This topic contains 14 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 6 months ago.

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  • #151992

    Anonymous
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    Hello girls. I just signed up because I fear that my marriage is over. My wife is traumatized by the thought that I’m a crossdresser and how it’s going to affect her life. I’m finally out of the closet and not willing to go back in. I must be rid of the guilt and shame or I won’t be able to stay sober. If anyone has gone through a tough time with their spouse I’d love to hear from you. Lacy in Oregon

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  • #153202
     Jenna Good 
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    Registered On: January 1, 2018
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    Gee Lacy,
    You sound really down in your intro. I’m really sorry your SO is unhappy with your dressing. It’s not going to be easy for either of you to deal with. Especially if you’ve been together for very long and there were any kids involved.

    However you need to move on thru this though. If you’ve been a CD very long you’ll understand that your desire to feel feminine will never go away. I hope you will love this site as we do. Feel free to ask us anything. We’re here to help if we can. Maybe you’ll even meet a new friend near you to dress up with.

    I once wanted to transition and now I regret not doing so. My life would have been totally different. There would be no kids to worry about and my ex-wife’s would have never had to put up with me.

    • #153225
       Anonymous
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      Thank you, I’m happy being in my male body by Lacy has been ignored for way too long. I feel loved by all the people who have been so kind and caring.

  • #152568
     Ashley Olson 
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    Registered On: February 11, 2019
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    I am going through something with my boyfriend. I am seeing this from the wife’s pov. Feel free to ask me questions. She is shocked but in tim she will possibly come around. She prouis afraid you are attracted to men and won’t be satisfied with her. If any of that is true then the marriage will be strained for sure sadly. Keeping your sexual orientation or identity a secret is unfair to a partner and can be traumatizing to them. You will have to suffer the consequences of it. Thank you for your post hun. I wish you and your wife peace.

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  • #152203
     Samantha Frost 
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    Registered On: February 10, 2019
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    I myself have been through a divorce because I couldn’t keep my femme’ self contained any longer. I shan’t go through the details, but what’s done is done. I drank to dull the pain of my divorce, but, drinking doesn’t really help. The only one you are hurting is yourself. What helped me was to talk to a friend. I cleaned up and found a job. I bought the clothes I wanted, dressed how I wanted and looked at completely different options for myself. I went from manual labor jobs to college and set a goal to get my degree. I found a better life for myself. I learned acceptance of self. That was my biggest problem, acceptance of self and how to live with myself.

    I wish you the best and may the Goddess bless you. 

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  • #152168
     Michelle Newman 
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    Registered On: June 22, 2017
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    Welcome Lacy!

  • #152163
     rebekka moore 
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    Registered On: January 7, 2017
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    Hi Lacy,

    I’ve not gone through this but my wife does not approve.  I don’t “openly” crossdress, I dress in hybrid mode but It would be very tough.  I would have to stick by my desires and wants to be who I want to be.  All my life I’ve done thing to satisfy others around me, and I still have a hard time getting away from doing that.  So for me it’s liberating to do what little I do, but I would not let anyone take that from me now.

    Love and hugs,

    Rebekka

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  • #152065
     Lewis Maloney 
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    Registered On: February 10, 2019
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    I just ended my marriage over crossdressing and I am out of the closet after 68yrs enjoy your new beginning!

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #152047
     JeanMarie Jones 
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    Registered On: February 10, 2019
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    Lacy,

    I went through 2 failed marriages, and thus divorces too. My 1st ex totally flipped out when I came out to her, no matter how nicely I talked to her about it. That marriage was indeed over! Four years later, I remarried and within 6 months, I came out to her. Shockingly, she accepted it (with conditions). She would buy what I wanted and I was not to take it outside the house. At first, that was acceptable. I dressed up around her nearly every day and night. She was fine with it and even complimented my appearance now and then. I thought it couldn’t be any better between us, when she openly bought us matching lingerie and nightwear to wear together. There was eight years of this ‘bliss’. But suddenly she got tired of it all, after having to cover for me when people came to visit and noticing how far I had taken it with new things I had purchased for myself, (ie., heels, dresses, skirts and more). Suddenly she demanded that I keep it all to myself, she didn’t want to see it any more. I had to rely upon those infrequent times with the house to myself to enjoy it. It became a hardship after six years. She knew I was still crossdressing, but as long as it wasn’t visible, she didn’t fuss about it. The limitation of it all got to be too hard on me and we drifted apart, pending a divorce. At first, I wanted out, to be on my own without the limitations. I wanted to express myself to the world and others. But when the divorce was finalized, I felt so empty, so lonely. It took a long time to get over the fact I had to ‘start over’ being single again. I was still dressing daily but the void in my life was wide. I not only lost my wife, but my teenage daughter, too. Neither of them wanted anything to do with me. I could get over losing the wife, but my daughter was the most hurtful. She was brainwashed by her mother and has been since. It’s been 20 yrs since I’ve seen or talked to her!

    Sorry, I’m not making comparisons or trying to make my life experience any worse. I just wanted to share. Some of us have gone through the wringer. Don’t feel guilty about who/what you are, you have your own life and others shouldn’t be dictating your true happiness. My own family still tries and it’s put a wall between me and them. Divorces are the hardest reality in one’s life, especially for us. I still wonder about the ‘for better or worse’ vows we take.

    H
    Fighting this battle now. It hurts but the freedom to be the true me has got to win

    out in my favor ! I wish you the best👗👠

  • #152046
     JeanMarie Jones 
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    Registered On: February 10, 2019
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    Fighting this battle now. It hurts but the freedom to be the true me has got to win

    out in my favor ! I wish you the best👗👠

  • #152012
     Meran Berwyck 
    Participant
    Registered On: January 16, 2019
    Topics: 2
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    Lacy,

    I went through 2 failed marriages, and thus divorces too.  My 1st ex totally flipped out when I came out to her, no matter how nicely I talked to her about it.  That marriage was indeed over!  Four years later, I remarried and within 6 months, I came out to her.  Shockingly, she accepted it (with conditions).  She would buy what I wanted and I was not to take it outside the house.  At first, that was acceptable.  I dressed up around her nearly every day and night.  She was fine with it and even complimented my appearance now and then.  I thought it couldn’t be any better between us, when she openly bought us matching lingerie and nightwear to wear together.  There was eight years of this ‘bliss’.  But suddenly she got tired of it all, after having to cover for me when people came to visit and noticing how far I had taken it with new things I had purchased for myself, (ie., heels, dresses, skirts and more).  Suddenly she demanded that I keep it all to myself, she didn’t want to see it any more.  I had to rely upon those infrequent times with the house to myself to enjoy it.  It became a hardship after six years.  She knew I was still crossdressing, but as long as it wasn’t visible, she didn’t fuss about it.  The limitation of it all got to be too hard on me and we drifted apart, pending a divorce.  At first, I wanted out, to be on my own without the limitations.  I wanted to express myself to the world and others.  But when the divorce was finalized, I felt so empty, so lonely.  It took a long time to get over the fact I had to ‘start over’ being single again.  I was still dressing daily but the void in my life was wide.  I not only lost my wife, but my teenage daughter, too.  Neither of them wanted anything to do with me.  I could get over losing the wife, but my daughter was the most hurtful.  She was brainwashed by her mother and has been since.  It’s been 20 yrs since I’ve seen or talked to her!

    Sorry, I’m not making comparisons or trying to make my life experience any worse.  I just wanted to share.  Some of us have gone through the wringer.  Don’t feel guilty about who/what you are, you have your own life and others shouldn’t be dictating your true happiness.  My own family still tries and it’s put a wall between me and them.   Divorces are the hardest reality in one’s life, especially for us.  I still wonder about the ‘for better or worse’ vows we take.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #151999
     Olivia Livin 
    Participant
    Registered On: October 22, 2018
    Topics: 13
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    Hi Lacy and welcome

    Is it past the point of honest conversation and or counselling with your wife? I hope not. I do understand the desire to no longer hide who you really feel!

    If you’re a longtime crossdresser that just came out, how is the only changed factor of her knowing going to ruin her life. It has been going on without her knowledge and life has continued up until now.

    You haven’t provided much background. I’m hopeful that some of the girls have gone through this and can provide more insight for you. If nothing more, you can make some new friends. My best to you

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    • #152036
       Anonymous
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      We still aren’t talking, she says she still loves me but is very traumatized by the thought of me wearing panties and lingerie. I’m in rehab for alcohol until March 12th and am hopeful we can work it out. The hardest part is not being able to talk to her and am missing her. The emotions have been severe and often. Fortunately the treatment center is supporting my dressing and provided a private room.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #152082
         Olivia Livin 
        Participant
        Registered On: October 22, 2018
        Topics: 13
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        Morning Lacy

        Good on you for going into rehab for your addiction.

        Although it may not seem like it now, the time apart may actually be of benefit. It gives her an opportunity to wrap her head around this new thing that was thrust on her. It also gives you time to figure out what you want/need in order to be happy, and what compromises might be made on both sides to make things work out.

        When that time to talk possibly comes, you’re both more prepared.

        A difficult time, for certain. Hugs

        • #152779
           Anonymous
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          I found out yesterday that we are having a meeting tomorrow. I was told by my therapist that at this time she isn’t willing to have a romantic relationship with a crossdresser. I ran for the closet for about six hours but ended up dressing for bed and woke up so happy. I’m going to work hard on saving my marriage and also take care of Lacy. I hope it works, I’m starting to feel more tg than cd. Does anyone relate to that?

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