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    • #433713
      Kim Austin
      Lady
      Registered On: October 2, 2019
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      Cindy Lou,
      Whenever I come across this topic, I always laugh that cd’s are surprised and many resentful, that their wives ask them are they gay. When I joined the site I was shocked to learn that most are straight, (thats the narrative I glean from most of the posts I read anyway). I couldn’t get my head around it and I imagine many women probably feel similarly that a man would only try to emulate being feminine in order to attract another man. I would be shocked if the question wasn’t one of the the first to be asked by a blindsided wife, whose life has been hijacked in many ways. It may be the easiest way to hit back at a husband for what to many of us can be a deceitful, costly and narcissistic habit. It’s really a huge betrayal to many.
      Also as a gay man I am as sick to the teeth, (as you are about the Face App issue coming up again and again) ,about this “she said I’m gay, or she asked if I’m gay” comment (not from you personally) that I see over and over that seems tinged with resentment at the suggestion that a man who goes to the trouble of donning lingerie, dolling himself up,slapping on the powder and paint, could be anything other than straight. Seriously. It’s so gay.
      XX
      Kim

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      • #433974
        Bettylou Cox
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        Registered On: May 26, 2019
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        Kim,

        A lot of the angst which we hetero CDs suffer from is tied to the fact that we view the makeup “thing” as our wives do our desire to wear ladies’ clothes – a “gay thing”. Only we know we aren’t, so we feel conflicted. Old age has put out my “fire”, so I no longer have any conflicts. I’m not sure how the younger hetero CDs manage.

        Bettylou

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        • #433981
          Cindy Lou
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          Registered On: November 18, 2020
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          I’m with you BettyLou, (Please let me know if my name rhyming bugs you) I’m getting up there as well, and that combined with the normalcy that daily CDing brings about has drastically de-sexualized it for me.

          PS Love your new avatar, you look so adorable.

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          • #434099
            Bettylou Cox
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            Registered On: May 26, 2019
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            Thank you for the avatar compliment, Cindy Lou; I thought it reflected how I feel a little better than the old one…and the makeup was better, too.

            Hugs,
            Bettylou

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      • #433970
        Cindy Lou
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        Registered On: November 18, 2020
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        Surprised? Sure I can see that, but I’ve never felt like anyone relating that common story of their wife thinking that they’re gay seemed resentful, myself as I’m sure many others expected it,  having grown up at a time when everything seemed to be under the gay or straight umbrella.

        I was a little surprised to learn that most CDers are straight when I first joined as well, but after reading so many stories that echoed my same feelings I realized that while there are many flavors of CDing, vanilla, or in other words a hetero CDer seems to be the most prevalent.

        I can understand but can’t relate to your comments about a woman feeling “Blindsided” or even less of having her life “Hijacked” since that was not what happened in my case.

        However I have to take exception with your choice of words in referring to CDing as a narcissistic habit. CDing has nothing to do with being self centered or self important, It is something inside of us which we must express, an urge or compulsion that grows stronger over time, furthermore your choice of words also seem to imply that we have a choice on whether to dress or not when in reality if these feelings are suppressed the side effects of denying them can often manifest themselves in the form of toxic masculinity.

         

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        • #434041
          Kim Austin
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          Registered On: October 2, 2019
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          Hi Cindy Lou,
          I love the Bettylou, Cindy Lou names.They’re beautiful. I immediately think of two southern belles. Big hooped dresses. Sorry thats just me.
          I can’t argue with you about narcissism. I guess it’s a personal opinion. I was thinking of the time we spend on our dressing (here I want to call it a habit, again thats just me ), the money, the secrecy, the yearning to be something, someone, that we are not. It’s definitely a self absorbing, ego driven activity (again my opinion only), and undeniably theres a nod to the erotic for lots of us. Many of us prioritize our needs over others to the point where we want them to change to accommodate the new concepts we have regarding our new “selves” (if that’s a word).
          Honestly, again personally, I believe everything is a habit. We covet and we don’t give ground unless there is a loss involved. Sometimes I think it’s simply a dominant/submissive thing in a relationship.I’ve found happiness in this thing and I want to incorporate it into my life even if your life changes negatively. I want things my way.
          There is nothing outside the mind. Nothing. Every concept is born there. Everything, every moment,is a choice. It’s about priorities. I don’t know where my desire to cd comes from but I’ve made a decision in my life to keep it private, specifically so as not to hurt anyone. My choice. I have people I’d love to tell but then I change everything and maybe change a good relationship. Like with my sisters. They would be totally cool (I think) but would they feel that they’ve lost their little brother? The parameters of the relationship would change. Would it cause them even one iota of sadness? I don’t know but it might. I can’t do that.
          Please don’t think I think I have the answers or think I’m right about anything.I’m desperately searching for my own equilibrium. I’m certainly not dismissing anyones angst or the very real terror many of us we live with constantly. It’s definitely real. I thank god we have a place we can throw out our thoughts and have others help us unravel them and make sense of them.
          Love and light girl.
          XX
          Kimberly.

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          • #434107
            Bettylou Cox
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            Registered On: May 26, 2019
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            Hi Kim,

            I can’t speak for Cindy Lou, but Bettylou is a true Southern girl, as well as being a Jazz Baby. Giving our girls two first names is an old Southern tradition; my daughters are named Brenda Lee and Becky Lou. They are Southern Belles, I’m just an old hen.

            Bettylou.

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        • #433977
          Hilda Beaumont
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          Registered On: March 14, 2020
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          “Toxic masculinity” – there’s a phrase to conjure with!
          HRxx

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      • #433853
        Stevie Steiner
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        Registered On: June 11, 2020
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        One of the first questions I was asked.  I was not offended or anything, sort of waiting for it actually.  Sisters, most of you can expect that question, just the way it goes at this time.  I just immediately turn it to the gender issue it is ( for me ) and leave the sexuality for another discussion.  A lot of crossdressers are hetero, a lot are gay, and a lot are bi.  I would understand ” are you bi? “.  Assuming you have has a sexual relationship with your SO, she should know you are probably not gay.  Maybe bi tho….

        The other question is usually “have you always been?”.

        …… well not in the womb, but shortly after.😅

        E

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    • #432723
      Lauren Phillips
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      Registered On: May 8, 2019
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      I wish my wife knew. I have never told her for the fear of what she would think. Cross dressing for me has nothing to do with being gay. It gives me a very satisfying feeling more than a sexual feeling. I have a gurl friend that I get together with and we play dress up together. We have had oral sex a few times but most times we just get together and enjoy dressing together without any sexual activity. We just enjoy the excitement of dressing which is totally separate from any sexual desires.

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    • #431522
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      Registered On: November 10, 2019
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      I think people ask the “are you gay?” question because they don’t see that sexuality and gender identity are 2 different things…

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    • #429889
      Mona
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      Registered On: December 18, 2018
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      In many ways, I think coming out as gay is way more easily accepted than coming out as a cross dresser (all else being equal).  Society has come to accept that some people are homosexual.  Not true for cross dressing – people just. do. not. understand. it.  So when they learn someone is a cross dresser, there’s no ready frame of reference, hence the attempt to label it using labels/concepts/archetypes that ARE more-or-less known – drag queen, gay, weirdo, pervert, sexual deviant, fetishist, etc.

      Cross dressing still falls into a gray (pink?) area along the gender spectrum.  Hey, maybe someday the rainbow flag will be revised to include a gray (pink) band?

      Also, I think for the most part we still live in a patriarchal society.  So for a man to “surrender his masculinity” (i.e., male privilege) to present as the “weaker sex” just adds to the misunderstanding and derision, especially among other men.

      Coincidentally, I’ve just started watching the Netflix series Mindhunter.  I’m several episodes in, and the latest one features a serial killer with a history of cross dressing and an extreme fetish for high heels.  The scene where the FBI agents provide him with a pair of stilettos during a jail house interrogation is memorable.  And this scene probably, and unfortunately, serves to reinforce most viewers’ understanding of cross dressers as sexually deviant perverts.

      • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Mona.
      • This reply was modified 1 week ago by Mona.
      • #432938
        Polly Stewart
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        Registered On: January 2, 2021
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        Oh, Mona

        You are so right about the mainstream belief that we are all harbouring a theatrical serial killer profile if we dare to mention we are gender fluid! The media are sure to reinforce this belief even if most of the deviants are no different from Joe Bloggs!
        I’m not gay nor am I a serial killer! I wish media would stop miss classifying us.

        xx Polly

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      • #432694
        DeeAnn Hopings
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        Also, to come out as gay doesn’t require that you look any different. That is not the case with crossdressing or being transgender…

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      • #429931
        rebekka moore
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        Mona,

        “Cross dressing still falls into a gray (pink?) area along the gender spectrum.”

        You couldn’t be more right about this.  I’ve looked around a lot.  Being “gay” is certainly more widely accepted but there is still more work to do.  Being “trans” has even made more gains with the likes and popularity of people like RuPaul, and those that came before her.

        But “crossdressing” appears to me to be in a category all it’s own, which is yet unclear.  It seems to be associated more with the “seedy” side of things, more of a not so nice and clean, purely more (dirty) sexual thing as it appears to be portrayed.

        It is not, least not for me and I’m sure for all the wonderful gurls on CDH.  It makes me feel good to do this!  To wear the items of clothing I do.  I love it, feels natural and there is nothing “dirty” or “gay” about it.

        In fact I love being intimate with women (woman that is, my SO).  But she hates this and deprives me of such pleasures.

        Keep up the good vibes, Gurls!

        Rebecka!

      • #429917
        Hilda Beaumont
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        Registered On: March 14, 2020
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        The demonisation of crossdressing such as you describe is seriously unhelpful. An interesting counter example is Grayson Perry an extremely successful; British artist, married with children and is also well known for his cross dressing. The film Just like a woman paints a much more positive picture.

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      • #429893
        Cindy Lou
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        Registered On: November 18, 2020
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        You’re 100% right on about that, I’d like to think that acceptance of CDing isn’t too far away. Eddie Izzard being publicly acknowledged as such (35 years too late) will help.

        • #429918
          Hilda Beaumont
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          Eddie Izzard is definitely good news for us cross dressers and so too is Grayson Perry
          HRx

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          • #433750
            Cheryl Moss
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            Registered On: January 12, 2021
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            I was just going to mention Eddy Izzard… has always been a positive advert for crossdressing and I think his recent press coverage further strengthens this… I know from my own personal perspective, the more it is publicised and discussed on TV and the more my SO sees, the more accepting and understanding she becomes of Cheryl (well I hope anyway ☺️)

            Cheryl xx

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    • #429868
      Regine Rich
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      Registered On: October 9, 2020
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      I guess I am lucky, in that my SO had watched a show, possibly the dreaded Dr. Phil? about crossdressers a couple weeks before I came out to her(unbeknownst to me).so, When I told her I’m not gay, her response was ” im well aware of that, I would never have thought differently”
      However, I can see it being a question, as I have questioned it myself, but, no, if anything, Im a lesbian
      Hugs, Regi.

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    • #429703
      Rei Durden
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      Registered On: October 11, 2020
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      That one has me puzzled Cindy!
      Does remind me though when I sat on my wife’s lap (only girlfriend at the time) in front of her mother as a joke. This was met with a look of horror and shock to which her response was “what are you? Some kind of f_g!?” It’s funny because she was such a kind sweet and innocent lady, such an out of character outburst.

      • #430124
        Genevive Enseignante
        Baroness
        Registered On: December 19, 2020
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        Just my opinion, but maybe her sweetness was a bit of an act and that extremely hostile outburst was the real person inside. Sitting on your wifes lap was completely innocent and kind of adorable, I would love it if my husband did that, her response was inappropriate and vulgar.

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    • #429553
      Ababee Dream
      Duchess
      Registered On: December 31, 2020
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      Growing up in the 50 60 and I knew I wanted to wear what the girls were wearing but at the time had no clue of why and do anyone else feel like me.
      I didn’t have a word for it. Couldn’t go to a library and ask the librarian where are the book for boys who want to wear girl clothes. late 60’s I guess was the first time I heard the word transvestite. Then it was considered a mental illness. Scared the sh.. out of me. Still don’t know a single individual who felt as I did. Gay people were being called fags and other bad names. I thought I may be Gay and looked and made contact. A guy really came on to me and I was ok till we got back to my place and he saw all the girl clothes. When I told him they were mine and opened my pants showing him that I was wearing pink nylon panties. He couldn’t get out of the apartment fast enough calling me names. Think maybe it was just him I returned to the bar again and this time in a dress. Well I might as well had covid. Nobody seam to know I was there till one guy came over and told me I didn’t belong here.
      So back to the topic. So now we are more aware of the diversity of humans that live with us. But still haven’t expanded the scale. Look at TV lots of bi racial couples and children all over. Gay and lesbian are kissing and hugging on just about ever show you watch. If a guy is wearing a dress on tv or movies they are gay ie The Bird Cage or they are drag queen entertainers that are gay. It is no wonder that women have this understanding that we are gay. Let me ask you which group do crossdressers belong in LGBTQP L-lesbian G-gay B-bi T-trans Q-queer or questioning P-pansexual. I don’t be leave we are listed. Even on this site a separate section in the profile for transgender. Which is fine but show that crossdressers themselves don’t consider themselves as “T”. I don’t consider myself “T”. I am a crossdresser !!. IT took me a long time to admit that to myself and I am happy to be a crossdresser. Now I don’t watch everything on TV and I may be mistaken. I have no bad feeling about any group. Just saying. We as crossdressers are story has yet to be told to the masses.

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      • #429752
        Hilda Beaumont
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        Registered On: March 14, 2020
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        Certainly not much on TV other than Drag Queen shows which whilst amusing are not really about cross dressing as most of us on CDH see it. The film Just Like A Woman is worth a watch if you haven’t seen it – available on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9s70aI9haA
        HRx

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      • #429560
        Krissy Richards
        Registered On: June 11, 2020
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        My ex wife never know she just thought that it was weird for a man to be hairless and she used to moan about it

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        • #430087
          Krissy Richards
          Registered On: June 11, 2020
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          Im sure i have some kind of phobia,allergy to having body hair? When im all smooth and no body hair ive no pressure or problems but as soon as it grows back say a week after being smooth i get a rash and sometimes even swellings on my arms legs and chest now all the places that been shaved but as soon as i shave or wax it off all these problems stop.maybe my body is changing as it has been full of female hormones,its like i take my hormones and no rash or spots dont take them and rashes and spots everywhere. Does anyone else get anything like this? Xx

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        • #429879
          Krissy Richards
          Registered On: June 11, 2020
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          I really don’t know what my sexuality is as I don’t have a preference really plus sometimes I can go months or years without sex 🙃 so I’d say im a humanist I fancy who I fancy whether they be female or male x

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    • #429528
      Janice Doe
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      Registered On: August 17, 2020
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      It is a typical reaction that many women have towards us when they find out we are cross dressers. When my wife found a stash of my clothes 10 years ago and discovered my secret, that was the first thing that came to mind. She still has not come to terms with me dressing and we have a don’t ask, don’t tell attitude towards it, but it was the first question she asked me. I told her the truth that my preference is for women even when I am dressed as a woman.

      • #429717
        Stacey
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        I have always considered myself a lesbian when dressed… My ex never understood my dressing. We’re friends now and can talk about it but I remember her calling me a fag once. It took me years to come to grips with accepting and enjoying myself as a cross-dresser. I don’t expect anyone to understand quickly or accept it quickly. Maybe by the time I’m 80 it will be acceptable…

        • #429915
          Bobbi
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          I have always considered myself a lesbian when dressed… My ex never understood my dressing. We’re friends now and can talk about it but I remember her calling me a fag once. It took me years to come to grips with accepting and enjoying myself as a cross-dresser. I don’t expect anyone to understand quickly or accept it quickly. Maybe by the time I’m 80 it will be acceptable…

          Fag????    Really????!!!  Your ex-wife sounds like someone I would cross the street to avoid, if I saw her walking toward me.

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      • #429542
        Hilda Beaumont
        Duchess
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        I think that a difficulty for So’s of crossdressers is that when two cross dressers meet up dressed the ‘he’ in one cross dresser finds the ‘she’ in the other attractive and vice versa. It is easy to see how intimacy might take place if the situation permitted this.
        HRx

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    • #429524
      Bobbi
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      I don’t know how people get it into their head, that if a man dresses differently than another man, he MUST be gay!!!

      FFS, open your minds, people!!!

    • #429480
      Samantha Duncan
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      When I first met my wife I told her up front that I crossdress and I’ve been with guys. I like being with women and feminine men, she likes who I am and so do I. 😉

    • #429466
      Kathleen
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      It’s astounding to me that our society STILL can’t deal with the fact that 99.99 percent of all of us have both masculine and feminine sides of our personalities! It’s a strength not a weakness! That being said I guess it’s just how we’ve been programmed … if a guy likes pretty things he must be gay. Maybe it’s on us I don’t know where to start or what to say but we should try to educate others that we are just people just like them. Maybe a bit more open minded but still just like them. What do you think?

      • #429488
        Hilda Beaumont
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        I think your point about open mindedness if important and this does vary considerably from community to community. I’m lucky to live in Brighton which has a large and accepted LGBT community. But I know of areas in which cross dressing would be unacceptable. I have also been very fortunate in that when I cam out as a cross dresser to my cousins they were all supportive and positive.
        HRx

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    • #429454
      Paula F
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      How about a little different angle to the subject.

      The day my sister found me dressed and cleaning my house, I was head to toe full on femme and having a wonderful time being so.  She knew I was gay, had known for well over 10 years, without me having to even tell her way back then.

      The knee jerk reaction when she realized that she was looking at her little brother dressed more feminine than she usually did:  “Are you gay?”  I nearly fell to the floor laughing when hearing that and having the biggest grin on my face until she actually realized what she had just asked me.

      She did apologize for asking that, but it makes you see how most ‘normies’ react to the revelation.  I think it was part shock, and part being embarrassed by the actual culture shock of seeing THE truth that had been hidden for so long.  Her and mom both kind of knew I was gay, though I had never told them I was for certain, but it was the pink elephant in the room with us that was never asked about.

      I guess she could handle the knowledge that her brother was gay, but had never had to confront the actual truth, then finding out so suddenly, with never a single clue, that I was also a CD and possible transgender.

      Cindy, Betty, and all of you girls, straight or bi or gay, love your spouse/SO/BF/GF/family with everything you have and make sure they know you love them, and maybe that little sliver of doubt will go away and they will all see you as they always did ‘before’.

      PaulaF

       

      • #429492
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
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        We grew up in a different time when artists like Liberace, Elton John, et al were referred to as ‘Flamboyant’, almost the entire world was locked into a DADT situation.

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    • #429424
      Hilda Beaumont
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      Research has shown that a significant number of cross dressers are high performing heterosexual males Grayson Perry is perhaps THE example of this. For most of my life I thought I was in that category. I saw myself as a heterosexual male who delighted in cross dressing and looking like a woman whenever I could. Now that I am retied I expect that I will spend more time dressed than in drab and I am beginning to wonder if I am gender fluid in which case Eddie Izzard would become a role model.
      HRx

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    • #429413
      Anonymous
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      If my wife asked me that, I’d explain that I’m not attracted to men. I’m only attracted to women.

    • #429412
      Kitty Van Curen
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      I think that’s a pretty ‘standard’ reaction.

      Not saying at all, I agree with it. But just that this is one reaction to expect…

      Thanks!

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    • #429400
      Heather Jameson
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      Registered On: April 1, 2019
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      I think just about every guy who admits they crossdress to anyone, that’s the first question you get, it’s like a knee jerk reaction. You dress like a woman, your gay, end of story but high heels do scream femininity, god I love them. A nice tight pencil skirt with stockings and heels and stand back while I strut my stuff. I’m pretty sure I’ve had more compliments from men walking away from them than I have walking towards them, my legs and my bum are my best assets I’ve been told. Then you throw in the strut and the wiggle and you picked it up like nothing, oh lord my gaydar is tingling, no wonder your wife asked you, I would. So are you? Have you had thoughts about being with a man and do they intensify when your dressed? Your a good looking lady and if your walking provocatively you must be getting some attention. Are you enjoying it? There you go, it’s as easy as that, now I’ve got you thinking maybe I an curious. It goes with the territory honey, you dress and act like a woman, people are going to think your gay. So get used to it, like I said it’s the most popular question for every crossdresser. At least your wife approached in an intelligent civilized manor not in the middle of a melt down like a lot of other wives do, mine included. Thank your lucky stars you’ve got such a great wife and what do you think it’ll be like the first time a man takes you? Sorry Cindy I love playing with peoples minds. One more question, are you just a crossdresser or are you trans? You see I’m trans, I’m a woman so if I’m with a man I’m not gay but if I’m with a woman I’m a lesbian? Just another kink in the logical thought process. You could even ask your wife if she has lesbian fantasies being that she’s with you and your a woman.

      Points to ponder, Heather.

      • #429411
        Cindy Lou
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        All good points Heather, but nothing I haven’t considered before. I am a crossdresser, trans, and sexually attracted to the feminine form, in all it’s flavors. I have zero attraction to the masculine form or any type of masculinity at all, zero.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #429395
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
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      It’s unfortunate but a high number of SO,s do first think their partners have gay tendencies because of their feminine feelings. As we have seen for years through the drag worlds that in most cases it affiliates to being gay. Please I am not too knowledgeable about this,  it’s only my opinion but generally its a difficult situation for any GG.. My wife is no different and she well pretty much every month or so does bring up that very subject and I tell her that there’s no difference in how I feel. It’s her way of assuring herself. At first being simple in ways as I had little feminine attire but over the few years and quite a substantial wardrobe including several pretty shoes I do see why she always bringing up the subject. Reassuring her even if not asked I believe  this would be relieving for her. After all our special ladies are only wanting her relationship to be true to the agreements that were pledge when we’re married. I totally understand… she wants her world and we want both.. 🌷

       

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    • #429394
      ChloeC
      Duchess
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      I still suspect that cd or trans are mostly thought of as gay by the general populace. As others have mentioned, the popularity of RuPaul’s different presentations has helped encourage that, along, of course, with a lot of Hollywood tropes, graphic illustrations, books, etc etc.

      The real issue, to me, is that regardless of how one is, to themselves, in private, alone, can be vastly different than how one presents oneself to the outside world. But what is seen is what is too often believed and accepted.  Someone seeing a male in normal instances , would easily make an assumption (based on the all the media over the years) that if a male takes on effects of a female, it must be because they want to attract males.  And since they are a male underneath that, well, that makes them gay.

      It’s certainly still difficult to try to explain to anyone not currently abreast of understanding all the different aspects of being a cross dresser or being transgendered exactly why one feels that way and wants to act that way to better align themselves to what’s underneath.  I’m fully heterosexual, I have no interest, dressed, appearing, presenting as a male to have any kind of intimacy in the least with another male and I’m happily married with adult kids (from 2 different marriages) and grandkids and I love my SO, and I have been intimate…an awful lot of times with both spouses.

      But I also understand that I’m transgendered and at one time seriously considered GRS. And if I had gone through with it, I fully believe my heterosexuality would have remained totally intact. I would want to be intimate with a male (with me as a female), but other than maybe being a tiny bit bi-curious, not a female.

      But all that is very hard to explain to those who don’t understand us, much less them actually accept it.

       

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      • #429398
        Cindy Lou
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        So true, even the gay community doesn’t fully understand us I think.

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        • #429540
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
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          That’s true – but every gay person I’ve spoken to, male or female, has been wonderfully supportive, and quick to see that we’re in a similar situation to them – only, maybe, 10 or 20 years behind.

          Every gay bar I’ve been into has been a lovely, welcoming place, with far fewer predators than I expected – and far more ready friends – including sister CDs.

          Love Laura

           

    • #429382
      Grace Scarlett
      Baroness - Annual
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      Cindy honey…..

      High heels are as feminine as you can get….and then she will think instantly of drag queens ( I love you RuPaul) and let’s face it, manly most of them ain’t!!!….or shall I say….they don’t come across as manly…( Sorry Brighton Belle…no offence meant, just my opinion)

      of course you are gay…come on, tell your wife it’s true…

      which makes every woman who wears jeans, suits, men’s boots and trainers, trousers, caps, lumberjack shirts, trilby’s, waistcoats, etc etc etc gay as well…..so if you check her wardrobe, I bet she’s gay as well..

       

      Congrats, the perfect couple!!

       

       

       

      • #430581
        Mona
        Duchess
        Registered On: December 18, 2018
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        Hi Grace,

        I like your comments but question your statement about how women can wear men’s clothes without a problem so why not vice versa?

        In my opinion, the trouble with this line of reasoning is that we cross dressers do not just limit our activity wearing women’s outerwear.  Rather, we go for the full transformation with wigs, makeup, mannerisms, etc.  And you can bet that women wearing trousers are not sporting boxers or tighty whities underneath – again, not so vice versa.

        So I think this is crucial difference in “cross dressing” as practiced by the two sexes.  Just my opinion, of course.

        Hugs, Mona

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #430708
          Hilda Beaumont
          Duchess
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          When women wear mens clothes there is usually no doubt from the appearance point of view that they are still women and in most cases whish to be seen as women where as when a MTF cross dresser wears womens clothes they usually wish to both look like a women and be seen as a woman by those who see them.
          HRx

          1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #429620
        Bettylou Cox
        Duchess
        Registered On: May 26, 2019
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        As others have often pointed out, it’s only CROSSdressing when we do it; when a GG does it, it’s just getting dressed. A double standard, to be sure, but nobody said life was fair.
        The “Are you gay?” question was put to me for merely expressing an interest in wearing ladies’ clothes. Perhaps it is just the “RuPaul Effect”. Who knows?

        5 users thanked author for this post.
        • #430582
          Mona
          Duchess
          Registered On: December 18, 2018
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          Hi Betty Lou,

          I just posted this same reply to Grace’s comments but welcome your thoughts about it as well:

          Women wear men’s clothes so why can’t men wear women’s clothes? In my opinion, the trouble with this line of reasoning is that we cross dressers do not just limit our activity to wearing women’s outerwear.  Rather, we go for the full transformation with wigs, makeup, mannerisms, etc.  And you can bet that women wearing trousers are not sporting boxers or tighty whities underneath – again, not so vice versa.

          So I think this is crucial difference in “cross dressing” as practiced by the two sexes.  Just my opinion, of course.

          Hugs, Mona

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          • #430681
            Bettylou Cox
            Duchess
            Registered On: May 26, 2019
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            Interesting concept, Mona. I’m not sure about the relevance of the undergarments (which are presumably unseen); but as for the wigs and makeup, I have two thoughts: First is a defense mechanism. Were I to go out as obviously a man in a dress, I would surely draw unwanted attention, with possible unpleasant outcomes. But as just another woman shopper…..

            The second reason relates to my own situation: I’m socially Trans. In my head, I’m a girl;
            I think, act and respond as such in most situations. All of my clothing is women’s, and I’m somewhat dressed en femme at home, whether I will interact with others or not. For me, it’s no longer Dressing, but getting dressed…and it feels natural.

      • #429386
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
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        You’ve got an agenda there Gracie? Seriously though the further we keep away from trying to label ourselves, the happier and more outgoing we will all be.

    • #429375
      Anonymous
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      You’re right, one item shouldn’t mean that but maybe it’s just part of her process. My SO would also jump to that conclusion and believe me when I say, she would stay there. Maybe yours will work past it. Who can say why we like certain things, these things are just in us. Even though I find femme wear stimulating, the desire was there way before puberty.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #429497
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        Same here, Leslie.

        I was keenly aware of wanting to wear a girls swimsuit aged 4, and skirts and dresses when I started going to school. I nearly flipped the first time I saw a girl in a leotard – I stared so hard, she actually asked me if I had ever seen a leotard before, so I said no – and she laughed like I was stupid.

        I was 8 years old and couldn’t believe that girls got to wear such amazing clothes and boys couldn’t.

        I absolutely loved girls clothes and didn’t know or question why until my teens, when I started thinking I was some kind freak, gay (which would have got me on big trouble in the late 1970s) – or even born in the wrong body – my mother said that I was taken away from her shortly after the birth and not returned for some time, so it’s not impossible that there was medical intervention.

        She never said how long, I felt like I couldn’t ask, and she passed away just before my 30th birthday, so it remains a mystery, and I remain a man disgusted by his own body, but used to it and resigned to it – as long as I can dress properly every now and again!

        The SO will think whatever she thinks – I am not a control freak, but I won’t allow myself to be controlled either. I’m just a rebel with a cause.

        I pretended for a long time to have a shoe fetish, so I could get away with wearing my wife’s shoes every now and then – so she doesn’t think that the wearing of heels makes me gay – just a bit eccentric.

        I am so good with that 😍😍😍👠👠

        Love Laura

         

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        • #429575
          Anonymous
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          My first “experience” was very similar. My mom took me to a play. She still remembers and tells a story about “how fascinated” I was in ballet. I vaguely remember but I realize now, I’m 100% sure it was the outfits. I’ve always wanted dress like a ballerina and apparently, this was the beginning.

          2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #429511
          Cindy Lou
          Baroness - Annual
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          I was also attracted to leotards at about 6 years old, even trying them on when I saw them in the bathroom, so what do you think that says about us Laura?

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          • #429531
            Laura Lovett
            Lady
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            I think that says we like what we like and we’re not afraid to like it.

            In my imagination, there was a feeling of soft enclosure of the entire torso that no male garment offered and I wanted to wear it so badly, just to experience the feeling, but then to be able to keep that feeling all the time – I imagined a carefree, laughing, skipping playfulness, possibly with scented flowers in my hair, and to be playing and laughing with the girls, surrounded by their happy, light presence, in their dainty frocks and skirts, just girls together.

            The reality is better than the imagined experience for me, if only because it’s real. Worth waiting for? You bet.

            Pity I chose to wait – but we make our own choices!

            😁😍😍😍😍😍

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      • #429383
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
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        We’re well past it Leslie, it just came up during a recent chat we had.

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    • #429366
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
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      1. There’s a world of difference between CDers and Drag Queens.

        Exactly Cindy Lou, but shows like this merely reinforce preconceptions that all men who love to dress in feminine clothes must be gay. Some just can’t see the difference between what we do and the ‘theatre’ of drag. Sad but true. 

      2. ❤️Bianca
      • #429369
        Cindy Lou
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        Wasn’t trying to imply that you didn’t know the difference Bianca. I love your name btw, sexy and classy at the same time, who can forget Bianca Jagger?

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    • #429161
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
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      A lot of women wear high heels to attract men.  Maybe that’s where she’s coming from?

      • #429196
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        If you think about it, it’s kinda false advertising.

        Wear heels and other stuff to reshape yourself to be more attractive, then, once you’ve attracted your mate, stop wearing them.

        It’s just like a cross dresser keeping it a secret to attract a mate, then stopping once the mate is attracted and has stopped wearing such things herself.

        There’s a logical rhythm there.

        Love Laura

        4 users thanked author for this post.
        • #429219
          Cindy Lou
          Baroness - Annual
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          I’m reminded of an old joke, where certain girls don’t believe in sex after marriage.

          3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #429160
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
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      Does she watch Ru Pauls drag race?

      Contestsnts are Overtly feminine, big stilettos…and gay.

      ❤️B

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      • #430118
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        Most are gay, but not all.

        I love that show – I never really got to watch any of the US series, but the Canadian and UK shows have been amazing.

        I’ve met some drag queens, and they’ve all been lovely people with a seriously difficult past. The older ones especially (the ones that will never make Ru Paul) deserve so much respect for what they do.

        The viewing figures and number of series show how many people love Drag around the world.

        Love Laura

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      • #429221
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
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        There’s a world of difference between CDers and Drag Queens.

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        • #429302
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
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          We know that, but to someone who doesn’t do it, there’s no difference.

          DrAG = Dress As a Girl.

          We’re not the “Queen” bit.

          Love Laura

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          • #429312
            Cindy Lou
            Baroness - Annual
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            I can’t believe that (d.r.a.g.) slipped through the cracks of my education, I honestly never put that together before, thanks Laura.

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    • #429032
      Elizabeth Jenkins
      Lady
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      I heard from different reliable sources the percentage of MTF crossdressers who are gay is less than the general population.  We wear women’s clothes to emulate the people we admire, respect and are sexually attracted.

      Elizabeth

    • #429012
      Rozalyne Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: March 10, 2018
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      Hi Cindy that’s the assumption they all make if you like to wear so called women’s clothes you must be gay,

      But a high percentage of cross-dresser’s are straight and a low percentage are bi but most gay men want other gay men to look like men and not women if you get what i mean they don’t want them to act and look like women,

      I myself am bi and have always been that way for years and years,

      Hugs Rozalyne x

    • #428958
      patty williams
      Lady
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      Hi Cindy Lou,

      That seems to be a very popular question with S/O’s after finding out and I guess understandably so.

      That was one of the first question my wife asked me.

      Not sure why the heels triggered it maybe she just felt comfortable enough to ask or maybe as was said the heels are pure femininity and a way to attract men.

       

      I am glad you two can have those open conversations.

      Good for you.

    • #428943
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
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      If I were guessing ( and I am ), I would say that that thought has likely been in her mind all along.  The heels were likely the one little thing that pushed that thought to the front for her  All you can do is try to assure her that you have always been attracted to women and love her dearly.

      Good luck on finding you way.                  Sandy

    • #428940
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      I guess it’s because of the stereotypes reinforced by drag queens, who mostly portray as gay, presumably because it makes the voice thing easier.

      That and the powerful image presented by the Rocky Horror Picture Show, starting around 1973(?) and enduring amazingly well, given most people’s apparent aversion to cross dressing.

      It’s said there’s nowt so queer as folk – they got that right!

      Love Laura

      • #429672
        Rei Durden
        Baroness - Annual
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        I still haven’t seen this movie.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #429781
          Cindy Lou
          Baroness - Annual
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          And you call yourself a cross dresser? Go see that movie now girl!

          3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #428960
        Bridgette VonSmirff
        Lady
        Registered On: October 18, 2020
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        I used to go see that about once every few weeks at the UC theater in Berkeley when I was out there in the 80s. What a time at that show! For that matter, half of San Francisco was a show then, lol!

        Bridgette

      • #428946
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
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        What a movie, I used to go see it as a Saturday night event when I was around 14 or 15, I was internally embarrassed as hell when I became aroused by the bedroom scene with Frank n Furter and Brad.

        • #428950
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
          Registered On: March 26, 2020
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          For me, it was Frankenfurter’s outfit, and the fact that there he was, a male like me, wearing that outrageously sexy underwear.

          I kitted myself out with similar gear, but hated that all I wanted to do while wearing it was, well, you know… there was no way I could go out like that, as it made me feel totally guilty – what a perv (in my corrupted little mind)!!!

          I truly envy men who can go to the show like that – but it’s not really every day wear…

          Now I could dress like Janet all the time and not feel guilty, just Mmmmm!!! 😍😍😍

          Love Laura

    • #428939
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
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      Just speculation, but: jeans and leggings are the normal wear for GGs these days; she probably doesn’t even associate dresses with femininity. But high heels? Like bras, they are pure femme, only more visible.

      • #428945
        Cindy Lou
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: November 18, 2020
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        So true Bettylou, not to mention the walk that goes with the heels.

        • #428996
          Bettylou Cox
          Duchess
          Registered On: May 26, 2019
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          Ahhhh; the walk. You just reminded me of when I got my first heels that fit properly and could be worn. When I showed them to my wife, she asked me to walk in them; then she said: “You walk like a she.” Which I took as a great compliment.

          6 users thanked author for this post.
          • #429004
            Cindy Lou
            Baroness - Annual
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            Me too Bettylou. She almost seemed miffed at how quickly I took to walking like a girl.

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