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  • #645074
    Holly Williams
    Participant
    Registered On: April 27, 2019
    Topics: 16
    Replies: 12
    Has thanked: 131 times
    Been thanked: 271 times

    Hello ladies, so I have found myself in an interesting situation. I applied for a few internships and one got back to me and they want an interview! Now the interview itself is scary but not my biggest obstacle. I really want to present fem at the job, however I don’t know what to do about it. The interview is online on Tuesday.

    So I think I have a few options…

    1. Just show up masc and not do the internship fem

    2. Show up masc and let them know afterwards

    3. Just show up fem and rip the band aid off

    4. The same as 3 but contact them before hand

    I’m stuck as to what to do, because I would rather present fem on the job versus masc. I was told points for both 2 and 3, on one hand if I want to present fem, I should just do it on the first day. But on the other hand, it would be courteous to let them know. But at the same time I don’t want to confuse them.

    So I need some advice here. WhaI want to do I do here? I want to do this fem because I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

    Thanks for the help!

    5 users thanked author for this post.
Viewing 8 reply threads
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    • #645480
      Stephanie Bass
      Hostess
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 3956
      Has thanked: 56525 times
      Been thanked: 14021 times

      Hi Holly as these other ladies have said up front is the best policy just own it girl you got this just be yourself..

      Stephanie

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #645478
      Eileen Bach
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 27, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 399
      Has thanked: 209 times
      Been thanked: 1589 times

      What’s your objective, Holly? Interview as a woman and hopefully get hired. From there on, at that place, you are Holly. No switching back and forth. Any company that needs to hire someone is not interested in your personal gender identity. They want an efficient employee.

      Eileen

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #645815
        Dani Grand
        Baroness
        Registered On: October 9, 2018
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 167
        Has thanked: 960 times
        Been thanked: 589 times

        As a hiring manager, that is what I care about – can you perform in the role I need? In the business I am in, it is about knowledge and experience in business, not whether you are a CD/TG or on a transition path. Most of my clients could care less.

        But as the other writer said, what you start with is the expectation you are setting for the employer. So if you start as a woman, they will expect a woman.

        As Steven Covey likes to say, ‘begin with the end in mind.’ What is your goal? If it is to present as a woman, then present as a woman.

        Good luck and let us know how it goes.

        Dani

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #645195
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 1174
      Has thanked: 4403 times
      Been thanked: 5255 times

      From the replies the first thing is to be sure you want to present as female full time as I could see problems with gender fluidity. There are some very good points made already so all I can add are my experiences.

      I have applied for jobs as Angela, although I haven’t changed my name. I sent in the C.V. and made a covering letter to say that I present as female.

      I have applied for six jobs since going full time and I made the interview on all of them. I didn’t check their policies on LGBT, I went in cold. I was a bit worried at first that I may be seen as a ‘freak show’ but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I attended and had a proper interview. One I didn’t get because I knew I flunked a couple of questions. One I didn’t want and the rest I was offered.

      In every case I said that if they felt there would be issues with customers or clients I would accept being declined but still got the jobs having had no issues at all. The head office had my official details and everything else in the work place was in my name. I had good relations with my co workers, associates and customers alike. My main worry was how people would react as it would not be made known that I was trans. I am sure there were a few ‘looks’ but if we started to talk business everything evaporated around my appearance as I was talking shop. The phone calls are a bit of an issue. I always said my name and used my best voice and as we were talking ‘shop’ it all went well. 

      You have made the interview so your C.V. must be attractive and, as I say, it is what you have to offer them that is the deciding principle, not how you dress.

      I hope you receive a positive answer and it all goes well and, either way, be confident and go for it.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #645157
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 919
      Has thanked: 3065 times
      Been thanked: 3025 times

      I don’t even know what my own employer’s diversity policy is, or whether we have one (we do have at least one openly gay female at my location), but I am responsible for interviewing candidates for certain positions.

      I would appreciate some heads up if a male candidate wanted to present as female full-time on the job.  But regardless, I would try to support them, even if they revealed it after being hired.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #645167
        Holly Williams
        Lady
        Registered On: April 27, 2019
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 12
        Has thanked: 131 times
        Been thanked: 271 times

        I did decide to email the company and checking in if this is okay, I thought it was the polite thing to do + it just makes me feel less uneasy, but sadly I don’t think I’ll be hearing back until Monday :/

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #645113
      Dawn Wyvern
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: February 23, 2019
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 388
      Has thanked: 315 times
      Been thanked: 1595 times

      Hi Holly

      This is a big step and it depends on how much you want / need the job. Put yourself in the interviewers position and how you would react if you were suddenly presented with a candidate who was very different to what you are expecting to see. it may go well and y9ou blind them with your skill set and personality, but it may not as they may think you may not fit into the team who you are to work with … it would very much depend on the other candidates and the interviewer on the day.

      I would review the company diversity policy and see what they say about supporting individuals in being themselves to understand what type of company you are looking to join.

      Then, if it were me, I would join the company as male – as this is how you are presenting mostly and settle into the job, then in a few weeks/months then, after you have established yourself as reliable and dependable, have a discussion with your manager and HR to agree a time line and date to present female at work (looking at name, email, payroll, toilets, dress-code, uniform fitting etc..)  – this is the same way that most transitioning people approach it and by far the most professional way to progress.

      just my suggestions

      Dawn

       

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #645107
      Marg Produe
      Lady
      Registered On: March 16, 2022
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 200
      Has thanked: 767 times
      Been thanked: 702 times

      Hi Holly,  Whatever you are going to be on the job, you should be at the interview.  That is what they are hiring you for and that is why they want to actually speak to you.  That also seems to be what everyone else that has commented here says also.  If appearance is not a part of the job then perhaps that company may be better off getting an AI machine.  But, if you expect to represent that company, it is reasonable to expect that you will both be aware of what you are getting into.  Be up front right from the first minute or you will have problems.  If this is not the time for you to live an authentic fem life then you need to buck up and work as drab until you are ready.  I hope that you find what you are looking for.  Marg

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #645098
      Michelle Brown
      Registered On: August 23, 2015
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 239
      Has thanked: 5789 times
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      Holly,My advice is to tell them before the interview.If you do get the position and they are agreeable to you presenting as a woman,there will be no switching back and forth from female to male.To my way of thinking you owe your future employers that honesty.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #645080
      Fredrika Jones
      Lady
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 447
      Has thanked: 540 times
      Been thanked: 1509 times

      My vote would be tell them before the interview. If you get the job, you want to present as fem when at the job, so I think the polite and proper thing to do is tell them in advance. If you surprise them when you show up fem the first day, and you interviewed masc, that might not go so well. They might go, “Why didn’t you tell us up front?” Best wishes!
      Kisses,
      Fredricka

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #645077
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
      Topics: 993
      Replies: 464
      Has thanked: 408 times
      Been thanked: 2309 times

      If you live full time as a woman, my advice would be to either let them know ahead of time and then interview en femme, or even just interview enfemme.

      Most companies are accepting (at least in their policies) of transgender people. But for them it means a full time thing. Going some days fem and other days masc (as per your description) it likely not going to be acceptable to them. (In any case, you can always ask)

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #645081
        Holly Williams
        Lady
        Registered On: April 27, 2019
        Topics: 16
        Replies: 12
        Has thanked: 131 times
        Been thanked: 271 times

        Yeah admittedly I’m not full time as a woman, but I really want to present fem on the job.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #645092
          Gabriela Romani
          Managing Ambassador
          Registered On: January 11, 2021
          Topics: 993
          Replies: 464
          Has thanked: 408 times
          Been thanked: 2309 times

          So, you get the job presenting as a woman. Are you ready and willing to staying full time as a woman?

          The on/off switch situation is not likely to be acceptable for any company.

          In any case, good luck.

          4 users thanked author for this post.
          • #645817
            Dani Grand
            Baroness
            Registered On: October 9, 2018
            Topics: 1
            Replies: 167
            Has thanked: 960 times
            Been thanked: 589 times

            That’s exactly right. Flipping isn’t going to be acceptable in most cases, save for theater performers.

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