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  • #719268
    Mandi Jones
    Registered On: February 19, 2023
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 6
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    Hi Everyone – apologies if I don’t use the correct terminology etc I sincerely do not wish to offend.  I’ve need some help, advice/reassurance from you all. I have just discovered that my boyfriend of 4 years is cross dressing male to female and has been doing so secretively over that period.  I had my suspicions as things had changed in our relationship but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.  I’m very ashamed to admit that I went looking through his things and found the evidence I needed to confirm my suspicion.  I have gently and sensitively confronted him and he has admitted to his cross dressing. Now I’m far from perfect and have had quite a colourful past myself therefore I do not judge him and only want to help him. What has hurt me the most is that he didn’t feel he could trust me enough to confide in me. If he had it would have saved so much heart ache for us both. I feel a little hurt, confused (is it something I have done or not done that has made him do this), but also I’m intrigued and a little excited. . . Please could you share some advice on how to talk with him about it? What to expect from our relationship going forward? I’m a woman with my own needs and insecurities and don’t want to be pushed away or neglected. Will his cross dressing do this? We’re having a heart to heart conversation in the week so any help would be appreciated.  The last thing I want is to make him feel embarrassed or ashamed – I know he’s feeling this way as he was caught out in the end, which I know no-one wants to happen. Please help us – with my greatest respect x

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    • #722562
      Terri Anne
      Registered On: February 7, 2018
      Topics: 34
      Replies: 1433
      Has thanked: 2066 times
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      Hello Mandi,

      ** Please Excuse the lateness  of this response to your post **

      Welcome to our CrossDresser Heaven (CDH) site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.

      The Warmth, Compassion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.

      Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrossDresser Heaven.

      At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via Private Message (PM).  You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.

      Also, you may find what you need from: The Help Center or our Ambassadors by using the links in the Top R/H Drop Down 3 bar Menu.

      Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat (PC), Groups, Additional Photo Allowance, etc.

      ****** https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/membership-account/membership-levels/



      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #719653
      Lara Tucker
      Registered On: September 29, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1345
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      Hi Mandi,

      It looks like you have a lot of good advice already. I would just offer the reason that I have not fully come out to my wife yet. It is because of the fear that I might cause her to feel some what you described. I’m mostly afraid that she might feel that it’s something she has, or hasn’t done that has caused this. I know that I have to have that talk, but the fear is pretty intense.
      Maybe your boyfriend has been struggling with similar feelings.

      It sounds to me that you have a good handle on things. With your great attitude going into  your planned discussion, and with the love you have for each other I think that you will be able to work things out. Like others have already mentioned just go slowly. He might just feel like he’s going to lose you because he won’t be the man he was to you when you started your relationship.

      Best of luck to you both!


    • #719526
      Samantha R
      Registered On: January 17, 2023
      Topics: 3
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      Thank you so much for your post Mandi –
      It makes me rethink not sharing this with my wife. I would not want her to feel the feelings you are going through.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #719520
      Registered On: June 13, 2018
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 437
      Has thanked: 8973 times
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      Thank you first for being supportive and reaching out to find out how to learn more about his dressing, and how to be supportive. You came to the right place. It is never and easy thing for a spouse of SO to find our their partner is a cross dresser!

      I have began dressing at the age of 5, I am now 59. I struggle as to why I enjoy and love it so much, and how I even started. I have a come to grips that my dressing a part of who I am and will always be.

      Our biggest fear is others finding out, fear of being rejected and made fun of and being outed to our friends and family. We battle shame, guilt and fear all the time. Having a supportive so that is understating, and willing to participate is HUGE! Ask him how you can help him and that you want to support and participate in his dressing. We love the lingerie, makeup and clothes for similar reasons that you do.

      You have to think about what you can and cannot do or participate with his dressing. You may need to take the lead in suggesting his dress, or offer to do her nails or makeup or have a girls night. Wear lingerie to bed. or wear lingerie under his clothes.

      He may be scared, but yet he will be excited to share this with you. Keep asking questions you may have in order to help you understand better.



    • #719492
      Jill Lacey
      Registered On: December 25, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 178
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      Hi Mandi,

      Well, this will not be easy to do in a few words. I completely understand your feelings of mistrust. Probably the no. 1 feeling every gg gets when she discovers her ‘man’ is crossdressing and rightfully so, and many times your next question is, ‘ are you gay? “

      to address the mistrust issue comes down to his inner feelings of thinking what he is doing feels wrong socially but the urge to continue grows and he doesn’t know why? There are feelings of shame, guilt, excitement, mental anguish, the list goes on.  He’s afraid if you find out you will leave him, out him, and his life will be turned up side down.  So he remains silent and stays in hiding to keep things as is. He does not even know himself, where all this is going, no one does really. Biggest problem with hiding, is many times over time he gets caught. Sooner or later he will slip up or you will unexpectedly catch him in the act. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he may also think this will pass and life will be fine. Rarely will it pass.

      so the mistrust, the big lie, is born, not to deceive anyone, but because of primarily fear, shame, and the unknown ahead.  Unfortunately, the spouse is the one that gets hurt feelings.

      I was fortunate in that,I came out to my better half very early in our relationship to prevent the big lie. Either she accepted me for who I am or I move on. I was fortunate to learn how to accept who I am and allowed that acceptance to guide me into the future. I had no intention on hiding in a closet any longer. That was 1999. My spouse was just as confused as I was. We cried, talked! and learned as we went. Today she my best friend, my wife, and we joke about the three of us daily. She loves both of me for different reasons and understands and accepts I have to be whom ever I am that day. Not every woman can accepts this lifestyle and understandable so.

    • #719482
      Stephanie Flowers
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 35
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      Mandi Welcome , this is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. For you it would be extremely  difficult. I saw the shock  from  my wife as for us we were married for many years and only a short while ago that I opened up to her . The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused.   Seeing her and the hurt  that it caused was hard.  We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it  out. But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and she with help from a wonderful group we have here exclusive for my wife where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. This group – private  ( wives and significant others ) .

      For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic.

      First, make sure that this is something you can deal with. If not, you need to make that clear and be honest with him and yourself

      Just talk with him and find out how far he wants to take his cding. Find out his likes and how much he wants to dress up. If you can give him some space to store his clothes and some time to dress up.


      Sounds like you’ve taken the biggest step already in that you want to be supportive. He’s probably afraid of what you may be thinking and if you might leave him. The best way to approach this is to slowly gain his trust by answering his questions and giving advice when he asks for it.


      Hi there are lots of ways to support your husband firstly – don’t judge, and talk to him, what does he like he is going to be super embarrassed so be nice. most guys i know have worn womans’ clothes at some point in their life and many still like to wear them.


      First, figure out how far you’re comfortable with it. Some women simply tolerate and let their men enjoy it around the house while others totally embrace it and openly accompany their men in public as “girlfriends”. Also find out how far he wants to take it.


      For him: How far does he intend/desire/need to take this to feel happy? Some men are content just “underdressing”, that is having the feel of something soft and feminine against their skin under their regular clothes. Some men want the whole outfit — undergarments, skirt/blouse or dress, whatever. Some men want to just briefly visit the total world of womanhood by adding the fake breasts, makeup, wig, etc. Some separate their “girl” time from the rest of their day by also going by a female-sounding name. Of those, some are perfectly fine (or even prefer) just staying home to do this, but others need to feel validated by attempting to pass in public and meet up with fellow part-time girls.


      men most of the time but need a little break from society’s demands on masculinity. But what if he wants to go farther? What if he wants to dress that way all the time, have you call him “her” and use a girl’s name? What if he wants hormone replacement therapy to grow real breasts? What if he wants the surgery? Now we’re talking serious and (more or less) permanent life-changing choices, and not many women are OK with that. Think of it as a breach of contract: You married him on the understanding that he was a straight, monogamous male and now he wants to change the terms of the contract you agreed to. So you should not feel obligated to accept that change or guilty about not wanting to support it. On the other hand, maybe your relationship is stronger, and more important to you, than a little thing like a sex change can’t stop that train.

      Let’s assume for the moment that he is a straight, monogamous male who fully identifies as male and has no intention of any kind of permanent change. There’s still that whole range I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, and you probably have a line in your mind you’re not willing — or prepared — to cross, at least not yet. By the same token, though, he has an itch that has to be scratched one way or the other. I can tell you right now that it is very unlikely he will be able to suppress it completely, or permanently. Every crossdresser has gone through a purge process where we tell ourselves this was only a temporary phase; we throw out all our girly clothes and ignore that itch as long as we can. Some succeed! I have friends who, for religious reasons, feel compelled to suppress that urge and they have been very successful at doing so. If that’s something your husband is interested in


      But they’re the exception. For most crossdressers, the compulsion is so strong that the longer we try to suppress it, the more of a psychological and emotional toll it costs. If you are unwilling to give in even a little bit, he’s going to have a very rough time of it


      Other men have found similar halfway points: OK to dress at home, but not in public. OK to dress in public, but not where anybody knows you (e.g., another town). Everything except breasts is OK. Everything including breasts, but no female name. Dress and call yourself whatever you want, but go back to being all man when we’re being intimate. Do whatever you want, but not while the wife is around (“don’t ask, don’t tell”). When she really can’t bear the sight of him in femme mode, they can agree to give him specific days when he can do whatever he wants while she’s away from the house, but the rest of the time he agrees to be the man she married.

      You get the idea. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And nothing is set in stone. If you’re not comfortable with it, over time your boundaries may move. The important thing here is transparency: Once you’ve agreed to the boundaries, it’s on him to stick to what you agreed to until you’re ready to move on. I have absolutely no tolerance or sympathy for men who lie to their wives. Once that foundation of trust is demolished, it can take a lifetime to build it back up.

      As a dress-wearing husband to an understanding wife, I thank you for taking this step to understand your man’s needs.


      • #719533
        Mandi Jones
        Registered On: February 19, 2023
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 6
        Has thanked: 25 times
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        Thank you Stephanie – some very thought provoking scenarios for me to consider. He does work in a very male dominated industry so I can understand why he would want some escape from that and why he has had to hide his feelings for so long. Hopefully I can help give him the safe space he needs to feel ok with how he feels – we have a lot to think about, to prepare for and to plan – definitely need to set some boundaries to keep us both safe. Thanks once again x.

    • #719473
      Kirra W
      Registered On: January 26, 2023
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 27
      Has thanked: 90 times
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      Hi Mandi,

      Welcome to CDH, hope you will be able to find some guidance regarding of your questions.

      As many mentioned, there are multiple type of CDs, and reason to be one.

      It’s very kind of you to try to understand and support him/her. 🙇‍♀️

      I’ve hidden to my partner my Crossdressing,  in some because that I was afraid of her reaction, but also because I was fine as myself in our relation.
      Since we broke up and stay best friends, I found myself back to CD (some people will say that you will always get back to it 😅), and actually she supports me a lot.

      Having a CD partner may have some advantage if you think about it.

      • He/She will know your exact size and certainly your type of shoes, clothes, jewellery, makeup for any special event that you will celebrate
      • Or even you may end up borrowing some of her stuffs. 😝
      • He/She may be more involve in some housework, just to avoid you to wash her new dress  above 30C, or cleaning the bathroom more often because he/she may like good hygiene, …
      • And finally, share some girly topics discussion with someone you live with.

      So you may have find a partner AND best friend for life.

      Furthermore, for few of us crossdressing is a daily activity, but usually it’s not that frequent (weekly, monthly,…).

      I will suggest you to check on my recent topic Tedx videos where I tried to group some interesting videos about CD, Gender and intersex. This may help you BOTH to understand what he/she is/want and how you can get through this journey together.

      Lastly I will say that open and trusted communication is usually the key of a strong relation (love or friendship).

      I wish you a great journey together.

      • #719532
        Mandi Jones
        Registered On: February 19, 2023
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 6
        Has thanked: 25 times
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        Thank you Kirra your post made me smile 🙂 He already is my best friend that’s why I want to support him as best I can with all you wonderful ladies help – thank you x

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #719472
      Carole Corbett
      Registered On: September 5, 2016
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 180
      Has thanked: 266 times
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      Kudos to you for trying to understand vs just running away.  As many have said, it’s something you are born with, we don’t have a choice and society doesn’t always look kindly upon us.  We don’t want to “hurt” the nes we love so we hid it.

      Some of the advice we got from our therapist is to make sure you communicate…listening is number one and it has to be two way.   You can’t do enough of it.  Second is don’t think ahead…just deal with how you feel today.  Many worry about what if he transitioned…we’ll maybe he won’t…why worry about something that may not happen.  Force yourself to just focus on today…if you both feel ok then roll with it.  Don’t focus on the future as it may not happen.   Lastly try it…see how you feel but then reserve the right to talk about it and figure out your boundary.
      Life is short…focus on love!



    • #719453
      Julia Reynolds
      Registered On: November 16, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 43
      Has thanked: 225 times
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      I do not intend to be flippant or to over simplify your problem, but I have always said that there are some men who have to stop for a few beers on the way home from work on a daily basis.  There are some who have addictions to various drugs.  Some men can’t pass a casino without emptying their wallets and the real losers go home and take their frustrations out on their significant others with violence.  Let’s not forget the ones who can’t seem to hold down a job.

      On this site, we have men who like to wear women’s clothes.  It might sound a little odd to some folks, but if you think about it, what does it hurt?  Not only that but wives and SO’s of cross dressers who share the experience on some level tend to be very loyal partners.  It might take a little time to get your arms around the idea of your partner walking around the house in lingerie, but since you are already invested in this relationship, what is the worst thing that can happen by giving it a shot?  XO – Julia

      • #719612
        Marlene Roberts
        Registered On: December 9, 2019
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 325
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        Great post/reply. All so true as there are may things that an SO could do including being unfaithful and the other items on the list. If the worst thing you can say about your partner is that he likes lingerie you have, in my opinion, a keeper. It may take some, or a lot, of discussions to get to a mutual agreement on boundaries, if any, but I believe it will be worth it. Best, Marlene.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #719451
      Roberta Broussard
      Registered On: July 20, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 570
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      Its not so hard to understand why a CD is so withdrawn and concealing about their need to dress. Its the result of a lifetime of conditioning by family and others. Social pressures to conform and fit in to the mold developed by social prejudices. Most of us have been told all of our lives. That a CD is someone to be rejected and ridiculed. These prejudices are easily imposed on young people.

      Its just so hard to be open about something that we have been shamed into keeping it hidden all of our lives.

    • #719446
      Greta “Moody” La Folle
      Registered On: August 6, 2022
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 448
      Has thanked: 804 times
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      Hi Mandi
      Welcome in CDH
      About your question:
      Find a point of balance and complicity in this… for example one day you could try to make him your make up artist, and then you reciprocate. Another day you will be the one to put tights on him and another evening you could go out and go dancing with him in MtoF version and you in FtoM in short, play and have fun, you are a couple, you must be accomplices without complicating your life.

      XOXOX from Italy 🇮🇹
      Greta ❤️

    • #719398
      Alice Underwire
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 99
      Replies: 5924
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      Hi Mandi,

      Welcome to CDH.  Great suggestions and advice from the other members.  Keep the lines of communication open with your boyfriend.  Encourage him to share with you as other have suggested as he feels more comfortable.


    • #719378
      Georgia Homeless
      Registered On: December 23, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 3
      Has thanked: 1 time
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      Love …. is having to forgive each other ……. maybe like me … Ifeel more relaxed crossdressed .
      It does not mean I want to live as a women …. just have the feel of silky and sexy items . I fall asleep faster and longer . I will never pass due to my beard .

    • #719337
      Lucinda Hawkns
      Registered On: September 1, 2015
      Topics: 6
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      Hi Mandi, well i see you have had a lot responds back, it’s hard to tell a partner wife, or girlfriend that we are cross dressers. most woman will not hear of it or they would leave or get a divorce from him. real women cross dress every day of the week. nothing is said about that. women wear jeans and shirt and sneakers, nothing sexy about that no skirt or dress or nylons, they may be wearing female under wear in which they call panties and a bra. other than that weal women wear manly jeans and manly shirt.  so my advice to you is talk to him and be slow about it, let him know it’s OK if you don’t mind him wearing a dress or skirt and blouse. my wife found out and is Ok with it to a point where i can dress up but only when our 23-year-old is at work, she will tell me i can do what i like to do, but she will not see me or help with make-up to make me look more feminine looking. show me how to apply eye shadow or style my wig. my wife has seen me getting dressed up. it’s not you so don’t think that.  we all have a fem side in us just like woman have a man side that wants to wear men clothing. I have more female stuff then wife does and even wear them more then she does. i buy my own dresses, nylons, bra’s, panties and yes even pads, perfume, earrings, make up. skirts blouses.  i under dress a lot and go out, no one can see i am wearing a dress or skirt, i do not wear make-up or perfume when i go out. well i hope all things will work out for you. hope we all helped you with you finding out boyfriend is a cross dresser.

    • #719336
      Nikki Just Nikki
      Registered On: September 29, 2022
      Topics: 8
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      So much good advice in this thread, Mandi, so I’ll try not to repeat. It’s clear that you’re approaching this new revelation from a place of kindness and compassion, but that there’s also some hurt that he didn’t feel he could trust you with his secret. Totally understandable, and a very common reaction. Coming out as a crossdresser, whatever the reason, is staggeringly difficult. There’s just SO MUCH shame! Even though I knew my wife was supportive and open, it was really hard to push past the shame and fear to say the words. I hope you can find your way to forgiving your partner’s imperfection in sharing their biggest secret with you. It’s super hard, and while it hurts to feel like he was hiding this from you, he has now in fact let you in, even if the revelation and it’s timing was imperfect. There are a lot of questions to navigate, but it sounds like there’s a lot of potential now that the cat’s out of the bag. I wish you the best in this journey.

    • #719335
      Cassie Jayson
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 76
      Replies: 1229
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      Mandy, you have had a lot great advice here, let me add a little more. When your partner opens up a little and tries to tell you the whys, whats going on in his head then tomorrow tells yopu something a little different don’t be suprized or angry. I have often described here how trying to explain why I do this and what I hope to do in the future is like trying to nail jello to the wall. What I am trying to say is what I am thinking/feeling now/today is not likely to be the same as I will be thinking/ feeling tomorrow.

      . Cassie

    • #719333
      Christina Isme
      Registered On: April 8, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 548
      Has thanked: 857 times
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      I have been full time gurl g u r l since I was 9 till now at 62. I was full time when I met my wife of 15 years. She was buying me dresses 👗 that she wanted me to wear places until she passed away. We had the same type of relationship that any other couple would. Me I was full time while others maybe part time. And it can bring people together if you let it. I say talk to the one you are with and have understanding. It is something that can rip a person apart not being able to do that. Talk to him and reassure him and work with him. And we are glad to hear from you

    • #719328
      Paula Here
      Registered On: April 13, 2020
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 239
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      Hi Mandi,

      Thank you for asking about how to help your partner.

      I dressed for many years before my wife found out. I would not admit to myself I was a crossdresser or anything of the sort.  I was ashamed of my actions and did not want anyone to know.  I did not want to know about my actions.

      My wife has know for 3 years and does not understand why I dress but will not stand in the way of my happiness. So allows me to dress how I want when I want.  She does not go out with me and is afraid of what will happen if people from work see me, she is afraid I will get assaulted for being me.  She loves me and cares for me and does not want me hurt ever.  I still feel like I need to hide this part of me sometimes.  Her only ask is that I not hide anything from her. Coming to terms with who I am was very hard work, now my wife is doing the same hard work.

      Long emotional discussion yesterday. Then we went out to a drag show with me in a skirt for the first time, with her.

      My advice. Let him know that you care and want to be a part of his life.  Your love and support without pushing him will have him come out of his shell.



    • #719326
      Ginger Snap
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: March 9, 2022
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 186
      Has thanked: 6715 times
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      This is no fault of yours. Yes it’s very frightening and confusing on both sides
      We feel shame and guilt as a CD, having to live in secret since childhood for most of us. This was not a conscious decision by us. You sound open to the dressing. Do some research, being here sounds like you have. Counseling may help both of you. My SO and I did both couple and single. Mostly talk openly and honestly together. Learn how CD started in his life. Your understanding and acceptance will waiver, come and go.
      Prayers and hugs

    • #719325
      Emily Alt
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 1387
      Has thanked: 1579 times
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      Hi Mandi,

      Lot’s of good advice here and there’s not much I can add except my personal experience.

      I’ve known I was different since I was 4, when I wore a bra for the first time.  I started actively crossdressing when I was 11.  The systemic prejudice of the time was impossible to ignore.  Like most crossdressers, I went into the closet.  Alone with my guilt and shame.

      Making matters worse, I was raised in a devoutly Christian home.

      20 years ago, I was discovered by my wife.  Things went very badly and we divorced.  Everything about that experience reinforced my guilt and shame.  I was convinced no woman would ever accept my crossdressing, and I would need to hide it forever.

      That worked for a few years.  I hid my secret from a few women during that time.  Then I found myself 8 years into a long-term relationship.  Things were good.  I’d lost the desire to crossdress.  And then it came back stronger than ever.  I almost had a breakdown….and I started dressing again.  The relief was immediate.  That’s when I realized this is who I am….and I had to tell someone.  I came out to my girlfriend fully prepared to lose her.  That didn’t happen fortunately.

      That was 6 years ago.  I’ve been in counseling since then.  It took years to get rid of decades of baggage.  I’m in a good place now.  My life has never been better.

      If there’s one takeaway I hope to offer, it’s this: your boyfriend probably has decades of baggage to get rid of.  Give him the time he needs to sort it out.  Don’t press for answers he may not have or isn’t comfortable sharing.  There will be some bumps in the road.  It sounds like your the right woman for him.  If you both do the work I think you’re going to have an amazing relationship.

      Best of luck to you!


    • #719320
      Sarah Cerise
      Registered On: September 25, 2022
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 207
      Has thanked: 530 times
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      Hi Mandi
      I am a closet crossdresser for over 50 years now, if you want to chat anytime please message me.
      Sarah xx

    • #719314
      AnnaBeth Black
      Registered On: December 31, 2022
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 115
      Has thanked: 793 times
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      Hello Mandy,

      Its so decent of you to come here and try and understand your boyfriend. I don’t know what your boyfriend is like but I would say don’t judge him to harshly. Crossdressing really isn’t a choice and it can be hard or impossible to stop. I’m sure he didn’t mean to deceive you but there is so much shame and guilt involved that he couldn’t bring himself to tell you.


    • #719308
      Sherri Remington
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 8, 2018
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 230
      Has thanked: 195 times
      Been thanked: 949 times

      Mandi, it’s a wonderful thing that you’re doing, trying to understand the whys and whats of this. That you’re asking for advice is a great deal more than many SO’s here just wouldn’t do. His not being able to tell you is his story but you must realize by now, being a CD is not very accepted by all, and that is burden for us that we live with. Some of us have no issue with letting the world know and others are terrified if they were outed. But Mandi you’re still here and working to make it work out between you and that is enormous. So with one foot in front of the other, take the time needed and you may just end up with a very special partner to spend your life with.

      And please don’t ever be afraid to ask any of us here for help.

      A big hug for ya!


    • #719307
      Madeline Bradford
      Registered On: February 5, 2023
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 55
      Has thanked: 98 times
      Been thanked: 229 times

      Hello Mandi,

      I would invite you to watch this YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UsubiBjaBM

      This is the full show of Donahue aired in the 80’s or 90’s. It’s old, but still relevant. It should answer many of your questions, plus give you information on an organization that can provide support.

      Your boyfriend has no idea how lucky he is right now to have you in his life. Stay with it and try to think of this as an adventure, not a challenge.


    • #719304
      Bianca Everdene
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 34
      Replies: 1092
      Has thanked: 4667 times
      Been thanked: 4920 times

      Thanks for reaching out Mandi, very brave of you.
      Been here a few years and can tell you what you are going through is not uncommon. But it’s probably not something you will want to confide in others about at this time.

      His secrecy may be down to a profound sense of shame and guilt about feeling this way. Terrified if he confesses this to you he will lose you because he thinks you may see him as less of a man.
      Or he may fear you will assume he is some kind of deviant, or gay,  or wants to transition, due to societal preconceptions.
      It is most likely an integral part of him, why? Why not?

      I can only advise extreme sensitivity. Tell him you want to talk about it, when he is ready. That you want him to share this part of him with you, you want to be with him, but want to be honest with each other.

      We totally get it is a huge deal for you, but I hope you can move forward together, and gain a soulmate who will be your man, but you can also have some girly time together sharing openly and honestly.

      I hope you can move forward together.

      B x

    • #719302
      Jackie Wilson
      Registered On: January 4, 2023
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 22
      Has thanked: 13 times
      Been thanked: 76 times

      Im now 66 and been dressing for ever- first partner did accept but my obsession eventually destroyed our relationship – we had both been too immature despite our respective ages to sort our relationship out and not being able to have children also put considerable pressure on us both.My dressing also involved having relations with men which was very toxic on my part
      I then stopped dressing with a new partner following my divorce and a period of spreading my CD wings and have a now grown up daughter from that relationship
      Now married and my wife is incredibly supportive , although it isn’t some thing I have ever discussed with my daughter- the break up of my relationship with her mum was not a consequence of my repressing my dressing desires but my daughter suffered enough and I don’t want to add this to her life as she is getting on with her what she wants to do.
      I now feel that by not being more confident in my self that I wasted many years , suppressed my true identity and possibly missed out on having better relationships by not being honest- but fear of rejection , shame at not being real man and having been brought up in a culture that didn’t tolerate difference all played a part.
      Although I am still very discreet with my partners support I am able too talk for the first time about my real emotions and desires and enjoy dressing around the house and occasionally out with her – whilst having the knowledge that she will not see me as some evil deviant but accepts my feminine side and vulnerability. But for me our relationship is greater than what clothes I wear, but this has also enabled us to meet in the middle and my dressing has become part of our relationship

    • #719283
      Becky Davis
      Registered On: February 10, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 157
      Has thanked: 1941 times
      Been thanked: 676 times

      Mandi just another with a little different view I have been dressing since I was 7 or 8 and I’m 65 now and it is a hard thing to do this and not tell anyone for fear of being sort of tossed a side because they just don’t understand what we are really like. I myself still like woman, and it would be so great to have someone to talk to about what I do, and from what I hear from you is you want to stay with him and the best part you want to talk to him and by all means it will help. The best thing is when I found this site and have people who understand. He sounds like he has a great person in you, it’s hard to tell someone and maybe he is afraid to lose you. I wish you the best of luck……….

    • #719279
      Stephanie Bass
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 28
      Replies: 4531
      Has thanked: 66024 times
      Been thanked: 16264 times

      Hi Mandi I first want to thank you for trying to understand this about your boyfriend  as this is a part of his life as many of us were born with a girl in our heart also.. As for him not coming out to you was him being scared to loose you not trying to defend him but from most girls here i came out to my wife just after we were married thats 40 years next month .. Sitting down with your boyfriend as her and have a conversation about her and where she wants to go with this in your relationship.. Im sure she does not want to loose you but she need her girly time also set up boundries if you need them and just talk as we say here take baby steps into this .. Here also we have a group of (For Wifes and Significant others here that are just that only you can go in to it we cant that way you have privacy to ask other ladies questions about many things about being a crossdresser my wife is also a member Linda Bass if you need some questions answered just look her up and ask away .. Good luck and thanks again for supporting you new girlfriend also ask her to join us we all ways need another girl for bridge he he ..

      Stephanie Bass

    • #719278
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: September 21, 2018
      Topics: 2694
      Replies: 392
      Has thanked: 1520 times
      Been thanked: 2094 times


      I have sent you an invitation so the wives/significant others group.

      I hope you can interact there and find some peace of mind.


      Managing Ambassador

    • #719277
      Registered On: December 2, 2022
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 2
      Has thanked: 6 times
      Been thanked: 42 times

      A great deal of us male to female crossdressers hide it because we are ashamed and that we will be thought less manly and that being found out by a girlfriend or boyfriend will leave.

      Try to understand his view on this. He thinks you are planning on leaving him. If this has you interested then ask why he hid it from you. Don’t judge just listen but let him know you have questions.

      Maybe find a local support group like Renaissance meetings which are support groups for family and friends of crossdressers and trans.

      Calmly also explain your feelings on the situation but honestly I think a support group for you both would be the best idea.

      Again look for Renaissance meetings in and around your town.

      I hope this helps

      • #719280
        Mandi Jones
        Registered On: February 19, 2023
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 6
        Has thanked: 25 times
        Been thanked: 93 times

        Thanks Hilda – what a mess! I left our home 5 months ago because I thought he didn’t love me in the vanilla way anymore and things had just got so toxic between us.  Hence the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle! If only he had been brave enough to confide in me it would have saved us both so much pain and heartache! I understand what you say about not feeling manly etc and I really really feel his pain. We are having couples counselling to rebuild our trust but now I’ve discovered this about him. He says it’s like a huge weight has been lifted and he’s so grateful for my understanding. How can I emphasise enough that I love him, warts and all whatever! I know he will need to do this in his own time I just want to reassure him that I will be there for him along the way. I have so many questions but I know he’s not ready to open up atm.


    • #719275
      Meeshelle Pauly
      Registered On: January 15, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 100
      Has thanked: 118 times
      Been thanked: 397 times

      Hello Mandi
      I’m impressed that you would write this way.
      I’m where your boyfriend was just before you found out. My fear is that I will be discovered and the reaction would be the same as yours. Feeling like you couldn’t be confided in and that a secret was kept from you.

      I’m more and more certain that it could be ok after and that she would be as supportive as you will be.
      But I can’t seem to jump in yet. Though you are inspiring me to be deliberate instead of defensive.

      I’m not sure how I could be helpful since I’m still on the coward side. But can answer questions if it helps in anyway. Good to chat about these things in any case.

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