- September 8, 2020 at 12:45 pm #381975RosiebethParticipantRegistered On: October 3, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 91Has thanked: 294 timesBeen thanked: 502 times
I’ve been dealing with guilt with cross dressing. I buy dresses and then get rid of them due to guilt and then I buy dresses and get rid of them. It’s a vicious cycle but I do love being Rosiebeth. Any advice would be appreciated ladies.
- September 9, 2020 at 5:58 am #382213RosiebethParticipantRegistered On: October 3, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 91Has thanked: 294 timesBeen thanked: 502 times
Thank you so much Girls. You are all fabulous women and I’m blessed to have you as my friends and support. You’ll be happy to know as I’m writing I’m having Rosiebeth time and loving it. You all made me feel so welcomed and loved. You are really a special group and I love yas.
- September 9, 2020 at 5:28 am #382194Linda Rose NygaardParticipantRegistered On: April 30, 2020Topics: 16Replies: 96Has thanked: 420 timesBeen thanked: 523 times
Guilt might be the fourth stage in the big lie-prejudice-double standard cycle. Let me share with you something I’ve learned over the years, painfully at times.
I want to talk here about a couple of double standards in our society. One standard works against women, whereas the other works against men. Both standards are driven by the same prejudice which in turn is driven by the same big lie. Prejudice has a way of turning otherwise rational people into extremely irrational people. Remember that. The big lie that I’m talking about here states that men are superior to women, thereby enabling the root prejudice that manhood is a higher form of life than womanhood. Of course we all know that’s wrong, but sadly it still exists, even in so-called ‘mainstream’ society.
Let’s look at this first situation in light of the big lie, keeping in mind that the lie drives the prejudice which in turn drives the double standard that works against women. I can see where certain social dictums (standards) are critical of women but not of men, in one area of life. Think about the double standards that are applied to men and women when they are preoccupied with sex, or are flirting with or trying to start sexual activity with members of the opposite sex. When a man seeks sexual activity, he is labeled as ‘red blooded’ or “boys will be boys, after all that’s what they do”. When a woman however wants or does the same, she is labeled by society as being ‘slutty’, ‘trashy’ or ‘cheap’ or worse labels that I wouldn’t even want to mention. Double standards anyone? Looking at this first set of double standards in the light of that false belief, one can easily see that women are being put in the gutter because of a misguided popular belief (prejudice) that they are a lower form of human life than men and as such they have no right to mimic the higher form of life, namely men.
I’m seeing where this same lie and root prejudice is driving a totally different set of double standards which work against men. Those double standards can cause people of either gender to be critical or judgmental of men wearing lingerie or any other so-called ‘female’ clothing. They may say things like: “That’s disgusting, take it off, it makes you look like a woman! Are you a pervert or something?” While at the same time, people are not critical or judgmental of women wearing so-called ‘male’ clothing. Double standards anyone? The fact is, a certain percentage of men will wear so-called ‘female’ clothing, regardless of what social dictums say to the contrary. After all, we’re living in the United States here, not somewhere in Iran or North Korea. Looking at this second situation in the light of that same false belief or prejudice, one can readily see that a man wearing any so called ‘female’ clothing is mimicking a lower form of life, whereas a woman wearing what society has labeled as ‘male’ clothing, is mimicking a higher form of life.
I’m not saying that the criticizers themselves are the culprits in these scenarios, far from it. The real culprit is a society which has brain-washed the criticizers by using the big lie which has then morphed into the root prejudice, and that prejudice in turn drives the double standards. These double standards as well as the prejudice which drives them cannot be eliminated until the big lie which drives the whole thing is destroyed.
- September 8, 2020 at 11:31 pm #382156Emily AltParticipantRegistered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 260Has thanked: 226 timesBeen thanked: 1045 times
I’ve lost count of how many times I purged. I’d feel guilt about my crossdressing and off to the dumpster everything would go. Then the desire would come back, and I’d feel guilty about tossing my stash! There were days when I hated myself. Fortunately that’s all in the past.
Like the other girls said, there’s no reason to feel guilty about your crossdressing. Learning to accept yourself is the first step to a happier life. Seeing an experienced counselor can help with that.
Purging will only leave you worse off emotionally and financially.
I’d like to suggest an alternative to purging that may help. Get yourself a suitable storage container for your clothes. Find a place for it that’s out of the way and out of sight. When the urge to purge strikes, promise yourself you’ll wait 15 minutes. Then go do some busy work. When the break is over, put your clothes in the container. Then stow the container in the spot you chose. Now you have a treasure chest. When the desire comes back it’ll be waiting right where you left it.
Hopefully someday all your lovely things can live permanently in your closet and chest of drawers.
- September 8, 2020 at 9:40 pm #382135Camryn OccasionnelParticipantRegistered On: December 10, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 388Has thanked: 657 timesBeen thanked: 931 times
I’ve stopped using the word “guilt” as it applies to my crossdressing. “Guilt” implies that you’ve committed an offense of some kind, or a crime. I refuse to believe my crossdressing is criminal. I may be offensive to some, but that’s only if I step foot outside of my closet. And I never, never do that.
“Shame” is the word I’m using for myself these days. It’s odd, though, when I’m logged into CDH and I’m among my virtual Sisters on the site, I feel no shame. Likewise, when I’m dressed en femme for an evening at home alone, I can’t really say I feel any shame. Sometimes, I even forget I’m in en femme!
The shame will come when I’m discovered, when my closet is invaded, and my secret is exposed for all to see. Then there will be shame. Then there will be humiliation. But not guilt.
- September 8, 2020 at 9:10 pm #382132Christine NelsonParticipantRegistered On: April 30, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 13Has thanked: 27 timesBeen thanked: 63 times
I would say, throw away the guilt not the dress 😉💗. Clearly there is more to it than that but I’m sure you know what I mean here. Listen hun, we’ve all been there, the vicious purge cycle is just that, vicious. Honestly my dear, it’s all between the ears…You either except who and what you are and enjoy it or, you languish in the world of questioning why we do what we did as crossdressers! Pick your poison honey!
XOXO 💜 Christine 💃
- September 8, 2020 at 9:08 pm #382131ChloeCParticipantRegistered On: November 5, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 168Has thanked: 281 timesBeen thanked: 555 times
First, sometimes it seems like it’s so easy for all of us to say, ‘Hey, girl, stop with the guilt feelings’. Well, it ain’t that easy, we are what we are, and sometimes that includes feeling bad about ourselves, like we’re doing something wrong (or worse). Well, to tell the truth, I do have guilty feelings. See, I love chocolate…a lot. I’ve found a manufacturer who makes the most delicious chocolate ice cream I can imagine. Chocolate, chocolate fudge, and chocolate chips all in one. I could eat a whole carton in one sitting…and still want more. I’m sure it’s not good for me in that quantity, but still…. That, my dear, is a true guilty feeling when I indulge.
Now as far as wanting to be female and dress appropriately, well, I’ve had that desire since I was about 4, and it’s never gone away,(much as I tried early on to push it away!!!) through purges, military, marriages, children, grandchildren, job changes, moves. It is what it is, and thank goodness, I’ve now accepted it. I dress when I can, I let my imagination run when I can, I’m through purging. It’s not that I ever felt really guilty about doing it, it was that I felt I’d never be able to be open to anyone about it. Thank goodness for the internet and sites like this where I can, where we can, where there is support and understanding and acceptance.
And especially, girls here in all stages of trying to live at least a part of their lives as they want and who are sharing their success stories, some large, some small, but all steps in the right direction, and giving others a chance to see what they might also be able to do. Guilt? Bah! Knowing who and what you – and we – are and where we want to go, that’s what we should all be focusing on.
- September 8, 2020 at 7:47 pm #382123RosiebethParticipantRegistered On: October 3, 2019Topics: 6Replies: 91Has thanked: 294 timesBeen thanked: 502 times
Thanks so much Girls. I love all your words of encouragement and your support. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only girl who has these issues and with your help I can work through them and be one with Rosiebeth.
- September 8, 2020 at 7:18 pm #382111Peggy Sue WilliamsParticipantRegistered On: June 26, 2019Topics: 10Replies: 192Has thanked: 753 timesBeen thanked: 724 times
No guilt, please no guilt, honey, Rosiebeth, no reason at all for you to have any guilt about your cross dressing. I read all the comments the girls of CDH are making, excellent feedback for you. They know, as we all know, we are special people. We have female parts to our personalities, which have to be expressed freely, from time to time, and periodic purges will not “cure” anything.
I rode the guilt roller coaster for many years, fought alcoholism as a result. Then I had to reconcile my cross dressing with my fundamental Christian beliefs, not religion, but fundamental Bible-believing Christian beliefs. Oh, and I was a macho Chief Petty Officer in the US Navy. Imagine what my men would have thought, knowing their Chief wore dresses? Stress and guilt, yes, we all know it, all too well!
Rosiebeth, you are a beautiful person, and you are in the right place. Ask away your questions. The girls of CDH have been there and done that.
Hugs from Peggy Sue!
- September 8, 2020 at 2:38 pm #382016Mary Ann SummersParticipantRegistered On: April 29, 2020Topics: 11Replies: 73Has thanked: 198 timesBeen thanked: 551 times
“I’ve been dealing with guilt with cross dressing”
That is a hauntingly familiar statement. Many of us have been there… but now we are here. My experience is, your urge to cross dress will NOT go away. Mine NEVER has & each time it returns (or I give in because it has never really gone away, it is always there just below the surface) it has a greater urgency. When I last tried to deny Mary Ann I purged two closets full. I thought that would be the end. Nope.
When I opened up Pandora’s Box this last time the Pink Fog was so thick that I knew Mary Ann was here to stay for better or worse. She is a part of me, she IS me. I am much more at ease in knowing and accepting her now. My S.O. does not know yet and I am aware there could/will be repercussions when I tell her. But I’ve tried to deny who I was for too long and was VERY unhappy for the better part of two decades because of it. No more. I am no spring chicken and I believe life without her wouldn’t be nearly as wonderful or complete in whatever time I have left to enjoy on this earth. So she is me and I am he,r and will be for always.
As a side note… me femme wardrobe now far exceeds my drab wardrobe, and grows often!
- September 8, 2020 at 2:34 pm #382006Alice UnderwireParticipantRegistered On: September 16, 2019Topics: 15Replies: 1760Has thanked: 513 timesBeen thanked: 3097 times
You have no basis for guilt over buying or wearing dresses. You are being yourself. After all they are merely clothes. When the guilt pangs hit think to yourself: I am who I am. I am a very special person.
You enjoy wearing your pretty dresses. They let you be who you are. Let that wonderful person out! You can decide the outcome. Enjoy your beautiful dresses or let the pangs of anxiety win. I know you can choose what’s best for you.
- September 8, 2020 at 2:22 pm #382002Kay AndersonParticipantRegistered On: June 1, 2020Topics: 15Replies: 429Has thanked: 3335 timesBeen thanked: 2167 times
As others said, you did nothing wrong to cause the guilt. And there is nothing wrong with us. If you think you should be different, says who? You can always find someone who will tell you that what you are doing is wrong no matter what it is!
- September 8, 2020 at 2:11 pm #381994Grace ScarlettParticipantRegistered On: July 26, 2020Topics: 4Replies: 139Has thanked: 791 timesBeen thanked: 637 times
Guilt is purely for someone who has done something wrong…the only crime you have committed is purging and re- buying….you have feelings you need to accept, never feel guilty about that… welcome to the girls club….we are all here for you if you need us……. rule 1…..you are doing nothing wrong…..work up from that….huggs honey. Grace xx
- September 8, 2020 at 2:03 pm #381992Mikayla WelshParticipantRegistered On: April 29, 2020Topics: 4Replies: 46Has thanked: 327 timesBeen thanked: 177 times
As Laura eloquently stated, let’s save the guilt for those times that we have done something wrong… but as we know, it is far easier said than done…
I have only been fully dressing for a little less than a year… I have some memories dating back to childhood, but for most of my adult life, Mikayla was repressed and hidden away in the darkest corner of my mind. And while my mental state is so much better since she has seen the light of day, I still feel guilty for letting her out… I know that I am doing nothing wrong… I am who I am, but there is still those lingering thoughts… how could I do this to my family? how could I be so selfish? what will this do to my 6 yo daughter’s social network (will she lose friends if their parents find out)? all these things cause me to feel guilty (and sometimes a bit doubtful). Luckily, I have a good therapist and I have my friends on CDH… they offer support and encouragement without judgment.
So… Rosiebeth, you have friends here… and we will support you no matter how guilty (or ecstatic) you may feel. If you need support/advice/encouragement, this is a non-judgmental community that is willing to help in anyway they can. I have felt it and I suspect that you have felt it too.
- September 8, 2020 at 1:31 pm #381984
- September 8, 2020 at 1:14 pm #381981Stephanie BassParticipantRegistered On: November 30, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 699Has thanked: 5787 timesBeen thanked: 2055 times
Hi Rosiebeth nice to meet you well to start you should have left your guilt at the the door when you joined us girls here. I know easy said but we all have been there as feeling guilt and the dreaded purge of all your girly things . So listen to your heart girlfriend you can hide in the closet tell yourself it will not ever happen again but believe me it will come back. you like all of us here have a lady in our hearts and sole and she lives thru this manly body till she will eventually want out to see this world we live in and when she does she wont be caught dead in drab ol manly clothes she wants to be as girly as she can. Thats where you come in as buying her the girly things she needs to be the woman she is . sorry didnt read profile are you married?? or have a girlfriend?? and do either support Rosiebeth this would be a big plus in everyones life just take baby steps as to confess to them and lots of conversations about your other life .So better quit could go on forever hope some of this helps as im not a consoler in any way just a girl at heart and hope to help as i can good luck girlfriend pm if you want to chat more like all of us we are here for you .
- September 8, 2020 at 1:08 pm #381980AnonymousInactiveRegistered On:Topics: 1Replies: 182Has thanked: 1493 timesBeen thanked: 628 times
First luv. Never ever feel guilty. Ever. Nothing to feel guilty about. No need to be ashamed either.
Learn to love and express your female self. Its a wonderful feeling. Especially going out en femme.
But never feel ashamed of yourself Luv. Learn to embrace it. Take your time. Get to know Rosiebeth. You will see…. There is nothing to be ashamed of sis….
Hugs and L💋ve
P.S. I have been open with all my family and friends since 2003. If you need any help or have any questions please ask me. I told all my family and all friends at a family and at a best friends family reunion..
- September 8, 2020 at 1:03 pm #381979Laura LovettParticipantRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 316Has thanked: 857 timesBeen thanked: 1328 times
Why do you feel guilty about it?
Everyone has at least one “guilty” pleasure, but, if it makes you happy, that’s OK – isn’t it?
Guilt is for when you’ve done something wrong – save it for those times.
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