish we did have the internet back then but am glad for the next generation for whom the path will be a little easier. Now i am here and making up for lost time. I enjoy the forum and how it creates a community which has meant I know I am definitely one of many thousands and thousands that feel and enjoy the same about cross dressing. xx and hugs martina.
Since you ask: I knew nothing, thought I was alone and weird, and kept it suppressed throughout my adult life until about five years ago…until I couldn’t any longer. I stumbled across something on YouTube which showed me I wasn’t unique; and the rest is history. Cheers for the internet and for CDH.
My experience comes from the late ’50s and early ’60s. The simple answer for me was the alternative press, tabloid press, which catered to alternative lifestyles, at that time two different publications distributed widely and at no cost. Plus, there were some bookstores, not porn shops, that carried various publications which included publications about a variety of life alternatives, like nudism or may be known as “naturalism”. OK, they may have had a black cover over the cover photo at the shop but the titles were visible. Granted, it took a bit of searching but once discovered those sources served my purposes – learning that I was not alone.
You’re a lucky girl, Randi. I wallowed along in ignorance, thinking I was “supposed to” have been a girl, and that all the alternative magazines were just porn.
(I’m also a 50’s girl).
My first allies were my sister and her best friend. She busted me fully dressed in her clothes one day and was totally cool with it. She told her friend who was also supportive. They worked with me on my makeup, feminine mannerisms, how to walk in heels, and even provided clothing items. We even shopped the thrift stores for outfits they picked out for me. Back then I really had a slender feminine body and I like to show off as much skin as possible. They helped me do that and avoid looking too “slutty” unless I wanted to, and they helped with that as well. hey took me out with them to parties and other functions after getting me ready and constantly coached me in how to act, dress, move and even talk like a girl. They really laid the foundation for building what eventually became the Danielle I am today. It was through socializing with them that I met other “girls” like me, who also shared their experiences and knowledge with me. The internet opened up an even bigger world to me.
That was difficult and in some cases it was not.
In my teens I was fortunate enough to have worked at an awesome opera house. I had access to a lot of “things” in the costume room, where they made/sewed all of the costumes for the season. They had a huge array of stockings, body stockings, tights, etc. anything you can think of and I always had the place to myself, with large dressing rooms and mirrors, so I was able to try on a lot of things and see how they looked.
Additionally, I was probably the only guy reading (looking at) Cosmo and a host of other female fashion magazines. I got a lot of ideas from those.
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