• This topic has 11 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Anonymous.
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    • #682602

      Where did it start for me? Waaaaayyy back in the past!

      Yeah, it started when I was really young as we all find in our lives that we recognise our own identity at a very young age, some maybe later in life. This is not about when I realised I am transgender or whatever. This is about my journey through life. My ups and downs, my heart aches and struggles and my acceptance of tomorrow!

      Yes, The tomorrow is what’s important for me today. What I do and decide today is going to affect my tomorrow. Today I have a problem. I have a decision to make because that decision to make today because it will be my tomorrow. I’m talking about the decision that creates success or failure.

      I have been there in the past, hundreds of times. Like today, I’m sitting with a personal struggle about my studies. Spoken to my tutors and others who supports me and my friends. They all tell me I have this and I can do it, but they can’t see my mind and my heart. It’s seemingly easy for them to say that, but internally I’m falling apart, bit by bit. 

      See, I was judged and criticized by my family when I was younger. They cursed me by saying I’ll never be something and I’ll never become anything in my life. Now I’m not going into that, because that was already told in the articles I wrote. Why am I saying this? Today I received the most gorgeous dress I could find for my graduation coming up soon. Excitingly I opened the package and put it on to try it. It did not fit. That shocked me into believing, I do not fit. I do not fit in the society, I do not fit in the community of counsellors I became part of and I just don’t fit in. Now I’m thinking, is it worth wasting more time on my studies and who am I bluffing into believing I am a good person?

      I look at my little fur baby I got after my near suicide attempt. She has now been part of my life for 5 years. I’m thinking If you came into my life as small as you are and I took care of you all this time and every time you see me your tail wagging to show your happiness even though while studies go on and neglecting you sometimes to concentrate, you still love me and want to be with me. it dawns on me, I do fit. I just need to realize that I fit. For you anyway.

      The realization hits me. I started all this because there is a tomorrow. I always believed there is a tomorrow. The stresses of daily life have taken away my tomorrow, Why? Because I let it. I take a break and go for a walk, watch a movie of no importance and I’m thinking. I’m doing all this to prove a point. To myself and to those in the past who judged me. I’m rebooting my confidence and I’m thinking back to the words I’ve given to so many before. “Believe in yourself and everything else will fall into place around you soon” Now why did I forget my own golden rule?

      I start over, looking at everything from a different perspective. Then I realise, I’m doing this because I care. I care about those who follow me and looking up to me. I care about who I am and I care because I believe in tomorrow. The day of my graduation and all the preparations still to do. Lots of work ahead still. Those on my side giving me hope, my sisters and brothers here and most important, the ambassadors who gave me messages of hope and encouragement. I believe again, but most of all, I believe in myself again and my confidence slowly returns.

      That my dear, is my road to success. Not just that, but as the transgender female I am, I see tomorrow. So don’t let the struggles of today, take away your hope for tomorrow. Don’t let hard times rob you of your self-beliefs and don’t let struggles remove your happiness. When you believe in yourself you gain confidence and when you gain confidence, you gain success. Without believing in yourself, no matter what the world out there throws at you, you won’t make it but with believing in yourself, no matter what, that world out there will come to you and accept you! Just be you and do what it takes to be you, but most of all, “Believe in yourself and everything will fall into place around you soon”

      That my dear, is my road to success as a transgender woman. Be my guest and do the same, Just try it, even for a short time, but try it. Let that also become your road to success, no matter who you are.

      I believe you can do it and I believe in You!

    • #682634

      Hi Catherine, Thank you for that wonderful and heartfelt message. It is indeed an inspiration to me and others. I think we sometimes get so caught up in the ‘here and now’ we tend to forget that a bright future awaits us if we have the strength and perseverance to make to long and difficult journey. When we do, then that ‘journey’ becomes an ‘adventure’. Again, thank you so much for bearing your soul and opening your heart to your sisters here at CDH. I for one am very grateful! Many hugs, Paulette

      • #682638

        Hi Paulette,

        Thanks for the kind words of appreciation hon.

        I’m doing this because I’m hoping to help prevent those who follow me to fall into the same traps and holes that I encountered.

        Love and Hugs

        Catherine.

         

    • #682671
      Angela Booth
      Hostess

      Very inspiring Catherine and, after following your experiences on here on here, very heartfelt.

      To my mind and in the context of your life a dress that doesn’t fit  seems very small to the observer. Just change it or have it altered but to you and anyone else who has had your kind of experiences, it does matter. 

      It is part of the bigger picture of your life. You have worked hard to be at that graduation and not just the course work but all that went before. Is it not only a graduation but an attestation that Catherine is all but complete. A dress that fits is the completion.

      You are an amazing person and inspire others to believe. Thank you.

      • #682673

        Hi Angela,

        Thanks so much hon. I appreciate your kind words. Words that inspire me to do even more.

        Indeed it was a lot of work and so much still to do before the graduation.

        What I do is based on my passion. Passion for others and those who follow me, those who struggle and those who don’t know. I believe if I can make an impact on one person a day, then it’s a battle won for those new in their journey. To save them from all the potholes I had to negotiate in my life journey and make their life and journies just a little smoother.

        have a lovely day, take care and be safe.

        Love and hugs

        Catherine, XXX

         

         

    • #682678
      Roberta Broussard
      Duchess - Annual

      Thank you Catherine, for sharing such an inspiring story.

    • #682751
      Anonymous

      That’s a wonderful story I have been full time since I was 9 till now at 62 and I have been enjoying it. When my parents caught me I was required to wear my dress 👗 in front of my friends so I did best thing I could have done. I did have to work the farms so I could buy my own dresses 👗 and materials to make dresses 👗. My friend was the first one to wear dresses 👗 to school so I had to. Had my prom dress 👗 for a long time. I am transgender 🏳️‍⚧️. We are glad to have you welcome to the site

      • #682949

        Hi Christina,

        Thank you very much.

        I bet they realise today that although times were very tough back then, They actually did you a favour.

        Unfortunately, as we do our best to be ourselves there’ll always be idiots out there.

        Best of luck

        Catherine

        • #683214
          Anonymous

          You are quite right

    • #682762

      Hi Catherine, and ladies, I replied to the same post over on TGH, so to benefit those here on CDH, I have copied and pasted my reply. I hope it will be of help.

      Hi Catherine, reading your post brought me to tears, although I’ve always cried easily, what you’ve shared really struck a chord with me. I am a transwoman, something I’ve been aware of since a young child. I’m actually in the process of writing a book about my journey as Lauren, so I’ve been doing a lot of digging into my past. I’ve always been a very sensitive person, and when I was young, like you, was also judged and criticized. I was the first born son, as such I was an absolute failure, never even coming close to what was expected of me, and on top of that, I was feminine in nature which might as well have been the kiss of death! Growing up knowing I was supposed to be a girl always made life a challenge, but I survived and, finally, last year, I released Lauren to live her life as a free woman.
      I survived because I knew and believed in who I was. I always believed that a time was coming when I would be able to become and live as the true person I am, a trans woman named Lauren. Today I am living that life, and even though it has hardships it is a life full of so much joy!
      You write of speaking to yourself, believing in yourself, clinging to hope and confidence.
      The one thing that makes everyday life so much easier for a trans woman, is to face each day being confident in who we are! That self confidence is one of the best strengths we have as we live our lives in the midst of a world that often tries to deny we even exist.
      Thank you Catherin for sharing, for baring your very heart and soul with us.

      Big hugs,

      Ms. Lauren M

      • #682948

        Hi Lauren,

        Thanks for the lovely words and for sharing your journey as well. Indeed we all have a story to tell and doing that, helps others to understand and reach out to their inner self.

        Good luck with your book and I hope for success.

        Have a lovely day,

        Love and hugs,

        Catherine.

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