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Hello Ladies,
I joined months ago and have since been in another state if denial. Luckily I didn’t purge so I still have a hidden stash of thongs and bras. I am struggling with this part of myself and how to integrate my feminine side and what it means. I desperately want to openly crossdress but it feels impossible. I am as closeted as they come and feel like I’m trapped in a lie. Hoping for some wise advice from the professionals!
Hi Candice,
No professional here, but patience is my advice. I know it’s easier said than done. Explore what’s possible in your closet, and prepare for for bigger things. But in any case, take pleasure within the moment.
Marti xxx
Candice,
It would help to know about your general situation in life. Single? Married? Living alone or with family, etc.
Like Marti said, no experts here, but lots of different experiences for sure.
Gabriela
Hello!
Ok, so I’m 23 and live at home still. Im in a situation where I really don’t feel comfortable coming out about my attraction to men and especially my love for crossdressing. I’m unable to openly dress, and I appear fairly masculine. I have only ever been with women and nobody would ever expect this from me. It makes me worried I will ruin my relationships with a lot of people. I keep making excuses to not go out and explore my desires and I want the courage to actually follow through.
You might consider trying to gauge how they feel. One way to do that is to casually say something about Transgender Day of Remembrance, which just happened on 11/20. If they’re sympathetic, it might be better for you than you think. If they’re transphobic stay in the closet until you can get a place of your own. Is there any chance of that happening soon? It would obviously give you more freedom than you’ll ever get at home.
I’d also recommend hitting the forums regularly. There’s a lot of good advice here.
Lastly, gender counseling could help you gain confidence and explore who you are. If there aren’t any near you, many of them now have telemedicine appointments for their distant patients.
Best of luck to you.
I don’t know if this is possible for you, but I have heard of people going “out of town” to dress up. This could be as simple as renting an inexpensive motel for a day or two, then going there to change, go out wherever, and have a place to change back. I used quotes on out of town because the motel can be as far or near as you are comfortable, or near a venue where you would like to go out (an LBGT bar, a drag show, or just a park where you would like to walk around).
Hi Candice, I’m a ‘new kid on the block’ and have only resumed crossdressing about four years ago after a forty-five year hiatis. (Yes, Im an old girl- 74 on Thanksgiving). However, if I have learned anything in my journey as Paulette there is no simple solution to your dilemma since every situation is different. That said, I can only offer what has happened to me recently in coming out to my wife, family and friends. For one thing there was no seminal moment when this happened. In fact it is still underway. Rather it occured in slow stages, and not necessarily by design. When I first ‘tested the water’ with my wife she was repulsed. Now, even though she is still a bit uncomfortable with Paulette, she is warming to her. In fact she has even done some photo shoots with me in various ‘girlie’ costumes. Actually what brought her around was my sister who was the first I revealed Paulete to. She was totally accepting (and just as important complimentary). It was my sister, not me, that brought my wife around. My nieces love Paulette. One of them has a photo of me on the wall of her office! Even more remarkable, my sons have been so accepting it makes me wonder what they are up to! Sorry to be so wordy, but I feel your pain and truly hope it works out for you. Hugs, Paulette
Candice, I am very secretive myself. You are in the right place to open up about your feminine side. Just keep talking to us girls (respond to forums, get on chat, etc.) you will start to feel better about your self.
Hugs, Liara
Hi Candice…
You say you live at home….maybe your own place would be a start. It need not be a million miles away from your family, but it would give you your ” own space ” to develop in….
best wishes, grace xx
Again, no expert here, Candice, but I have found in myself, the biggest roadblock to my happiness, was my denial in myself.
I understand your position, but throughout life I have found that the only way to true happiness, is to put yourself first, there will always be some who disagree with your choices, but are you living for yourself, or for others?
Take the advice offered, of going out of town, or to a motel at least, and be yourself, see just how you feel? If this is something you truly desire, that will tell the tale.
Hugs, Regi👸💖Candice,
Lots of great advice already from the great gals in here, and little for me to add to their wisdom…except perhaps to assure you that nearly every one of us has experienced your struggle at some point in our journey – you are not alone, and we’re all here with you!
Still living at home presents all the challenges that you are well aware of, and I understand perfectly the risks to your relationships if you were ‘discovered’ and the pressures of all these things which conspire to make you feel so trapped…and frustrated. One step at a time, you’ll find a way to get where you need to be – I believe that, because so many of us have done it, and you can too, especially with all the support you now have from all the beautiful people in here!
Marcellette
from the professionals…that’s funny. If you want true professionals in this art, study drag performers.
On a more serious note, a car can go from 0 to 60 in 8.7 seconds – depending on the make and model.
But you can’t – really. And if you could and did, you would not have stopped long enough to enjoy the journey.Point is – you are still young and learning what is important to you.
All of the gals here have offered sage counsel.
The ONLY thing I will add is this…Rome wasn’t built overnight. Thus, your transformation won’t happen overnight – whatever that turns out to be.
As far as cross dressing, ease into it. Not sure what or where you live, but if you are in the US, go to a Kohl’s and find a pair of woman’s skinny jeans and start there. Once you gain some confidence, this will go a long way to helping you start down that road.
Stay with us – we can help…
Dani
Thank you for putting this into perspective. I have ventured into walmart and target for bras and such and I am crossdressing privately but slowly gaining the courage to do more. I am going to do one of those makeover/photoshoots at one of those CD places. Definitely looking forward to seeing myself fully as a woman. Hugs!
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Hi Candice.
Know that you are not alone and every one of us girls here have been in your place at one time or another. We understand what you’re going through so like others have already said, stay with us and read our stories and advice and learn as much as you can. Even living at home you can do things to ease your mind and take some of the pressure off. Being a closeted CD is not easy in any way but you can find your own path.
As others have said her, have patience with yourself and take your time. Go in stages, start with simple things, “under” dress (wear underwear first) then slowly progress a step at a time, as you get comfortable with each one you take.
It’s fun, feels great, is scary and causes anxiety at times but ultimately you will feel great about who you are becoming as you explore.
Luck and love,
Rebecka!I’ve been wearing pantyhose, heels and bra since I was 4. I loved how I felt and looked when wearing them. For many years dreamed and fantasized about dressing as a girl and going out. I wanted to experience it so bad.
Over the coming years I manged to get better clothes. I began buying my own pantyhose and a few matching bra and panty sets at 13. At 17, I bought a a pair of platform wedge heels and some short girl’s shorts. I made breastorms from old pantyhose. I enjoyed wearing the clothes when no one was home. It brought me so such pleasure and euphoria. I had to complete my femme look and go out. I had to have pretty hair. I needed a wig. When nerve allowed, I went into a wig store and bought two of them.
I kept the wigs, breastforms and heels hidden it the trunk of my car. The time and opportunity was right. I took the hidden clothe out of the car and transformed into femme mode. I went to a park and walked around, then drove around some and stopped at places where I thought I could be safely seen. I got bolder and bolder, getting closer and closer to people.
I had purchased lots of pantyhose the past 4 years. All in guy mode. One in a while, I would get asked of they were for me or get remarks like, “you will look good in these”. I began to think about buying pantyhose while wearing pantyhose. For those who wanted to know if I was buying them for myself, that would pretty much answer their question. It seemed like fun, but doing it as a guy in pantyhose didn’t seem right. What if I did it as a girl?
It took a while before nerve allowed me to do it. I would drive to the store, get out of the car, walk around the parking lot and even go into the store, walk past the pantyhose and leave. It was exciting being dresses as a girl and being seen, but actually buying the pantyhose took a lot more nerve.
Finally I did it. I walked up to the pantyhose, saw what I wanted, picked out several pairs and carried them to the register. There was a line. I almost put the pantyhose down and left. But I didn’t. I got in line. I was so scared. I felt myself seating under my wig. I was trembling. My face was getting hot. I knew I was blushing. Did anyone see I was buying pantyhose? Did they notice I was wearing pantyhose? Did they see a guy in girl’s clothes buying pantyhose? Or did they see a girl with sexy long legs in short shorts, heels and pantyhose, buying more pantyhose for herself? I was hoping for the latter. it was pretty much a total non event. I paid for the pantyhose, took the bag of them and left.
The came several more adventures as a girl. many of them clothes shopping. Then at 18, I got my own place, bought a lot more clothes, dressed freely and often and began going out more femme and dressed nicer and sexier in dresses and stiletto heels. I went to parties at college and often dressed and went out because I wanted to and loved it.
I think whether or not you dress openly, depends on several factors, like how bad you want to do it, how getting caught might affect you and others and whether or not you have the nerve to do it.
I began going out dressed at 17. I was often scared and chickened out, but my desire at some point managed to win out. Still, for maybe 100 times I’ve been out, I chickened out easily 2000 times. I envy those who have the confidence and nerve to seemingly do that so easily.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I remember wearing my mom’s underwear as well as my step mom’s as much as i possibly could as a kid. I tried to suppress it for years. Earlier this year i took a trip to Walmart anxious and excited. I walked past the bin of thongs 5 times and called a close girlfriend that ive come out to for support and finally grabbed my first 5 thongs. I walked out and felt incredible. The rush was so nice i went to target a week later and bout 10 more along with 3 bras, thigh highs, pantyhose. That was when I knew this was what would make me happier than ever.
That excitement and thrill you feel when you buy your first panties, bra, pantyhose, dress shoes or anything is like nothing else. The great part is, those feelings don’t go away.
If you’re dressed when you do your shopping and purchases, the thrill and excitement is even more intense. For me, the most intense thrill was to shop for pantyhose while wearing pantyhose. I was in my little Daisy Duke out fit with my little shorts, platform wedge heels and sheer to waist pantyhose. It was the most insane, crazy and amazing thrill. It also was the acting out of a long time fantasy.
I get those feelings every time I go shopping for femme clothes. The level of excitement and thrill varies, depending on what I’m buying and how I’m dressed. If I’m in guy mode when buying a bra, panties, dress or even pantyhose, that thrill is there but not as intense. In femme mode, it’s more thrilling and intense. But the absolute ultimate with super intense thrill is in femme mode wearing pantyhose and buying pantyhose. I don’t know why that is but pantyhose always seems to do that, although shoe shopping does often come close.
I’m glad you got to feel and experience that when you bought your thongs, bras, stockings and pantyhose. Crossdressing is an amazing thing There’s no other way you can feel like that.
Dear Candice ,
From one closethed Crossdresser to another :
I am over 50 years old , and have never purged , because I know I am a Crossdresser and always will be a Crossdresser , no matter what !
Crossdress at your own pace , and don’t worry about the future.
For me , having a Feminine side is a blessing.
It helpes me to appreciate more the Women around me : relatives , at work , but also the ones I only know from a distance.
If I didn’t have that Feminine side , I probably wouldn’t as I do now.
So embrace who you are ,give yourself a break ,and over time things will resolve themselves , I am sure.
Love Sylvia.
Hi Candice!
Keep questioning and reevaluating!!
Then repeat… It’s a beautiful cycle!
You end up building this massive library in your brain! And no, it doesn’t hurt! I feels amazing! Getting older isn’t so bad, really. My eyes may be getting weaker, but I wish I had this kind of vision in my 20s!
You will find your answers and then find peace!
I have!
Take care,
🤗 Barb
HI Candice,
I am not a professional and can barely sort out my own feelings on this subject but I will share my experience.
my wife was involved when I started exploring wearing woman’s cloths and having my feminine feelings expand.
At first she was supportive but as I started acting more femme it turned her against it.
It got to the point I thought we were gonna divorce and di put a stop to our intimacy unfortunately.
I had to make a decision and I knew I was always thinking about girl stuff and I wouldn’t be able to stop.
so I had to tell my wife this.
I love her very much but I cannot stop.
I have seen from other girls experience that purging doesn’t work and its a waste of money and energy.
what level of femininity is different depending on the person.
If I could I would love to be full time femme ,but this wonderful life I have built as A man keeps me from doing that unless I hurt a lot of family and friends so I am in the closet with family and friends except my wife and my new CDH friends.
every girl here has to find their own center to how they can get through this life .
I hope you find your center.
huggs patty
Hahaha thank you for sharing! I am single, my last relationship was with a female and I started to realize I needed to experience men so i broke up with her. Once i became single again my dressing came back full force. I live with my mother, homophobic step father and brother. I don’t feel comfortable expressing this part of myself at all here which is my main issue. Hoping to have my own place soon!
Candice, crossdressing is different things to each individual. It would appear that you have associated it with your desire to have a relationship with a man (sexual, I would assume). Many CDs don’t have homosexual or bisexual tendencies. Others do. Please be aware that some men may be willing to have sex with you as Candice, but finding one who will truly want to be with Candice outside of the bedroom will be much harder than possibly any other relationship.
It seems like you might have to discover your sexual identity as well as the impetus for your crossdressing desires.
The professionals you really need to be having a conversation with have PhD behind their names.
You are young. I urge you to go slowly and be careful in whatever path you choose. I hope you seek true professional advice and wish you the best.
Much love,
Raquel
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