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I have never dressed for Halloween or any parties. Yesterday was my very first time in public full femme. It was glorious! I did have a CDH friend with me that I have actually known in drab for several years. That made it even easier. We walked around a mall, did some browsing in stores. I bought a sweater dress and my friend tried on lots of things. I think she really enjoys trying stuff on even if she isn’t necessarily going to buy them. Which I understand. I was a little paranoid about having a wig malfunction to try stuff on. Other than one person, I don’t know if anyone “made” us as crossdressers. If they did, they just didn’t let on. The only person that did have a reaction when he realized it was actually very cool with it. In fact, I had a hard time trying not to laugh at his reaction. I was pressed for time between an errand my wife had and that I promised to bring home takeout Indian. So, I only had about three hours in public without counting an hour drive each way. But it really was the best feeling! Now I want to do it again as soon as I can.
So…
1st Time: Halloween 2003. In Ithaca, NY on the Cornell University campus The Rocky Horror Picture Show was being shown. Free admission if you crossdressed. Half assed dressed with a $5 Salvation Army dress, bra with foam rubber padding, shoes and wig left over from my 1st wife when we separated. No makeup or jewelry. Went with my SO who became my 2nd wife 2 years later. Went to a gay bar afterwards.
2nd Time: January 2014. Palm Springs, CA on vacation with 2nd wife; went to a drag show. Fully dressed with clothes (black jumpsuit), shoes, wig, undergarments all purchased by me. Did my own makeup, but no jewelry.
3rd Time: December 2014. Rochester, NY; went to a CD and Trans monthly party at a gay bar. Fully dressed with clothes (black and white dress), shoes, wig, undergarments all purchased by me. Did my own makeup, but no jewelry.
After that, once a month to the event in Rochester, NY and twice a month to an event in Geneva, NY until I retired and relocated to SoCal at the end of January 2016. Since then I am dressed 4 to 6 times per week when doing errands and outside events (grocery trips, Balance Class, etc.), car club meetings and events, city commission meetings, Women’s Chat Group meetings, Palm Springs Pride meetings and events, Community Leadership Council Meetings, Women’s Circle meetings and Old Lesbians Organizing for Change meetings. Of course the virus has changed all of this, but I still dress for ZOOM meetings as everyone knows DeeAnn as she is the person of record, but very few know Don.
In 2018 I did a cross country event called MINI Takes The States. It is organized by MINI/BMW. I was on the road for 12 days and covered 2,900 miles across California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Colorado and dressed every day. Of all the hotels where I stayed, I expected some odd looks as I used a credit card in DeeAnn’s name but my driver’s license is in Don’s name. However, there was only one double take.
I have been fortunate in that I have not had any difficulties beyond being misgendered 10% to 20% of the time. I could probably improve that if I worked on my voice…
Brandie
I’ve gone out about 4 times now. So I consider myself closer to you than someone who goes out regularly.
One question for you would be is are you going somewhere by yourself or with friends?
Either way, there will be nerves. Its totally normal. Things like having your phone fully charged, making sure you have things you need like ID, keys, bank card or cash, credit card, etc. because the nerves will make you forget things.
A lot of it is really a mental block. kind of like jumping of a diving board for the first time. Once you push thru and DO IT, life will be easier. Like my very first time…taking that deep breath before I opened the car door, got out and walked into the bar.
There’s always going to be a gawker or troll somewhere. Pay them no mind…seriously. Dont even worry about the ugly…just worry about you and having the time of your life!
xo Robyn 🤗❤️
Hello Brandie, I have only been out fully dressed as Helenmarie a couple of times. I was nervous at first, so I ventured out at night so that the neighbours did not see me dressed. Went to the local shopping centre, parked up & had a walk round the car park, then I thought what the hell & went inside. Walked around the centre, & inside a couple of stores & outside again, I was a lot more relaxed now & quiet enjoyed my first time walking around outside fully dressed. Next time I went to the same shopping centre, but this time I went inside the shop called Primarks, & actually bought some ladies clothes [ 2 tops/a bra & knickers ]. Went up to the counter & payed, the lady did not say anything to me, just thank you. Then I went to the petrol station & filled up, payed the cashier, he justed said thank you as well. So my few times out have been great, so please have a go & enjoy it, trust yourself, you will be fine & nobody will take any notice of you. love, Helenmarie
Hi Brandie…
Bad: I have always considered that I blend in when I am out. I was standing at a bus stop and this guy walks up to me and says “Are you a guy”?
Good: When I shop normally a dress or piece of clothing will jump out at me as saying “Yes this will look great on you”.
But I bought a dress that I was sitting on the fence not really sure if it would look right or not. One day I wore it out still not sure if I looked ok. A lady was across the street made eye contact with and crossed over to see me and said “Just wanted to tell you that dress looks amazing on you where did you get it”?
The I Can’t Believe What I Was Thinking: For some when you step out for the first time you think everyone is looking at you. It was one of the first times I was out. I was walking down the street and there was a couple standing a short block away looking at me and she was pointing at me. Of course I thought the worse. She probably is pointing at me telling her husband there is a guy dressed as a woman coming down the street. I even thought of crossing over to the other side of the street. But I kept walking and he stopped me and handed me his phone and said “Miss could you take a picture of my wife and I”.
She was pointing at me to let her husband know that someone was coming that could take their picture.
Jessica
Brandie….firstly, well done….your first time out can be compared to a fledgling leaving the nest….she has always lived inside and has no idea what it will be like out there….but always, she still goes!!
My only really bad time, I was ” made” in a bar… two guys gave me abuse and I just sat until they had left… safer in the bar than them follow me out….another time wasn’t so bad, I got abuse in the street, and a lady backed me up and told the guys to **** *** ( go away)….
Brandie, don’t let this put you off…it can happen to the best of us….
The good…..since those setbacks, I have been out literally hundreds of times…. everywhere!!!….and it is the greatest feeling…EVERY time….I have talked to people, laughed with people and even after all those outings…I still cannot wait for the next one…
Lastly….two tips….whatever you do keep calm and be the girl you are… secondly….if you are walking around alone, especially at night..keep away from isolated areas, stay within view of others…. stay safe…
Well, that’s it honey….
Good luck, grace xx
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Brandie, I am kind of an old hag and have been going out fully dressed for many years (started in the late 80’s) so I can give good and bad with a pretty long term perspective.
I will give the “bad” first. No matter how long you do go out your going to have those get going jitters. It starts with getting out the door, then getting out of your car then last but not least going in wherever your headed. You will just have to “overcome” those nerves and take that first step. A lot like that old metaphor about how to eat an elephant, one bite at a time. You will also have that “panic” moment when someone looks at you. Don’t worry, women “check out” the competition and they aren’t freaking out over you they are appraising you, your makeup and attire as if you were any other woman. The catty looks are when you are dressed nicer and made up better than them in their workout clothes and looking frumpy. Keep calm and don’t panic just keep doing what your doing, smile and DON’T RUSH! When you get that panicky rush to escape you attract unwanted attention.
Now the good/great news… Enjoy yourself and just own it. 99% of the people out there are so wrapped up in their own world they only take a passing glance at the world around them. I have shopped at some very nice higher end stores as well as cheap discount stores and the staff are always professional and nice. I once had a young (early 20’s) girl ask for help picking scarves for her mother as I was looking for some for myself and she said she didn’t wear them but her mother loved them and she didn’t know what to get. We had a lovely if not short conversation and I helped her pick out 3 as Christmas presents several years ago. In 35+ years my only less than positive experience was at a mall in Texas where a mom and her two younger (8-12 yo) kids gave me strange looks and she led them away to a different are of the store. No comments, just got clocked and she was obviously uncomfortable having her kids around me. I just smiled and went about my business. Keep your head up and don’t try to act “off” and you will just blend in and be part of the background to most. I have had numerous compliments on my attire, makeup, shoes and jewelry over the years, so be somewhat prepared to interact and speak. We have a tendency to speak too quiet and whisper which draws attention. Even if your voice isn’t perfect speak clearly and politely and nobody will care. I once ended up sharing a table at a restaurant with a couple (50’s-60’s) at a hotel lounge restaurant and we talked for several hours and enjoyed some wonderful conversation and wine, and even though my voice is definitely not “passable” there was never any issues, just friendly polite interaction.
Go out and enjoy yourself and own it is still the best advice I can give. I wish you the best and hope you have a wonderful time but be forewarned, once you start, you will not ever want to go back.
🍷CCarolyne
Wonderful post…..but if you are an old hag…girls, please check out her pictures…you are stunning…sorry to embarrass you C🍷….but I’m not having that.
still friends???, Grace xx
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Grace dear I will take the compliments “Grace-fully” but I really need you to come get your Christmas snow. 😂😂
🍷C
A few yrs ago I was paying for a item at Macy’s. I was talking to the cashier and a Indian woman and I think her daughter and grandaughter in a baby carriage was behind me. My voice gives me away but I really don’t care. After paying for my purchase I then walked to the restroom on the same floor. The women followed me. I immediately entered a stall and did my business. I saw the old woman going up and down the aisle evidently looking for me. I exited the stall and the two women stared at me. I went to the sink washed my hands and left the restroom. They watched me leave in a state of shock. I have been going out on and off since 1980 and count on maybe 2 or 3 negative interactions with people.
Hi Brandi
Congratulations on your impending trip, going out dressed en femme at Christmas..I know that you can hardly wait until you put your feminine things on go out. With this pandemic you are going to be wearing a mask. This will help with your anxiety and it will hide your face from anyone who might recognize you Just hold your head up act like you belong. I remember my first time out and how nervous I was. I almost turned around and went back to my room but I didn’t. I continued on walking towards my car and met other guests in the parking lot where I was staying. They were so busy with what they were doing that they didn’t pay any attention to me. I soon learned that as long as I was dressed like other women, that they wouldn’t even look at me. I know you are going to be alright. Just have a good time and enjoy yourself. Let us know how it goes. A girl who’s been there
Janine
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hmm? No matter what people are going to be people just think of it this way to?? Ok,, so for me,, even when I am in guy-mode,, people still look 👀 at me different lol I am a little older now &,,,, perhaps? The stares & looks I get,, maybe in (there)-eyes I should be wearing,, nicer/ more appropriately clothing for a person my age!! lol but,,, I don’t care what,,, they think or,, care,, if I still feel like I want to wear my baseball style hat backwards,,, guess what?? That’s what I’m going to,,,, do!!!! Same goes for when I dress up as,, Kara,, yes it is different,, because I also do want to blend-in,,, so you dress to blend-in,, the best you can. let me also say; it all starts within (yourself),,, tough it,,, up,,, get-out!!! Do-it,, you can,,,, do it Dear* peace +++ Kara
i guess im not like everyone else. i have only been going out for about 5 years now. never worried about what others think. i dress sexy and stick out in the crowd. i wear mini skirts and heels and think i look pretty hot but not totally passable. people dont care, they mind their own business. some will talk to me but usaully to give me a complement or say something nice. the only one i had a problem with was a drunk guy. when you get drunk you say stupid things. just ignore them or anyone like that. you might be seeing people looking at you, but they might be just looking at your sexy dress or shoes or legs. you might think there is something wrong with the way you look but it might be you look better than you think. be the woman you want to be and dont get too nervous. stay cool and collective and everything will go fine. stay insight of other people and never walk where you can be trapped. you think theres going to be trouble, walk in to a store or where there are other people. if you dont want anyone to know who you are dont show you id, or use a debit or credit card. if your car is easy to notice by friends then dont hang around it. as soon as you are away from your car they will not know who you are if they never seen you dressed. like i said i have been doing this for 5 years and i love going out and met alot of people that know me as only rachel. have fun.
People will react to whatever persona you present. Think of how you most likely react to others. When you notice someone behaving either timid or confident, you take notice and probably respond to that. When you notice a woman really enjoying how they look, you will probably react with a smile. When you see someone trying too hard you notice that too. If you have time watch this short video on you tube, it may help.
One time I went grocery shopping wearing a Women’s business suit (skirt, blazer and blouse) and lovely set of matching pumps. I just try to blend in and use the self serve checkout since my voice is a dead give away. A clerk at a full service checkout said I can take you over here. I reluctantly went over to that lane and had to talk. When I was done she said “Have a nice day sweetie” and gave me a weird look. At first I was embarrassed, but the more I thought about it I really don’t care. I enjoy feeling pretty and going out in public. You should too! Good Luck.
Ever since I started dressing appropriately for the occasion or venue, I have had nothing but positive experiences every time I have been out. I have been to restaurants, bars, stores, public walking trails, and more. Just today I got dressed and went to a local thrift store. Nobody noticed anything different about me, if they did they were polite enough not to say anything. I have short conversations with cashiers or people I come in contact with. I try to modify my voice, but not drastically so. I walk with confidence, knowing that I have as much right to be in whatever place I’m in as anyone else. Many have said it, once you realize that most of the world is incredibly self absorbed, you will begin to feel more comfortable. To be honest, I feel less conspicuous when browsing the ladies department at stores when I am dressed female than I do when I am dressed in drab. I feel like I belong there.
Take your time, walk slowly, be confident in who you are, make eye contact, engage when needed, and HAVE FUN!
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Emily, you are so tight! Great post.
Hi Brandie…
Congratulations on getting to the point where you’re ready to go out, it’s a great feeling!
The first time I went out was both exhilarating and terrifying – just closing my street door and cutting myself off from the safety of my home was a huge step. In terms of advice, I think many of the other girls here have said much of it…
Make sure that you’re as prepared as you can be – ensure that you have your phone, keys and cash safely in your purse along with anything else you might normally need – it’s easy to forget something in the excitement and that might spoil your first time out. Also, check and double check your appearance – I know that no self respecting girl would leave the house without ensuring that she’s gorgeous but, in this case, knowing that you look your best will give you confidence and that actually is one of the keys to success. There’s no doubt that you’re going to feel awkward being out en-femme for the first time and you’ll definitely feel like everyone is looking at you, at least you will for the first few minutes/encounters. But the truth is, most people don’t give other people much attention or thought unless there’s something that piques their curiosity – if you’re nervous looking, fidgety or extremely awkward, someone will likely home in on you. But, if you walk calmly and simply look like you ‘belong there’ they’ll be far too wrapped up in their own world to do much more than give you a quick, “Hi’ as you pass them.
And, once you are used to going out as woman, being Brandie may well become much easier. Choosing clothes/makeup/shoes etc. in ‘male mode’, for me at least, was always rather awkward, I’d often get glances and comments. But, no one really cares about a woman browsing the clothes rails, indeed they rather expect it and thus, you get as long as you please to select stuff that you really like and which suits you well.
Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had a truly ‘bad experience’ out as Rachel – sure, a few folks have likely given me a ‘second glance’ and probably even made me but, they haven’t ever given me trouble.
And, in many ways, the world can sometimes be a nicer place as a woman – I tend to get a few more smiles from folk, they’re tiny bit more curtious and there’s always those precious moments when you get called, “Ma’am” (or here in the UK “luv”) and realise that you have passed completely.
Be brave, be confident and above all else, have fun!
Rachel xx
Adventure at Starbucks
Such a positive experience. The drive up line was around the block so I went into the store to order my Skinny Chai Latte, wearing my mask, social distancing and using my best female voice and feminine mannerisms. There was a little wait but I ordered and paid the barista and when she asked my name I said Nicole. I had to wait in another line to get my latte and a woman with her young son ( I would guess around 4 or 5 years old) started to chat with me. She told me she loved my mask and told her I got it at Steve Madden’s. I complimented her faux fur jacket and told her how well behaved and cute her son was. When she got her order she said good bye and it all felt so natural. A business man in a suit came in to pick up his on line order and was waiting behind me when another barista said he could go ahead of me. He responded loudly that he would just wait patiently behind the “nice woman in front of him” and he was talking about me! I turned around and softly told him I did not mind if he went ahead of me … my heart was beating very fast. He looked at me with smiling eyes and said that his mother raised him better than to push in line especially in front of a pretty lady!!! I could not believe it but he was flirting with me and he was very cute!! I was blushing under my mask and thought my heart would burst out of my chest! A female barista said “Nicole” and I went up to get my latte. He came up a few seconds behind me and grabbed his coffee and said “you see that did not take long at all”. We walked to the exit together and he held the door open for me and I was feeling very self conscious. I thanked him and he said “have a nice day”. I tried to walk very femininely to my car! It was such a thrill but I almost spilled my drink, I was so nervous and excited! I tried to post a photo here but it did not work so I will add a photo to my public photos. NicoleI went out today, for the first time, not fully dressed, but lipstick, Bellinda jeans, ankle boots, and rings and a very feminine watch. I went to the chiropractors, then to a couple grocery stores. No one paid any attention, that I noticed, but I felt glorious. It wont be long, I will be out fully Fem.
RegineI have been out many times and appear as the “well dressed middle aged lady” either going shopping or out to dinner. As other s have said, just “own it” Head up, chest out, look straight ahead and take small delicate steps. If you have a big booming male voice like me, only talk when necessary and as much as I would enjoy a coffee or other beverage whilst dressed and out shopping, I refrain, so I dont need to “go to the ladies”. Not scared to go, just being even more “invisible”
Also to two Trans themed events in resort hotels, (if that counts as out). The first time in my favorite full length cream evening gown with brush train and the second time in my “Scarlett O Caty” replica Civil War ball gown. The latter event is where I looked like the “daughter my Mum never had” ie the way my wig and make up made me look.
Happy dressing
Caty
I just adore trans events and had two myself where we dressed in Victorian fashion and was so much fun. Walking back to the car my friend and I sure got the cat whistles. Actually not a bad experience from all the attention. I wish now we all still dressed like that eventhough it was costly having a professional makeover and hair done with extensions. Wish I could find the pictures now
Reading all these ladies saying to blend in…. take their advice, unlike my first time
I decided to go out wearing an evening dress and high heels, and lots of makeup. I was very nervous, and decided to go out during the day when I thought it would mainly be just the school mums about ( to this day the idea of coming across a man whilst dressed scares me)
I went to an area a few miles away where there are lots of little roads all linked up, with the idea of walking around the block and back to my car. I was a fair distance away from the car when a front door opened right next to me. Worried I tried to bolt back to my car, only to find that I cannot run in heels. I fell over and cut my head and ripped my stockings. I shouldn’t have feared, the lady I was trying to get away from came over and took me inside and cleaned me up. She gave me a cup of tea, a fresh pair of her tights and we chatted for a while
She made sure I was ok before letting me goI’ve never really had any “bad” stuff going out en femme – a few names from idiots, but that’s it.
More often, I have had lovely comments – I guess it depends where you go and who you encounter.
However, one of my earliest full-femme nights was a Halloween party, and I had pulled out all the stops!
My wife and I had booked a hotel next to the tube station at Tower Hill in central London, so we could change in the hotel room, bolt a few yards, and simply brave the tube for 8 stops to Stratford (IIRC).
Stratford, for those who don’t know, is to the East of London, now the site of the Olympic park, but then, respectable but tough. Not East End tough, but rough enough…
Anyway, the tube station was closed, as we discovered, in full makeup and costume – the taxi to Stratford was a bit prohibitive, and the nearest other tube station almost a mile away.
But we walked it, at 7pm on a workday evening, in Central London.
To my amazement, I had no problem walking the distance in 3″ heels and keeping up with my wife, who was also in 3″ heels – but with more experience.
When we got to the station, I was actually a bit disappointed, as I had really enjoyed the walk, feeling my dress swishing against the spider-web style fishnets and hearing my own heels and hers clicking on the pavement rhythmically.
We found our tube, and rode the now 9 stops, with hardly a glance from anyone, despite the overdone Gothicness of our costumes. I guess Londoners see that sort of thing every day.
We got out at Stratford, to walk to our friends house for the party, and a girl came up to me, saying “Nice one, mate!”.
Mate?
Well, I guess it’s kinda genderless!
I won 1st prize for scariest costume, in case you were wondering, and spent most of the evening talking to girls, as the guys seemed a little reticent. Spooked, you might say!
That’s been a kind of theme – I get a lot of girls talking to me randomly, expressing admiration for the way I dress, etc – and men tend to almost pretend I’m not there – unless they’re CDs or gay, in which case we chat about anything without prejudice, just humour.
Love Laura
I’ve gone out very few times over the years but over the past few weeks, wearing a face mask has given me confidence that i wouldn’t be recognized. I’ve found that the more feminine pieces I’ve added has made me feel better and given me more confidence. An example of this is when my other half asked me if I’d got some cash and I pulled a black leather wallet out of my girly handbag. The next day she provided me with a lovely pink purse and i bought a pink phone case and some girly gloves. I’ve bought a collection of girly face masks. I’ve gone from being scared stiff to thoroughly enjoying being out. I’ve not had any bad experiences and not been aware that anyone has noticed although my other half says she caught a bloke checking me out when i was putting some shopping in the car (i was wearing a short skirt) and the men manning the local waste dump (according to my partner) were paying me more attention than most with my rubbish.
Hope to get out this week.
I don’t know if this counts, but it feels like it was my first time out in public as a woman. Other than Halloween where I dressed up as a female pop star at a small company event, I’ve never been in a public venue in obviously female attire (dress or skirt, female hair, not just tight pants). In this case two days before Christmas I donned a “girl elf” costume, with green and red striped leggings, modest amount of “boobage”, blonde bob wig, cute bows on my shoes and on the back of my head, and surprised my female friend who lives nearby with this outfit. After her initial shock but also approval, we took a short walk through a neighborhood shopping district. The cute thing is, and actually a telling thing, is that she was concerned if I was going to walk home, even though I had an overcoat (which I didn’t wear during the neighborhood walk) that covered everything but the legs and hair. Basically she felt I looked so much like a young woman that she was concerned for my safety! (I did drive over, though).
I don’t think I could have done this had it not been for the pandemic which as others have noted gives us an easy way to cover those features which are most difficult to transform. During the walk I noticed several heads turning from cars and along the sidewalks which was quite delightful! She encouraged me to stop off at a store to go shopping before going home, and I almost did but I chickened out. Oh well, maybe next time.
My first time out was as a teen, wearing clothes borrowed from my sister. I had long hair then and no body hair to speak of. It was on a dare from a friend, who said boys could never look like girls, so I took the dare. His reaction was “Wow! You really look like a girl!” So we went out on the town, nothing sexual just brother & sister. No one said a thing or gave us a look, even when I had to use the ladies room in a cafe.
It became harder later as body hair and physical changes became more pronounced, but with the right attention it works. It’s been said many times, most people are too busy to notice so long as you give the right feminine clues. I’ve enjoyed walks around town along busy streets with no problems. Actually sometimes it’s a bit of a disappointment after all the effort of dressing not to be noticed!
The only bad events was in a store buying false nails where the clerk clocked me and made snarky remarks, so I said keep your nails, son. The other was in a small mom & pop store buying a bottle of water. The nice lady was a bit too helpful and got very close. I think she must have suddenly figured out this nicely dressed lady was different. She went bright red and couldn’t look me in the eye. She wasn’t rude and I felt sorry for her embarrassment.
S
I started dressing late in life and that was after my retirement. My wife is super supportive and she really enjoys Stephanie and pushes my limits. My first and only time out full enfemme was about a year after I first started dressing while on a trip away from home. I was full enfemme for two glorious days which were both extremely exhilarating and terrifying. We went shopping, sightseeing and dining. We ate at a buffet restaurant and picked a table away from everyone. My luck that a older lady and four 20ish girls took the table near us. I am sure that they made me and might have even been sneaking taking pictures. During the whole two days I know that I was clocked several times by some looks that I received, but there were no problems. I regularly go out in my “girly drab” outfits locally and have added some jewelry and makeup. We have been away from home on some other trips but I have not gone full enfemme again. I feel that my makeup skills have improved greatly and I am wanting to let Stephanie enjoy another outing once I get up the nerve again. Reading all the stories in this post helps me move towards that goal. Thanks to all that have shared their wonderful successes. Stephanie
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