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Hi everyone,
So my wife has made strides this year with acceptance and has even gone out with me dressed as Pam. But she struggles with embarrassment.
I am ready to start coming out of the closet to a close friend or two but she says that will embarrass her big time and she doesn’t want to be embarrassed.
That being said she has let a close friend of hers know as well as her adult daughter and 12 step sponsor all of which had positive responses.
Does anyone have any advice on this? What kind of experiences (Good & Bad) have you had when coming out to friends, family and co-workers?
Thank you in advance!
Pam
You are lucky to have a significant other who knows and somewhat accepts. My advice would be to keep doing what you are doing now and save her any kind of embarrassment. I would much rather have an accepting significant other and dress in secret than to be presenting my dressing to the world all while being alone.
I agree with your perspective on this issue, K. I am shocked at the cds who think they have some kind of “right” to bulldoze their revelation over their loved ones. If we come out, WE’Re the ones who are shifting the sand beneath their feet.
my wife is tolerant of my dressing, but is paranoid about someone we know finding out her husband is a crossdresser, it hinders my dressing and i fear if someone we know finds out about Giselle we will end up divorced over it
Charming!
If you told her she made you embarrassed about stuff she did, she would throw a fit.
If I Were you, I’d really work on the image until you look amazing – maybe get a professional makeover.
Maybe I’m a touch unsympathetic, but it’s how I feel, and not meant to be judgemental!
I mean, to want to express yourself differently via clothing is not embarrassing.
Unless you wear bondage gear, maybe…
Love Laura
i have only cow out to my wife and my therapist but she is slowly accepting it. Unfortunately we are separating for other reasons and she discussed the matter with our bishop (LDS leader of a ward). Actually i a out of the church in part because of y realization about myself. i really did not und that he understands confidentiality. Then she discussed it at church with a friend of ours including showing her pictures of my panty drawer! i don’t feel like she gets to complain about embarrassment at this point
My wife is also ok with my dressing and has told all her close friends, that said when i wanted to tell some of my closest friends that was not ok with her, women are very complicated, what is fine for them is not always the same for use, listen to her wishes and keep her happy, as the saying goes happy wife happy life
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel like I’d be slightly embarrassed if my fiancé came out to people, but in a sense that most people just wouldn’t understand. It was a scary thing for me to accept but the thought of other people knowing is scarier. What will they think? Will they judge him? Will they think he’s gay?
I think actually it wouldn’t be embarrassment but fear of people questioning us and maybe bringing back some of my initial fears and concerns when I first found out.
my fiancé encourages me to tell a friend so I could talk to someone and I did recently, my BF of 15 plus years and she was great. Shocked but great, so who knows maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. But people can also be assholes. So maybe she’s scared and just seems easier to say embarrassed.Hi Clo,
Thanks for the response. I think you are right. It probably ultimately comes down to being judged. And yes there will always be the A-holes to deal with. And while I’m in a don’t give a crap about what other people think I also need to respect my partner and won’t make a move that effects her without her approval first. I do understand her point of view and would probably feel the same way if the shoe were on the other foot.
Thanks again!
Pam
Hello Pam
It sounds like you and your wife try to communicate. Telling someone how I feel dosn’t mean they can feel what I feel.
If your SO tries to listen, understand and accept your crossdressing doesn’t mean she understands how you feel inside.
At the same time, you want to listen, understand and see if you can validate her feelings without sacrificing your feelings.
I often wonder how many broken hearts are caused when the man of her dreams turns into her worst nightmare?
The one thing I have learned since joining this forum is what a selfish bunch of divas we really are.
Sally.
Thanks Sally!
This is a true statement. We / I can be selfish when it comes to my desires and the wife’s desires. And while my wife has known about my desires since very early on (As this is my 2md marriage I didn’t want to hide it for years and come out later as I’ve learned from my mistake on the 1st one), I still had shame about it until this year. So I’ve realized a new level of acceptance about myself that has open the flood gates so to speak on my desire to advance my transition.
Unfortunately this has been to fast and heavy for my poor wife. Thankfully we are very open with each other and see a therapist. So I’ve slowed my role quite a bit as I don’t want to lose her. She is my best friend and soul mate and we just love each other to death.
Pam
This is the bitch about unconditional love: your wife may love you unconditionally, no matter how you express yourself, but other people within your social circle may not have that same latitude. You stated you wanted to tell a few close friends, and this will embarrass her. In the mean time she told her best friends.
My wife and I have mutual friends, but we each have different feelings about them. While she might whole heatedly trust someone, my “spider sense” might go off, and not trust them. Consider that the friends you want to confide in, may not be people that your wife would confide in at all? She accepts you unconditionally, but feels that others will not? When thinking of married friend couples, in some way I consider them a “unit”.
Your wife represents the household you live in, equally as you do. What is tolerated in the household may not be socially accepted equally among friends. Just something to consider….
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