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Do you have issues keeping your fem side private

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This topic contains 33 replies, has 25 voices, and was last updated by  Michelle LaFem 3 weeks ago.

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  • #175281
    https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/plugins/buddypress/bp-core/images/mystery-man.jpg
    Anonymous
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    For those of us whom hide our propensity, the problems are many. For me, it’s getting harder and harder to hide all my clothing and accessories. I have crossdressed all my life but have only recently taken it to the next level. StArting last November my inner fashionista awoke and I started buying shoes and cloths at Macy’s. I was a girl gone mad. They are delivered to the store and I pick them up there, unbeknownst to my so. My purchases from Macy now include at least 10 dresses, 8 tops and five pair of shoes. All were purchased on sale but are darling. Most of my purchase are evidence here in my pictures. My SIL has unknowingly helped my cause greatly. She lost weight and was a very fashionable cloths horse. Her labels were many and quite often high end. She has been having issues so my wife has been helping her clean out her wordrobe. My wife brings all of her sisters clothing home and I, the dutiful husband, offer to take it to Goodwill. I of course “Shop” before I take it. I have obtained about many, many dresses, 10 tops and several really nice skirt suits. I just took a load to good will but kept a black and white dress, a black chiffon dress, two tops from Talbots, a tan belted dress, a tweed skirt and jacket, a long black sweater coverup, and a silk blue pants suit that will go perfect with some 4” sparkly heels I got from Macy’s. All these will be in Pics here on CDH in the next week or so as soon as I get “Maddie time” to try them on. Storage is my biggest issue as I have amassed quite a wordrobe. I also have wigs, makeup and other accessories that must be kept hidden I have a convertible that my wife hates and never drives or goes near. I keep all my precious items in three boxes in the trunk. I hide the keys to this car so no one can get in it. Occasionally when my daughters are home, I have to move the boxes to my other car which I drive regularly. Lol. Can’t get caught. When I have extended time like if wife goes to visit my daughter down south, I bring the boxes in and hang all my clothing up in the spare bedroom and put my accessories into an empty dresser. I fill them up so I have my ladies room for a while. My trunk is getting so full though that I may have to downsize but all my items are just darling. What is a girl to do. Lol.

    • This topic was modified 6 months ago by  Gabriela. Reason: All/any polls should be posted in the CDH polls forum
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  • #237811
     Olivia Livin 
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    I don’t require hiding it so theres lots of evidence throughout the house, now in three bedroom closets and dressers. If theres something I don’t want seen its put away, should someone find things through snooping, thats on them. I have a supportive, helpful and even engaging SO with whom I even share some outfits. My grown children are aware and accepting as are most of our friends who might visit or stay over. My grandkids are still quite young and although I don’t hide, I don’t dress over the top around them either. As they grow up and start asking questions about grampa, their parents or myself (at the parents urging) will have a calm conversation to explain it.

     

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  • #237094
     Ellie Hope 
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    Although I’ve come out to my immediate family and happily spend much of my home time as Ellie, I spend much of that time outside or working in the garage where I do try to monitor folks on the street and my neighbors. It’s starting to wear on my nerves a bit, so I’m really considering just letting go and discuss my situation openly with anyone who’s curious. One of my neighbors already accidentally met Ellie while she was swimming in her two piece skimpy suit this summer when he happened by to chat. He was a little surprised, but was totally cool with it. And you know, it just makes life so much easier not to worry about his visits anymore. I need to open up with my other neighbors as well. As for Ellie’s wardrobe, my wife insists she has far too much. But in reality, it’s just a drop in the bucket compared with her closet splitting accumulation!

     

     

     

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    • #237169
       Kathy Jackson 
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      Hi Ellie, welcome to CDH.  I checked your photos, and, I have to say, “Dahlng you look marvelous!”  Love your pretty smile and the cute dresses.

      Hugs, Kathy

       

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  • #236505
     Morgan Staar 
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    I try to live under the radar on a need to know, dont ask dont tell basis…

    Its easier now that I am in a relationship and my sphere of influence has shrinked to a select few instead of playing an open field..

    Mo

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  • #236483
     Laura Lovett 
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    I had a go at downsizing today… one dress and one bra that are too small, a skirt I genuinely don’t like… um… I know one of my skirts is too small, and there are a couple of blouses that are too baggy at the bottom of my skirts and tops drawer…

    My drawers are bursting!

    My femme clothes are starting to take over my male clothing drawers, even after I put all my summer dresses in a big bag and popped them into the instrument cupboard.

    But I can’t get rid of anything else – all too pretty!

    What is a girl to do?

    As a start, I think I’ll pack a bag ready for my next two Brighton trips – that will ease the strain on my drawers…

    The ones that contain my clothing, dears, control yourselves!

    Love Laura.

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  • #236362
     Anne Preuss 
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    I voted yes as my SO does not know and is so vanilla and conservative that she would never accept my dressing, much less the reasons for my dressing.  So I store my things inside plastic storage containers in my shop corner of the basement by the furnace where she hates to go.  She has to be gone for several hours in order for me to have enough time to make the effort worthwhile to put on makeup and dress up.  I keep track of her with a phone app, Life360 so I can see when she is headed home.  Thank goodness I have always shaved that she has no idea that I am now going through laser and electrolysis to remove all face and body hair.  I’m looking forward to her Spring trip to NYC with her girlfriends and 10-day mission trip in July when I’ll be able to be Anne 24/7 when she’s gone.

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  • #236201
     Bettylou Cox 
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    I voted “no”, but since my wife more-or-less accepted Bettylou, I have nobody from which to hide. We are both retired, and very private persons, so visitors are rare. Other than holidays, about the only personal contact we have with family is at church, where I see my elder daughter and her family often. This amounts to a self-imposed isolation, but it works and avoids a lot of stress.

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  • #235981
     Tiffany Alexis 
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    Update…since the first thing I posted….i have the tiffany room. It’s called the master bedroom 😁😁😁

    She who dares, wins.

    • #236032
       Laura Lovett 
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      The mistress room, surely?

      Um… ok, maybe not!

      Love Laura

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      • #236078
         Bettylou Cox 
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        I think “Mistress” is perfect; after all, the word has multiple meanings.

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        • #236084
           Tiffany Alexis 
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          Yep, tiffs taken over, I’m sitting in the main tiff room, right now, writing this, in full tiff mode, and since I just finished laundry, it looks like a girl exploded in here. It’s glorious.

          She who dares, wins.

        • #236097
           Molly 
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          Tiff, this makes me laugh (thanks).

          The mental image of a girl exploding/exploded was quite a bit different from a girl’s suitcase.  🙂

          -Molly

           

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  • #235969
     Laura Lovett 
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    I’m fighting a losing battle with the whole “wife approving” thing.

    I didn’t ask to be this way, and I certainly don’t want anyone to approve who I am!

    You don’t approve? Who asked you to!

    I’m more concerned about my children suffering at school if their friends find out, but this is 2019, and gender dysphoria is being taught in schools.

    There’s a shining beam of hope that I’m following.

    Carefully!

    Love Laura

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  • #235965
     Alicen Thairms 
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    My SO doesn’t know, I have to be careful shopping and storing my girl things. I Only dress when home alone.

    I have a couple of hobbies which take up a large amount of storage, which my SO doesn’t go into;  so I keep my stuff in amongst it. I do most of my girl shopping in man mode and get it into the house from the car when the SO is out.

    I have a limited amount of space, once it’s full I get rid of clothes (gasp), usually ones that I’ve had for a while and clear some space so I can shop for new ones 🙂 Nice to have something new to wear …

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  • #235654
     Caty Ryan 
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    As I have suggested in other posts, an “off site”  storage locker of what ever size you can afford is the best place for your femme gear.

    I have a mixture of both. My beloved and I sleep in separate rooms with separate clothes storage. So all my lingerie, breast forms and “one complete outfit” ie skirt blouse etc, “live” in my room. My So knows but does not want to know about Caty, but has enough sense not to open too many drawers!

    The storage unit is about 30 mins away and has all my outerwear, (on a “retail” dress rack), shoes make up jewellery etc therein. Its 3 m x 3 m (10x10ft) and lucky me scored a unit with natural light and power. So whilst is not big it is “Cozy” and I once I’ve dropped the roller door, I can do what I like in there. The faciliies staff dont bother me and if they were to do so, I planed downa piece of timber that I jam in the roller door track. Voila   instant internal lock.

    Having the only key is a big security plus!!

    Hope it works for those who have the wherewithal to make it so.

     

    Caty

     

     

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    • #236335
       Anne Preuss 
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      Love your idea of the storage locker and I am going to investigate doing this for myself in the future.  My current expenses for laser and electrolysis treatments are a bit costly and need to wait until I am finished with these expenses.

      Are you far enough “south” that you need to worry about your locker becoming too cold?

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  • #235575
     Brittney Andrews 
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    I’m in secret where my wife is concerned; she won’t accept, support, or understand. I keep my wardrobe in storage totes with suitcase locks on them in my walk-up storage loft above my garage. I only bring down what I want to wear while I’m alone.

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  • #179353
     Emily 
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    It seems a common theme here is “SO knows, but doesn’t approve”. That’s where I’m at as well. Since my closet is split about 60/40 (60% female) it’s hard to hide. All my underthings are female also, so that pretty much takes up my drawer space. Since I finally came out as a cross dresser to my wife, I stopped hiding things. I do have a touch of OCD which causes me to keep things neatly put away. With no kids in the house or grandkids to worry about, the fear of anyone finding out is minimal.

    Great question!

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  • #176482
     Jackie 
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    Question is about reading my story and the answer lies there

    Jackie,,,, *Wild Child*

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  • #176304
    https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/plugins/buddypress/bp-core/images/mystery-man.jpg Anonymous
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    I don’t have to hide anything from my wife–it’s the grown children and very curious g’kids that give us concern………..since Mikki is pretty much gone till shaving season, most of her stuff is out in my 14×24 foot storage building with loft—-One side of the loft is all of our 40+ yrs of Christmas decorations, the other side is 40+ yrs of Mikki’s stuff…no one would get a ladder and start looking there………..and the door has a huge padlock and I’m the only one who has the key……..on the bottom layer, yard tractor, power washer, weed eaters, one motorcycle on stands, take-off truck tires, pool stuff, in other words—WORK STUFF and no one of my family wants any part of those things !!!  There are some black panties stuffed behind my black socks drawer in our dresser as well as some white panties behind the white socks….thank god men don’t do red or pink socks !!! ALL of Mikki’s makeup is inside the house, in my gun closet that is locked—no one get’s in there, except me……..what bothers me the most is the cabinet below my side of the bathroom sink…………shaving gel ??  Body moisturizer ??? A kit of small scissor’s, cuticle cutter, Nair for men ??   Wife’s side is full of her stuff, so mine has some very questionable and curious things for g’pa !!!   We try hard to keep everyone out of our bedroom bathroom………there are three others they can use !!!

    Mikki

     

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  • #176143
     Krista 
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    Great topic.  Basically I don’t have any issues with my femme side.  My wife knows but prefers I don’t go overboard with my dressing.  My femme clothes greatly outnumber my guy clothes in my closet and chests of drawers.  My SO’s only stipulation is that our house guests don’t see my clothes just lying around the house, which is not a problem, so far.  I have a nine year old granddaughter though who has become very inquisitive always searching around my bedroom for stuff she’d like to have (i.e. I have lots of stuffed animals in my room).  Both my daughter and granddaughter have seen photos of me dressed en femme and their reaction is “Oh Grampa”.  We even talked about going out for Hallowe’en dressed as Wonder Woman but ended up in bunny costumes (I was a girl bunny with lots of pink).  But there may come a day when my granddaughter will ask me about the lacy tops, skirts, and dresses hanging in my closet, or the high heels, bras, pantyhose, etc in the chests of drawers. While I don’t have a problem coming out to the rest of the family, my wife is quite hesitant.  She mostly worries about our son and son-in-law who are much more conservative in nature and fears we will be shunned if they found out.  But that’s another story for another time.

    In my opinion, the best way to deal with all the hiding is to come out to your wife.  Maybe start slowly like at Hallowe’en suggesting you dress en femme.  Then build on that. You don’t necessarily have to say you’ve been doing it for years unless you have a good feel about her accepting it.  All the best, Hugs, Krista.

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  • #176084
     Jennifer Swanson 
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    I went full femme in the wardrobe department several months ago.  MySO and I are working through it.  She has even suggested that us four gurls go out together.  We are friends with another couple with a crossdresser.  There is no one answer to the question.  With some people I hide it and with others I don’t.  I do go out in public several times a week.

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  • #176027
     Michelle LaFem 
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    My SO knows and fortunately we have two walk in closets, so mine is gender fluid.  It is getting harder to find space for my drab side,  and when grandkids visit I make adjustments in case of an accidental opening.    The stress and inconvenience most of us bear  because of societal norm conformity is extremely unfortunate.  The more exposure we present the more acceptance due to the large number of us.  Maybe we are all a lot more normal than any of us realize

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    • #177089
       Donna James 
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      It is very stressful Michelle but we are the normal ones.

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      • #238183
         Michelle LaFem 
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        You could very well be right, but what’s  normal?

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      • #179117
         Michelle LaFem 
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        <p style=”text-align: left;”>Maybe we just give in to our desires because we are brave/gutty enough, and more males than we realize have the same desires.</p>

        • #179519
           Michelle LaFem 
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          Drab is skin deep, but fem is all the way to my bones!!!!!  Maybe even deeper!!!!

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  • #176009
     Tiffany Alexis 
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    Gotta hide my stuff like I’m the NSA lol. Wife doesn’t know, and I got little kids. Most is in a big plastic tub in my closet I keep tools and ems gear in, it’s got a bunch of empty ammunition boxes showing thru the clear parts, I.e. the most unlikely thing my wife would look in. The rest is in an old Xbox box with some power cords sticking out the top. Once those are full, which at this rate will likely be tomorrow lol, I’ll put the overflow in the garage, behind the chainsaws, in a box that used to contain various belt sanders. Since we are in the process of a slow divorce, within 6 months I’ll just have a Tiffany room. Not hiding myself with my next SO, whenever that may be.

    Tiff

    She who dares, wins.

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  • #176005
    https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/plugins/buddypress/bp-core/images/mystery-man.jpg Anonymous
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    That’s one of my issues too!

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  • #175538
     Davina Evans 
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    I am lucky, in that, my wife lets me wander around the house dressed and is becoming more accepting of Davina. Davina’s clothes share the same set of drawers as my drab ones. I am thinking that very shortly I will have to get more and separate space for the growing wardrobe. We both share the chore of laundry day and all three of us share the loads.
    The only concern at present is hiding clothes from visitors etc, because only SO knows of Davina. So keep the bedroom dooors shut and check the washing line. A couple of close calls but some stategic cover-up clothes ie dressing gowns have saved the day.
    Davina

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  • #175442
     Marianne 
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    Though my wife doesn’t want to see me dressed or have anything to do with it,  I don’t have to hide my things, just keep them out of her sight. This is good, since I have a full four seasons wardrobe of female clothes. I think I could easily go full time woman for two months without having to wear the same outfit twice.

    Marianne

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  • #175372
     Shayla Armstrong 
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    Hey Madie,

    Thanks for sharing. I hide all my clothes and accessories in a large cabinet in my office room. Sometimes, I get to dress up in a day stay hotel room during a day off. Dressing up at home is too risky due to leaving evidence and ‘smells’. My biggest problem is always facial hair. I normally have a mustache and soft beard. If I ever shave my facial hair, my wife gets suspicious and always expressed that she hates it when I’m clean shaven. I wish there was a magic concealer that just covered heavy beards and mustaches. Thank goodness for amazon lockers, I can order wigs online. I love macy’s clothing and I get my shoes from payless. Sometimes preparing to get dressed is just as hard as hiding it.

    It’s much easier when I dress up during a business trip because there’s not much of a time constraint. However I only have those once a year.

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  • #175339
     Michelle Wilmington 
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    I know where your at. I too now have a considerable wardrobe. There may come a time when you will “slip up” one way or another, not necessarily getting caught dressed, but you may leave something out you forgot to put away, for me it was simply a makeup wipe I forgot to throw out. For a gurlfriend of mine it was a pair of panties left out in the laundry room.

    For me I decided it was best to take my chances and tell her, before she discovered the truth on her own.

    She doesn’t approve of my dressing, but at least now if she finds something feminine that’s not hers it’s not nearly as bad.

    I know it’s not an easy decision, but it worked out better for me and I’m glad I did it.

    Michelle.

     

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