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Thinking recently about events in life that led me to this place. I would be curious if anyone else has ever experienced this. Your mother stating over and over how she wished she had more daughters. My mother used to do this. We had one sister but she was an older sibling that had already moved out. At the time I thought nothing of it. but she would go on about how she wanted a daughter she could talk with about clothes and girl things. The younger of us, including myself, all boys were completely into male pursuits. My Dad always had cars around that we were restoring. I have a lifelong adoration of the automobile myself. All that said, my question is this. Have you had a similar experience with your mother? And if so, do you think that it might have planted a seed in you to explore your femininity? I really wish I had discovered myself and accepted myself earlier so that before my Mom had passed she could know the daughter she never knew she had.
Steph
Yes. My mother used to bash me for being a typical boy. And would punish us by making wear a dress and then love bomb us.
Lots of hurt. Lots of issues.
Peta,
I’m so sorry to hear that. My mom only expressed her own issue, never projected it onto us. I sure hope you have reached out for some kind of counseling support. it can certainly be a mess trying to unravel those feelings and issues. I know… big hugs!
Steph
Peta,
My mother had two boys when she got pregnant with me. I’m sure both of my parents were hoping for a girl. I know my mother was disappointed when she had a third son. I was supposed to be Kathryn Elizabeth and I knew this from an early age. She did protect me more than my brothers. When I was around seven she purchased me underwear. She said they were boys but the style was more like bikini panties. I loved wearing them even though my older brothers teased me.
when they wore out I wanted more but never got them. Looking back I wonder if they really were girls panties. Either way it was the beginning of my passion for panties and lingerie.Natalie 💋💋
She never said that she wished she had more daughters. I have an older sister and two (one surviving) younger brothers.
But my mom used to tell me that her doctor told her she was having a girl. This was long before ultrasound or amniocentesis. It was just based on old wives tales about how she was carrying. Of course, she also told me she had a different OB/GYN for my sister than for me and my brothers, but I don’t think that has anything to do with it,
Did her thinking she was having a girl change hormone levels in utero that affected me? There is no way to know one way or another, but I don’t think so, as I remember glimpses of experiences when I was very young that brought me down this path.
I am the oldest of 5 boys, and I remember my mother wishing she had a girl. My mother passed away almost 2 years ago and here last 7-8 years she was stricken with alzhimers. How so I wish I could have come out to her while she had enough mental where with all to share my fem side with everyone.
. Cassie
I am the youngest of two boys, beford i was born my mother had her heart set onhaving a girl so much so that she had already prepared for a girl, pink and yellow everything.
Well i was a boy and because i was and theworld was awaiting a boy i was dressed in pink and yellow till for the first few months.
Jumping ahead she delayed getting my hair cut till i was three and from what i was told all my clothes had a feminine touch to them and that continued as long as i can remember. I was always by herside and did a lot of whaf was considered “girl things”. She aways said boys should be able to take czre of a house hold just the same. My brother was given the same skill set but when I was with mom we gigled and wispered alot more. I had mainly female cousins and we would play dressup and I dressed right along with the girls and was never discouraged to do so. If dad said anything mom played it down by saying wants it going to harm.She brought me up as a tomboy to alay any concerns by the family.
No. I don’t know if my parents were consciously trying for a second daugher, but they had a string of sons between the births of their first and second girls.
It is natural for humans to seek explanations. All too often we may imagine an association between something we saw or heard and see some cause and effect where none exists.
Yes actually I’ve thought about it before that the fact that my mom , sister , aunts and other family friends use to always say I should have been a girl as I had super thick hair and long eyelashes. It didn’t mean anything back then but now I’ve wondered if it help plant the crossdressing seed deeper inside me.
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I was raised by aunts and grandmothers with little male influence so I’ve always wondered if that was the reason I’ve always loved feminine things as far back as I can remember. Its a question without an answer.
Hi Stephanie, what a great question!
I didn’t have any sisters, so I heard my mom say all the time that she wished she had a daughter (and yes, I was “supposed” to be a girl). Even though my crossdressing started at a very young age, I always wished that I could have told her that she really did have the daughter she wanted, but that was a much different time and age, and coming out wouldn’t have been accepted, so…
I don’t think that really had anything to do with me being on the transgender spectrum though, I truly believe that is something we are naturally born with and is a part of us.
But sometimes I do wonder what might have happened if she knew…
Hugs,
Holly
Hi girls,
I’m actually in the process of writing a book about my journey, and that involves digging deep into the far recesses of my memories. My sister has known about my femininity forever and says that my mother knew. My mother has passed away so I can’t ask her. Several doctors over the years, after complete physical exams, mentioned the possibility that I may be on the intersex spectrum, lets just say that I’ve always had a number of feminine physical attributes and always knew I was supposed to be a girl. My mother gave me the name Lauren, and always spent a lot of time with me, many of the things we did together would be considered feminine activities. I was never good at hiding my femininity and paid a price for that during my school years. Looking back now, I see how things all added up to me acknowledging the fact that I am a transgender woman.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Hi Stephanie, interesting topic. I suspected something like this might come up sometime. So, here goes. My father died in a horrific accident when I was 4. I had an older brother, and a much, much younger brother (practically newborn). My parents had just purchased a house. In those days, few women worked outside of the home, but my mother resolved to return to college, get her degree and teach…and keep the house (much to the chagrin of her parents who wanted us to move in with them while she was in school, thus giving up the house, which she was adamantly against! THANK GOODNESS!!!).
She followed through and it was a tough several years. My older brother was now called ‘the man of the house’ and starting school, my younger brother was still a tiny infant. At 4-5 years old, that put me in the position of possibly giving my mother someone to give or share her affections to or with, not adult/adult of course, but still hold me and soothe me, probably helping her. I remember some details, all up and up, but still obviously emotional. And I’ve always experienced tremendous sympathy pains, which I sure were fully at the surface back then.
So, I think if I had ever gone to counselling, that an analyst would have had a field day with me. Was that the start of my desires? I don’t believe so as my earliest memories were very fully fleshed out. But still…I can’t tell for sure and sharing them now with you all or with a professional, I don’t think it will make me change my feelings and desires in the least. But it’s one more layer of this many skinned onion that’s now been pealed back.
Oh, yes, later in my teen years when she caught me, she lectured me on the perils of being gay. I wasn’t but she never told my step-father who would have beat me to a pulp if he had known (a former WW2 Marine).
Hugs, ChloëC
You bring up another good point Chloe. First, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. My father lost his dad at age 5 and never really knew him. He became the man of the house at that age. The only boy. I have to wonder if that didn’t soften the blow for him when I got busted by the cops out driving in a skirt and sweater. I, stupidly had alcohol in the car and was under age. Getting back to my point. I have an acquaintance who just dips a toe in our world. He wears panties, but has no desire to go all in. His father left when he was very young, and he clung to and became very close to his mother. I have to wonder if that also plants a seed in us to lean towards femininity. It is really amazing how we humans adapt to things. I had a stay at home Mom. she would read books to me in the afternoons and we would nap together. you really have to wonder what seeds were planted and when. Just curious about it, I know I certainly would not change a thing. I truly love my femme self.
Steph
Hi Steph, unfortunately i cannot answer this because my Mother passed away before i came out but having said that, i feel that she would more than likely have accepted me as Female after a period of getting her head around it. She was quite open minded so i assuming she would have more than likely accepted me.
Fiona xx
Thanks for that Fiona,
I feel that my Mom probably would have accepted me too. She was the parent who instilled in me my curiosity and caring about the world around me and learning about other cultures. She kept all her National Geographic issues from 1949 on. I was lucky enough to have very progressive minded parents considering the generation they belonged to. I remember her even talking once about the husband of someone she knew wearing satin nightgowns to bed because he liked the feel. I didn’t make the connection then, but I have certainly made it now. It’s totally on me for not coming out about myself due to my own shame and baggage. She loved going shopping with my sister, I like to think she would have enjoyed shopping with me.
Steph
My mom always said that I was the son she never wanted so she would dress me as a girl from a young age. To this day I am more comfortable as a woman than a man. I am 55 and to this day to this day I feel I am in the wrong if I dress as a man
I was told numerous times that I was supposed to be a girl. Besides being told that, I remember as a young child my mother always having me in a female type of costume on Halloween. Even though I use to dress in her clothes when she was not home, I never knew if she “knew”, nor did we ever have that discussion.
Looking back, I believe I matured in an ideal situation. My mother told me she wanted a boy and was happy when I was born. When I showed early signs of being interested in female things (as well as male things), she never discouraged me. I have mentioned in these forums already, so I won’t go into detail, but I got into my mom’s make up at three or four years of age. Moreover, at five years old I was dressed completely as a little girl and served as a flower girl in a wedding ceremony. My mother never discouraged my cross dressing. Thus, I went through my early years doing both boy and girl activities, as well as maintaining two separate wardrobes.
I too had a mother who said she wanted girls, but got three boys. Her sister wanted boys and got three girls…such is fate. She never treated us as daughters in any way and always seem perfectly content with her three boys, and would tell stories of conversation with my aunt about how easy it was to raise boys, i.e. she just did a laundry load of jeans while my aunt was ironing dresses, etc.
Did it plant a seed? I really don’t know, possibly. As a small child I wondered what it was like to be a girl, but never felt or was treated “girly”. I did have a dressing experience in middle school sneaking into mom’s room and getting fully dressed (twice as I recall). That was it for many years until I slipped on my wife’s panties and slowly added more and more.
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