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hi! I’m a woman with a new bf/gf who seems to be everything I’ve dreamed of. I’ve always had this fetish and have only had one relationship with a CD, which was a nightmare. Now I hope I can trust this new one to not cheat on me, especially with men. I’m fairly confident that I know the signs, and I certainly don’t want to bring my paranoia into this relationship. Please tell me that everything is going to be alright…I’m fine with everything else regarding this dynamic, including his choice to transition which is not a goal for him now. Like in any relationship, trust and fidelity are paramount.
If it is true love you share, respect to each other will be there. If a person is cheating there was something in the relationship that he or she is not getting. Get to learn and share what you both desire and be open to everything, generally it will make your love and stronger bond and build up on each other trust and share your fantasy life is to short.. xoxo
I’m far from being an expert. That said; you have multiple issues in any relationship, the fact that you are in one with a CD is not any different. The first part of any relationship is the attraction (sometimes starting as friendship or physical). Trust starts small, on both sides, and grows until we reach the point of expected and committed. How we dress, eat our food, snore, chew gum, our religious beliefs, work habits….on and on, are part of our make up and separate from trust.
Trust happens when you value the person you are with, commit to being in a long term relationship, more than your personal wants. (Needs are another issue). With trust comes acceptance and forgiveness, it also brings clarity. I don’t have to think about doing the right things, because it’s the only thing. Withholding trust isn’t being committed. I can’t answer when the moment comes that you can look at another and say, “You know what, I trust you.” It might happen the first time you meet someone, or the moment when they demonstrate it by standing by you in a crisis, or when you give your heart and are willing to commit to each other.
It doesn’t always happen, even if you love someone dearly. I love my youngest daughter (now 30), I don’t trust her. Will I ever? Doubt it. I will always be careful around her in what I say and do. I’ll always give her the benefit of the doubt, but I know to be careful. For me, it comes down to respect and compassion. If they respect me, themselves, and are generally compassionate, they get the opportunity and I give them my trust, respect, and compassion. If 5 years from now that was a mistake…so be it. What I don’t know is if it will be them or me who fails in keeping the trust.
Brina
I been married over 30 years, I was upfront with my dressing desires before we got married. Trust is something born out of love and respect, I hope you get there.
I should clarify that I am a trusting person in general. However, what I question here is whether this CD bf is also, like the last one, harboring homosexual feelings that he would actually act upon or is actually acting upon now. He denies it but I doubt that he doesn’t find at least certain other CDs attractive enough to ever do it. Like with any kind of cheating, I hope he doesn’t or won’t do it. But men in general are known to cheat, regardless with whom. So there’s that general mistrust with an extra dose added to it. I hope that I can tell accurately so that I can run as soon as it happens.
Hi,
I am totally with you on this – Trust and fidelity are everything.
I am in a very similar situation and have the same concerns as you do. I love mine to bits and I know it’s hard work keeping the worries at bay.
Part of the problem is down the their own confusion, which in turn is fed by the confusion of others. The more they talk to those others, the more uncertain it all becomes …”Can I, could I, am I?” …all in all a bit of a minefield.
I know mine trusts me – it was me he/she came out to – and we discuss just about everything openly.
The hardest for me is the fact that mine often says that one day he/she will take a different path, one that does not include me …but so far (4 yrs and counting) we are still here …fingers crossed it stays that way.
All I can do is love and support to best of my ability, and try to remain positive.I don’t know if any of that is of any help to you – I just hoped it would let you know you are not alone in how you feel.
RedGen xxFirst, I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to reply but I’ve not logged on for many months til today. In response to what you wrote, that sounds so hurtful. Having a sense of security in your most intimate of relationships is one of the most important of human needs and to live without that is awful. I really don’t know what else I should say except I am so sorry and I wish you the strength to go through whatever awaits you, as well as the strength to heal quickly so you can have a happy, healthy life that you, like all human beings, deserve.
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