- January 31, 2019 at 7:40 pm #149203Sa•man•thaFounderRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 271Replies: 1427Has thanked: 6100 timesBeen thanked: 4938 times
This is for all of us who currently are or previously were closeted, and who currently have or previously did have a girlfriend and / or wife of the genetic female variety. I think that covers at least most of us.
Do you, or did you try to live out your feminine side vicariously thru her?
- August 26, 2020 at 7:53 pm #378089Kristin DanversParticipantRegistered On: May 29, 2020Topics: 12Replies: 42Has thanked: 55 timesBeen thanked: 187 times
- August 26, 2020 at 6:12 pm #378073Debbie JParticipantRegistered On: April 24, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 57Has thanked: 125 timesBeen thanked: 262 times
I’ve written about this elsewhere, but my first serious dressing was with my first wife. I was trying to convince her to try a threesome with another woman, and I thought that if she became used to making love with someone in lingerie in would help. Instead, I became used to wearing lingerie 🙂
- August 26, 2020 at 2:48 pm #378024Autumn ValiantParticipantRegistered On: July 14, 2019Topics: 29Replies: 1084Has thanked: 15165 timesBeen thanked: 2626 times
I voted no. Maybe a tiny bit though. Helping her pick out a dress at MACYs had a vicarious feeling to it but it was just the one time. Unfortunately she prefers online shopping where as I would take her to a brick and mortar shop at the drop of a hat.
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- August 26, 2020 at 2:37 am #377807patty williamsParticipantRegistered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 62Replies: 1135Has thanked: 1755 timesBeen thanked: 3686 times
- August 26, 2020 at 1:45 am #377797SerenParticipantRegistered On: March 2, 2020Topics: 36Replies: 398Has thanked: 3375 timesBeen thanked: 1776 times
- August 25, 2020 at 8:13 pm #377756Bettylou CoxParticipantRegistered On: May 26, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 1448Has thanked: 2375 timesBeen thanked: 4331 times
With 20/20 hindsight, I have to answer “yes”. Bettylou was buried deep in my unconscious from early adulthood until well into my retirement. But whenever the Air Force would send me to some far-away place, I would make certain to go shopping for some pretty clothing or jewelry; first for my wife, then (when they were older) my two daughters. These shopping expeditions were always the high point of these trips, and it was only recently, after Bettylou was fully developed and in control that I realized I had really been shopping by proxy for myself.
And now, I’m making up for all that lost time.
- August 25, 2020 at 6:52 pm #377742Amy MyersParticipantRegistered On: February 11, 2019Topics: 15Replies: 1040Has thanked: 2659 timesBeen thanked: 2468 times
I answered no. I like what a previous poster said, I am my own woman, and have my own style. I certainly admire other women, for their natural beauty, and for the way they present themselves.
At times I’ve wanted to ask one where she got the outfit, or whatever, but of course I don’t.
- August 25, 2020 at 6:31 pm #377737Olivia LivinParticipantRegistered On: October 22, 2018Topics: 35Replies: 1455Has thanked: 6266 timesBeen thanked: 3388 times
- August 25, 2020 at 5:54 pm #377726patty williamsParticipantRegistered On: January 19, 2019Topics: 62Replies: 1135Has thanked: 1755 timesBeen thanked: 3686 times
This post has been on here a whileI missed it.
I think before I really knew who I was I tried living through my wife by Buying her sexy cloths and lingerie I believe I wanted to wear.
She would humor me on most purchases once to make her hubby happy and that was the last I would see of it.
she is not much of a girly girl either.
Now I do live vicariously as Val said through other women,I so love the individual creativeness of women and I love to study their looks.
- August 25, 2020 at 3:24 pm #377691MollyParticipantRegistered On: October 22, 2018Topics: 2Replies: 235Has thanked: 1143 timesBeen thanked: 697 times
While my wife now knows and it’s not yet evident how successful that will be, (Her knowing, I think it could go either way), I have at times in the past tried to have her experiment with feminine things for me.
Needless to say, since I wasn’t being too honest with either of us/or aware of why I wanted to suggest these things, it was often a mixed success. (How do you reconcile feelings of envy when you don’t want to admit that you wish it were you?)
Now that we’re both aware of why and the mechanics… Well… She would balk at anything that remotely smacks of something that she perceives as something I’d wish I was doing, and anything where I was more feminine that her would be immediately off-putting. I suspect that once a CD admits to wanting it, then the vicariously living through them becomes more difficult as emotions are too close to the surface, but it’s incompatible with your SO knowing about your CD desires.
Or maybe I’m just a clutz on how I handled the individual moments. I’ll never know now.
- August 25, 2020 at 3:11 pm #377689Kay AndersonParticipantRegistered On: June 1, 2020Topics: 16Replies: 506Has thanked: 4815 timesBeen thanked: 2626 times
- August 25, 2020 at 1:05 pm #377629Ginger JohnsonParticipantRegistered On: August 25, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 3Has thanked: 1 timeBeen thanked: 8 times
I tried to have my wife dress like I wanted to, and for a time she tolerated it. Wore pantyhose all the time and the pretty dresses I bought for her (which also fit me 😉 ) but she was just not into it and eventually I just stopped bothering with it.
Well that is when I started buying my own pantyhose, have bought some dresses, stockings, lingerie etc.
And now I am toying with the idea of buying my first ever wig. I am 59 and been dressing on and off since I was 11.
- May 5, 2019 at 12:02 pm #174539MarianneAmbassadorRegistered On: May 20, 2017Topics: 11Replies: 462Has thanked: 268 timesBeen thanked: 764 times
- May 5, 2019 at 8:03 am #174497AnonymousInactiveRegistered On:Topics: 20Replies: 508Has thanked: 582 timesBeen thanked: 830 times
Every time I watch pro-football, I’m watching the cheerleaders on the sidelines, wishing so hard I could dress like they do and look so good !! Don’t care much about the game !! Dallas Cheerleaders are the BEST to emulate !!!
So, yes, I answered yes !!
- May 4, 2019 at 3:09 am #174075Val’sheril StarsongParticipantRegistered On: March 3, 2019Topics: 5Replies: 296Has thanked: 173 timesBeen thanked: 500 times
I’ve never had a particularly feminine gf, at least not feminine to Val standards, and never a wife. This late in the game I probably never will. But do I live vicariously through the women I see who dare to be beautiful? All the time. I’m honestly in somewhat constant fear that a woman will catch me admiring her dress or heels and think I’m ogling her. It’s like, as a closeted CD how do you explain that away and *not* have egg on your face?
- May 4, 2019 at 5:09 pm #174283Sa•man•thaFounderRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 271Replies: 1427Has thanked: 6100 timesBeen thanked: 4938 times
I feel you Val, totally. Well, come to think of it I guess I did have a rather feminine gf one time but she was more interested in my wallet than in me.
Now on checking the ladies. Sometimes I get caught and when it happens I smile and say something along the lines of “you look very nice, I was just admiring your (insert item here as long as it’s not a body part)” Always the lady will thank me and sometimes tell me about where she got her (insert item here) from. Occasionally her male companion (if she has one) might require a stare down lol that’s the part I I regret!!
- May 2, 2019 at 10:44 am #173648EmilyParticipantRegistered On: April 30, 2016Topics: 13Replies: 481Has thanked: 2503 timesBeen thanked: 1185 times
Never have I tried living vicariously through my wife. As a matter of fact, she apologizes to me when she does something she considers “girly” for herself, such as painting her toe nails. Her fear is that it will make my dressing desires even stronger. I have however, found myself looking at women in general and wishing I could dress the way they do, or even wondering how their outfit would look on me. So, had the question been about living vicariously through strangers, my response would have been completely different.
- May 2, 2019 at 10:21 am #173642AnonymousInactiveRegistered On:Topics: 3Replies: 24Has thanked: 52 timesBeen thanked: 78 times
- February 3, 2019 at 12:39 am #149913FounderRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 271Replies: 1427Has thanked: 6100 timesBeen thanked: 4938 times
- February 2, 2019 at 7:13 am #149594Falecia McGuireParticipantRegistered On: January 11, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 109Has thanked: 79 timesBeen thanked: 602 times
I replied “yes” but I’m not sure that is completely accurate. My wife might say it is. 25 years ago, when I first came out to her, she kind of enjoyed it when we dressed up together. I was so excited and had so much fun sharing the look, that I overdid it. About half the time, when I beat her home from work, I’d dress up and ask her to join me. Victoria’s Secret was one of the first places I found that carried quality high heels in both sizes 11 and 5, our sizes. We had several variations that matched. After a while, I got better at achieving a feminine look and got really proficient at the high heel thing. She had not worn high heels often, because of difficulties in finding her size and her more casual style. After some time, she grew less comfortable wearing the heels when we went out because “she knew,” even though other did not, that I had a matching pair at home. I guess I’d say, the whole experience got over-sexualized and she was worried about us losing ourselves in “the game.” I don’t disagree. But, if I had it to do over again, I would slow down and let it be just a small part of our time together.
- February 1, 2019 at 2:36 pm #149418Dawn JonesParticipantRegistered On: January 24, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 90Has thanked: 274 timesBeen thanked: 125 times
- February 1, 2019 at 7:19 am #149332Gillian BlackwoodParticipantRegistered On: December 22, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 40Has thanked: 55 timesBeen thanked: 116 times
My Wife is not supportive at all. Which is sad, but also strange, since She is very much the Dominant force in our relationship, and i frequently take on the more traditional day-to-day feminine roles (cleaning, laundry, much of the cooking, grocery shopping, shuttling kids around, etc), and in the bedroom department, i am definitely not in charge at all.
Despite my essentially being a rather traditional housewife, She will not entertain even the slightest notion of my dressing. But, she knows i have, and want to, dress. She even occasionally tells me things like, “yeah, if you hate having body hair go get waxed then, sure,” but when i recently mentioned shaving my armpits (i have very fine hair there, and they get tangled and pull uncomfortably!) She full-stop said no. This is not uncommon – She will casually mention that i should try something feminine, but if i mention wanting to do something that is considered feminine, even if its the thing She mentioned, i get shut down. As a general rule, i (happily!) live in a very feminine state of existence, just without the pretty clothing and makeup i desire so so much. So maybe i’m not living vicariously as much as i am living a parallel life to femininity?
- February 1, 2019 at 11:13 am #149375AnonymousInactiveRegistered On:Topics: 1Replies: 80Has thanked: 743 timesBeen thanked: 112 times
Sounds like she is a control freak. Mine was too. But when i got laid off from work SHE suggested i might like ot be the housewife. I admitted i would but only if i could dress the part and not hear her saying omg you arent wearing panties again. She agreed. Then said i guess we only need to give you a feminine name. S how about mr mom. I said now way its too masculine. If you want a title lets make it mrs mom or if a name call me julie. Ok then it wil be joooooolie.
She ended up being a very butch like owman and we both loved it.
- February 1, 2019 at 9:30 am #149360AnonymousInactiveRegistered On:Topics: 0Replies: 6Has thanked: 15 timesBeen thanked: 20 times
- February 1, 2019 at 1:52 am #149278FounderRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 271Replies: 1427Has thanked: 6100 timesBeen thanked: 4938 times
…I found that when I started going out with my wife (she was happy that I was “not like other men” at first) she did provide a real dose of femininity that I was now missing…
Aha, isn’t that how it starts? I’ve had that experience also Jasmine and I like how you worded it!
- February 1, 2019 at 12:21 am #149270
- January 31, 2019 at 11:01 pm #149248AndreaParticipantRegistered On: September 7, 2018Topics: 8Replies: 305Has thanked: 181 timesBeen thanked: 589 times
I did try and bury my thoughts of crossdressing and transitioning in my early 20s, and started to live as a male on my terms (basically making no effort to fit in, and generally flouting “male rules”). I found that when I started going out with my wife (she was happy that I was “not like other men” at first) she did provide a real dose of femininity that I was now missing. Throw love into the mix and I felt I could cope with being the “man” of the relationship. Looking back over those years I can see I failed rather badly at it. When things went pear shaped and it was quite clear she needed a “real man” and not this ersatz man, I felt shut out and I turned back to crossdressing to get my feminine fix again.
So I guess in some sense of your question: yes.
I wonder what part II is?
- January 31, 2019 at 10:22 pm #149232Dame Veronica GraunwolfMemberRegistered On: May 8, 2017Topics: 55Replies: 2061Has thanked: 1755 timesBeen thanked: 2233 times
I did not try to live my life behind my wife. I stepped out….proud and content with who I was, and lead the way. Perhaps a bit too proud for my wifes liking….as she is now my EX! I am woman and I will always be until eternity. Never be ashamed of yourself….support yourself and be proud. They are a whole boat load of others who will put you down if you give them a chance.
As Frank sang……”I Did It MY Way!”
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