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    • #769407
      Dakota Crane
      Duchess

      Well, to be fair, other then you girls here and my wife, she is the only person that knows Dakota.  And as my wife is not cool with my dressing, she has been my only source of support for about 2 years now.  I am now realizing that I have grown very close to my therapist.   It helps that we have so much in common that it makes talking to her feel so easy and natural.  But I am starting to view her more as a very close friend then a counselor.

      So is this as bad as it sounds?  I keep thinking it is like paying for a friendship but when you are feeling really alone is that so terrible?  And the therapy has helped a lot so do I just let it continue?

      Please let me know everyone’s thoughts and feelings.

      Dakota

    • #769433
      Liz K
      Managing Ambassador

      It may feel like you have a friendship with your therapist.  It happens.  But any ethical therapist won’t cross that boundary.  It creates a dual relationship – professional and personal.  Therapy requires boundaries and objectivity, which isn’t possible when your therapist is also your friend.

      I’ve told my therapist several times that if I weren’t her patient, I’d want her for a friend.  She’s reciprocated that sentiment and is quick to point out that can’t happen as long as we have a professional relationship.

      Don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.  It’s pretty common.

      /EA

    • #769442
      Connie Wittnee
      Baroness - Annual

      Emily’s reply is spot on. Keep rereading her closing sentences . “Don’t beat yourself up….”
      Fist bumps to you for sharing your feelings and asking for comments,Dakota.

    • #769454
      Anonymous

      It depends on what you mean by close. Of course, she is your closest confidant, given your wife’s unsupportive attitude. And as long as you are paying for her services, she will be available to listen and perhaps at times offer guidance. Professional ethics, however, should prevent her from getting close in an inappropriate manner.

    • #769528

      I wouldn’t want a therapist to feel like a friend early in treatment at a minimum.  At this point, I would want them to be challenging to dig down to the root of the issues.  As we all know, this can never be easy and can feel confrontational at times. If it doesn’t feel like this, they are probably doing you a disservice.   As time goes on and issues are addressed, trust and familiarity will develop and this may feel like friendship.  As others have said, if it is a real friendship during the course of treatment, it is probably unethical and any good therapist would avoid this situation.  I liked my therapist very much and would have loved to have a girlfriend (platonic) like her but I knew it wouldn’t have been a good situation.

    • #769529
      Becka
      Lady

      I had/have a therapist I was seeing for about a year and I grew very fond of her. Not in a romantic way, but I really wished we could have been friends outside of therapy.

      I knew and felt however if she had accepted any such notion, it would have changed the therapist / client relationship. It would have put her in an awkward place too as a professional, and I didn’t want to put her in that position.

      She is very cool, always had great art work surrounding her, and her attire was great. It was really “her”.

      Of course this is all predicated on the notion she would have accepted such a friendship anyway. I’m certain therapists are trained to handle this sort of thing.

      I do too however think we need to be cautious. After all they are therapists, and a good therapist should make you feel better about things, which in turn will make you feel a certain way about them. I’m not saying they are being disingenuous. Just pointing out this is their profession and I’m glad there are people like them (the good ones), in the world.

      Love and hugs,
      Becka!

    • #769567

      Dear Dakota,

      It is very natural and logical to grow fond of your therapist and consider him/her a good friend. Like many other Sisters have already mentioned: this is the person you really share all your feelings and inner thoughts with and that ‘action’ creates a bond very quickly. But… it is an artificial bond. It is a bond that is formed on the basis of you telling everything that troubles you, and your therapist only listening. Sure your therapist gives you feedback and may also share ‘some’ personal details and experiences, but not nearly as much as you do. So it feels like this is “the only one you can really talk to”, and you can, but it is not reciprocal. And it should not be either, because your therapist is a professional listener and not your best friend. With your friends you have built a relationship based on mutual recognition, shared experiences, shared joy and grief. That is – in my view – a different level of friendship.
      I had a therapist I felt very comfortable with and almost considered him a very good friend. Until we reached the last session and – by accident – we discovered a major difference of opinion and character that turned out to be quite ‘unbridgeable’.
      Only at that moment did I realize that he was not one of my close friends, but someone who was very good at listening and letting me talk.
      I’m not sure this comment will actually help you, but I feel I needed to share this experience as an example of how common it is to feel (too) close to your therapist.

      Big hug, Frédérique

      • #769687
        Alice Black
        Duchess

        That was well expressed explaining difference between therapists and friends. I see one as well and knew too that they are just listeners. I also knew that because my older sister is a retired therapist.

        Alice Black

    • #769684

      Dakota –

      Like you my wife and therapist are the only ones that know of my dressing.

      I have a great therapist and share things with her I’ve never shared with anyone else, including my wife, because I feel safe and comfortable in doing so.  When I first reached out to make an appointment with her she asked me why I needed to see her.  I broke out in a cold sweat and my voice was shaky when I told her I crossdress and need to talk with someone about my feelings.  At our first session she put me at ease and over time I was able to feel comfortable and open up.  There is nothing I don’t talk with her about and she does not judge me.  She shares some things with me but only as it relates to what I am telling her.  I have dressed for some of our sessions (both in person and online) and feel comfortable in doing so.  I change at her office as it is private as I don’t go out in public.  It is nice when I do and she compliments me.

      As much as I like her I don’t think we could be friends but do have a wonderful relationship as client and therapist.

      XOXO
      Suzanne

    • #769688
      Alice Black
      Duchess

      I too have been seeing a therapist on telecommute appointments. I mostly talk about the stresses and strains in my marriage. My wife is disabled and very dependent on me(she does not even drive a car). The dependency creates strains and stresses in our relationship. To be blunt, my wife sits in an easy chair all day and asks me to do everything for her. And after a while, that gets on my nerves. So, I talk to my therapist and that helps me calm down. I alao mentioned my cross dressing in detail in 1 meeting, but that is a secondary issue – has not come up since. My wife with her disabilities are the main thing. If I was not around, I am sure her sister would put her in assisted living or even a nursing home.

      Our relationship is remote so I have never considered it in any other way than client/therapist. And it is about to end as my therapist is pregnant and about to go on maternity leave.

      Alice Black

      • #770578

        Alice –

        Sorry to hear of your situation. I hope you are able to find another therapist so you continue to have someone to talk to.  I’m sure if you ask your current therapist she can give you a recommendation.

        Best of luck.

        XOXO
        Suzanne

    • #770311
      Harriette
      Lady

      Even in my straight life, I find that I am easy to talk with because I listen. Because of this, people open up to me. I wouldn’t necessarily want to become “friends” with many of these people.

      You have to have some sort of professional bounds, here. I am sure that many therapists have experienced similar reactions with their patients, too, in the past.

    • #770378
      Dani
      Lady

      Like others here, my therapist is the only one that knows I’m a CD (other than my wife). I like my therapist a lot. A whole lot. She insures that is a professional relationship. And honestly I’m glad she does. With some of my issues it’s way better if she doesn’t become my “friend”. Then again, I’m not seeing her because of crossdressing.
      Like others I think this relationship needs to be professional. That doesn’t mean you can’t like them or even think of them as let’s say equal to a friend. But professional none the less. I sort of feel for the therapist to be effective there can only be so much friendship. The therapist has a responsibility to you, and to the medical community. You wouldn’t want them “not telling” you something because they were your friend… That’s how I look at it. IMHO

    • #770386

      I agree with other girls said .look like this situation look like not personal.thats how normally should be already.
      Otherwise out of therapist patient relationships will be causing unwanted problems. And effects i think.
      An Other think is I want to say ;
      Only anyone who have same feelings like you will be understand you better.
      Thats why im here.
      Note;sorry I newly see this post is old.if necessary remove my message .
      Hugs.

      • This reply was modified 9 months ago by Esin Bener.
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