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Okay, so I may be a bit of a crusader or missionary, trying to help people understand when they make erroneous assumptions or become stuck in their phobia concerning crossdressing or trans issues…. And I’m happy to do it!
Let me present some comments from co-workers recently that had me shaking my head. ( Note: many know I’m trans even though i do not “show it” at work )
Firstly, one of them ( older European lady ) commented to me concerning a customer ” Is that man wearing a BRA??!? ” …. “Is he Gay??” ( there was that faint outline under his shirt ). My casual response was maybe…. tho’ he may just be a closeted crossdresser or trans person, and not necessarily gay. That quieted her down as she thought about it, lol.
Secondly – and this saddened me – was a question from another ( middle aged East Euro guy ). ” If you had a 10 year old son who wanted to wear a dress, what would you say?” I responded I would ask why he wanted to, help him understand their feelings, and support them in what they chose. This elicited a sad shake of his head as he said that he told him Dresses Are For Girls, NOT Boys. I stressed that he should talk to him more and not just dismiss the boys feelings on this. Not sure I made much progress with that one- yet!
Many people out there “get it”, to some degree at least, but there will always be those that just can’t understand it. They are the ones we try to educate and bring over from the Dark Side to the Light of Understanding.
Peoples….. they be a work in progress 😄
Stevie
Hi Stevie, I’m actually working on a book about my own personal journey as a trans woman. I am fortunate to be working, and accepted as, a woman, in a government office building that is almost 95 % women. So far it’s been my experience that women are far more accepting of transgender people than men are. I’ve found the “sad shake of his head” to be the more common reaction from men.
So I am, like you, a “bit of a crusader or missionary”, trying to educate people on who, what and why, we are who we are. To dispel the negative points of view that many people have with regards to being transgender. That is one of the main reasons for the book. And yes, people are a work in progress.Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Thank you Stevie as your understanding of us girls and support you try to bring into the miss understood lifes of people thank you .. As myself at work i work with a couple of men and mostly see men all day long and discussions sometime turn to CDs Trans Or gays from the news and i get looks about some of my answers as my long hair and both ears pierced helps ha ha .. Hugs girlfriend and thanks ..
Stephanie
Thank you Stevie for your efforts promoting our lifestyle and thanks to all the brave girls who wear what they want and go out in public. Every time one of us can enlighten someone or expose ourselves to the vanillas in a respectful way, it helps the sisterhood no matter what some politicians are doing to oppress us. You go girl!
I am pleased to hear that you are a crusader for our rights Stevie. At the end of a successful interview I will say that I am open to any questions if a co worker has any issues and, unless it is clearly offensive, I will happily answer anything. So far I have been asked where I have bought a dress from, do I do my own nails and like my hair color. My current employer updated their diversity policy and invited me to assist in a read through and comment on anything.
I note that both the people you spoke to were European, and one was East European. The European Union countries are all signed up to diversity, have been for years and are quite good places now for the Trans community as law and education has moved forward. Since other countries of Eastern Europe from the old soviet state came in there was a disparity in views on trans and gay as there is a cultural, ideological and even religious difference in attitudes and this is hard to break. One of the first countries to join was Poland and they have moved forward but some newer states are lagging behind. There has been much emigration from these areas and sometimes they have a bond with their communities in pastures new which may uphold the traditions and ways.
It can be hard for them but, although there are protective laws, education is key and I am pleased we have an ambassador in you Stevie. keep it going.
Hi Stevie
It takes all sorts sweetheart I have found a lot of elder generations just don’t get it, they assume all people like are gay. I personally have found people from more open democratic european countries quite open minded and accepting, I am sorry to report all the eastern europeans I have met to be very ignorant and distrustful of anyone. I assume that’s what you get
from living in repressive countries, I live in the UK and all the younger people I have met just accept its no big deal, the younger women just come and speak out of curiosity an are quite nice and talkative. I just consider its based on what sort of community your mixing with pot luck.
Love Sarah xxStevie,
I understand your feelings. I have had similar discussions with my mother in law. She has made several comments similar to what you have described. It always has me shaking my head, and holding my tongue. As my mother in law is not aware of my own transgender feelings, and would not be supportive, I have to be careful in how I approach the subject with her. (I usually come at it from the angle of being the educator that I was for two decades.)
I also love pointing out individuals (often actors) who have transistion to those who hold ignorant attitudes about transgender individuals. The shock on their face is priceless.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Echoing Michelle’s comment, I think every time we step out the door it’s a potential opportunity to enlighten someone. There’s always a chance you’ll get a comment or question from someone who clearly knows nothing about us. But there’s more to it.
Personally, I’ll engage with anyone that’s not offensive. Obviously knowing what to say and how to say it is necessary.
The non-verbal message we convey is just as important. Dress to blend in. If you look respectable most people will respect you. Being overdressed or dressed like a tart will do the opposite. If you look like a freak that’s how people will treat you. Once that impression has been made, it’s very difficult to dispel. And that’s the last thing we need.
Every time you walk out the door you’re an ambassador for the community. Own it!
/EA
Thank you for your candor, Stevie!
Honestly the more I think about it the more I realize we are in a transitional period in history. Which I honestly have mixed feelings about, as general morality seems to be taking a bit of a downhill turn.
But to focus on the positive: it’s becoming less and less “freakish” for a biological male to want to wear things traditionally associated with females, there’s even been a bit of acceptance and even applause amongst the drag community. Okay I mean maybe they/we’re still “freaks” but the kind that garner applause and genuine compliments from the non LGBT-whatever community.
It may seem awkward. and on every level yes it absolutely is, but we’re sitting at the apex of a changing zeitgeist and that in itself is an exciting and perhaps intimidating thing. I think we’re starting to realize as a culture that gender and gender expression goes far beyond a simple XX or XY (or any of a thousand permutations thereof; don’t get me started on genetics. 😉 ). And this, ladies, is something huge. Maybe in a couple generations we won’t even be thinking about these things, they won’t really be a big deal. But for now… we have to deal with the transitional period, and as has been said: we are the ambassadors, for better or worse.
If you believe men don’t wear skirts or dresses, you’re just buying into what everyone else says, just like in the story “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”
The Scottish wear kilts. Tribal people sometimes wear skirts (look up Star Trek The Original Series The Apple). Have you ever made a towel into a skirt when coming out of the bath, or worn a bathrobe? Arabs are often depicted wearing kaftans (think Laurence of Arabia). It’s coming up to Christmas season, and many people will watch Scrooge in his nightshirt (nightgown). Roman chariot warriors are usually depicted in miniskirts. The ancient Greeks wore togas. Egyptian cave paintings show men wearing skirts. Biblical people wore robes. Everyone on the Flintstones wore a dress. And I’ve intentionally left off a very important person just to comply with site rules.
Top end designers have often made skirts for men on their runway shows. But most men aren’t interested so it never goes anywhere.
A hundred years ago, pink was for men, or for children. Now it’s rare to see pink for men (although you can still find some dress shirts or ties in pink).
The only thing we’re talking about is fashion choices of the day, and what we call it so it doesn’t sound like a man is wearing a skirt or a dress.
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