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Hi girls.
I need some help. Let me say I am and have been deep in the closet for all of my 60 years. I have been experiencing a prolonged and increasingly intense case of pink fog/haze since early September. I think about dressing all the time. I window shop on line every chance I get and read posts on this site and others as much as I can. I had a chance to buy some clothes and dress without wig or makeup on Labor Day weekend and it ignited a fire that I am having trouble containing. I was able to buy some cloths and have a limited shopping spree last fall with some dressing over a weekend, again no makeup or wig. Even under dressed and wore a girl top and shoes in drab mode, that was quite exciting. The problem is this seems to be getting worse by the day. In the past it lasted at most a few days or weeks and under dressing with panties and pantyhose appeased the feelings, not this time. Let me say that coming out is not an option at this time, and probably not anytime in the future.
So have any of you ladies any advice on how to manage this very persistent pink fog.
Melissa
Hi Rene, thank you . There is a part of me that would love to give in. I read all of the stories here about coming out and would love to. But I fear what it would do to my family and the life I have built with them. I fear I must learn to live with this side of me in secret. In some ways reading all about the others who have come out may be causing the itch to get more intense.
I struggled with this for quite a while. I under dressed daily (panties, stockings, Cami) and it didn’t ‘scratch that itch’. I spoke to my therapist about this & he said under dressing was probably making it worse, as it reinforced the fact that I had to keep it hidden.
He suggested that occasional Full Dressing (clothes, hair, makeup, nails) would satisfy the urge for much longer periods. And it turned out he was right.
I join a local T-Girl group almost weekly for dinner and it helps a lot!
Patty
Paula,
Sorry I seem to have put this reply in the wrong place.
Just knowing that you care enough to read my post and offer some thoughts makes me feel better. I do agree that the pink fog cannot be eliminated but perhaps managed. I am a type 2 diabetic which is something else that cannot be changed but I have learned to live with it and manage it, even embrace it. It has even made me healthier in many ways. I have noticed that while in the pink fog I have become more conscious of my appearance which is giving me more motivation to exercise, moisturize and working on my grooming. So there are already many good things. I do not feel as some that there is a woman trying to get out but a part of my personality that is hidden away and that side has many good things to offer. I apologize, I am normally a shy soul, but I seem to be opening up more than normal.
I can so relate, the pink fog is so strong. My ex-therapist tried to get me to find something to replace dressing with. It does not really work, there are other things I really enjoy but the pink fog always returns when I have free time, and sometimes when I don’t have free time.
While I have not found a wig and done makeup yet, when I get to travel and dress it does help for a few days. I love walking the halls of the hotel in my heels, last time I added a short skirt and top, even if it is the dead of the night and no one but the staff is awake.
Wish I could be more help but I think we are doomed to live with the pink fog.
Paula
Saw a dress in Target but was too big for me so didn’t buy it. Woke up in middle of night wanting it. Why didn’t i write down the style info and order online????
As soon as Target was open this morning i was there, copied info down and picked up some emery boards and eyebrow makeup while there. Drove home and ordered the dress. It will be here saturday.
Is that pink fog?!
As for coming out, have seen too many marriages breakup over coming out.
Luv
D
Don’t yell at me please (please?)
But isn’t the ‘pink fog’ for some girls an excuse to behave badly, to spend unwisely and follow bad decision without thoughts for others ?
To me, the ‘pink fog’ represents days or weeks when I have been remarkably selfish about my dressing, extremely unwise financially, taken INSANE risks sexually or been incredibly thoughtless towards other people and then attempted to excuse it by saying… “So sorry, it’s the pink fog… I’m blameless”. I try to avoid it, in fact I think the more I have avoided ‘the pink fog’ the easier my life has become and the smoother and more fulfilling my relationships (intimate, family or social) have been.
This is my experience and opinion only, I’m NOT accusing anyone of anything at all.
Imogen
X
Imogen,
Thanks for the response. What I mean by pink fog is that I am obsessed with dressing for the last few months. It seems to occupy my thoughts constantly and is very distracting. Hope I did not get the terminology wrong. I am new at interacting with others about this and have much to learn and welcome all responses.
Melissa
Hi Melissa,
Thanks for your post. First of all you don’t need to apologize for anything. I’m all too familiar with the pink fog. I do think the continued secrecy around your dressing is helping to fuel the foggy haze. In my own life I’ve come to a balance point where those fog sessions aren’t a thing anymore. Looking back I think the key was having the feminine part of myself known to somebody not necessarily family or friends.
I can relate to your situation on coming out. A brother of mine lives full time as a woman now and my immediate family isn’t really accepting. Hence I’ve kept my own status rather private toward them. However, I’ve found acceptance from some of the local sales girls in the shops I frequent. They were more than happy to help once I opened up about why I was there (i.e. shopping for myself and liking feminine attire vs making up a story about shopping for girlfriend/wife). I used to make up stories previously, in hindsight didn’t really help.
Anyhow, I guess my pink fog evolved from buying like mad to interaction with those sales ladies as part of my overall ‘visit’ to the store. I air quoted visit as it truly feels like I’m visiting friends while there. The girls and I often talk for 15 mins or so getting caught up on each others lives before they ask what I’m looking to buy. They know my preferences in colour, style etc and often suggest cool pieces without me even asking.
I can’t say this same approach will work for everyone in all cases. However, I’ve entered a few stores in pink fog mode, been there for over an hour, tried on tons of things, chatted the girls up, laughed, bought some things, had a good time and at the end of it all, hitting the sidewalk outside realized …
“Wow, today my soul had a chance to breathe. That feels more wonderful than anything.”
So, to answer your question, I don’t think Pink Fog is something to be managed. In my opinion it is a transitional phase. Part of you has been starved for decades and wants to see the light of day. If you didn’t eat for a whole week, you would find it difficult resisting food until you your body was satisfied.
Finding someone that you feel safe disclosing to may help you to move forward.
Just my $0.02
Giving you a big hug 🙂
Kristy
Kristy….I found your comment about your brother, living as a woman, fascinating. To me, you and your brother only further solidify my belief that there is something in our DNA that is responsible for our desire and need to dress. Thank you for sharing.
Quite possibly. The sheer number of us in this world can’t be just a co-incidence.
I know it’s not new but recently heard both of the Wachowski’s (creators of the Matrix films) are now living as transgender women (known now as Lana and Lilly) .. you just never know…https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wachowskis
First you have to accept its there, for most off us it can hibernate but it always returns and usually with greater strength especially I find as you get older. Managing the fog is about your own situation, who you live with and the area you live. It can blind us in decision making. I can only say good luck in what you do but stay safe at the same time.
Donna x
Melissa…you mention being deep in the closet for 60 years. Count me in the same situation of being closeted. Fear of rejection by family and friends is what “manages” my pink fog. Mostly it’s fear of losing contact with my children and grandchildren that prompts this fear. I, too, constantly think about dressing, wanting to be a woman. I spend significant amounts of time on CDH as it provides emotional support and I enjoy the sisterhood with the other ladies here. The pink fog never goes away. You can try to deny it, but it will always be there. You need to find a release for it somehow. You need to find a way to fully dress so you can have the experience. Sorry this isn’t the helpful advice you seek but I don’t know what else to say. The only thing that is helping keep your pink fog suppressed is whatever your fear is but that fear seems to be fading a bit.
Thank you Anne for the support. Your comments and advice do help. I does sound like we have a very similar situation. My wife and I are so close that when I am not working we are most always together and we both love that but finding time for the feminine side of me is difficult. I believe you and the other ladies are correct about finding time to dress. I did find about an hour on Saturday to try on some new cloths I had for two months and take my first ever pictures and it help a lot.
Melissa, either you need to come up with a “hobby/interest” that allows you to get out of the house away from her…for private dressing time….or come up with some way that has you sending her (like on a girls only trip with her girlfriends or sisters overniter….something).
Anne,
It is a dilemma. I do need time to be my feminine self but I love spending time with my wife, she is my best friend and soulmate. I currently am enjoying shopping on Amazon and just yesterday bought a wig. I am anxiously awaiting its arrival at the locker next week. I did have a really nice wig but purged it many years ago. I have a work shop that I can have so privacy for short periods that I think will help. I was able to take pictures and try on some new cloths. I am going to try and make this a regular event.
I’ve only been here at CDH for about a month………due to a medical situation that allowed for much time just sitting in front of me computer…………I had never–ever communicated with any CD’r or other females before, via chat or otherwise…………….as some of you know, my SO is totally onboard–no problem there……….
WHERE MY pink fog goes to, are the fantasy’s involving other, and gifted, CD’s, who think like me, dress like me, and fantasize like me……………the scenarios I think up are quite illustrative and makes me think that maybe I could have latent Bi tendencies I never dwelled on before……..and they are frequent. I would l love to explore these fantasies………..like having an encounter that starts out as simple chit-chat to maybe a slow dance where we could trace each others panty line…….maybe whisper to each other, and maybe very slowly touch tongues, NOT a mashing of lips……..very seductive……….then maybe later, slowly undress each other down to lingerie where the intensity builds………….I know very well of ALL the acts that could follow and am NOT repulsed by them, but in my mind, I know exactly what would follow……….most of us know this as well.
That’s where my pink fog goes……….as I would never have these thoughts unless I was the sexiest Mikki I could manage………….I guess my imagination is simply way to illustrative and my goal to be a sexy creature doesn’t stop with the makeup, the lingerie, the heels, the wig and perfume, but to be desired and touched by another just like myself………….if only for a day………………
Maybe these thoughts should be placed on another site, but really, don’t want to go there……….I’ll stay right here !!!
Mikki
Hi Melissa
Seems like the only way to manage it . is to totally submit to it . I think they’ll always be those that wont totally submit , once into cd’ing you become a life long member , guess that what makes life interesting
Rhonda xoxoxo
Hi Rhonda,
I do not believe I can totally submit but I need to integrate it into my life so it does not rule me. I am convinced I am a life long card carrying member. But my life outside of this need is the most important to me, so maybe a partial submission by finding ways to shop, fully dress, plan for dressing. Being ready at the drop of an eyelash to fully dress. I am finding my way, my old tactics of total suppression with an occasional eruption are definitely failing. So I must adapt, and all the ladies here are so sweet and caring and the outpouring of support and comments is amazing.
I love the pink fog. Its always around, sometimes just a wisp, other times really dense. It makes me feel excited and happy, I love when it starts to descend. Its part of me and always has been. Being part of CDH means it never really goes away.
Tanya,
That is very well put, I love it as well. She can be gentle and warm like a soft breeze on a warm spring night with the scent of lavender. Caressing and sending chills up my spine as I give in. Ignore the pink fog for too long and she becomes impatient, demanding and will not be ignored. She is demands to be acknowledged. The pink fog will not be denied. I am finally understanding the pink fog is her way of demanding the love and attention she (Melissa) needs. It can be beautiful if treated as a woman should be treated.
Thank you to all the sweet ladies that have responded and offered support. I have tried to respond to all but may not have been successful, I will continue to do so. This has been a wonderful experience for me. Before joining CDH I have never allowed myself to speak (write) about my feminine side and feelings and as many of you have mentioned that suppression may be the cause of my being overwhelmed by the Pink Fog. It is feeling so comfortable and freeing to talk about all of this with you.
I am taking the advice of most of you and working on allowing my feminine side to be more active, if only in the shadows most of the time. I mentioned in a post to one of you that I had found an hour over the weekend to dress and try on some new cloths. It was two pair of jeans, my first real pair of high heels, and a cute white gauze maxi skirt with a lace bottom, I bought the skirt on Friday along with of all things an eyebrow grooming kit. I have been moisturizing my face and slow grooming my facial hair. Probably time to loose the beard.
I also discovered that I was able to create an Amazon account in my name and have the items shipped to a local locker, not to my house. This has opened a whole world of shopping. I was mostly shopping online and having it shipped to the store for pickup. Ok but wigs and some sizes and styles were difficult. I saw a comment about the locker in a post on CDH. I owe thanks to that lady but I do remember who it was.
I feel that I can at least get the things I need and prepare for when I have an opportunity to be the feminine me. I feel a small ability to itch the itch.
So, the bottom line is that, you beautiful ladies have been and are being a great help with your comments, advice, and support. Please keep them coming.
I have so much more I could say but that is for another post.
Wish I could give all of you a real hug but I can’t! So here is a great big virtual HUG.
Melissa
Sorry, so what is the pink fog? I sort of get what everyone is saying but I’m as a lost in this fog. A good definition would be great. Thanks.
Samantha I will leave the definitions to the more literate gurls but having seen your posts and pictures you are definitely stuck in the middle of it. Breathe it in gurl.
<p style=”text-align: left;”></p>STEAMY ALL THE WAY !!! Gotta admit she looks good…………..
Mikki
Pink gin sounds great though more of a rum and coke girl myself though the coke bit seemz to decrease as the night progresses. Enjoy.
Definitely Stephanie and it becomes a bit of an addiction.
I know what you mean my phone battery can’t handle it.
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