Married and in transition HRT

This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Rochelle Bowman 4 days, 4 hours ago.

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  • #152554

    Rica Sumiso
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    Registered On: February 11, 2019
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 3

    Hi, I’m new here. A quick self portrait: Happily married [28 yrs.] Born male— but— many of you know the feelings of being smart enough to fake the “Alpha” role yet— there was always this secret thing hidden even from ourselves. I knew I was a fraud but, I had the magic of alcohol to prop me up . Until it didn’t. Then I began a long and slow climb to the ridgeline I am now riding.

    I have a few theories about the shape of my life, The knowledge that I have an addictive personality has caused me to question why sex had such a commanding hold on me. Is it possible testosterone affects some of us a bit differently than others ? The idea that it is a poison has become more convincing to me in the last 10 years. For me, it was impossible to reconcile my desire for women with my desire to be a woman. I couldn’t understand where that came from but, I knew it was the key to knowing why I did the things I did. Then gradually, I came to accept the truth I had denied so consciously all my life. Finally I could explain why I loved the company of women but felt anxious with men-why I loved performing nurturing tasks- preferred the sidelines to the main ring-bought and discarded numerous women’s wardrobes, and all the while being eaten by “male anxiety”. Of course, all that was because I had created a prison for myself and my inner nature. There would be no peace until the gate to the cell swung open and the guard collapsed exhausted from the fight.

    The woman I’m becoming is hoping for a chance to live her life. She wants to be nurturing, loving, emotionally astute and relaxed enough to allow the world to rush by without any fear of being left behind.

    The hormones I take are working their wonders . Each day is like a miracle of gratitude and awareness all at once. The woman I’m becoming has a few requirements for my former male self to fulfill . That will be accomplished with the help of the surgeon I’m making arrangements with early next week. Then, in a few months, I’ll be free. I’ll be able to be who I’m meant to be and the most amazing thing; at 72 years of age, I’ll become acquainted with who I am.

    Thanks, Rica

     

     

     

    2 users thanked author for this post.
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  • #152769
     Rochelle Bowman 
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    Registered On: February 6, 2019
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 33

    Welcome aboard

  • #152694
     Michelle Newman 
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    Registered On: June 22, 2017
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 347

    Welcome Rica.

    • #152700
       Rica Sumiso 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 3

      Thanks Michelle,  appreciate that!

  • #152658
     Lacy In Eugene 
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    Registered On: February 9, 2019
    Topics: 3
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    Rica, I’m so happy for you and a bit jealous. I’m a long time dresser and have struggled all my adult life with alcohol and drugs that I self medicated the guilt and shame of crossdressing. Be mindful of the beast of alcoholism it is progressive and deadly.

    • #152695
       Rica Sumiso 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 1
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      Lacey, Thanks for your welcome. You are spot on about how we or should I say “I” can use any and all forms of avoidance when a serious self appraisal is called for. My mind is perfectly happy to spin out any narrative it needs to avoid the really hard choices that cut deepest.

      Having learned that about myself, I can always assume the hardest path is right for me. So, here I am after all these decades of anxiety and denial looking forward to encountering myself. I am most envious of the many young gurls who are already taking that path.                                 Thanks, Rica

       

  • #152578
     Stephanie Flowers 
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    Registered On: June 26, 2017
    Topics: 8
    Replies: 1732

    Rica, happy to welcome you here with us. Many do transition and feel this to be the path that must be taken. The best to you and hope you find us worth your time. Check out our sister site Tgh as there meet many of our ladies who are experiencing their course of transitioning and exploring their true love of femininity. Very nice meeting you.

    Stephanie  🌹

    • #152698
       Rica Sumiso 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 3

      Stephanie, Thanks for the warm welcome! I appreciate the suggestion about Tgh. I will check it out. For me there has been a very slow evolution from being overwhelmed by the need to dress to the realization I can no longer live feeling my “self” has been scripted by others. What a fabulous place to come to talk about it!

      Rica

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