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Hey ladies!
You can call me Abby if you’d like. I came to this site in hopes of finding people I could talk freely to about my interest in dressing. I am a straight male (and married to a beautiful woman), but I love looking feminine sometimes (a lot as of late). Here’s my story of how my wife found out…
I was deep in the closet with me dressing, not a single person knew I even had the slightest interest in it. In my searching the web for outlets of this I came across a social media site devoted to fetishes. I made an account and uploaded photos of myself (both decent and provocative…). Well, my wife found the site left open on my phone and absolutely lost it. She says she was more upset that I’ve been keeping it a secret than the fact that I was doing it. I don’t really blame her. She was incredibly upset and heartbroken. She threatened to leave me for some time. Eventually, we were able to move passed it, but I swore to her that I was done.
I feel horrible, but honestly, I’m not done. I think she worries about me one day wanting to get a sex change, but I don’t feel like I would ever want that. I like being male, I just like to be feminine sometimes.
Anyway, that’s my story. I am open to feedback, opinions, suggestions, or anything else anyone would like to offer.
Thank you all for reading. 🙂
Hi!
First, welcome to CrossDresser Heaven! Second, here, in no particular order, are things for you to consider as you seek to understand and explain the thoughts and feelings you have about exploring your feminine interests:
Your story is not at all unique. Sorry. Statistically, 1 in 10 men crossdress! See if you can figure out who they are. 😉
The vast majority of MtF crossdressers are heterosexual (straight) men. (Yes, there are genetic women who crossdress.)
Your feminine thoughts and feelings are the result (as it is for every human on the planet) of the programming, if you will, of your gender personality during pregnancy and through the first five or six years of your young life.
I can’t relate specific statistics, but it would seem to me that a significant portion of spouses, who suddenly find out what’s been going on for many years without their knowlege, are more hurt and angry. That’s not to say there is not a goodly number who are, by virtue of their own programming, repulsed. It’s my personal feeling that if a spouse or SO loves you for all of who you are, you can probably, with their help, find a place for your feelings on the matter. At the same time, keep in mind how you might feel if your lady came home one day and said she wanted to dress and appear as a man.
Finally, there are lots of statistics and science out there regarding gender identity vs sexual identity (very separate things). Start with the articles and forum discussions here on CDH and do you own reading, so you can be assured and, subsequently, assure your bride that this is and has always been part of you and it’s not all that unusual.
More discussion, with a wide variety of viewpoints, is available both through our Forums and in our, often boisterous, Chatroom. Don’t be afraid to ask questions!
Hope This Helps! 🙂
Wow, thank you Kensie! That is some very insightful information. I was thinking that I was kind of an oddball, wanting to look like a girl but still being attracted to women. I will read up about this more. I would like to be more open with me wife, but she is extremely against anything outside of “normal” gender roles. She despises them, so it would be really difficult…
In any case, thank you for the great advice! I will keep you and the girls on this site posted if I decide to finally come clean.
Have a great day! <3
Abidail welcome you’ll be happy you’ve join this site. It is extremely difficult to hide such an emotional secret from someone who you love dearly I to I’ve kept this back from my wife for many many years until I finally had to tell her. Her reactions well like many have mentioned, shock, dismay, confusion and most of all anger. Anger of why wouldn’t this be told to her earlier. To hold a secret is devastating but to the person in question, like myself family, career and most of all Society was the my reasons and probably like many others. I knew if I hadn’t told her she would eventually find out. Family all gone, I’m a empty nest and my urges started to take and my dressing was getting more intense and more often. So in my case it was either divulge my secret or face the storms and I decided to tell her. We sat down and had the “talk” as you say and many things were discussed and many suggestions were proposed mostly from her of course. I explain my feelings to her and how it is affecting me and insured her many many times that this is me only me and I’m still the man you’ve married I’m totally heterosexual I have no intentions of transitions but for me it’s just love the clothes and the feelings of femininity I consider myself gender fluid, I still love my male persona but there is times that I need to be Stephanie and now I think she understands this. Guidelines were set, much conversation and take things slowly, in baby steps. This she says would allow us to grow together and for her to accept me more. She does love her new husband, his demeanor certainly his compassion and soft feelings towards her , she enjoys his understanding and her opinion do matter. Again it takes time and effort to make this work but in just short order I’ve experience her slow acceptance, but with caution and this being able to bring Stephanie into our lives. Yes I’m blessed and will never jeopardize this relationship with her. She now helps in some ways so for me it’s a journey I do treasure. I hope in time you experience this as it beautiful to have your S.O. by your side. Very nice meeting you and enjoy this place as it in it self will help in so many ways. 🌹
Hi Abby and Welcome to CDH! Your situation is not unique, many of us have gone thru it, some successful, some not. I have devoted myself to the study of Psychology in trying to unravel the female mind. They seem to have a section in the brain that stores all the “slights” that they have experienced in life and they will come back and throw it in your face at what seems an appropriate time to them. This is a cause of a lot of marriage breakdowns. By the way, humans are the only species that marry…..the concept of mating for life is not true. Rest assured that if one of the pair dies or grows weak, another stronger one will move in. This is natures way of ensuring the species will continue to exist.
Why do we all of a sudden take to being feminine? Perhaps at first it is out of curiosity, but in later years….perhaps we realize we don’t want to be part of the “male, rough, tough” mantra anymore.
Females like to have all their ducks in a row, status quo. One breaks the line and they get all frazzeled and start thinking their world is at an end. Seems odd….they do love changing wardrobes a lot.
Abby….you are an individual on the planet….you must be happy with yourself before you can be useful to others. You are sailing thru dangerous waters now, in your relationship. But, do what you must to be happy. Any questions or just to chat…..my door is always open…come on in…set a spell…and chat.
Lady Veronica
Hi Abbi,
So sorry to hear of the results. I too am married and my wife does not partake in my enjoyment of my crossdressing. We have discussed it and she has her believes not to want too be with me when dressed. Yet I manage to keep my crossdressing times separate from my guy life. Given the years married my wife is not suspicious yet I stay active on line and buying clothing. I set personal limits not to cross. No nudity or provocative pictures. No interest in any relationships with others and never allow my crossdressing time to interfere with my family or martial life.
Maybe I have been “lucky” as far as “getting caught” or maybe my wife kind of blanks it out, knowing she can trust me.
I think is most important is to build tremendous trust in your relationship with her and not to push your crossdressing on her. Hopefully in time she will come around, after her fears (what ever they may be) subside. We all know woman do change there minds.
Not sure I have the best answers for you given I am still in the “garage” (instead of the closet). Also I am good with keeping my female side separated from my family life too. combining the two can be quite stressful.
hugs Lisa
hello Abby, nice to meet you, mu wife knows of my x dressing my daughter might know of it also but not too sure, my daughter seen a pic of me dressed up but that was more toward Halloween, wife lets me dress up but only when 2 adult children that still live at home are out. i have my own dresses,skirts, slips, nylons,make up,perfume,ear rings,nylons,bras,panties and pads. for when my fem side wants to feel really feminine. i under dress allot more in winter and go out, the female cloths and then boring male cloths over them keep me warm in the winter, i am from Niagara Falls N.Y area. so it gets cold. my wife have seen me getting dressed up , but no part in talking like 2 woman. bu ti do know its tough to dress like a real woman. it took my wife a few years to adjust to my x dressing but not to share it with her and sit and watch T.V. and talk is not. so i go in my own bed room and watch T.V. or play my x box 1 games in female mode. i love every part of dressing up. its like male mode is not there and i am dressing up in panties,bra,nylons,dress, slip, make ,perfume, ear rings, heels,wig and be me and happy. if your wife knows about it did you ever try talking to her about your dressing up and you don’t want a sex change for starters, and how you feel dressed up. i try to talk to my wife about it but in 1 ear and out the other it goes but i know she is hearing me. my wife likes to watch T.V. shows about men dressed in female cloths and thinks its cool, well gee i dress up as a female whats wrong with that? i am suppose to be her husband not wife, or she thinks i am more prettier then her? to me that’s not the reason, i feel happy, depressed free, less panic attacks, and most of all having my fem side out and wants to show her side. what is normal in today’s world??? we see men marrying men, woman marrying woman, mixed realization ships, woman dress as men, they wear pants and shirt, not a skirt or dress, pants and shirt and they call it blouse and slacks. so what is wrong? nothing what Lady Veronica said is great reading. then Kenise wrote is great read. any way welcome to C.D.H.
hello Karissa nice to meet you. sorry about what it brought. some woman are excepting and some are not. thats for sure. my wife knows and lets me dress up only when 2 adult kids are not home, i have my own attire of female cloths and make up and perfume. love every min of dressing up, its like male mode not even here and dressing up like a true female would and no regrets of it. i have come to terms with my fem side, for my wife well she is getting there
Your situation is not unique. You were busted instead of having to wrestle with having to tell your wife you like to wear women’s clothes. I now some who came out to their wife and it ended their marriage. In other cases the wife was relieved the important talk they needed to have was not something more serious.
There often is the questions about being gay or wanting to be a girl. For those of us who dress we know neither one is necessarily the case. That’s where the understanding and education process needs to begin. That could involve intimate one on one discussions, counseling, support groups with other cross dressers and their spouses, getting information online she can read, or a book or literature about cross dressing and why guys do it. And of course reach out to others here on CDH.
I hope you can reach an understanding with your wife and won’t become one of those who have to choose between dressing or a marriage.
My wife caught me several years ago. I was fully dressed. Wig & makeup too. She came home early. OMG.
After many long talks, it was okay for me to wear panties everyday. She even bought me some. A few months ago, I tossed out my panty drawer! Wanted to stop wearing them. But in my desperate attempt to rid my life of panties, I realized I needed them. My wife became worried when i bought more. We ended up having a long heart to heart. I broke down, telling her I couldn’t help it. For some reason this talk was deeper than any prior talk involving panties. She supports my love for panties, and we will even make love while we’re both in sexy panties. She doesn’t know I still get fully dressed. I have a stash of women’s clothes and I will wear them whenever I get the opportunity. It’s my time to be sexy and feminine. I love to dress and feel like a woman. There’s nothing like it. We have talked about me dressing up. I just tell her “if I ever do dress up, it’s not something I want her to know about” She’s told me she’s okay with not being part of her. I’m okay with that too. I want her (Nicole) all to myself anyway.
Nicole Love
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