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    • #678037

      So I am in a realtionship and it’s a secret that I dress and always has been. She does work away quite a bit (as did I pre-pandemic) so there has been and still remains plenty of opportunity to bring Vanessa out, which I love to do.

      Anyway, my dilemma is this. When I am not Vanessa, I just fancy females. Always did, always will. However, when dressed as V I have the strongest urges to be with men. And it’s not that I fancy them, I just want what is in their pants. It’s quite overpowering and startling how much my desires change.

      I acted on this once when working away and managed to bring a guy back to my hotel for a fumble and a “quickie”. It was ok, I guess, but it definitely made me want it again.

      The bit that I can’t explain is that I genuinely don’t find men attractive in the face, but when I’m V I just want to be ravished by a man.

      I guess I’m bi, but I don’t think I fit into the standard definitions of it.

      Does anyone else feel like this?

    • #678047

      I think I understand. I too consider myself heterosexual. For me, my female persona is a fantasy, one that allows me to explore femininity at least on a superficial level. How exciting it would be to be able to go further into that exploration – to go “there”! Given the opportunity to act on it I really don’t know what I would do, but I do know the temptation to act upon it would be great. It would seem you know. So, it seems the question is are you acting out a fantasy or is this part of a new reality for you?

      • #678058

        I guess it’s very much “a bit of both” As I said i don’t normally look at guys in that way, but when I am glammed up it’s a case of my whole outward persona changes… so in an odd way my inward persona does too? It’s very much a case of my feminine side fully embracing it I guess, and wanting to turn guys on.

      • #678283
        Anonymous

        Be aware Kris. Fantasy can slip into reality very quickly. I know.

    • #678054

      Believe me I know you’re feeling when I’m dressed up as Sarah I’m beginning to more and more believe that I’m a woman and I myself get the same feelings and seems to be getting stronger and stronger would I act on it most likely I will

      Personally myself do I think is it’s gay or bi. I don’t think so. it’s a woman fulfilling her needs and desires

       

    • #678064
      rhonda
      Lady

      Seems like normal way to go

    • #678069
      Robyn Drake
      Managing Ambassador

      Hi Vanessa,

      Thank you for being appropriate in your descriptions of events. As you know, our Community Code of Conduct requires “family-friendly” postings in all public areas.

      We are all complicated mixtures of things. It would be nice if life was simpler for us. Maybe it will be in the next one.

      Bisexuality plus gender fluidity means that you need to be very understanding, patient, sympathetic with yourself. A separate issue is promiscuity versus monogamy.

      – Robyn

    • #678071

      Hi Vanessa

      In my opinion you and I are sailing in the same river, except that I am more evolved than you (lol😜) I also like to have date with tgirl
      XOXOX from Italy
      Greta ❤️

    • #678073
      Rowena
      Lady

      Oh my V…get out of my head! I whored around in my years with women, married and stayed faithful, and then there’s Rowena. Society says men have a fem side, and there’s no doubt about it. The older I get the more the fem emerges…and when it does I’m 100% a woman, and want to be treated as one in every aspect. “I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR”! I’m not defining others or saying some are not truthful when they say, “I’m straight”. I question, “when the fem side is front and center…you’re not a least ‘a little’ bi?” I’m not judging (maybe a little).

      Lastly, this site is wonderful…so nice to communicate with a few who truly understand what I hide inside.

    • #678074
      Anonymous

      This is an interesting thread to read as the SO. Our first two questions are typically “are you gay” and “are you going to transition?”

      Having said that, there are plenty of threads that are CDs venting about how absurd these first two questions are. Some have gone as far as to feel offended that SOs jump to these wild conclusions.

      So many threads and polls about who would or would not want to be with a man when dressed.

      This is so confusing for us SOs seeking understanding and support here. Maybe it just boils down to honesty between a couple.

      Thanks for sharing.

      Hugs,
      Betty

      • #678123
        Anonymous

        As I walk this path I have realized the “Never say Never” is very apt. I have opened a door to a room full of wonder and challenges, fear keeps me from doing certain things and previous commitments keep me from others. But I have found as time goes on things that were frightening to consider a couple of years ago are not frightening now. We grow into this, small changes add up over time. Can our SOs deal with it?

        Zenn

        • #678970

          I removed ‘never’ and ‘forever’ from my vocabulary after accepting myself as femme and the first six months of mentally exploring it.

    • #678093

      Most definitely!

      when I was married, and even after my divorce and was dating, that desire was overwhelming. Fortunately now that I’m fully single I can enjoy the company of either men or women, without the inner conflict.

      like you I never have found men attractive. But as you have said, as a woman, the desire to be with a man is undeniable. And definitely gets stronger the more I experience it.

    • #678095
      Cece X
      Lady

      For some unknown reason, Vanessa, I am loving this thread, even though I have identified as bisexual or sometimes gay since I was a teenager. My dilemma is a different experience.
      Do you feel comfortable self-identifying as a bi-curious crossdresser?

    • #678098
      Anonymous
      Lady

      It seems to me that only desiring men when fully dressed is like a man saying hes straight but desires to be with a CD/trans. The only difference in each case is the clothes which provides an excuse to act upon inherent gay tendencies. We always rationalize our desires.

      I’ve always known I was bisexual and find some men attractive no matter how I’m dressed.

    • #678101

      i would love for a man to have his way with me or another crossdresser

    • #678107

      Hi Vanessa they do say a little bit of what you fancy does you good, I’m Bi myself I’ve been this way since i was in my 20’s so it doesn’t matter if I’m dressed or not if i fancy a man then who am i to complain,

      Hugs Rozalyn X 💋

      • #678282
        Anonymous

        Rozalyn,

        It started for me with simple hand ho;ding. The first kiss with him sealed the deal.

        • #678328

          Hi Stephanie it started with me going on a night out at Xmas and accepting a lift home from a Gay Guy i met, let’s say i liked what he did to me in his Van, I thought does that mean I’m Gay until i realized i still liked women so that definitely makes me Bi,

          Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀

          • #678353
            Gwyneth
            Lady

            Roz,

            What mode where you in that night?

          • #678382

            Hi Gwyneth i was in male mode I’d been out with some friends from work so dressing up was off for the night,

            Hugs Rozalyn X 🎀

    • #678113

      [postquote quote=678095]
      I feel completely comfortable with that CeCe, it’s probably the nearest I will get to a correct analysis x

    • #678116

      Hello Vanessa,

      I can look at men and say to myself or to my wife, “That guy is attractive or that one,” but I’ve never been ATTRACTED to any man. Not even when I’m dressed up. I think I understand what most of your saying, and it’s that your feminine half takes over when your dressed and you feel the urges and desires natural to a woman. I just really love women in the sexual sense, much to try being with another man.

      Hugs to all my sisters, Jill

    • #678118

      What a fascinating question!  It’s not anything that I’ve ever thought about, but I just know deep down that no matter how I’m dressed, I’m not going to be interested in men in that sort of way.  Kris Burton came closest to my view when she said that her female personna is a fantasy; that’s exactly how I view Holly, but while I’m able to almost totally seperate my male and female sides my core sexuality is common to both.  Does this make Holly a lesbian?

      And by the way, Vanessa; are you sure that you’re comfortable about inviting a man back to your hotel for a quickie – you have a girlfriend and you’re still betraying her whether it’s with a girl when you’re in drab or a man when you’re being Vanessa.  No matter how overwhelming your desires may be, are you sure they are worth indulging?  Holly XXX

    • #678122

      [postquote quote=678118]
      Hi Holly, I wasn’t proud of myself but it was a one off. And as stupid as it sounds my V persona is so radically different that when I am her it doesn’t feel like the same person that I am in the “normal” relationship

      • #678268

        Hi Vanessa:  nice to hear your view – and it’s one that I think I can fully understand.  My own male and female personalities are very, very different, down to the point where I consider them to be two entirely different people; I’ve even occasionally found myself thinking “I’ll have to tell Holly about that…”  I’m not going to encourage you to cheat on your girlfriend – but neither do I want to discourage you from living your Vanessa life:  you’re a big girl and you accept the risks.  Just one thing – you mention a “normal” relationship; there’s no such thing!  Tolstoy wrote:  “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.  ”  Relationships – especially for crossdressers like us – are very similar in concept; each happy relationship is alike; each unhappy relationship is unhappy in it’s own way… but “normal”?  No relationship is normal – nor are they abnormal!  They just are.  Your girlfriend is lucky in having a boy/girlfriend who can be so honest with themselves (is that “normal” in todays world?) and I truly hope you can resolve your inner quandry – no matter which way you decide to go.  Holly XXX

    • #678125
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador

      Your attraction isn’t so unusual.  I’m generally not attracted to guys but can’t say I’d never be with one.  All depends on the circumstances.  I’m sure there are other girls that feel the same.  The label I choose….bi, pan, switch, whatever….is irrelevant.  I am who I am.

      The bigger question in your situation is what are you going to do about your SO?  Sneaking around is a disservice to both of you.  You deserve to live the way you want openly.  They deserve to have a choice in participating….or not.

    • #678127

      [postquote quote=678125]
      I just don’t think she would be interested, sadly x

    • #678128

      Absolutely. Sometimes I almost feel like I’m in a drunken state of desire for men when I’m in Karen mode. But, when not, have no desire except for women. When I’m in Karen mode, I become a real slut. I consider myself a bisexual crossdresser but had no bisexual tenancies until I was deep into crossdressing.

    • #678136
      ChloeC
      Duchess

      Hi Vanessa,

      Well, maybe I’ve not got all the layers to peel back that an onion does, but certainly more than a grape, so here goes another one.

      Simple answer, Yes.

      But, of course, it’s just a little more complicated, for me anyway.  I find most women attractive, well at least in one or more ways, leaning to more.  And I’ve had intimate relationships with both wives (well, of course, but just both) and had 3 children among them, and statistically speaking, I’m not approaching Wilt Chamberlain numbers, but it’s, well, like in the 4 digits, as I find that aspect, um, enjoyable.

      Now, when I look at other women, I don’t see them as potential partners, in that I just don’t imagine intimacy, maybe a brief moment’s worth of curiosity, but it quickly passes. Mostly if they’re rather attractive, I more so imagine myself looking like that.

      However, when dressed, well, yes, I do imagine, to an even greater extent. Not necessary any one particular male, as I’ve never been outside enough to encounter one, but imaginatively, and with, let’s say, images/pictures of some males.  And as you mention, yes, being ravished. <sigh>

      Hugs, ChloëC

       

      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by ChloeC.
    • #678156

      Vanessa, oh yes I know exactly what you mean since I’m bi and have a boyfriend. I considered myself “straight” in my teens but whether it was dressing or whatever else, I had strong desires to be in a relationship with a guy and get to experience everything that came with it. I found out my blonde, really good looking best friend was also bi and I didn’t hesitate to go for it, and we’ve been in a wonderful relationship ever since. If anyone wants to know more about what it’s like to have a boyfriend just PM me!

    • #678261
      Jane Don
      Lady

      Societal conditioning works extremely well– The powers that be (most often Religion) Tell us from a young age-how to think/what to think/how to act,dress ect ect–& to Not deviate from their vision- Of course, with Religion we are taught to Police each other to keep us in step with how they think we should be-(plus they make a lot of Money– It’s Big bus.–I read here “”I’m not attracted to men”” however most men saying this have almost no Female friends –(Real friends)–Could that be because of how we are “Conditioned??

      • #680015

        How would you know that most men here saying “I am not attracted to men” would not have any female friends? A couple of my best friends are women, I’ve been great friends with them since high school, another since 8th grade, and we’re 55 now…  So what would lead you to make that kind of blanket assumption?

      • #694018

        I would have to disagree. I’m not attracted to men, and nearly all of my of my real friends are women.

    • #678270

      [postquote quote=678128]
      Nail on head, here Karen xxx

    • #678276
      Janet Woodham
      Duchess - Annual

      Thank you for an interesting post and I certainly feel this way Vanessa, I am thinking through the implications as things stand. Others have made the point which I would echo about your SO, that is also important in finding peace.

      Janet

    • #678279

      For Everyone… Being “Fully Woman” Be Careful!! Once going down that road, it is Very “Addicting”!!!
      As they say “Once you Go Men You Will want it again”!!
      Btw, Please forgive My sense of humor But it is Very True..
      Take Care Ladies!! Jill💖

      • #678281
        Anonymous

        Jillian,

        Never were truer words spoken. Being with a man is a bell you can not unring.

    • #678292
      Gwyneth
      Lady

      My story is somewhat different from most girls here. Due to many life circumstances, I turned bisexual, then thought, “This would be much more fun if I crossdressed!” So I got the cart before the horse. In either mode, I can’t see other men as “sexy”. Strange, I know. I’ve tried hard to make that work, but to no avail.

      Gwyn

    • #678321

      Vanessa,

      Having had feminine tendencies/interests since a very young age. I found that dressing for me evolved from having a desire to look like a female into wanting to be female when dressed. When I presented as Genivieve I began to feel an attraction to men (like a woman would). However, being in a marriage to a woman I dearly loved but who also, I failed to tell about Genivieve until ten years into our marriage. She knew about but hated Genivieve, that said, my first priority as an honest person needed to be our marriage and so that was what I did. During the years of our marriage I had a few opportunities to be Genivieve, and even had several men who wanted to date Genivieve. At that time she declined all those offers, in order to be faithful to the marriage. I lost her to cancer years ago, thus  leaving me single and able to do things that I had to deny myself while she was alive. I would have traded my new found freedom to have her back without reservation, while at the same time, I also began to let Genivieve develop. I started going out regularly, shopped, had makeovers, visited nail salons, had lunch dates, frequented T friendly clubs, and yes, attracted the attention of several male admirers. This led to a few dates and was the ultimate in the feminine experience for Genivieve. I have never looked at another man in drab, and similarly never looked at another woman when presenting as Genivieve with any romantic intentions. In the end, I am pleased that I remained faithful while still married and equally pleased that life circumstances allowed me to have many enjoyable experiences. It is easy to look at ourselves selfishly and pursue what only we might want, it is a far better thing to consider those others in our lives and weigh what we want with the effects that these wants may have on others, especially our spouses.

      • #678473
        Janet Woodham
        Duchess - Annual

        Lovely sentiments beautifully expressed Genivieve.

    • #678379

      Hi Vanessa,

      Wow, that is a dilemma.

      Thank you for your post and thank you to the admin’s for allowing it.

      I have been in three very long-term relationships in my past, and although having been betrayed multiple times, I cannot give in to being a betrayer, my heart just won’t let me do it.

      As a naïve young boy, at the age of nine years old I was coerced into sexual act with a neighbor boy a year older than myself. It actually happened on multiple occasions. I surely didn’t understand at the time what I was doing. All I knew was it felt really damn good. 😂😂 I moved from the neighborhood that I grew up in Minnesota down to Florida when I was 11 and didn’t have that kind of experience again until i was in my 30’s as a single in between relationships with the mothers of my children.

      Now that I am single again, not bound to a commitment relationship I am free to explore the closeted feelings that have lurked within but not able to act on.

      I am surprised to find that the few women that i have attempted to date in the recent past and was mentally attracted to did not arouse me physically.

      As Erica, I have yet to experience any kind of contact with men and will not hesitate when the opportunity presents itself.

      Erica ❤️

    • #678381

      [postquote quote=678379]
      Great post Erica xx

    • #678466

      I’m very happy in my more then thirty year marriage. My wife encourages my dressing and is very supportive. I’m super happy in general, Great family, sweet grandkids. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize everything I have that’s so wonderful. Having said that – do I fantasize about it? Yup……and my wife knows and isn’t surprised.

    • #678526
      Becka
      Lady

      pretty much the same here. I love, love sex with a woman but given the chance I will play w/men too BUT!
      They have to be smooth all over, and that’s not something that’s easy to find out at times. Men who are hairy are an immediate turn off. I definitely have a thing for men who are more effeminate and not pushy.

      That said, my experience w/men is very limited.

    • #678559

      Ummmm Vanessa,

      you need to stop streaming the thoughts in my mind! LOL

      Honestly though it is a bit terrifying how close our thoughts/feelings are on this subject and how close they match.

      And it’s not that I fancy them, I just want what is in their pants. It’s quite overpowering and startling how much my desires change.” 

      When the desires first really began to hit this is exactly what I experienced. As I began to realize this was not going to go away and was only growing stronger with time I have really tried to take a step back when I am out and about and picture different men as lovers. I have to say it’s really hard to wrap your mind around. At the same time the desire to be taken and if I am being honest, to be a slut and as you say “be ravished”, is so overwhelming I know that if the situation presented itself I would not be able to say no.

      I am in the closet as well and in marriage so it is alarming to say the least. This didn’t happen prior to my marriage either. It came after so the dilemma seems daunting as to how do I somehow open up about this to my SO.

      So in answer to your question. YES! I feel this way and I can say with confidence it is only getting stronger. At some point soon I will have to cross the bridge of dealing with it on multiple levels but life is all about timing so I am hoping the opportunity to come clean and move forward finds me soon.

      Thanks so much for posting this. I feel really strongly this is something that a lot of us struggle with and it’s so difficult to find a space to talk about it.

      So many hugs,
      FM

      • #678819
        Anonymous

        Felicia, that was very well put. I agree. Within an open, yet intelligent,context it should be discussed. I think a lot of the members are interested in the subject but are to shy to bring it up.

    • #678562

      [postquote quote=678559]
      Oh Felicia, sweetie, i am so glad you posted this. I’ve  looked for explanations online and in all kinds of places but not found anyone else who felt like me, I assumed I was in a niche group of one and it really worried me. So thank you and to all the other girls who have stated similarly. It’s so reassuring to know it’s not just me xxx

      • #678567

        You are so welcome hun. I am so so glad you had the courage to post the original thought. xox

      • #678719

        It’s really no big deal and not something to be ashamed of or embarassed about. For you married girls with family I realize that is a separate issue and understand it

    • #678696

      I haven’t taken the necessary time yet to form a reply to this wonderful thread but would like to acknowledge and thank the site administrators for allowing its content and direction. Its obviously something that many of us encounter on our journey. Please remain mindful of non-explicit content inclusion so that these kinds of conversations can continue.

       

    • #678822

      Thank you Vanessa!!!!

      I feel exactly like you and it is difficult to explain….., in one psicologic analysis work I read that the travesti participates giving pleasure to the man and at the same time feeling like the man that is receiving pleasure, in some way we adopt the two roles at the same time.

      When I read it engaged perfectly with my sexual feelings.

      Kisses

      Sonia

      • #680014

        That is very interesting Sonia, because when I watch a cis male being intimate with a trans woman, I too identify or fantasize being both of them interchangeably, sort of back and forth between the two throughout the experience. Before it was strictly seeing myself as the man, but in the last couple of years I increasingly see myself as both, in spite of not being attracted to men…

    • #678971

      Hi V,

      Your desires to be with a man is just wanting another female experience. I’ve had many (MANY) of those feelings myself.

      Dianna

    • #678973

      Looks like there may be a bunch of us with the same “dilemma”.  I am mainly attracted to women, but my brain takes it that one step further, telling me that I want to look like that too.

      Although I’m not really attracted to men, I love the way a man can make me feel.  Sorta confusing, but I’m rolling with it for now, lol.

    • #679069

      [postquote quote=679068]
      Tell me about it Dani,  I’m so pent up at the moment, I would likely explode if I was placed in a room full of men x

    • #679083
      Rowena
      Lady

      I’m going to say this as delicate as I can as I don’t wish to cause any concerns among those who monitor our beloved site…but I’m curious about something related to feeling more fem as I age.

      I admit that my breasts/nipples are becoming more and more sensitive (without drugs, totally naturally) and wondering if others are experiencing the same. Honestly, they are a main focus now, a true starting point, over other previously enjoyed areas.

      Was that said delicately enough? (smile)

      I feel talking about topics like these are very important to many of us, as long as it is done without being rude.

      • #680010

        I’ve pretty much had zero erotic associations with my nipples my entire life. There was a strange incident once where when I was about 17 or 18, boys being boys and roughhousing and what not, sometimes (and largely heterosexually, no latent homosexuality tied to it whatsoever), once in a while you or whoever would grab some other guy’s nipple and give it a hard twist. We called it a nurple, sort of purple and nipple combined, purple because of the bruising afterwards. Believe me, it was so painful that it was only about inflicting sadistic torture on your friends, nothing more. What was strange about it though, was the one time someone did it to me, I felt not only the pain, but a sharp electric buzz or mild shock in my testes, and kind of where your penis passes through your scrotum, maybe near the prostate perhaps, I can’t quite recall it was SO long ago. I do remember that I was truly stunned. In part because of the sensation, in part because I was trying to understand “what does that mean, does that mean I’m possibly gay?” are questions I asked myself. How could a zap down there be caused by an action up around my chest? Not able to make any sense of it, and with zero attraction to men, I never really thought about it again. But it did raise some interesting physiological questions, like “are my nipples connected to my testes somehow?”. It was bizarre, and no one has ever tried to torture my nipples again like that, so I’ve never experienced the same phenomenon again, and I’m not going to ask someone to do that to me again simply to see if it repeats. What I can say though is suddenly in the last year or so my boobs feel more sensitive, and the nipples do too. I’ve never really thought about having them pierced either, until now, as I’ve been contemplating it for several months now but I’m not sure about it yet. My ex wife would occasionally want to suck on them, and I wasn’t really interested because it didn’t do anything for me. I have natural B cups which are great when I want to dress, and kind of a bane when I’m my cis self. But they’re still not at a point where stimulating them will necessarily cause an erection or anything like that, and I don’t know if they ever will be, that can only come with time, or not. But what I can say is, they are definitely more sensitive than they were say just a few years ago. For context, I’m 55.

    • #679092

      Hi Vanessa,

      I understand your confusion. I have experimented several times when I was younger and found that although I am in no way attracted to men I enjoy performing acts on them (sorry, its the most polite way I could thing of putting it).

      I cant say I can help with why this is but I can say its something we share

      X

      • #679130
        Anonymous

        I have warned some of my CD friends that that particular action can be highly addictive.

      • #680032

        likewise for me

    • #679341
      CelesteCD
      Lady

      So many of you have captured what runs through my mind as well. It is such a relief to know I’m not alone in this regard.  I have yet to act on these urges but the more I dress the more it seems to be with the mindset of putting myself in this situation – to be desired by a male.  I’m not sure I would pursue them outright…however…if a situation presented itself to Celeste, she would most definitely succumb to them.   Thank you all for being so open here.   I feel like a weight has just lifted off my shoulders.

    • #679346
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I’m betting you’ll find many here that think a lot like you, me for one.  Probably the ultimate fantasy in completing the persona. Maybe validation. Anyway, I completely understand where you are coming from.

    • #679351

      [postquote quote=679346]
      That could be the best explanation yet, Cody, the “ultimate validation”

      Thank you!

    • #679535

      As Jenny, I have been “ravished” by men before and honestly, those were some of the greatest experiences of my entire life. Yes, it’s the ultimate validation of Jenny, but that’s only part of the appeal. It’s validation, also combined with pure ecstasy and fantasy and physical pleasure. Absolute heaven. Plus, it does fill some deep need I have to submit to men. Can’t explain why that need is there, it just is. And I love it 🙂

      I love men. I started dressing to try and make myself more attractive to men. But to be honest when I really think about it, then yes, I’m probably less “attracted” and much more addicted to “what’s in their pants.” Totally addicted. It’s on my mind all the time, but when I’m dressed? It’s the only thing I can think about 🙂

      • #679563

        Hi Jenny,    Has me thinking things go “Hand in Hand” Do we dress to not only become who we want to be but also to satisfy the fantastic urges to be ravished? As you said, A Motivator to get all glammed up hoping we get seduced to fulfill our Dreams of  truly being a woman.. It is So Very intoxicating, The Passion, the ecstasy, The fulfillment, The losing any inhibitions and being in the Moment so totally.. It is “Absolute Heaven”.. No wonder it’s all we think about…..💖💖💖

         

        • #694025

          Couldn’t have said it better myself Jill!! One of the main reasons I have a boyfriend, spot on!! 🙂

      • #694024

        Everything you said Jenny!! Although in my case I’m extremely attracted to every part of my boyfriend, from his blonde hair/blue eyes, swimmer body and obviously you know what else. It’s about the complete package for me with him. 🙂

    • #679560

      I’ve been a bit surprised by the popularity of (and many posts admitting similar feelings about) this subject: sexual attraction to a man while dressed.

      I’ve been wrong, I guess, in my impression that the CDH membership is much in denial about these feelings. So, I thank Vanessa for this brilliant and courageous original post, for putting these feelings forth in such a straightforward way. I hope the CDH editors are reading this forum and allow more openness in articles about this subject.

      In my recent series of CDH articles about my weekend spent in New York as a woman with a man, I knew to be very careful in my disclosures, but still the editors softened much of it even more. (They did it brilliantly, actually, looking for and finding reasonable compromises.) But reading this forum through, I wonder if they had to do it at all.

      • #679626
        Anonymous

        Well put Cassie. This issue should be talked about, not buried. It is too close to home for alot of us.

    • #679561

      It’s only by reading threads such as this one and realising how much of the content resonates with me can I sit back and say “oh thank god its not just me then”

      I wrote about similar feelings and desires in my intro post a while ago now.

      There are so many complicated and often conflicting thoughts that go through the mind. I often find it’s made worse by having the feeling of needing to dress ebbing and flowing. One moment an all consuming desire the next, something that fades right into the background.

      I wish any of this was easy to explain.

    • #679570

      [postquote quote=679561]
      Oh that’s so true Sara, it’s literally one extreme to another isn’t it? En femme = line up the guys, please. Normal drab mode = wouldn’t even look twice at them.

      Its so bizarre x

      • #679622
        Anonymous

        I think this is an issue many of us have had to come to grips with. By offering each other support to know we are not alone helps all of us understand it.

      • #679722

        I love the way you phrase that:  En femme = line up the guys!

        Indeed! Couldn’t agree more 🙂

    • #679639

      it appears I’m in the minority here. Have never had any interest in being with a man.My ideal consists of being with an attractive younger genetic girl who enjoys being with me whether I’m in drab or femme mode.
      till then I have to content myself with being my own girlfriend

      • #679677

        I agree for me I feel the same no attraction to males although some trans and crossdressers are very beautiful and or sexy or authentic looking. For me though my desire is to be dressed to the nines and be with a beautiful sexy woman dressed to the nines now my wife. That’s just me we are all different unique yet have many similarities and experiences which is why this is a wonderful place to be, share, and learn to further build understanding and acceptance of ourselves and others.

    • #679654

      Hey Miss Vanessa,
      Like you I was never attracted to men and my dressing was a desire for the sensations that it brings. I believe what led me down the “bi” path was watching amateur CD porn. I would see the desire that the men had for the gurls and how much the gurls enjoyed it. This led me to watching the videos while dressed and the incredible desires that began to absorb me was intense. I then bought a sex toy and would dress, watch the videos and simulate the action I was seeing on the screen and that was it!
      This is what led me to explore with a few crossdressers first as this made me feel it was somewhat “OK” because it wasn’t really a man if that makes any sense. This gave me a mental shield that I wasn’t gay or bi. I have to admit that this still didn’t fill the need I had to play with a guy who wanted to touch, explore and enjoy me.
      Us gurls have an advantage as we truly know what a guy enjoys. I have found that men who are interested in us tend to appreciate lingerie, stockings, heels and the other things that make us sexy.

      I have had a few great adventures with guys now and one terrible one (be careful gurls) and it is simply the most incredible experience.

      Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings!
      Jenny

    • #679671
      Anonymous

      YES! I definetely feel the same. It’s like when I’m dressed I fully embrace the female role and can do and feel like I wouln’t normally do as a male. So, while I am Madison I find masculine men very attractive but when going back as a male, it’s like just changing the chip and feel no attraction.

    • #679672

      Hi Vanessa,

      Thank you for your excellent post.  I have felt similarly ever since I put on that first pair of panties as a teenager.  I have concluded that it is not a physical attraction as such, but an attraction to the dynamic that is offered.   I have further concluded (much later) that my deepest attractions are to sister crossdressers who are constructed as I am.

      Pamela

    • #679737
      Jane Don
      Lady

      when I’m “Dressed” I consider myself Female–so it would be Normal to be attracted to men–I’m a straight Female—No confusion there—so maybe it’s just how a person looks at things-

      • #763052
        Janet Woodham
        Duchess - Annual

        That is an excellent way of putting it Jane and the way I feel too.

    • #679749

      Thanks to all you girls for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this topic. I was never attracted to men before I started crossdressing and not really very much now either but I would like to have that experience just to see if it makes me feel more feminine. It would really have to be the right one, (feminine type) and me in the right mood. I dream of someday getting lips, hips and boobs but not hormones because I don’t want to lose my male functionality. I would like to be considered “hot” to men and all the LGBTQ’s but my main attraction is to “ff” trans women whether I’m en femme or straight.

      And thanks to the editors for letting us share.

      • #679791
        Anonymous

        Nikki, be aware the desire to be with a man rarely ends with one time. The road from hand holding to hugging to kissing is so tempting.  PM me if you want to chat.

    • #679792

      That is exactly how I feel. I guess that part of us that loves the ability to fully express our feminine side had its root in latent homosexuality. No shame there, it’s just the way our clocks are wound.

    • #679847

      [postquote quote=679792]
      Melissa, why would you call it “latent homosexuality” when people like V aren’t attracted to men, but really only to the appendage and not what the appendage is attached to. Example: I’m very attracted to functional pre-op trans women (and been married twice to cis women), but I couldn’t get aroused by looking at a man even if my life depended on it… I can’t watch gay porn, it’s just so not in my wheelhouse, it’s a real turnoff, and seeing a trans woman be “dominant” with a cis male, ugh, total turnoff. Same goes for a cis woman being “dominant” with a man, that kind of ” adult entertainment” does absolutely nothing for me. Latent homosexuality implies that V would be hot for guys but is unconsciously in denial about it. Yet there doesn’t seem to be anything unconscious about her activity. Same goes for me, as I explained above…

      • #681206

        Yolanda, very thoughtful and interesting reply, but I think I must respectfully disagree with your conclusion that latent homosexuality implies that a person would be “hot for guys” but is unconsciously in denial about it. When I started cross dressing late in life, I believed that my gender expression had nothing to do with sexuality or sexual preference. As my cross dressing has evolved, there developed a delightful realization that the more feminine I acted and looked, there was a growing desire to experience everything as a woman would, including intimacy with a man. No desire to have a romantic relationship… just sex.  When I’m in male mode I just don’t think about men as lovers. Nothing subconscious going on here, just the way I roll.

         

    • #679850

      [postquote quote=679672]
      Pamela, yes, thank you for that. I have thought about this a lot too, and it seems to me that it’s all about the role playing and what I’m attracted to in terms of who is playing what role. I love femininity and all things femme, and can enjoy two women together as an example, and can enjoy a male-female couple of course, but male-male not at all as the femininity is missing for me. Likewise, when there is a trans woman with a cis male, the masculine and feminine are both present (regardless of what is in between their legs), and it’s that yin-yang thing that inspires me. Even a cross-dressed male (as long as he isn’t too masculine and can look pretty and femme while engaging with the cis male with her in a FEMME role [not the dominant role] can also be titillating for me, and the more femme the crossdresser the better in my eyes/brain/nether region. So it’s that role-playing dynamic, and the fantasy of being beautiful and femme and having someone ravage you, though that “guy” to me is always faceless, as it’s more about the dynamic and the psychosexuality of it all that causes these desires to want to be ravaged yet not attracted to men AT ALL (though for the sake of transparency I do recognize when a man is handsome and when he’s not, and I’ve had lots of hunky guys reach out to me on dating apps though I have not responded because the desire just isn’t there, but the fantasy and the thirst for the ravishing of the appendage and only the appendage, is, and that’s what has me trying to make sense of all this, and I’m 55!).

    • #679854

      [postquote quote=679346]
      Cody, validation is an interesting concept and I can see how it might apply to some. It feels like it doesn’t ring a bell at all with me, since for me it feels completely about in part simply expressing my identity (all this stuff I’m feeling on the inside) in a more feminine way and not being constrained/confined to just expressing myself as a man, and when I’m dressed similar thoughts apply to my sexuality, simply wanting to be a hungry harlot ready to be dominated by a pile driver and expressing myself in a typically more femme beta role (vis a vis the alpha top I’ve been used to all my life). But if I look at a man, the whole man, it’s a complete erection killer (and pucker-upper).

    • #679857
      Yui
      Lady

      For me, as a starting crossdresser, I love woman and trans-woman. And when I’m doing a bit of “self time” as Yui, I do like it to have the woman role. For me it works to Fantasise to have a pre OP trans-woman doing things with me (yes, I’m still a virgin).

    • #680012

      [postquote quote=678973]
      Yes Boots, that’s an interesting observation. Because lately I find myself both wanting and desiring a particularly beautiful woman I may be looking at, but then also part of me wanting to look like her, be like her as well. And it’s weird because I’m not attracted to men but there is this weird part of me that wants to turn them on anyway. Which when you think about it, means I’m just a @0+£ tease. It may sound funny but that is honestly not my intention, being a tease is not something that I’d be proud of necessarily, to say the least.

    • #680013

      [postquote quote=678526]
      OMG Becka yes, the hair, such the cringe reaction from me, hairy hands, arms, legs, the worst is the stomach and back, I. Just. Can’t…. Then add to that big feet, oafish proportions, no curves, all angles, the big man-brow and the smell, oh and the flat butt, and worse yet, hairy flat butt, YUCK… I just can’t do it…looking down in bed and seeing two big hairy feet bigger and wider than mine, that is so not in my wheelhouse…

      • #702926

        I agree about the hair thing, I can’t take hair on my own body much less a mans, The hair on my head is quite enough for me.

    • #680075

      OMG, what an inspiring story. I’m becoming more aware as I spend more time on CDH that there are many, many of us who aren’t quite ready to admit how great it would feel to be with a nice man, as a friend and lover. Hugs to you, Melissa

      • #682865

        This is not the first reply where I have seen someone basically accuse many of us of being in denial over whether we are attracted to men or not. So I’m going to repeat the main issue again here so that it is clear to everyone – the main issue here is not being in denial over whether we are attracted to men or not – the main issue is feeling like we are hungry for their equipment but not attracted in the least to the person that comes attached to that equipment. At least for me, this is not about denial, at all. At all. It’s about the conundrum we are stuck in, because no matter how hard I try, I can’t fool my eyes and ergo brain into finding men attractive for the life of me. And I’ve tried several times to be with men, and at 55 , I know what I like and don’t like, and I just can’t get inspired visually and physically by a man, it just doesn’t work for me, and I have done a way above average amount of self reflection and introspection than most people. Granted, humans tend to be in denial about many things, I get that, as it’s a very human trait, but I want to make sure the conversation here doesn’t devolve into some kind of denial-fest summary that was perpetuated because of some misinterpretations of the original post.

        • #682963
          Jane Don
          Lady

          I dunno–This “Attracted to” question is complicated—It’s almost like the whole question of Religion– So much can depends on How we were raised–If a person wasn’t raised with religion, it’s unlikely they will join one–Society has made most folks to be afraid of being Labeled “GAY” so that stops a lot of folks from even considering same sex action–  (it’s about what other people might think) – social Pressure “Can” stop us from doing things that are not considered “Normal”–

        • #693917

          Yolanda, I agree it’s not denial, I have never seen a man that I was attracted to in any sense of the word and have always considered myself a lesbian at heart. One day out of the blue I found myself thinking about what it would be like. Over the last few years I have thought it would be aa great time to act on this, the only problem I have is I don’t find a man attractive but I would love to be with another cd of trans girl and have found many very attractive. Which brings me to the same conclusion as most, it’s what is in the pants not the wrapper. Another thing I believe is when you get up in age you tend to speak your mind stating the facts with not so much denial. At my age , I better be telling myself the truth I don’t have time for denial. Coral

          • #693919

            Well said Coral. Couldn’t have said it any better
            Sara

          • #693942
            Jane Don
            Lady

            so true–we can wate a lot of life Denying our true feelings -PLUS-we don’t know if we like something if we don’t Try it–

    • #681033

      Such a fascinating and relevant  topic, Vanessa, as is clear from the number of comments it has generated.  Feminization is more than the clothes, makeup, et al. It is a wonderfully warm feeling – I call it the “pink tsunami” – that washes all over you, leaving you feeling completely “girlish.” And, when, you’re feeling like a girl, you want to do all of the things a girl does – one of which is to unzip a man’s pants and hold and caress what’s encased inside. Here’s where being “straight” intrudes. Though my favorite porn is of transfemmes and crossdressers performing fellatio, I am turned on by the organ on display but not at all sexually aroused by its, uh, owner. Thus, my solution, as someone who is attracted to women and the expression of femininity: fellatio with other transfemmes and crossdressers. For me, it’s the best of all worlds, satisfying the needs that I feel when dressed while staying true to that which sexually stimulates me. After all, what creatures on earth are more attractive and alluring than ultrafeminine girls like us?

      • #681061
        Gwyneth
        Lady

        Elle, I think you have hit the nail on the proverbial head! I could have written this same message without changing a word.

        • #681079

          Gwyneth, it’s so affirming to hear from a lady after my own heart. Muah!

          • #681093
            Gwyneth
            Lady

            I used to work in a very “manly” profession. When I got the urge to pursue the dark side, I tried to look upon my coworkers to see if I found any sexy. I could not! And I tried for years. Money, looks, talk; none of them could do for me the same thing a sexy lady could do in the same circumstances. But when I got in the “mode”, all I wanted was in their pants!

      • #681287

        “Pink Tsunami”! Excellent imagery and especially expressive of the overwhelming nature of the sexual imperative.

        Araminta.

        • #681460

          It’s a tidal wave and hurricane indeed, but what an absolutely joyous and emancipating feeling!

        • #716566

          Araminta! A woman with an expansive vocabulary likes yours – soooo hotttt! 💋

    • #681394
      Thea
      Lady

      Thanks, Vanessa for bringing up this  topic, and thank you to all the ladies for have provided such interesting and thoughtful insights on what is a very complex issue.  It was this that made me break out of the isolation I’d imposed on Gabby and start talking to others, and I’ve been thinking about this response and “umm…ing” and “err….ing” for days!

      I am very happily married to my wife and have been for 35 years.  But when I came out to her recently she said she’d always suspected it.  In a wonderful relationship only the sex was  below par.  If I am honest in moments of intimacy I  fantasize (and have done for so long I cannot remember anything else) as being a woman in a straight relationship with a man: and  I can see all of him including but not exclusively his tackle!  I long for the embrace and fantasize at least as much about kissing, cuddling, touching, holding hands, walking together etc as I do about sexual intimacy.  Having told my wife about my dressing we have had some  difficult times: but seem to be coming through.  Amazingly my wife has refound her sexual energy and our intimacy is returning:  but I do feel really troubled and uncertain .  It does seem there are lots of different things going on amongst us: it’s just wonderful this is a forum in which one can speak openly.

      Thanks again for bringing this up, and thanks to all those who have shared their thoughts.

      Love  Gabby (very confused!) Xx

      • #684801
        Janet Woodham
        Duchess - Annual

        Thank you for this, Gabby. You have expressed much of what I feel and I too I am still finding my way.

    • #681717

      Wow so many replies and pretty muc all of them cover just about everything I have felt.  I like the idea of being attractive to and attracted to men as a validation of our feminine selves.  It rings true because I am sure even GG’s feel that way so why shouldn’t that same feeling and thought process work for us.

      IN my experience which was very limited a younger gay guy flirted with me and eventually he bought a drink for me and we were sitting in the night club chatting away.  He gave me so many nice comments and when he touched my leg it felt so good I am pretty sure had he asked we would have been off to the car for a quickie, however I think his boyfriend may have gotten a little jealous cause he got dragged away before anything else happened.  But that encounter still plays a major role in how Gail feels about herself

      Love as always

      Gail

    • #684813
      Anonymous
      Lady

      You know I thought I was straight for a long time, but the more I transitioned into Lauren and the more guys I met and went out with the more I realized I was attracted to the clothes, make-up, shoes, interests, purses, girl music and movies/TV, scents, etc. than I was the woman herself. I wanted to be her so getting close was attractive but I really wanted no part of her private parts other than to touch and explore as I was fascinated with them. Does that make sense? I wanted to be around women all the time because I felt I could relate to them and never felt accepted in my male mode growing up, always felt like an outsider around guys but the girls were always so comfortable and accepting. I had tons of girls I was friends with but only a few guys, I guess that should have been my first clue.

       

      I met my first boyfriend in High School, he was in college, and I would dress for him at his place and we would go do things and whatnot but he really was my first love and sexual partner other than messing around with some girls here and there. He was so fun, then he moved away, and I was just broken hearted for a long time because not only did I lose him but I lost my ability to be Lauren in every possible way. Took me years to find that again.

    • #689160

      I prefer to be in a relationship with a woman but I also too just want what is in a guys pants, it is a sexual thing for me.

    • #689218
      ChloeC
      Duchess

      Hi, Vanessa,

      Well, yes, that’s pretty much me, too, and it’s been a task learning how to live with myself. 

      When I was younger, I just felt like I was born into the wrong body – like so many others and which is almost cliché. As I grew older I began to wonder and explore the possibility of transitioning. Yet, for whatever reasons, fear, laziness, who knows, I continued to live in this male body and to an extent perform in public as society expected. 

      Sometimes I’ve wondered if what’s going on is a measurable under production of testosterone and/or perhaps some significant amounts of estrogen sloshing around.  Not enough of either to overcome the other. Or do I have normal amounts of ‘T’ but somewhere there are genes or synapses that conflict with my outward physical appearance.  I think it has to be some physical situation that hasn’t been explored nearly enough.  (AND I DON’T CONSIDER IT ANY KIND OF ABNORMALITY THAT MUST BE TREATED!!!  Except by my own initiatives…or lack thereof.) 

      So, yes, in male mode, I’ve performed as expected, married twice, children from both marriages, very active sex life with both spouses – with no desire to explore outside of marriage…until I aged to a point where it just doesn’t interest me anymore. Yet, my dreams, imaginations have always been there in the desire to be female, and have intimate relations with a male.

      It’s been tough reconciling all that but to continue living with myself, I do what I can to at least stay sane.

      Hugs, ChloëC

    • #689224

      I know one thing for sure….is that I am totally confused about myself right now.

    • #689226

      I know one thing for sure and that is I am totally confused about myself right now.

    • #689230

      I can understand being secretive to your partner as I was for a while.. however, I’ve definitely dealt with the same thing. I’ve had male partners (only while I’m Rilee) even though I’m not physically attracted to men. Once I told my partner about my past and what I liked about it, we’ve discovered a whole new world of ummm “toys” lol that work for both of us!

    • #689231

      Lots of gender-variant people feel the same way. Being gender-variant often includes a variating sexual identity. Essentially you are sexually excited by your own femininity rather than any particular male’s masculinity. The male in question initially is a ‘stand-in’ for your own masculine sexual identity reacting to your feminine sexual identity. However, being the feminine, receptive partner in intimated encounters is often very pleasant and being a woman sexually can become the goal itself. Also, romantic relationships with a particular male is also possible. “Alice in Genderland”, discussed this at length.

      Being ‘straight’ is a misconception as it presupposes that one is attracted to a specific sex. However, males attracted to femininity are not attracted to all females and can easily be attracted to feminine males. It is gender that activates the libido and not sex (male-female).

      There is no such thing as being ‘straight’ as the popular conceptions of the term define it. One is sexual or asexual. Feminine-masculine intimacy is ‘straight’.

      You do not fit the ‘standard definitions’ because they are inaccurate and misleading.

      Araminta.

    • #689236
      Mishi
      Lady

      Well this has certainly struck a cord with a lot of girls judging by the number of responses!
      For me is has for many years been only an occasional stray fantasy of performing my womanly duty for some hunky faceless man while dressed. I’ve occasionally enjoyed depictions of CD’S and trans girls with men but never gotten into it in a big way.
      Aside from that my attractions and romantic interests have always been toward women and I have never felt the need to over think those other mental forays in to the unknown.I decided early on this journey that this was just me and wherever it leads is ok.
      Then, weirdly, after turning 50 my mind has gone what I will politely term as man crazy. It’s as if someone flipped the bi switch. Yes it’s mostly still about what’s in their pants but not entirely and it’s no longer limited to the idea of me being dressed and in girl mode either. I find that strange because I’m almost always in girl mode to some degree at the moment.
      I still have no romantic interest in men, I don’t see men in the street and find them attractive, not yet anyway but who the hell knows where this is going! I do know that I’m still into women, I’m not experiencing a corresponding lessening of my interest there, I just seem to have some new fun stuff going on.
      One last little anecdote because I had a rather interesting experience only yesterday, I became acutely aware of my young barbers arms while he was cutting my hair. Nicely muscled, tanned nice quality tattoo work, the sudden desire to run my tongue over them came as quite a surprise to me!
      I’ve talked alot about my own experience there but I guess what I’m trying to convey is that whatever it is it’s ok, certainly as long as it’s contained to fantasy you should give yourself permission to enjoy, explore and paddle around a bit. If you find yourself wanting to take it beyond fantasy then I guess it gets complicated at that point. I can’t lay claim to the moral qualifications to offer sound advice on that. I will say from bitter experience, that cheating can be a psycologically messy business, even if you never get caught.

      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Mishi.
      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Mishi.
    • #693240

      I have thought long and hard about this.   It would be a lie to say that when I’m dressed and in “Monica mode” as I like to call it that I’m not bi-curious.   In general I do not find men attractive at all, but something changes when I’m dressed.   I start thinking about what it would be like to experience everything that a woman does, especially sexually.  In the past I had posted most of my pictures on Flickr and have had many, many men comment positively on them.   A girl loves to hear that she’s sexy and attractive and it was exciting to know that I was thought of in this way.   I don’t even think my wife has ever called me sexy (as a man….she does NOT like or accept Monica).

      Monica

      • #693257

        Wow, what a thought provoking and evocative post. Monica, you voiced many of my thoughts and emotions. My first public display, as limited as it was, caused me to reflect on what’s next for Vivian. The one item that became clear is that if I can’t be attractive from the neck up then I will stay closeted with shoes and stockings. I want to be sexy; the woman I would desire in male mode.

        Then I had to chuckle as a I thought, “what a great topic for the Thanksgiving table” with my evangelical son, DIL, sister and BIL.

        Without CDH I would never have a healthy internal or external discussion on such a topic.    Vivi

        • #693275
          Jane Don
          Lady

          I think you’ve hit the nail on the head for a lot of us Gurls–weather we admit it or not–becoming the Girl we would desire as a male is a BIG part of our thinking-

    • #693907

      I feel exactly the same. Guy me has zero interest or attraction to men but when I am chloe I want all the attention. I think the reality is that we are just two different people. Jekyll and Hyde if you will. We just have to accept it and have some fun along the way.

    • #693908

      I like pie.

    • #693929

      Well said, anybody in Milwaukee area want to talk about this?

    • #693949

      Call it a fantasy or curiosity. I had often wondered what it would be like to be intimate with a man as Natalie. During my separation and divorce I had the opportunity and decided to go for it.
      To me reality did not live up to the fantasy. I found it difficult to be submissive as a female after being the male in this situation my entire adult life. I don’t regret the experience and often wonder if I could’ve done more to make it more enjoyable. But in the end (no pun intended) I can’t be somebody I’m not. It also made me realize that if I’m going to be intimate as Natalie Id prefer it be with a female.

      Natalie 💋💋💋💋

      • #693952
        Jane Don
        Lady

        That may or may Not change in the future-Just keep an open mind-

      • #693974
        Gwyneth
        Lady

        My journey down this dark side involved curiosity. THAT didn’t turn out all that great but was with a CD. So I thought,…. hmmm! Being a very submissive male (which won’t get you far in this world), it felt right giving myself to another man.

        • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Gwyneth.
    • #693953
      Gail Rich
      Lady

      I have never been attracted to a man. However, I have seen photos of cross dressers that appeal to me.while I have never acted upon such feelings, I am quite curious what it would be like to be with another cross dresser. Maybe someday I will try it.

      • #693955
        Jane Don
        Lady

        When in doubt just treat & talk to them like a woman–

      • #703976

        That describes me to a tee. I am not attracted to men, either in drab or dressed. Drab, all about women. Dressed, then women or gurls like us.

    • #694031
      Gwyneth
      Lady

      [postquote quote=678279]
      I would have to include “for the right man!” Some men are really pigs!

    • #694034

      Wow, the number of responses in this thread is insane! I definitely agree with those who have said that being with a guy is the ultimate validation for our dressing when it comes to looking & feeling attractive/sexy which it looks like is a huge aspect of the attraction to guys for those of use who are attracted to guys (or a particular part of them) but also at the same time wanting to actually have the same physical experiences that women have in addition to simply looking/feeling pretty. My guess is for most CD’ers it’s strictly about the clothes and nothing else, but there *is* a segment of us that also has attraction to guys happen as a result. Having a boyfriend I can definitely attest to all of these opinions and feelings when it comes to men. 🙂

      • #694055
        Jane Don
        Lady

        many folks are at different levels on their journey–Some will stop part way through others will complete the trip–Unless I win big on the lottery, I’ll never get bottom surgery-There are many things in life where we chicken out or change our minds about or that Life got in the way so we didn’t follow through to the end– that’s just how life works out– (The best laid plans of mice & Men) type of thing-

    • #697588

      Wow. So many great and honest responses. I have come to terms with the idea that when I am dressed, I love that men want to have me, and I want to have them.  I feel like when I’m in Venus mode, I want to give the female me to a man and allow myself to enjoy the pleasure.  I can let my inhibitions go and enjoy being a girl, dressed to excite a man and bring pleasure.  Whatever that makes me sexually, so be it.

      • #697667
        Jane Don
        Lady

        Well said—I to want to be wanted–No Games just be desired & If the sex leads to a lomg term relationship so much the better– Would love to meet men who just can’t keep their hands off me, Who are proud enough of me to want to show me off, aren’t afraid of Public displays of affection (even feeling me up in public) Pleasing men is My ideal of a “Good Gurl-

      • #698285

        Singing my tune Madelynn that’s exactly how I feel when it comes to being with my boyfriend in the bedroom! 🙂

    • #702934

      Ive been there. Had a “boy friend” that I played with on occasion when dressed. It was SOOOO hot! Message me Vanessa and lets talk.
      Riley 💋

    • #702960

      I’ve been married 48 years to the same woman. She doesn’t like me dressing but I do it as frequently as I can which is about weekly. However, I quit using men’s underwear years ago and she does the laundry. I have two drawers full of panties.

      My wife isn’t interested in intimate encounters anymore. That said, in drab mode I am still very interested in women.

      I am not attracted to men when in drab mode. However, when in Karen mode, I want to be desired by men and I seek them out. I have had a couple boy friends and more than a few other friendly encounters as Karen in a very submissive and servicing role and I always show them a “good time”. The boyfriends I have had have definately enjoyed themselves. To say Karen is a bit promiscuous would be an understatement.

      I love my role as Karen. I don’t care what label that brings me.

      • #703209
        Jane Don
        Lady

        to me-It only makes sense that when in Fem mode one would be attracted to men–After all you become a woman–but a lot of peoploe have a deep seated Fear of being considered GAY—my responce to that is–No–you are now a Straight Female-

      • #705670
        Dawn Judson
        Ambassador

        I hear ya, girl!

    • #702974
      Anonymous

      I too have the have had the desire to date men when I am in fem mode. I have done it several times and found it to have been a wonderful experience. A Number of gals who post here have PM’ed me to ask questions or advice. I feel it is a subject that is really worthy of a lot more intelligent and open discussion.

      • #703981
        BillieJay
        Managing Ambassador

        while the topic is, almost inevitably someone takes it too far and goes into detail about bedroom activities, and then the staff has to put their foot down.

        • #703985
          Anonymous

          You are right.I really hope it can be kept on a level of the issue. Not the actual actions. The why, not the how.

    • #703943

      Wow, there sure is a lot of responses to this.

      I had one encounter woth a man when I was about 16. I enjoyed it but was very nervious. After that, it was many years before i was with a man again. It was great but I was still nervous. Even with that, I just put in my mind to do what any girl would do. It was my first time and i throughly loved and enjoyed it. Several men after tgat and i grew to love it even more. Making the man I’m with feel that good makes me feel even more a woman. Then i finally got a steady boyfriend, Walt. Wow. He treated me as his woman. I mean totally. And i treated him as my man. We had a true love afair and sex in every way imaginable. It was the best. But his job made him move away and that ended that. It was devastating and I miss him even today after 10 years. I have not been with a man since. Would love it if I could though.

      • #705649

        I can definitely relate to that post Denise! I was nervous about my first time with my boyfriend as well, but it was more nervous excitement. Couldn’t wait for it to happen. When the night happened and I experienced what I experienced, I knew I only wanted to be with a guy from that point on and every experience with my boyfriend since has convinced me more of that.

    • #703978
      Elaine
      Duchess

      My experience may be a little different. Years ago I was in denial about self crossdressing but was fascinated by others who did. There was a part of the city that was known to be a hangout for crossdressers (we used much uglier terms for them. I am ashamed of myself for that now). I went there a couple, several, many times hoping I would meet someone, knowing full well that they were CD. Truth be told I enjoyed their company, and the experience. Now when in mad mode I find I am not attracted to other men, but I am attracted to other CD’s, and when dressed en femme – totally different.

      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Elaine.
      • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Elaine.
    • #704181
      DianaCD22
      Duchess

      Hi Vanessa,

      It seems that you have hit a “hot”topic with us girls with the inquiry you have made as evidenced bu the number of replies it has generated. I too would like to add my experiences because my feelings have changed over the years.

      Initially my dressing was for me and my desires. I went to a dominatrix in those early years and told her that I wanted to be treated fully as a woman. She gave me a wonderful experience and I met with her several times and had my first time out in public with her.  There wasn’t any attraction to men at that time. They were not even on my radar.

      My dressing was suppressed with only an outing here or there over the years. (The Lady in Red is from that time.)  Then I got divorced. That was almost 4 years ago and at that time I did not own anything for myself. It was menswear.  Then 2 years after my ex left I started to acquire some items and rejoined CDH. I also met Chrissie who I learned had some CD/TG friends and came out to her. She was very excited for me and has been a great asset in helping me come out more.

      I have always found other CDs and TGs attractive and I would be open to dating a fellow sister. But now after several conversations with Chrissie I am open to being with a man. I would have to find him VERY attractive and he would need to be a kind and attentive gentleman. I am not just looking for the item between his legs nor do I  want to just be used. I want to be treated as a lady by someone who shows respect for me.  It would be wonderful to have a romantic evening out with him doing all of the things a gentleman does to romance a lady.

       

      There is absolutely no desire to be with a man in any other “mode.”  Even when I am not presenting myself as a woman, I want the romance. But in that case, I am the one doing the task to, shall I say, seduce the lady I am with.

      I guess that is a very long way to say that only as Diana, I would very much enjoy a handsome man seducing me with a romantic evening together.

    • #705575

      [postquote quote=703943]
      “Making the man I’m with feel that good makes me feel even more a woman” – this pretty much sums up my feelings about validation!

      • #705606
        Jane Don
        Lady

        sorry for your loss- I’ve yet to have a regular boyfriend — I do envy you– I’m sure that with your experience you will find happiness again-

    • #716589
      Anonymous

      I wont touch the subject of whether your s.o. knew about these escapades, not my business.

      I think this is common. For me I’m attracted to men when dressed and not as I’m bisexual. I also think it’s pretty common for someone to be attracted to male “extremities” and not what it is attached to. Another thing is being physically attracted to a male but not romantically, meaning you may want to do the deed with them but would never enter a romantic relationship with that person. All of these have real terms I just can’t remember them. I wouldn’t fret too much about it. Just do what make you happy.

    • #726046

      I started crossdressing when I was ten, and went into puberty about that time. I never had a desire to wear women’s clothes before that fateful day where opportunity and interest found each other. My pre-teen mind deduced that I must be gay, even though I recognized I liked girls as long as I could remember. It wasn’t until I indulged in wearing my mom’s and sister’s clothes that I started noticing guys. My first sexual experience was with a friend I discovered was gay and then let him in on my secret. We only had magazines and porno movies to learn from then but we experimented and learned and I enjoyed being the bottom in the relationship. I enjoyed looking at guys in the locker room shower and often fantasized about being with them. At 16 I had my first experience with a girl, and man my world changed. I realized for me being with a girl was way better than being with a guy. My desire for guys waned but, like my crossdressing, never went away. Years later, after my wife discovered my secret and my life was all but destroyed, I found that I could use Dani to survive and get back on my feet. Still, I preferred women. I still do today, even though I am living with a man as his SO. I just couldn’t find a woman who would accept Dani, as I now revealed her at the beginning of the relationship. I finally found what I needed with my SO that I hadn’t had in many years, and I have accepted that as enough. For me, one thing led to another, and I never went back.

      • #763004
        Cece X
        Lady

        Thanks for sharing your story, Danielle. I can relate to parts of your reflection. I feel I would rather have a girlfriend than a boyfriend, and I have had both. I presently am blessed to have a girlfriend whom I adore and who pretty much accepts my crossdressing. I would never cheat on her, but I have frequent homosexual thoughts.

    • #763157
      Emily Shy
      Lady

      I too can relate to this. I can’t explain it nor have I acted on it but if the opportunity arose I really don’t know how I’d react. I feel I’m straight but when dressed I dunno lol. suppose, I have very specific dreams  of how I  would like things to play out. If the first went well then try the next and so on.   I’m just curious to what all the fuss is about I suppose

      Hey you only live once I guess!

    • #763294
      Lynne
      Lady

      Hi girl I am currently on the hunt for a boyfriend .I had the exact same feelings as you.I still find girls more attractive and do not find any attraction to a mans face but am looking for a man to treat me like a lady and appreciate when I dress up for him .I hope this helps to answer your question.Luv Lynne

    • #763329

      Dear Betty,
      Yes, I do recognize your dilemma. In fact, I identify myself as gay and I am married to a man, but I have the same problem. I do not find men particularly attractive; I like women a lot more (but only when they keep their clothes on). But when it comes to ‘between the sheets’, I am totally Frédérique and I adore men. So what am I? Bi? Gay? I couldn’t tell you. When I feel like a girl, all I want is men. When I’m in male mode, I do appreciate women a lot.
      I guess this is a ‘by-product’ of the switch we make from male to Girl Mode…

    • #763342

      Hi Vanessa

      I feel the same way too.

      When I’m in drab, I’m not attracted to a guy, but when I’m Rachelle, I do want to <ahem> check out a guy’s plumbing.

      The only phrase I can think of about how to describe my (and our) feeling is “Bi-Straight”. Basically we’re straight depending on what clothes we are wearing.

      This thread has blown me away and it is SO comforting to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way.

      <HUGS> Vanessa – and thanks for starting this.

      And, of course, <HUGS> <HUGS> <HUGS> to everyone here. It’s been an eye-opener and very re-assuring to me.

      Rachelle

    • #765597

      I do find women attractive but not really in a sexual way, I tend to look at their clothes make up and mannerisms and try and copy them, I feel that I want to be a woman not be with one.
      I have never been with a man but i do find them sexually attractive but not everyday attractive if you know what I mean lol.
      I actually long for a sexual encounter with a man and am more than ready, i practice with my vibrator daily and now want the real thing.
      Ideally I would like to find a boyfriend who accepts me and to be his wife, in an ideal world I would have loved to have children and be a proper family.
      I guess I’m actually gay but I so want to be a straight woman.

      • #765994

        I have a boyfriend Lucy and let me tell you it’s absolute heaven, if you find the right guy you definitely will not regret it. The perks are incredible, and the sex is amazing. Build up your romantic lingerie wardrobe like I have, my man loves me in it and yours will also. Good luck!

    • #765630

      A very interesting topic indeed. So many things about me change when I become Crystal. The idea of a man finding me attractive and seeing me as a woman certainly makes me question my “straightness”. Being with a another cd is certainly another avenue to explore. Not sure how that would be catagorized regarding “straightness”. I guess I will just see where all of this leads.

    • #766004

      I can say I feel somewhat like this. I do consider myself bisexual. As you so eloquently put it, its not necessarily the man but what’s in his pants, lol. But if I’m being really honest, I’d be a fraud to not admit that every rare now and then I run across a man that I find incredibly attractive in the most unabashed sexual kind of way. As in I want to do things to him and I want him to do things to me! When this happens it’s never a gay or effeminate kind of man, but a manly man if that makes sense. Just something about him that triggers something in me. One thing that is different is that there isn’t a clear delineation in my attractions to females or males that is dependent on whether I’m dressed as a female or male. I will say though that while dressed as a female I would not have any desire to be intimate with a CIS female at all even though I have a very strong attraction to women in general. Very interesting subject. Very curious how others answer this.

      • #766011
        Janet Woodham
        Duchess - Annual

        What you say makes perfect sense to me Beth

    • #766021
      Lola Caprice
      Baroness

      Thanks for this topic, from the responses it is obviously something many of us think about and have opinions on.

      I love dressing occasionally and trying to look as feminine as my middle age body will allow.  But I can honestly say I am just as attracted to women as Lola as I am when I’m not.  Do I sometimes wonder what it’s like to be in the female role in a romantic encounter?  Sure, when fully dressed and feeling lovely it’s part of it to contemplate every aspect.   But I have no desire to act on it, just like I have no desire to live as a woman.  But that’s just me, the beauty of this community is we can all respect that everyones experience, needs, desires are different.

      And hey, who knows, maybe mine will change as time goes on and I’m open to that possibility.

      Lola

    • #766033

      I myself consider myself pansexual as the new lingo seems to be although my intimate desires when dressed are for the most part strictly towards attractions to very manly men , I am attracted to men when im in drab as well just much more so when I meet a man who appreciates me as Lexi ! I mean whew its like a fever!
      I have never been with a another crossdresser intimately but I know I would enjoy that with the right person …so basically I feel after being married for 13 years and divorced for 6 years my attractions are much more geared towards men …although women are still always beautiful to me

    • #766313

      I understand how you feel sister! My desires have taken on an even deeper dimension now where my sexuality has flipped to having no interest at all in sex as a male but as Lauren I am ready to go. I’m Bi so I’m open to men and women although now I tend to favor men a little more. I generally like men with long hair or slightly effeminate men. Like you, I love to be treated as a woman by a man. While I dress in a way that makes me feel the best, I sometimes like to amp up the sexy to get a response from another person. A garter belt and stockings under a dress or skirt is a strong sign that I have something on my mind!

    • #766328

      Hi Sisters,

      One more thing I’d like to add to this very recognizable discussion: according to plenty of studies, many more people are bi-sexual than they publically (like to) admit. In fact, most studies point at a percentage of about 60% bi-sexual (with a broad defintion, I must admit) and only 15% fully gay and 25% fully straight. So bi-sexuality is very common. And when I look at myself: I am married to a man, but I am equally attracted to men and women. I not only look at women for their lovely figures and dresses (that often make me very jealous), but also for their sex appeal. I have had 3 relationships with women and although I like men more, I did enjoy being intimate with women.
      On the male side, I am quite picky: I love strong masculine men. And in relationships with men I’ve always had the … uhm…’Lady role’, refered to in the gay community as ‘bottom’.
      I have not yet had the pleasure of being intimite with a man while En Femme and I don’t think my husband is going along with it… too bad. But we’ll see… he does love my heels, so perhaps only heels, garter belt and stockings? 😉

    • #767189
      Anonymous

      As Lisa I do things that gay men do to each other but I do not consider myself to be gay. Not sure I’m bisexual either come to that but as others have said, it’s what’s in the trousers that is attractive. The rest of the man I’m not interested in.

    • #767211

      Vanessa- As I read your post it was if I was reading my own thoughts. When I get to dress, I love the attention that men give to me and I love being with them. It’s those times that my feminine sides really blossoms. I love a man who will treat me as a woman and appreciate what I can be and do. I live the romance and kissing and touching are a big part of my turn on. Of course it goes from there until we are both satisfied. These are all things that I don’t think I could do if I wasn’t dressed.

      Thanks for posting this topic. I’m enjoying reading everyone’s comments

      Mara

    • #771287

      Wow V,
      Super topic and very thought provoking. I’ve always been, or at least considered myself, 100% straight. I had a terrible experience where a gay friend tried to take advantage of me when I was drunk. Lost a friend and almost went to jail. (Rape is rape and it took me years to come to grips with that) I have never found myself attracted to men sexually….. Except…. I’ve loved to dress since Pre – puberty times and, when dressed, fantasize about making love or outright being ravished as a woman. I try to dig into the psychology of my desires and think it is all tied to how much I absolutely adore women. I love how they look, move and also love how they react sexually. I want to emulate them in every way possible and try to experience what they feel during sex. I’ve not acted on that yet but do find myself seriously considering it. Even if it is just once to know. I had a work away from home situation for almost three years that could have afforded me the opportunity. I never did though so maybe it’s better in the fantasy zone. I dressed almost every evening back then. I’m not really passable at 6’2 and 200 so that was always on my mind as well. Plus, being unfaithful to a wife that has been amazing for all these years is something I just don’t see myself doing. It’s hard enough knowing that I am the secret Other Woman already.

      • #771358
        Jane Don
        Lady

        I’ve always felt the same about Girls/Women & envied their bright colored clothes ect– You did the Right/Smart thing by Not giving in to the temtation to have sex behind your wifes’ back–

    • #678196
      Anonymous

      I try to refrain from commenting in some areas…You use the term “excuses” and I have thought that while reading some threads.

      My interpretation can easily come off sounding judgmental or rude and since that is not how I intend to sound, I end up not commenting.

      Excuses, rationalizations, and contradictions add a lot of confusion for me trying to understand everything. It also makes me question whether my husband is entirely honest with me about all of this. I’ve read so much about hiding things or having hookups on the side which further muddies things.

      My husband is one of the most honest people I know and yet, when you are in a situation like coming out and have so much at stake, you have every reason to omit things or lie.

      I’m getting off topic here but thanks for listening.

      Hugs,
      Betty

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