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I am really liking it here! Everyone has been very welcoming and its nice to talk to people that are very much in similar or have been through what I am going through at the moment.
One of the things I am also struggling on is the fact, that I know I am straight, I have been with woman and men, and in no way am I attracted to men nor would want a relationship on the physical end with another man. Now I guess if your talking a relationship with a CD, or trans that area is grey. As trans and some CDs consider themselves female and in my opinion are.
However I want to start a family and have a kid as I have never been married nor do I have a child yet. I just find it next to impossible to meet a woman and be open to her about this part of my life. Its so hard bc I want to build my relationship on trust and honesty and communication. So I am hoping as I move forward in this journey I build enough confidence in myself to where I wont feel I have to hide it from her.
This is very difficult for me. I am actually going to post this in the forum of relationships bc the more life experiences I can hear from other people in this situation. The more helpful it will be for me. So any advice, in this issue I am having I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks
I think at this time at your age it is possible to find someone who will accept this part of you no matter where you live. You will only be doing yourself a disservice if you try to hide it. Management is key, but denial will destroy you. Enjoy the freedom you have now and find out exactly what you need and own it.
hearts and rainbows,
Aoife
I also wanted to add, that everyone is different. And for me I dont desire to become and stay a woman or CD. I enjoy the thrill it gives me including the sexual thrill, liberty it gives me from the everyday hustle and bustle of life, an escape. I am new in this so that may change as time go on but I wouldnt want to live as trans or a CD full time. I oddly enjoy being a man, but at the same time I enjoy the escape of dressing as a woman. I actually also enjoy the way womans clothes feel on my body.
Its weird bc its hard for me to explain at the moment. The sexual energy I get from dressing up, and hopefully dressing with my gf, going out, dressing each other up is super high and crazy. But at the end of the day, or the start of the next I want to be a man.
As I am typing this it kinda scares me again bc It is almost like or it is like living a double life. Which may not be healthy thing to do.
I feel the exact same way. I am a man and do not want to change that but really enjoy dressing in girly clothes. They feel so much nicer against the skin and dressing with my girlfriend is something indescribable. I am private with my dressing but would like to find some safe places for us to be in public and socialize
Hi Shawn,
I want to say take a deep breath and relax. You aren’t lost anymore. You’re found. Or more correctly you found CDH. The one place that is equiped to help a straight non trans be a sometimes but not all the time cross-dresser. I think that last sentence describes you pretty well. I know it describes me pretty well. I think there’s lots of Gurls and Ladies here that it describes pretty well.
-Hugs
Autumn
I feel I am kind of in the same place. I am straight and have no interest in men. I am currently and have been in a couple other relationships in the past where the woman I was with knew of my dressing and were ok with it. I don’t fully crossdress 100% of the time and even when I do I don’t always “Transform into Erica” with the wig/makeup/breast. Often times I will get home for the night and change into something girly to lounge around in. It’s all about how the soft pretty clothes make me feel more relaxed and less stressed. It’s nice when you can find someone that understands.
I do know of a couple of CDs who have put their femme side on indefinite hold in order to settle down and have families, and have done so with no regrets or ill-effects. So it is possible, but only you know yourself. I assumed *I* could do it. I couldn’t*.
If your femme self is important to you, then it has to be part of the ‘package’ you bring to a relationship.
*It’s OK – it came good in the end, and I got to be Rachel *and* have kids.
Shawn, if a girl walks away from you because of the way you like to dress, then she is the wrong girl. Plain wrong!
It does make it a bit harder to find Miss Right, but challenges are good.
Try hunting en femme!
When I recently went to a LBGTQ bar, I found Cis women of all ages almost made a beeline for me, and were all interested in chatting, with cross dressing high on their list. Most were fascinated by it, wanted to understand a bit more about why, and totally got my explanations. Being dressed actually made it much easier for me to start talking to beautiful women (and dancing with them too!).
I have no interest in following it up, being more happily married by the day, but all this occurred to me after that trip out.
I am not used to simply raising my eyes a little to find an attractive woman looking at me with a smile on her face, then taking eye contact to mean “Come talk to me”, and then have an in depth conversation like we’re already close friends.
To be able to exchange admiration of each other’s clothes and looks, to be able to say to a beautiful woman that she looks beautiful while looking into her eyes, and you both knowing that it’s not idle flattery – that was better than any drug I ever took in my youth.
That simply has never happened to male me.
I found myself that day – and I hope you find yourself here too.
Love Laura
As a post script to the above, I did it again last weekend, only better!
I went full-on glam, in a little green sequined number, glittery eyeshadow and lippy, and blingy jewellery, tights and shoes.
The ladies loved it, and more than one tried it on with me, which was so flattering.
I am looking forward to the next time, although I may tone it down a little… in my position, some risks are just not worth it!
Love Laura
Well said Autumn! Hugs and 💋 Shawn. i am straight but Love dressing up and am working to get my femme side out of her closet but even en femme i have no desire for males. Many probably most crossdressers are straight according to studies. You are not alone and there are many women out there that not only accept but enjoy your femme side! Yes, they can be more challenging to find but think of the joy of the hunt and the eventual catch. Here on CDH you will find support and helpful advice. Good luck to you.
Shawn — It does get a girl to feeling desperate sometimes doesn’t it? — I found that once I completely accepted myself the rest sort of fell into place — That also meant being OK with living single — The self confidence that came as result helped me attract the love of my life, and I was completely open with her before we even went on our first date — There can be NO secrets in a solid relationship — Life is too short to mess around with anyone who doesn’t fully accept you as you are — And as Laura says, be brave and get out there in girl mode sometime; You might be surprised at what comes your way!
I know the position you are in. One thing on your side is that in relatively sophisticated areas it is accepted that this is a time of gender fluidity. Younger people are more aware of it than others. It might seem odd to bring up crossdressing with a woman you’re dating, but that could be better than waiting until you’re married. Here is an idea that might be worth trying. Watch the movie ED WOOD with her. (It’s available online.) In a kind of biopic comedy Johnny Depp plays the title role of the l950s director and writer, one of whose movies was GLENN OR GLENDA. In one scene, Ed and his girlfriend are driving, Ed at the wheel, when he broaches the topic, asking something like, “How would you feel about my dressing as a woman?” The girl asks whether he still loves women. Of course, Ed replies. The girl gives it just a moment of thought before replying casually to the effect that it’s OK with her. It’s a very funny movie, by the way; Bill Murray is in it, and Martin Landau won an Oscar for his portrayal of Bela Lugosi.
On the CD Heaven website you’ll find posts by a number of very sympathetic wives. They might have good advice for you.
Good luck.
Melissa
I’ve been wearing pantyhose and pumps since I was 4. I began wearing pantyhose out with short girl’s shorts and platform wedges at 17. I would often go out and shopping in that attire. I got compliments on my legs from women, got asked about the pantyhose I was buying and wearing and even got notified a couple of times about having a run.
I got some dates out of it. One day while shopping, I met a girl who began asking me about my pantyhose. It turned out she thought I was a girl at first. She liked my look but wondered why I didn’t dress fully as a girl. Over the next several months she helped me do that. I began dressing and going to parties, having quite a bit of fun doing that.
I had been dressing a couple of years when I met my wife. I was in my pantyhose, short shorts and platform wedges. She liked my look and thought it was sexy. It showed off my legs nicely.
A couple of weeks later she surprised me showing up at my place. When she saw some women’s clothes lying about she was not happy. I told her the clothes were mine. I often wore them for fun and foir going to parties. She seemed intrigued and asked me to dress for her. I chose one of my favorite and sexiest outfits and transformed into Patty. When she saw me, she was stunned at how pretty and sexy I was.
I became her girlfriend and boyfriend. She even dragged Patty out several times to go shopping.
I think the best thing is to meet someone who accepts or even likes your dressing. In my younger dressing days I met several girls who liked it, but I do think you need to be somewhat open about it right from the beginning. You never know what might happen.
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Thanks for sharing your story Patty. I’m single and it gave me hope I may find someone who will accept me for being me. I haven’t dated in over 6 years. I just recently started going out in public dressed but not to the point of shopping.
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