Love and hate

[Jessica Wilde]

So my internal struggle with myself is overwhelming. I’ve finally accepted myself as I am. I’m a transgender woman. I have struggled for 40 years trying to figure myself out. Now that I have figured it out I have come to the realization that who/what I am causes all those who love me some serious pain and confusion. Namely my fiancé who I love dearly. I have to continually explain myself and my feelings to her which is completely exhausting and exceptionally draining both mentally and physically. She is trying so hard to understand but when I explain it to again and again she never actually hears what I say to her. We have the same conversation over and over and over again and at the end of it she asks me the same things every time. I’m so tired of saying the same things over and over again. It makes me hate myself because I can’t get her to understand who and what I am and why I am the way I am. I just want to be me and oddly enough she lets me be free to dress every evening and night as my true self but when it comes right down to it she doesn’t really accept me as myself.

I’m a little older than she is and I’ve had a pretty good life. I wish that something would take me out so that I won’t cause any more pain or suffering for her or anyone else in the future. I’m so tired of causing hurt and pain for the people I love. I just want to be my true self and not cause anyone any more pain. I’ve hurt enough people by being me. I want to just disappear and re-emerge elsewhere as my true self where no one knows my past and I’m accepted as Jessica because that’s all they know me as. My true self. The real me, Jessica

Peace, love and happiness to all,

Jessica

[Wanda Ovahear]

Have you considered Pre-Cana marriage preparation? Theses days you should be able to find a tg-friendly parish. Things won’t change after you’re married, dear. Now is the time to work on them with some sort of marriage prep counseling. If your wish to not be is more than a passing thought then you need counseling for that, too.

Don’t do anything rash. The people you think you’ve hurt would miss you and so would we.

Hugs & kisses,
W.

[Roberta Broussard]

Often times a counselor can help you convey what it is you are trying to say. It just helps having someone else who is not invested in your mind set, to smooth out communication.

[Sara Cousins]

Hi Jessica
I can only imagine the pain and emotional stress that you are having. I am in my 70’s and have only been on here 2 weeks but am lucky enough to be divorced and single. Sara has been in here for a long time wishing that I would let her out and then I found this site and here we are and she is getting stronger ever day.
You will find so much support here even I couldn’t imagine when I joined here and everyone is so uplifting and positive because they are are all like minded and going through “Love and hate” just like you.
Good luck because I know you will find peace and solace with this site and everyone here.
Sara

[Angela Booth]

The first part is that she has an acceptance but the questioning may seem repetitive but what is going through her mind and how is it affecting her. This is not only tough for you but her as well and you both may need a lot of time to get yourselves together and know what each wants and how to progress as one. I would agree that maybe a counselor would be a thought if both are amenable. It is always difficult with others around you as well and this, combined with your frustrations is a hell of a lot to deal with.

My suggestion is to step back, take a deep breath, and reassess everything, bring your partner in on it too to settle yourselves and form a plan, an outcome, take your time and don’t push it to quickly. If you settle on an amicable outcome then you can start to move outwards and upwards. Yes it is frustrating but going scattergun isn’t a way forward as I see it.

I wish you well and hope you find your way to contentment.

 

[Jane Don]

In conversations like this , what I don’t see very often IS—people just becoming Best Friends who can talk freely about Anything & Just having Fun–Before taking the relationship too seriously–

[Anonymous]

It isn’t your fault if others don’t understand.

If she keeps asking the same questions maybe she thinks this is just a phase you’re going through. I’ve read other SO’s at first think its just temporary and I believe my wife thought the same thing but they soon find out its not going away and they realize the long term affects. Some can deal with it some can’t. I recommend you both get into counseling and on the same page with a therapist that understands our lifestyle. If there is anything there she will try to understand, if not, then move on and consider yourself lucky.

[J J]

[postquote quote=691351]
This!

You do not seem to be getting the message across in a way she understands or will accept. It is not necessarily either of yours fault, but as the warden in “Cool Hand Luke” said…”what we have here is a failure to communicate.” Sometimes it takes a third person to help communicate such concepts.

If this is truly who you are then it is not your problem, but the problem of others to understand and accept you, or not and go another way. I am nowhere near transgender, so I can’t really speak to that part, but individual counseling first to fully understand yourself, and then couples counseling to help you SO understand seems to be the best way to go. This is a difficult situation, so professional help may be warranted.

[Fiona Black]

A counselor well versed in transgendered issues would prove very beneficial for the both of you. Even if your wife refuses to go see one, you should as it would help you deal with the situation. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Jessica
As Ginger I have been through individual and couples counseling. Individual was for me to accept myself. Couples was for SO and Ginger to find a comfortable compromise. We still have difficulties on occasions, but when we agree it’s heavenly. Honest and open communication is key. Understanding boundaries amd limits important
Hugs Ginger

[Giselle Reeves]

Jessica i hear you loud and clear.

Your feelings are a mirror image of mine.

Stay safe and keep your head up.

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