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My wife is very supportive of me but I swear that it bothers her more than she lets on. She has said that it’s not a big deal and she wants me to be who I am. She even buys me wardrobe items if she sees something I might like when she shops. Gives me advice on my outfits, etc.
I asked her about it the other day and she gave me the same supportive reply. While dressing helps me, I don’t want her to have any bad feelings.
I’m just curious if more frequent SO dressing was helpful to any of you? As in you got more used to it and you didn’t really think about it anymore. I only dress one or two times a week. There are times I may not dress for a couple of weeks at all.
Were there other things that helped?While dressing is great for me, I cannot continue, knowing that she may be hurting on any level.
I know that it is different for everyone but I would be interested in any opinions. Thanks.
Dear Leena,
This is common with many couples, your wife seems accepting in order to preserve the relationship. Till comes the day she can’t take it anymore and you wonder what went wrong. A hetero man, a husband, a boyfriend, dressing as a lady is difficult to understand. A challenge to her femininity. A support group is helpful, I despise therapists.
You have to be honest with yourself, then her, how far this will go. A woman may want to make her man happy, up to the point when she’s living with another woman. You say you can’t continue if she’s hurting. If you can manage to stop, you’ll be grumpy and she’ll feel it’s her fault.
It’s important that she understands that you can’t willingly quit. And for you to understand that she wants the man she married in her life. That means no panties or nighties in the bedroom.
Dress up times can be agreed on, she can participate or not. You two have a decent start in that she knows you CD and is trying to be supportive and really doesn’t know how.
Hi Leena,
I will only speak from my experience as a SO. I do suffer in silence at times and try to show I am much more comfortable then I actually feel. I love my husband and part of me is extremely proud of him for being honest and sharing this with me. The other part of me is jealous, embarrassed, and unsure of his feminine persona. It honestly doesn’t matter how many times he has tried to reassure me, I can’t help the negative feelings. I think as SO’s we can be so concerned with our CD spouses feelings that we neglect our own. This certainly isn’t healthy for us and it is something I am still trying to work through. The best thing my spouse has done is to allow me to bring things up and ask questions when I am in the headspace to do so. He doesn’t force me to discuss it or bring it up constantly anymore. It is hard to figure out what my boundaries are which has made things difficult for both of us. I would encourage your spouse not to feel the need to rush into anything. Meeting your feminine side, seeing pictures, or going out with her all need to happen in your SO’s own time. I am still taking things one day at a time and trying to allow myself to have good and bad days with too much judgement.
Emma, thanks for your reply. I just had another conversation with my wife today. We have a niece going through a break up with her fiancé and it was apparently due to things he had kept quiet about. Had he been open with her they may still be together. I mentioned to my wife that I always want her to be fully honest with me. She told me that she is fine with me dressing but that she is in no way attracted to me in girl mode. She looks at me like a girlfriend, which is great for me. I have told her that if her stance, about my dressing, ever changes to let me know immediately. I don’t want her suffering through things just to make me feel ok.
I hope that everything works out for the two of you. Thanks, again.
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