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While I was attending a seminar with a professional organization, I spotted a gyrl attendee in a fun, very short dress; black nylons; thigh high boots; red wig and makeup. I don’t know how many others could tell, but there were some telltales that we sisters notice pretty easily, I guess. It was apparent she was trans and living it.
In one of the break-outs, she was sitting at my table, and we ended up talking shop long enough for the room to empty but for the two of us.
As we were picking up our things, I said, “I wanted to express my support and my admiration, and that I envy you for your courage. It gives me courage to see you out presenting yourself this way. Thanks.”
She questioned, “What do you mean?”
I got a bit flustered and said, “The way you present yourself today.” then I made my exit.
So I’m wondering if that was a faux pas on my part. Can any of you help me with understanding if I was out of line? I didn’t call her out in front of anyone. But I wonder if she was trying to pass and might have been insulted by my comment? Or maybe she was trying to get me to come out myself, more directly?
I’m kinda new to letting my femme flag fly, so it took a lot of nerve for me to even say anything.
I’m curious how some of you more experienced CDers would have felt if you had been talking to me in that conversation.
Comments, please?
hello and welcome to C.D.H. the way i reed it you were being honest about her dressing and being friendly about it. its not like you came out and said hay he is a x dresser. you comment on her courage to come out and be her self. i see nothing wrong with that, maybe she wanted you to come out to her about you being a x dresser too. if you came to me and said that i would be happy and say thank you for the lovely comment and just maybe talk more and become friends to talk to when we need some one to talk to besides a shrink{that’s what i call them}. but here we don’t need them we have C.D.H to meet others and chat and meet new friends.
Lorie,
I think it’s extremely important to tread lightly when you meet a trans person in public. Even though it may be obvious someone is trans, there is no way to know if they will appreciate being outed. Personally, I think it best to not to acknowledge anyone’s trans nature unless it is known for certain, they are okay with it. Erring on the side of caution is probably the best policy.
Hugs,
Sally
Over the past several years I have met many other CD’s and trans girls. When we are together I know they are genetic males. Being a long time CD myself, when I’m out in public I don’t seem to be able to spot other dressers. If I ever noticed someone I didn’t know and was sure she was CD or trans, I would like to say hi, and offer support
I might notice a tall girl in a very pretty short dress and heels wearing nylons. Her hair looks perfect. Is that a sister? If I’m close enough to get a good look, I really can’t tell.
Others claim they can always spot a sister. Not me. If I ever spotted someone I didn’t know but was pretty sure she was CD or trans, I would like to say hello, offer support and encouragement and tell them I’m a CD also and I admire and respect what they are doing. But what if I was wrong?
At one of our Femme Fever meetings we discussed going out dressed. Many do that all the time. Other want to do it but are concerned they are not passable. Someone pointed out that a lot of genetic women aren’t passable either, at least by our standards.
Yeah it’s a tough call for sure. I’ve kinda had an experience like that and I called her out but really I was trying to see if she would go on a date with me. Yeah I really screwed it up but that was 25 years ago. Perhaps it is just best not to say anything in a professional environment. As the saying goes there is a time and place for everything. Hugs – Terrisa
<p style=”text-align: left;”>This is a great question! I had a similar experience a few weeks ago at a LGBT bar known as a safe place for us girls. I went in partial femme alone hoping to find a TS to visit with for nothing more than advice, encouragement, and chit-chat. It just so happened the bar was packed and the only open seat was next to this girl. I can’t recall how I broke the ice but we wound up talking for a few hours and I hope to see her again. But I wondered how do you start a conversation with someone who is trying to pass without offending them? Perhaps place and context is everything. I would have been much less presumptive in say a professional setting. Would love to hear from some TS girls.</p>
We all want to offer support to our sisters. I think it best not to say anything about it and just be very pleasant. Any compliment wound be an unintentional outing. My situation was a little different. I work a counter of a package delivery company. A lady appears and presents her note and does not say a word. I check the computer and asks ” For Alexis, yes?” She smiles and nods. I get the package and have to check her I.D. It is Alexander so and so and I see her man picture. I do not react and just say “Alexis works for me too, please sign and have a wonderful day!” She nods, smiles then leaves, but not right away. She lingers in the lobby and opens her package at the table. I am not sure if that was a signal to come talk with here. What do you girls thinks?
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way here other than to always be polite. It’s said to try to imagine yourself in the situation but we all think so differently that there is no scripted answer. I think you were polite but received somewhat coolly and you disengaged appropriately. Next encounter will be unique and will need to be read before you react again.
The one thing I’d look for is she trying to pass or stand out. Short skirt/dress black hose and heels says more than pass to me. More conservative attire, beige hose, and flats or lower heels says pass to me. Passing 101 says don’t wear your club outfit and makeup to the grocery story.
My biggest concern in offering support to someone I think might be a sister is what if I’m wrong? If I saw someone I know there is no doubt I would approach them, say hello and tell them how great I think it is that they are out.
To think that large bodied girl who is as tall as me must be a sister, and then go over to her and be wrong could be really hurtful to some very nice lady who is just going about her day.
Hi girls,
Yesterday whilst in the Melbourne CD, we had just been to see Beautiful the Carole King story, (great show, go see it), I reckon that as we walked from the theatre I fleetingly saw “one of us” walking in the opposite direction. If obly cos when I made eye contact, (even with sunnies on” this persoan lokked straight down.
I’m sure we all agree that “Passing 101” dictaces that the first giveaway, cosas we all know “real women” just dont do that.
Caty
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