- May 13, 2022 at 7:17 pm #645074Holly WilliamsParticipantRegistered On: April 27, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 12Has thanked: 131 timesBeen thanked: 271 times
Hello ladies, so I have found myself in an interesting situation. I applied for a few internships and one got back to me and they want an interview! Now the interview itself is scary but not my biggest obstacle. I really want to present fem at the job, however I don’t know what to do about it. The interview is online on Tuesday.
So I think I have a few options…
1. Just show up masc and not do the internship fem
2. Show up masc and let them know afterwards
3. Just show up fem and rip the band aid off
4. The same as 3 but contact them before hand
I’m stuck as to what to do, because I would rather present fem on the job versus masc. I was told points for both 2 and 3, on one hand if I want to present fem, I should just do it on the first day. But on the other hand, it would be courteous to let them know. But at the same time I don’t want to confuse them.
So I need some advice here. WhaI want to do I do here? I want to do this fem because I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
Thanks for the help!
- May 15, 2022 at 4:45 pm #645480Stephanie BassHostessRegistered On: November 30, 2019Topics: 25Replies: 3956Has thanked: 56525 timesBeen thanked: 14021 times
Hi Holly as these other ladies have said up front is the best policy just own it girl you got this just be yourself..
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- May 15, 2022 at 4:24 pm #645478Eileen BachBaronessRegistered On: February 27, 2021Topics: 2Replies: 399Has thanked: 209 timesBeen thanked: 1589 times
What’s your objective, Holly? Interview as a woman and hopefully get hired. From there on, at that place, you are Holly. No switching back and forth. Any company that needs to hire someone is not interested in your personal gender identity. They want an efficient employee.
- May 17, 2022 at 6:01 am #645815Dani GrandBaronessRegistered On: October 9, 2018Topics: 1Replies: 167Has thanked: 960 timesBeen thanked: 589 times
As a hiring manager, that is what I care about – can you perform in the role I need? In the business I am in, it is about knowledge and experience in business, not whether you are a CD/TG or on a transition path. Most of my clients could care less.
But as the other writer said, what you start with is the expectation you are setting for the employer. So if you start as a woman, they will expect a woman.
As Steven Covey likes to say, ‘begin with the end in mind.’ What is your goal? If it is to present as a woman, then present as a woman.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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- May 14, 2022 at 9:32 am #645195Angela BoothLadyRegistered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 1174Has thanked: 4403 timesBeen thanked: 5255 times
From the replies the first thing is to be sure you want to present as female full time as I could see problems with gender fluidity. There are some very good points made already so all I can add are my experiences.
I have applied for jobs as Angela, although I haven’t changed my name. I sent in the C.V. and made a covering letter to say that I present as female.
I have applied for six jobs since going full time and I made the interview on all of them. I didn’t check their policies on LGBT, I went in cold. I was a bit worried at first that I may be seen as a ‘freak show’ but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I attended and had a proper interview. One I didn’t get because I knew I flunked a couple of questions. One I didn’t want and the rest I was offered.
In every case I said that if they felt there would be issues with customers or clients I would accept being declined but still got the jobs having had no issues at all. The head office had my official details and everything else in the work place was in my name. I had good relations with my co workers, associates and customers alike. My main worry was how people would react as it would not be made known that I was trans. I am sure there were a few ‘looks’ but if we started to talk business everything evaporated around my appearance as I was talking shop. The phone calls are a bit of an issue. I always said my name and used my best voice and as we were talking ‘shop’ it all went well.
You have made the interview so your C.V. must be attractive and, as I say, it is what you have to offer them that is the deciding principle, not how you dress.
I hope you receive a positive answer and it all goes well and, either way, be confident and go for it.
- May 14, 2022 at 5:17 am #645157Raquel SmithLadyRegistered On: August 26, 2021Topics: 19Replies: 919Has thanked: 3065 timesBeen thanked: 3025 times
I don’t even know what my own employer’s diversity policy is, or whether we have one (we do have at least one openly gay female at my location), but I am responsible for interviewing candidates for certain positions.
I would appreciate some heads up if a male candidate wanted to present as female full-time on the job. But regardless, I would try to support them, even if they revealed it after being hired.
- May 14, 2022 at 6:01 am #645167Holly WilliamsLadyRegistered On: April 27, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 12Has thanked: 131 timesBeen thanked: 271 times
I did decide to email the company and checking in if this is okay, I thought it was the polite thing to do + it just makes me feel less uneasy, but sadly I don’t think I’ll be hearing back until Monday :/
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- May 13, 2022 at 11:02 pm #645113Dawn WyvernManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: February 23, 2019Topics: 25Replies: 388Has thanked: 315 timesBeen thanked: 1595 times
This is a big step and it depends on how much you want / need the job. Put yourself in the interviewers position and how you would react if you were suddenly presented with a candidate who was very different to what you are expecting to see. it may go well and y9ou blind them with your skill set and personality, but it may not as they may think you may not fit into the team who you are to work with … it would very much depend on the other candidates and the interviewer on the day.
I would review the company diversity policy and see what they say about supporting individuals in being themselves to understand what type of company you are looking to join.
Then, if it were me, I would join the company as male – as this is how you are presenting mostly and settle into the job, then in a few weeks/months then, after you have established yourself as reliable and dependable, have a discussion with your manager and HR to agree a time line and date to present female at work (looking at name, email, payroll, toilets, dress-code, uniform fitting etc..) – this is the same way that most transitioning people approach it and by far the most professional way to progress.
just my suggestions
- May 13, 2022 at 9:54 pm #645107Marg ProdueLadyRegistered On: March 16, 2022Topics: 0Replies: 200Has thanked: 767 timesBeen thanked: 702 times
Hi Holly, Whatever you are going to be on the job, you should be at the interview. That is what they are hiring you for and that is why they want to actually speak to you. That also seems to be what everyone else that has commented here says also. If appearance is not a part of the job then perhaps that company may be better off getting an AI machine. But, if you expect to represent that company, it is reasonable to expect that you will both be aware of what you are getting into. Be up front right from the first minute or you will have problems. If this is not the time for you to live an authentic fem life then you need to buck up and work as drab until you are ready. I hope that you find what you are looking for. Marg
- May 13, 2022 at 9:09 pm #645098Michelle BrownRegistered On: August 23, 2015Topics: 3Replies: 239Has thanked: 5789 timesBeen thanked: 968 times
Holly,My advice is to tell them before the interview.If you do get the position and they are agreeable to you presenting as a woman,there will be no switching back and forth from female to male.To my way of thinking you owe your future employers that honesty.
- May 13, 2022 at 7:51 pm #645080Fredrika JonesLadyRegistered On: February 24, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 447Has thanked: 540 timesBeen thanked: 1509 times
My vote would be tell them before the interview. If you get the job, you want to present as fem when at the job, so I think the polite and proper thing to do is tell them in advance. If you surprise them when you show up fem the first day, and you interviewed masc, that might not go so well. They might go, “Why didn’t you tell us up front?” Best wishes!
- May 13, 2022 at 7:36 pm #645077Gabriela RomaniManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: January 11, 2021Topics: 993Replies: 464Has thanked: 408 timesBeen thanked: 2309 times
If you live full time as a woman, my advice would be to either let them know ahead of time and then interview en femme, or even just interview enfemme.
Most companies are accepting (at least in their policies) of transgender people. But for them it means a full time thing. Going some days fem and other days masc (as per your description) it likely not going to be acceptable to them. (In any case, you can always ask)
- May 13, 2022 at 7:58 pm #645081LadyRegistered On: April 27, 2019Topics: 16Replies: 12Has thanked: 131 timesBeen thanked: 271 times
- May 13, 2022 at 8:16 pm #645092Gabriela RomaniManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: January 11, 2021Topics: 993Replies: 464Has thanked: 408 timesBeen thanked: 2309 times
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