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I did a quick search but did not find this topic, please forgive me if this topic has already been discussed in the past. I recently gained a bit more acceptance of my cross-dressing from my wife. We went to out to shop for dresses, for the first time… it was for me! When we got home, she said why don’t you put it on, I can zip it up for you to see how it fits. I realized that was the first time she saw me wearing a dress and it stated me thinking may be somewhere down the line she could meet Rachel completely enfemme but not sure how best to approach this. My wife is a GG so gender fluidity, cross dressing are completely foreign to her, I am not sure how she would react to my suggestion about her meeting my femme side. I would love to read your story about your first femme encounter with your significant other and how it worked for you. If you are a F-to-M on this forum, your stories are also welcomed. I look forward to read your stories. Thanks.
Rachel M
The first time my wife saw me enfemme (at least partially) was I was 27 years old. At the time we had only been married about 10 months. A few months earlier, my wife had discovered my only article of female clothing, a bra, that I had hidden among the male clothing in one of my drawers. Not surprisingly she reacted badly to the discovery, including tears, anger and all the normal questions. In the intervening months, she said little about the bra, but at least she did not make me throw it out.
On this particular evening, we were watching television and cuddling together on the couch. She was caressing my chest and playing with my nipples, something she knew I loved. I made the comment that if she kept doing that I was going to want to wear my bra. To my amazement she said go ahead.
I went back to our bedroom and put on my bra, filled out the cups with some of her panties, and replaced my shirt. When I returned to the living room I was both terrified and excited, but mostly embarrassed. She quickly eased my fears and we began cuddling and caressing again. After a few minutes she took me to the bedroom where we completely undressed, except for my bra, and made love.
We have now been married 35+ years and since then she had seen me countless times in bras and other items of lingerie. Still, that first time remains my fondest memory ever of crossdressing.
She said I looked like Anjelica Huston, I think she partly meant it in jest and partially as an expression of disapproval.
I was sooooo flattered.
Anjelica was a hottie.
Araminta.
For me it’s the pink elephant in the room. Came clean my s.o. a couple years ago and had the typical talk. She has asked me about it vaguely later on but never expressed the interest in seeing me. I don’t know if I’d be comfortable getting dressed for her in person but I’d be willing to show her a picture if she was curious. Recently she found some hairs around the house from my wig and I confessed they were mine. Gotta say I find it odd she doesn’t want to see me. If she was up to something that most think is taboo I would be curious. Maybe she just doesn’t want the visual to change her opinion of me. I’ve been tempted to send her a text with a picture just to get the monkey off my back. But don’t want to overstep my bounds because she has been understanding(never asked me to stop) She is the love of my life and I don’t want to jeopardize what we have together. Kind of a weird spot for me but patience is a virtue.
Hi MelanieElizabeth,
Thanks for sharing. I feel very much the same, part of me as Rachel wants to meet my wife so we could be friends, but I am also nervous about showing her my odd and vulnerable side and definitely don’t want to harm our relationship in anyway. I agree that it’s important to be patience and let my wife move forward at a pace she is comfortable.
Rachel M
I totally remember the day my wife met Wendy. I can only describe the feeling as estatic, happy, relieved yet at the same time awkward and nerve wracking.
When I came out to my wife, she asked me a whole pile of questions about my CDing, then nearing the end of our conversation, she said “go get changed so I can see what you look like”.
I was shocked, inside I was elated but nervous as this will be the first time my wife will see Wendy. So I went downstairs to where I stashed Wendy’s clothes, got change – black pencil skirt, white long sleeve blouse, black blazer, black tights, cheap costume wig, black bra, black cami, and a black shaper (yeah I have a thing about matching colours).
At that time, I didn’t have much makeup, maybe a lipstick but I never put that on when I showcased Wendy. After getting dressed, I called her downstairs, I could hear her walk from the living room making her way downstairs. I was nervous, as this will be the first time she will see Wendy.
She sees me, and says “you look like an airline stewardess”. That was pretty much all she said. She went back upstairs, I got changed, and we continued watching TV. I can’t remember what happened after but years after that, I can now fully transform into Wendy with her support.
Hi Wendy,
Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. Your first Wendy meeting with your wife couldn’t have been easier for you. It was nice that your wife took an interest in seeing you as Wendy, I totally understand that it must have been nerve wracking. If I was in that situation I would be nervous to try figuring out how to present myself the first time…from “man in a dress, full transformation or something in between. I think you made a good choice. Glad things work out so well for you and happy to read that you can be with wife fully transformed into Wendy. I have some ways to get there.
Rachel M
All things are possible, Rachel. When I told my wife about my need to Dress, she disapproved, but would tolerate anything except seeing me in a dress (skirts OK). Now, when she sees me in a dress, it’s just a comment on the style, color or general appearance. She first saw Bettylou following my first makeover at Ulta, and the first words out of her mouth were “You look like a f*g!” She was looking at her husband in a wig, makeup and women’s clothes, and wouldn’t even consider going out with me. Fast-forward 18 months later: We go out often, for events, meals and sometimes shopping. I’ve had complements on my appearance and wardrobe, as well as suggestions. Bettylou is accepted as a girlfriend, and we are closer than we have been since early in our marriage. And I’m a happy girl.
Hugs,
BettylouHi Bettylou,
You are a very lucky girl, your relationship with your wife is everything I dream of. Thank you for sharing your lovely story, it certainly gives me hope that maybe through baby steps my wife will come to accept Rachel in time. For now, I count myself lucky to have her acceptance of who I am. I look forward to the day I can step out into the world with my wife for the first time not just as her husband but as girl friends.
Hugs,
Rachel
Though I couldn’t be more sympathetic, I can’t offer a personal experience. If any of you followed the advice in one post to refer the spouse to sources of information on gender fluidity, here is a movie suggestion: the biopic comedy “Ed Wood,” with Johnny Depp as the crossdressing movie director. When he nervously comes out to his girlfriend, she is calm and only wants to know if he still loves women. When he says yes, that’s all she needs to know. The movie is a lot of fun in itself, with Bill Murray and Martin Landau.
My wife was gone working and came home early. I was in the yard and like a coward ran behind the second garage. I guess she did see me and began walking my way. I thought It’s now or never and stepped out. She was surprised. But having found some of my items in the past and seeing me she was also relieved. She thought there was possibly a different woman in my life. She knows better than that but couldn’t figure where the false nails or earrings she found came from. I stayed dressed the rest of the day. I started to try to explain and she stopped me and said that it was just a part of who I was and she loved me. We now dress together and go out shopping and for drinks food ….. together. We critique each other and she says I am her best girlfriend and her best man. Writing this I realize it sounds almost to perfect of a story. I am a very very lucky girl
e
Hi Michelle,
I couldn’t help but laugh after reading your story, I imagined myself hiding behind that second garbage bin in a dress and high-heels with my wife coming towards me and possibly neighbours watching, I would have very likely soiled myself. I am glad to read that you not only able to kept your composure but also explained yourself adequately. I am so happy for you that it worked out so well. Thanks for sharing.
Rachel M
- I live in the country Rachel. It would really get her suspicious if a strange woman was running thru the field away from her.
My wife met patty a couple of weeks after we met. I had my own place and been dressing a few years. I often used to go out en femme and androgynous (half boy, half girl). When I met my wife, I was in androgynous mode, in pantyhose, short shorts and short heel wedges. She liked my look.
A couple of weeks later she surprised me showing up at my place. I was happy to see her. When she came in though she noticed women’s clothes lying about. She was not pleased. She was going to leave. I figured since she already knew I wore some so called girl’s clothes, I should just tell her the clothes were mine and I often wore them for fun, to go out in and to parties.
She seemed suspicious and asked me to show her. I went in the bedroom and chose one of my favorite and sexiest outfits. I did makeup and everything. When I went walking out, she was stunned. She could not believe how pretty and sexy I was. She was also amazed at how I looked nothing like my male self.
She thought it would be fun to go out as girlfriends. Our first outing as girlfriends was a shopping trip to the mall. Very scary at first, but very exciting once the fear subsided. We both bought a lot of clothes. Then of course we had to wear them and go out. At first I would ask her if I should go out as Patty or my male self. She told me to dress however I wanted. I began to dress more and more femme. After a while I stopped asking and was Patty most of the time. We seemed to have more fun, and rarely missed an opportunity to shop for and buy more clothes.
So we were not just boyfriend/girlfriend but girlfriends as well.
Patty thats awesome she was all good about it. My wife is very supportive and understanding but will only go out with me if we are out of town. When I wear woman’s jeans and tops (in guy mode) he normally won’t go out with me dressed that way but doesn’t have any problem with me going out like that. Thanks hun!
Ashley❤️
My wife is so used to me being Patty, that unless I wear something super sexy, she doesn’t even seem to react. There’s times I’ll be dressed and go out where she will just act like it’s a normal thing. if I have to drop her off or pick her up somewhere, I often do it as Patty. To her Patty is just a different outfit I wear thee days.
But it’s funny. If I maybe pick her up somewhere and I’m not Patty, she will remark, ” I thought you might send Patty”. We don’t do as much as when we were young and first met, but we still have fun with it.
Hi Rachel The very first time that my wife met Stephanie was when she asked me to get dressed up for her. She was genuinely interested in how I looked. She gave me a few compliments and asked where did I get my sense of style. I really did not fully understand the question She answered for me and said it it must be from all the traveling you do. I realize now most of my clothes at the time were business attire. black skirts with matching blazers, silk blouses, scarves, etc. She was amazed i knew how tie my scarves. I loved scarves. They added so much color to a simple outfit. Please do not get me wrong. This moment took place a month after she found several bags of my clothes in the trunk of my car and she took the time to digest everything I told her . I give her so much credit for taking the time to understand. She went to a library, bought books, called a long time gay friend, talked with her sister, she really did want to understand. A huge thing for her was she was not losing her husband. The man she married had to perform in every way that is expected from the bedroom to yard work and everything in between. When she felt comfortable that nothing was going to change in our relationship. then she wanted to help me look good when i went out to the private club for CDs and transsexuals i belonged to at the time. She even took the time to visit club on SO nights. She had a great time. There were times I even got a little jealous that other CDs were spending so much time with her. She thought it was. kinda cute and funny.She is a very special lady that is for sure. Thank you for the memories and the reminder i married a wonderful open minded woman that understands true love.
Luv Stephanie
Hi Stephanie,
That’s a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. I remember someone here posted a very interesting topic about how we would react if things were reversed, if we found out that our wives are a crossdresser. It really made me think if I could be supportive and accepting because I realized that if I am not a crossdresser myself my perception of it would be what the media and society’s portrayal of what a crossdresser is, neither accurate or in a positive way. To be accepting and supportive, it takes someone very special to be objective, able to look inwards as well as seeing beyond society’s maligned perception of who we are. You are very fortunate to have an amazingly open minded and supportive wife…hang on to her for dear life.
Rachel M
Hi Rachel, great topic. My situation is perhaps a bit different given I have a boyfriend, but the first time he saw me dressed was in a tight black dress during a candlelit dinner on the night we made love for the first time. He thought I looked great in the dress but he was especially excited and looking forward to see what I would wear to bed that night since I had told him a few days earlier that I wear lingerie to bed. I wore a breathtaking white lace/chiffon bridal nightgown/negligee to bed that he couldn’t take his eyes off of and told me I looked absolutely gorgeous. The dress was one thing but nothing can compare to how he looked at me when he saw me in lingerie for the first time on our first special/romantic night together. It was an amazing moment and a *very* romantic night followed.
Hi Jess,
It’s Heart warming to hear stories of wonderful relationships with our S.O, thank you for sharing. Everyone’s situation is unique, but as they say “love is love”.
I married a wonderful GG who is “vanilla” in the gender spectrum, so me being enfemme will not set-off sparks in terms romance but I hope that one day I could be both husband and best girl friend with her.
I pondered about this subject some time ago and have not thought much about it until recently. Rachel has never met her SO but a recent event may bring me one tiny step closer or farther (not sure which). My wife is aware and supportive of my CDing but does not want to see me dressed. We have an unspoken agreement that I can be Rachel at certain time in my lady lair/man cave. Never before has she ever entered my hideout when I am Rachel except this one time recently. She came in expectantly, I had a wig, pantyhose, high heels, a 50s inspired dress and lipstick on with a bewildered look on my face. I was totally unprepared and in shock with no place to hide! She broke the ice by asking if I like to join her for lunch in the afternoon, I nodded to indicate yes. As she was leaving the room, she turn and said “Hey, the dress looks great on you….but you need a shave.” with a naughty smile. I think I managed to mutter something ridiculous like “I …I was not expecting company.” She left barely able to contain her laughter. I still not sure if that was for the way I looked or what I said. Needless to say, without having a coherent conversation, it’s hard to count that as her first meeting with Rachel. I suppose it could be worst, if she reacted in bewilderment instead of me, that would have meant she is far from ready to see me enfemme. What can I say, I am an eternal optimist. 😊
Rachel M
Hi Gen,
My wife was very much the same when she first learn about my crossdressing, she asked the usual questions but after that she doesn’t want to talk or know more about it. It took months before she spoke to me about it again, I think she needed time to process the difficult concept of fluid gender identity. It seems they can tolerate see us as “man in a dress'” but not their husband turning into a woman which is understandable. May be over time they could accept that we can be both a husband and girl friend?
Rachel
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