My Story

This topic contains 12 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  Jessica St. John 1 year, 3 months ago.

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  • #26172

    VickieJ
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    Registered On: July 9, 2016
    Topics: 1
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    My biological mother passed away within a year of my birth. Within a couple of years my father remarried. My step mother became my mother. She was a saint and I’ll miss her forever. My father, although a good person, was a workaholic. He was home very little and I suspect got remarried more out of need for a care giver to my sister and I than true love, but that’s just my thought.

    The first memory of wanting to dress as a girl I was just four or five years old. My sister got a new dress for Easter Sunday and I was very upset that I could not have one also. I remained persistent and Two days before Easter Sunday my mom let me try on my sisters dress. She put a bow in my hair and put me in front of a mirror and asked me” are you sure you want to dress like this? I was thrilled. She took me to the store and helped pick out my own dress and shores. The next day she helped get my sister and I ready. We looked like sisters and I loved it. She and I were best friends so she loved it also. When my father seen me he was very upset and refused to allow it. I cried and felt sick. My mother promised secretly that if I went to church dressed in my suite, I could wear my dress the next day all day while my father was at work. 

    Hidden from my father, this type of thing went on for about a year. Then my father and step mom devorced. My father was always working and much of the time out of town. He agreed to allow my sister and I to continue living with my step mom and move with her out of state near our grandma. Life became so wonderful. I started first grade in a catholic school. My mom registered me as Vickie. I’m not sure how she faked the paper work, but it worked and went to school in my skirt uniform and was thrilled. My big sister who was in second grade was my best friend. We shared a bedroom and did everything together. My father would send a letter it call from time to time, but for the most part was out of our lives. As I got older, my mother was always one step ahead, sewing pads in the crotch of my shorts, jeans and even bikini bottems. At 12 years old my sister and I would swim with our friends, do our nails and have sleep overs. No one ever knew my secret. I did not even start puberty until I was  close to 16. Unfortunately, when I was 13 my father visited unexpectedly. The timing was the worst. I came home from our friends back yard pool wearing a bikini bottems and barely padded top. My father was mortified. By now my father had a knew family and made it clear that he felt that my step mom did this to me. In short, my father received custody and I was forced to move out of state and with him and his family. My beautiful long hair was shaved off and I was only allowed to wear boys clothes. It was a struggle and for a long time I hated life. that was 40 years ago. I have a family with adult children. I have been very successful and love my family. Last month my sister sent me an old photo of me with my long hair, cute shorts and little bikini top. Her e-mail started with the words ” my favorite sister who I will miss until the day I die” this e-mail sparked me to join this site. For 40 years I have resisted and blacked out the feelings and memories and what made me so happy. I didn’t want to make my father shameful. I did what I had to do to be a good son. But what’s really health? Life is so short. Thank you if you read this. I’ve needed to tell someone for 40 years…….god bless

    VickieJ

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  • #59502
     Jessica St. John 
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    Registered On: January 6, 2017
    Topics: 2
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    Welcome Vickie.  Your story is awesome and heartbreaking all at once.  I am so happy you are finally able to express your true self.  That’s all we ever truly want.  I’m just outside of Chicago myself so stop by and say hi anytime.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
    #59470
     Anonymous
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    Welcome to CDH Vicky you have come to the best place for encouragement and a great place to talk with other ladies about our life and who we are

    #59453
     VickieJ 
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    Registered On: July 9, 2016
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 8

    Thanks Julie

    VickieJ

    #59445
     Zoe Kay 
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    Registered On: June 19, 2017
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    Hi Vicki, your story is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes!  Welcome to CDH!  XX  Zoe

    #59443
     Stephanie Flowers 
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    Registered On: June 26, 2017
    Topics: 7
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    HI Vicki : I too am sadden for all these years, but I’m happy you are with us. These ladies here are unbelievable helping in every way.  Talking  to them  it’s amazing  the advise you would receive.  All here care for one another and for me it’s like a second family . hold those fondest memories and cherish the ones we love and now enjoy the femininity you’ve always wanted 🌹

    #59441
     Julie Slowinski 
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    Registered On: June 26, 2017
    Topics: 6
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    Hi Vickie,

    Your story touched me to my core. In some regards, we all have a similar story, but not nearly as heartbreaking.

    When I first started at about 10, I thought a transition would be possible. For a time I even thought that everyone switched genders as the natural progression to adulthood. By Jr HS, the reality of the world had set in. Almost 40 years later, I am trying to release myself from the cocoon I have created.

    I am extremely fortunate with the way my life turned out, and if given the opportunity would not change a thing. (Well maybe that one drunken Halloween in Iowa City … if only I could remember it.) However, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if things could have been different.

    💋💋💋 Julie

    #26906
     Sheryl Johnstone 
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    Registered On: September 7, 2015
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    Hi Vickie, Welcome to CD Heaven. That is a wonderful happy/sad story, such a shame that it led you to 40 years of exile. Now that you have found this site, if you still have the urges to dress that your stepmother nurtured so well, you have all the help you need to follow your dreams. I wish you the best in your journey.

    Sheryl

    #26300
     Rachel J Rose 
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    Registered On: December 29, 2015
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    Hi Vicki and welcome to CDH.

     

    Rachel

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    #26189
     Leonara 
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    Registered On: October 13, 2015
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    Hi Vickie,
    Thank you for sharing your story …. You have come to a great website. It has really helped me in my CD journeys.
    Leonara

    #26185
     ellen journey 
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    Registered On: June 18, 2016
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    hi vickie

    so glad you shared.when our journey starts in our cross dressing lives it really never ends.so by you sharing you have confirmed that vickie never went away in your life.so now is the time vickie has a great site to talk with like minded crossdressers..

    so welcome to the site

    ellen

    #26182
     Catherine 
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    Registered On: October 4, 2015
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 410

    Hi Vickie welcome with us
    Catherine

    #26181
     MacKenzie Alexandra 
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    Registered On: May 20, 2016
    Topics: 39
    Replies: 294

    Welcome to CDH, Vicki.  I am sorry to hear of your hardships. I hope now that you will be able to express who you really are. This is site has been so helpful to me in my hourney to embrace who I am in full.

    MacKenzie

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