My oldest child came out as transgender.

[Christina Pierce]

Hi,

It has been a long time since I have been on here. At about the beginning of the year my then son came out to his mother that he was transgender. He was afraid to tell me but his mother knowing about my crossdressing told him/her. She finally told me even though my wife told me first.

I completely accept and support her in her change. If I didn’t I would be the biggest dushbag in the world. I love my new daughter. I have many emotions about it though. One is fear, being treated bad by others, especially family members. So far most on wife side has been told and have been positive. A couple negative from family who are big into religion. We will be telling my family members in a couple weeks when they come into town.

The second emotion is the one that is been real hard. My wife, her mother, has accepted her with no hesitation. Of course she should being a mother’s love for a child. But the thing that is hard is she can’t support me in my crossdressing. Maybe I am being selfish I don’t know, but it is hard.

Thanks

Christina

• This topic was modified 1 year ago by Christina Pierce.

[Natalie Dane]

Hi Christina,
You are such a great parent for embracing your daughter. I suspect that as a cross dresser your in a unique situation to understand your daughters anxiety (if she has any), and be there to support her unconditionally.

A mother’s love, is a mother’s love, but I’m glad your wife is also embracing your daughter’s transition. Hopefully, your wife will learn more about what science has to say about gender versus sex, and be more understanding of your desire to present as feminine.

Wishing you lots of care. Natalie.

[Kelly Wood]

just be proud of her it can hurt to be judged by people but it can also hurt to hide your whole life she is lucky to have perents that wont shame her

[Tara Ryan]

Hi Christina,

How brave and courageous of your daughter to make this step and come out to you, you must be extremely proud of her.  And what wonderful and supportive parents you are, there will be mixed emotions but what comes across is that you are a family that cares for each other and the love you all show is inspiring.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Love,

Tara x.

[Becka]

Hi Christina,

Wow, can I relate. Not being selfish here either however, our son recently came to us saying he is gender fluid, and exploring who he is. We were not surprised, nor were his sisters, and we all love and support him/her (he has not indicated one pronoun over another at this point), even more than before. We absolutely want him to be happy.

He has shared this with his dearest friend whom he knows from 1st grade, and he’s still his dearest friend, and he has several others who are very accepting.

My wife’s immediate family as would mine, be okay but it is for him to decide to tell them. Anyone else on both sides, would probably not be as accepting but we really don’t care about them, or that!

Now to the (your) bigger question, my wife too again is very understanding and accepting of him and other who choose to do their own thing, but not when it comes to me. This for reasons I’m not completely sure of, is a no go in her (hypocritical) book. In my mode of grooming and dressing, I’m not the “man” she married and really doesn’t want anything to do with that, and would rather I just “be myself”.

Well I am being myself, and she just doesn’t like it. Not where I’m concerned, anyway.

[Dawn Wyvern]

Hi all

Just a note to say that for Transgender/Gender non-conforming  children there is a fabulous group in the UK called ‘Mermaids’ who provide support and advice as well as advise on national policy in regards to transitioning and transgender children

Their site has a lot of useful information and can be contacted for more if needed. I know that many on here are not from the UK, but the ethos of the information is still sound and well recommended and the web based support area is accessible for world wide use.

https://mermaidsuk.org.uk

Hope that helps with the child support side – sadly its not helpful to the parents acceptance by their partners ..

I have found that coming out when married is often an issue as the wife feels cheated as they have not signed upto having a spouse who was more fem than masculine – and also that they had been keeping things from them for several years..

there is no simple answer other than try to build trust and compromises into your dressing, resect their wishes and set boundaries. Do acts of random kindness to show your appreciation  when you do get some token acceptance, but its not going to be easy to manage.

Put yourself in their situation and how you would react if the boot was on the other foot .. if they wanted to pass them selves off as a male and wear a suit, false beard and jock strap and go out to the pub smoking a pipe … you may take a while to come to terms with that …but mat not ..

So –  small steps, kind words and lot of patients …

Hugs

Dawn x

[Anonymous]

I really sympathize with you. Of course support your new daughter and I think the wife will come to accept you more as she learns about gender expression. Shes probably pissed at not knowing about your dressing before she married you but she probably wouldn’t have married you if she had known. I asked my wife this question when I came out and her answer was a big NO! Its not easy anyway you look at it in being a CD.

[Angela Booth]

I believe it is two different things. I was in a conversation with a partner, not married, when I told her and her answer may give you a perspective. ‘I could accept it if you were a friend, my brother or child but I have difficulty as my partner’ I think there are many examples here as to what those difficulties are.

[Anonymous]

I would be proud of my son or daughter who was brave enough to come out as LGBQTIA… So much more so, because I’m a coward when it comes to letting people know about Raquel.

Congratulations and much love,
Raquel

[Anonymous]

Christina,
I hope in time your wife will accept you more. I will say that no matter how supportive of the LGBTQ community, it is a bit different when it is your spouse. I found out after 14 years together and it was an issue of trust and not being attracted to a feminine man. We, wives, are often not afforded the knowledge and choice early in the relationship and that is frustrating. I didn’t sign up to be with a feminine man or a crossdresser and that has taken some adjustment on my part. I have found that in a short time I have learned that there are many positives to being with a husband like mine. He is sensitive and thoughtful. He’s an excellent listener and gives me the very best advice. He has been the rock in my difficult life and I love him dearly. I may never fully understand his urge to dress as a woman at times and that is okay because I accept and respect it. The bonus is that we can talk about and share makeup, nail polish, and other things girly. He is my husband but also a girlfriend. I have said this many times but in the most simple form, we are all just people loving other people.

Hugs,
Betty

[Brielle]

Hi Christina, your daughter sounds amazing! She is so brave and in tune with what she needs – it’s so heartwarming to hear.

Sorry that your wife is not as affirming to you. But I guess there are a couple of things in play. The mother in her wants to nurture and support her child no matter what (just as you have – good on you!). As a wife, she has a long peroid of knowing you and being intimate with a male she married (I assume you came out to her sometime after you married). Just like many of us aren’t attracted to genetic men, she is not attracted to women, so that leads her to distance herself.

Christine is an additional person now in the relationship. Your wife will be naturally resentful and suspicious of her until she knows Christine is not a threat to your relationship. She also is probably concerned with the embarrassment she imagines may come if anyone she knows finds out and makes fun of you (and HER!). If you are fully closeted, then that may seem like an irrational fear, but it IS valid for her.

The marriage covenant has been altered, and she deserves to feel safe and feel that you are going to protect her. If you are not in couple’s therapy I highly recommend it. It has helped my wife and I navigate my reveal and subsequent announcement that I need to transition (at least hormonally and socially) to be true to myself.

It just boils down to trust. You’ll have to reestablish it for her to move closer to acceptance. Good luck and let us know how your daughter gets on!

Hugs,

Brie

[Lisa Leigh]

My daughter told me, while I was buying a car, that she was in a relationship with a FTM trans person. My reaction at the time “oh, ok” I never thought about. I accepted the relationship, who am I to say anything. I taught my girls to always be happy in what they do and it’s not our job to control their life. So life went on and we never really discussed it again. I thought she knew I was okay with it.
Well it turned out she thought I hated the idea. I didn’t know until she was making plans to move half way across the country to be with him that I found out. She kept asking my wife when they could pack the truck and car and travel and so on! I’m like what’s going on? My daughter looked at me and said “we’ll, since you don’t approve I didn’t think you would help!”
I was shocked, I apologized and folded her I was more then ok with it! Because I was so quick to say ok, she thought I objected to the relationship. We talked andpatched things up. The next week we moved her.
Moral of the story is no matter how accepting you might you are you still need to talk, assure them its ok.
I keep wondering if I can every really talk to her still about Lisa.

Forgot, their relationship is now 8 years and getting married next summer. Glad we raised her right.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by Lisa Leigh. Reason: Added last line

[Christina Pierce]

She is 22. No real signs. She said she started struggling with it at about 12 or 13. Her mother once found a pair of her panties in his room. He was about 16 then and we thought just a teenage boy thing.

[Anonymous]

Since cross dressing is so little understood, is it possible that your offspring is merely a CD, not trans? I ask because now days, identifying as Trans seems to be the cool thing to do. I don’t mean to disparage those truly Trans, Gay, or Lesbian. The sudden upsurge in numbers don’t match reality. What’s rarely reported is Trans regret. Few people at that age, and younger, are comfortable in their own developing body.

Does she know you CD? That conversation should happen before life changing hormone therapy is started. Difficult as it may be, you might learn a lot from each other.

Hugs, Eileen

[Christina Pierce]

She knows I am a CD. She has also started hormone replacement therapy. She is not seeing a therapist as of now but her mother and I would like her to.

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