This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Dasia ThePhoenix 2 weeks ago.

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  • #168905

    Dasia ThePhoenix
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    Registered On: April 12, 2019
    Topics: 4
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    Has thanked: 24 times
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    Hi ladies,

    I could use a hug and a fairy godmother!

    Last night I went out to karaoke. I’ve become a regular and last night the MN Rollergirls were there! I’ve loved derby culture for over ten years. They’re gender inclusive, many of them are trans women and now they even allow non-binary peeps to skate. I met more bisexuals in one place than generally ever happens. What an awesome environment, right!? Well…transphobia runs deep and is often beyond words.

    I arm wrestled a cis woman lesbian, barely won, had laughs with the crew, and got a crush on this big tall handsome long bearded hottie cis man. I sang Garbage’s “#1 Crush” to him. So he bought me a drink. 🙂 That’s when I learned he’s straight. I even wore make up and a skirt last night, but I got to hear he’s straight because he thought I was a guy. Drinking, trying to hit on him, he called me his brother, thought my boobs were no bigger than his own, couldn’t for the life of him call me she/her. That infamous MN nice, and his cuteness, had me swooning anyway. It was so loud in there when he did misgender me I barely heard it.

    Outed, I saw no reason to hide what I am. He asked me about everything someone shouldn’t ask us about. My genitals, HRT, lasering my facial hair, my smaller yet I think getting there boobs, my ID, f***ing everything. I thought maybe if I was honest, I could teach him to be sensitive. Once the cat’s out of the bag, there were no busses out of bro town….even in a dress! I wonder if FFS would even help me. I wonder if DD breasts would matter. There’s so much uncertainty about all that.

    Thing is, despite all of that horrendous level stuff, it didn’t make me mad. It made me feel lost. Am I a lost cause? How can four years of transitioning not matter to some? I’ve worked so hard to dress as the woman I am, I fixed my ID’s, I’ve been on HRT…sometimes, I just don’t know what it’s going to take for strangers and cute bearded guys to call me she. I feel like I’m a woman driving a big Mack truck painted pink. I wish I could get out and start driving a little red Mazda Miata. I wish my fairy godmother could just come tap my head and I’d be the woman I think I am on the outside, too.

    For what it’s worth, I love myself. I hang onto my transition for all its worth because I think I’m worth everything it has to offer me. I had to wait so long to even get my medical transition. 20 years! I want to be held, I want a man deep inside me, I want to be protected, I want to be me. I just wonder if it’s possible anymore. Maybe I just need to find a hot macho man who’ll lie to me.

     

    1 user thanked author for this post.
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  • #193386
     Danielle Rose Fox 
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    Registered On: September 17, 2018
    Topics: 5
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    Dasia, I am so sorry that you went through that. Sometimes you can give the greatest explanation to the most intelligent wall in the universe but it is still a wall in the end. Keep doing your thing and be who you are! You will find that man to be deep inside you and who knows possibly even love ❤️! Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗 sister

    Danielle💋👠

    • #195698
       Dasia ThePhoenix 
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      Registered On: April 12, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      Thank you. I keep living my life. Doubt is strange, eerie and getting more common. I look the other way, but…you know?? This doesn’t go away for all of us. No matter what we do. It’s getting old not being seen so often as who I am. I’m really deeply hurt by so many other humans, mostly cisgender ones, and I want the bull to stop. Grin and bear it. Shake it off. All there is to do because the other two ways I’ve been thinking off just won’t do.

  • #169077
     Dasia ThePhoenix 
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    Registered On: April 12, 2019
    Topics: 4
    Replies: 25
    Has thanked: 24 times
    Been thanked: 16 times
  • #169076
     Dasia ThePhoenix 
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    Registered On: April 12, 2019
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    Has thanked: 24 times
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    I found this spot on about what I went through.

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/raquelwillis/the-transgender-dating-dilemma

  • #168987
     Jasmine Fletcher 
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    Registered On: September 7, 2018
    Topics: 7
    Replies: 260
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    Transphobia, or ignorance and insensitivity?  It sounds like you did the right thing, explained who you are, but sometimes people just carry on blindly.   It will take time for a great many people to adjust away from the ingrained two gender system as defined by just one aspect of our genetic makeup.

    I’ve had over 50 years of indoctrination and the use of “traditional” gender language so I know I make mistakes in communicating with others under the transgender umbrella, but I’m willing to learn, apologise and try to be sensitive.

    It must be frustrating when you have been so patient to get to where you are and find people still have no respect; but remain who you are, be the woman you know you are and are comfortable being.

    I can’t be a fairy godmother (although I’d give the costume a go!)  but this is an IOU for some hugs.

    *hugs*

    Jasmine

    • #169066
       Dasia ThePhoenix 
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      Registered On: April 12, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      Jasmine,

      Thanks for the hugs and understanding. There’s a lot of ways to define transphobia. Here’s one”

      “Transphobia is a range of negative attitudes, feelings or actions toward transgender or transsexual people, or toward transsexuality. Transphobia can be emotional disgust, fear, violence, anger, or discomfort felt or expressed towards people who do not conform to society’s gender expectation.[1][2] ”

      Excerpt from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transphobia

      It’s hard to know how to respond to it. I often feel like if I just explain my condition the transphobe would stop being one. It takes study, time, experimentation and love, however, to learn and change for the better. Being outed and then teaching others about transsexualism through my experiences just makes me feel cheap. Experts say it’s like being raped.

      In my state, we have three legal genders. Female, Non-Binary and Male. Progress. I’m frustrated because these strangers have no idea the amount of effort I’ve already done to be me but even yet not pass. Replacing all of my clothes with appropriate clothes for a woman, years of painful laser on my face and legs, years of HRT with some complications, years of living as a woman 24/7 even though I know I don’t pass but have to do it anyway, having a surgeon remove my gonads, say he’ll return them only to have them stolen from me by the hospital, and getting rid of most people I know because they simply don’t approve of my gender as if they think it even matters to me what they think of my gender. Frustration is a component of what I’m feeling, yes. I just want my life now. I’m tired. Thanks for being there, Jasmine. 🙂

      Best,

      Dasia

  • #168942
     Dasia ThePhoenix 
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    Registered On: April 12, 2019
    Topics: 4
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    Has thanked: 24 times
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    I think I better find a counselor to work through this.

  • #168923
     Nancy Gamms 
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    Registered On: March 1, 2017
    Topics: 11
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    What a great story and I love Garbage too.

    • #168939
       Dasia ThePhoenix 
      Participant
      Registered On: April 12, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 25
      Has thanked: 24 times
      Been thanked: 16 times

      The shittiest story is not being treated as oneself. And it is garbage.

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