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  • #488113
    Candace Baci
    Participant
    Registered On: October 19, 2020
    Topics: 57
    Replies: 135
    Has thanked: 458 times
    Been thanked: 941 times

    I’ve been a member now since October and have made some many wonderful friends I’m truly blessed!!! Many of you know my back story and my biggest issue…. not being able to tell my wife about my dressing.

    I came very very close on Christmas, had a very good opportunity but just couldn’t do it and since then I’ve lost more and more of my courage to do so that I’m deflated.

    I really could use some encouragement and honest to goodness advice on how to finally “ pull this bandaid off”. You’ve all been wonderful in the past with advice and I guess I’ve just been looking for that magic answer but I know I’m close to having to tell my story to my wife, just need a nudge and way!!

     

    Love you all and thanks for the help !!

    Candace

Viewing 15 reply threads
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    • #489047
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 957
      Has thanked: 1361 times
      Been thanked: 3309 times

      Darling Candace…

      Please walk softly on this one…

      Introduce your SO to the subject by way of questions about how she may feel if one of her friends had a problem with this. I’m sure she will see through this ploy but perhaps something more subtle?
      You have to put yourself in your wife’s shoes!!! You must! Otherwise, this will go down the tubes very quickly. I have a wonderful, truly wonderful wife… she is affirming and even enthusiastic about my transition though this doesn’t mean she hasn’t got any issues with it and herself.
      Please do it softly…

      Love Polly

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488878
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 1040
      Has thanked: 14557 times
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      “I’ve got something I need to tell you about, and it’s taken a while to quell up the courage to talk about it”… might be a good start. My wife is quite supportive, very loving, and is starting to become accustomed to Bridgette. Mind you, we’ve discovered Bridgette together, and my wife came up with the name. But all the initiative was mine.

      I hadn’t actually worn a single piece of womens clothing since what, I was maybe ten or twelve, and hadn’t really been thinking of it, but it just sorta came out one day in conversation, and once said could not be unsaid. Tons of questions. That was last July. Still questions some days. Still the occasional issue. But our marriage is stronger than ever. She doesn’t mind seeing Bridgette now, even unexpectedly.

      Honesty is the root of all our success. That is what has to happen in a successful marriage. I pray for your success.

      Nudge, by the way!

      Good luck and hugs, Bridgette

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488682
      Leah
      Baroness
      Registered On: June 13, 2018
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 246
      Has thanked: 3346 times
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      Candace,

      better for your wife to hear it from you rather than to “catch” you.  A lot of great advice has already been given so not much more to add but to reinforce to tell her sooner rather than later! Be prepared to anticipate any questions she may ask, and how you will answer them.  She may have feelings of hurt for withholding this from you, and what else are you hiding?  Be prepared for the worst case.. she may leave, to the best case, shew will support and accept your dressing.

      Sad to say, far too many ladies are not accepting or supportive of our dressing. For most of us, we did not “choose” to be this way, we just are.  Our dressing has very many similarities but yet each one of are very unique in what it does for us and why we dress.

      I made sure my current wife knew of my dressing ( 3 months into our dating) to be sure she was ok with it, if not, gave her a chance to leave if she felt is was a deal breaker.   While she is not as supportive as I wish she was (is there ever really enough support and encouragement?) I can pretty much dress when I want, wear lingerie to bed and while love making.  Hopefully you will find a happy middle ground as you both work through this.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488471
      Diane Rakers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 716
      Has thanked: 1256 times
      Been thanked: 2363 times

      I believe my wife knows based on the occasional comment. We are in a “don’t ask/don’t tell” arrangement.

      If I’m asked a direct question. I’m prepared to answer.

      Diane

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488346
      Diana W
      Lady
      Registered On: July 9, 2020
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 285
      Has thanked: 1690 times
      Been thanked: 1358 times

      It’s impossible to predict how your wife will react.  But ask yourself this.  Can you go the rest of your life hiding this side of yourself away, just grabbing an hour or two of dressing here and there when your wife is out?  I know I couldn’t have lived like that.

      Just be gentle.  Take it slow and be prepared for a storm of questions and, probably, tears.  My wife took it hard when I came out to her.  She was afraid I was turning gay or I’d want to transition or I would leave her.  The first two weeks were tough and at times I wasn’t sure if we’d make it.  The first time she saw me dressed she actually gave me one of her old gowns to wear.  She got used to seeing me in a dress or skirt fairly quickly.  Now I’m able to be dressed feminine full time at home.

      One thing she’s likely to be upset about is that you didn’t tell her this before you married.  I think that sometimes that’s as big an issue, maybe bigger, as the crossdressing itself.  Good luck if you decide to tell her.  I hope you’re as lucky as I am.

      • #488460
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 57
        Replies: 135
        Has thanked: 458 times
        Been thanked: 941 times

        Thanks so much Diane . It is so very true that I’m at the point where dressing here and there for a short while is not acceptable for me. The silly thing is I am 99%!sure she is aware of my dressing and just as sure she would be accepting, but it’s that damn 1%!unknown that is holding me back and making me the coward I am today.

        I know I will get there I just hope I can do it the right way. Thanks so much for you words coffee encouragement and friendship you have no idea how much they mean!!

        Hugs and Kisses

        Candace

        7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488326
      Regi Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 1053
      Has thanked: 11175 times
      Been thanked: 4621 times

      Hi Candace, nudge nudge SHOVE, giggles
      We can never know, how our spouses are going to react, I was one of the lucky ones, 6 months since the talk, and my wife still loves her new girlfriend.
      As I have said before, and my opinion only,
      honesty is the only way, once you have the talk, good ad or ugly, the weight will be off your shoulders
      Hoping for the best,
      Hugs, Regi👩💕

      • #488528
        Jeannie Jones
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 11
        Replies: 467
        Has thanked: 1299 times
        Been thanked: 1614 times

        The earlier the honesty the better.😊

        5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #488462
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 57
        Replies: 135
        Has thanked: 458 times
        Been thanked: 941 times

        Thanks so much Regine your nudges and words of encouragement over the many months  will get me there I’m confident of it!!!

         

        Hugs and Kisses

        Candace

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #488532
          Anonymous
          Registered On:
          Topics: 2
          Replies: 344
          Has thanked: 810 times
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          Cdh has given me so much encouragement and drive to be a better woman and i cant thank them enough as its amazing xx

          3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #488494
          Regi Kelly
          Princess
          Registered On: October 9, 2020
          Topics: 36
          Replies: 1053
          Has thanked: 11175 times
          Been thanked: 4621 times

          💕💕💋

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #488280
      patty williams
      Lady
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
      Topics: 74
      Replies: 1400
      Has thanked: 2289 times
      Been thanked: 5060 times

      Hi Candace,

      It’s very hard to say how something like this will effect your wife you know better than us.

      If not you may need to try including it in some conversations if you can to try and get some feel for her position on it.

      My wife was involved in my discovery of my femme side so she new all the way.

      She was supportive at first but it slowly deteriorated to the point we have no intimacy.

      She still loves me but it has put a big strain on our marriage.

      So you have to ask yourself are you prepared for that.

      There have been woman who couldn’t handle it at all and immediately wanted a divorce.

      Sorry to bring up the negative possibilities but you need to look at all the options sweetie.

      I know it’s so Difficult

      Huggs Patty

      • #488463
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 57
        Replies: 135
        Has thanked: 458 times
        Been thanked: 941 times

        Thank you so much for taking the time to give me some suggestions it is so much appreciated!!!

        Hugs andvKisses

        Candace

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488257
      Jamie Machell
      Lady
      Registered On: April 20, 2021
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 19
      Has thanked: 92 times
      Been thanked: 45 times

      Hi my name is Jamie machell n I’m still in closet. I feel for what your going through N if I only can get enough courage to make the move. My dreams will start to come true. See I lost my wife after 34 years of hiding. We’re still married but will never live together again. She hates that I ruined her life. I pray that she doesn’t tell my only son. He’s in the army with three tours n he believes I’m a tough man. Problem is I’ve been a woman all my life inside. It will b devastating to him if he finds out. I read all of your story’s of your life’s travels n can understand all the pain that being true to yourself brings. I wish the best to you Jamie n all the other lady’s who have suffered. I hope that Through my journeys that I will have the strength to break free. Only time will tell. Be proud lady’s for all you have achieved in you travels. Love all kisses n hugs.

    • #488256
      Tina Q
      Lady
      Registered On: April 14, 2021
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 78
      Has thanked: 353 times
      Been thanked: 436 times

      I told my wife about 20 years ago in the first year of marriage. I was not the best at hiding all my clothes. I also made up terrible excuses. However, it was a huge opportunity when I wanted to tell her because I just had to start with being honest. Statements like ‘you may have noticed’ may work.
      Every wife is different and will react differently. This was only my experience.

    • #488215
      Riley McCort
      Lady
      Registered On: September 10, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 60
      Has thanked: 71 times
      Been thanked: 297 times

      Hon just sit down one nite and tell her. Assure her how much you love her and dont want to hurt her. Assure her youre not leaving her. Tell the truth and be honest. Let her know how long youve felt this way and why. Thats its not a deviant sexual thing but a true longing you cant actually explain. Offer her the opportunity to talk and maybe even be on this site as an SO GG. Does she have any idea at all? Have you ever worn panties or anything around her? How does she feel about LGBTQ and CD people?

      Riley 💋

      • #488469
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 57
        Replies: 135
        Has thanked: 458 times
        Been thanked: 941 times

        Riley

        You are so right I really do need to sit down and just tell. I am 99% sure she knows. She is such bad loving non judgmental person person that I think she’s be accepting but like most the unknown scares the hell out of me.

         

        Thanks so much for your suggestions and your friendship and the time you took to reply means the world to me !!!

        Hugs and Kisses

        Candace

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #488536
          Riley McCort
          Lady
          Registered On: September 10, 2020
          Topics: 10
          Replies: 60
          Has thanked: 71 times
          Been thanked: 297 times

          Your welcome. All of us gurls need each others help and support. Le me know how it goes.

          Riley 💋

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #488211
      Genevïéve
      Lady
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 30
      Replies: 1342
      Has thanked: 11452 times
      Been thanked: 5540 times

      Nudge…

      Gen ❤

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488180
      Jeannie Jones
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 467
      Has thanked: 1299 times
      Been thanked: 1614 times

      It is hard to say how a wife will react. My ex was apprehensive of the fact that I told her early on that I liked to wear panties. I told her, in response to her questions, that I had no interest in men. I also told her that me wearing any other fem clothes was up to her. She did not want me to go out en fem nor did she want me to be a girlfriend to her. We got along well with my panty wearing and even nighties were fine with her and she even got matching ones for us. The panties were enough fir me and she let me know if and when anything else was ok. She made it clear she did not want me hiding other stuff and doing things behind her back. That is what worked fir us.

    • #488176
      Katie Time
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 179
      Has thanked: 1213 times
      Been thanked: 981 times

      Candace my struggles since telling my wife 6 weeks ago are daily, she is not really accepting what I do. Some days are ok then like last night she vents that she may still leave. I try to underdress in the evening and my pink bra strap was showing at my shoulder,  she was not happy,  in fact she was disgusted. We’ve been married for 36 years not sure how much longer though. Hopefully you’re aware of how yours will probably react, good luck and I hope to see a positive post from you soon.💕💋 Katie

      • #488473
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 57
        Replies: 135
        Has thanked: 458 times
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        Hi Katie

        So sorry to hear about your struggles since you told your wife. I’ve been married for 31 years and the struggles you mentioned are what worries me but i know it eventually has to be done .

        Wushing you better times ahead and thanks so much for taking the time to reply, especially during your difficult time.

         

        Hugs and Kisses

        Candace

        3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #488232
        Jamie Peridot
        Lady
        Registered On: February 19, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 267
        Has thanked: 1568 times
        Been thanked: 823 times

        Sorry to hear of your struggles Katie. I will pray that she comes around. Big hug!🤗🤗

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488170
      Mikala
      Registered On: April 11, 2021
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 77
      Has thanked: 433 times
      Been thanked: 295 times

      Hi Candace,
      Hope all goes well and best wishes.
      Mikala xxxx.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #488167
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 531
      Has thanked: 1082 times
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      Hi Candace. Jamie’s questions that she answered are helpful, do be prepared to answer all of these and more. As you have noticed from others here that SO reactions are all over the board. Even if you think you know how your spouse will react you really don’t know until the moment. I am sure the stress of thinking ‘ how will she react to this side of me’ is eating you up!!
      . For me When I accidently let my X find out she promptly told our 3 grown kids, then she threatened to tell my 4 brothers and my mother. After a couple months of this I told my brothers myself, one by one, face to face. Unfortunately my mother passed about 2 months ago without this revelation. At least now today I am not stressed that they will find out.
      . I guess what I am saying is that the stress of keeping this part of you hidden from the woman that you love is eating you up ( at least it sounds like it). Looking forward this looks like a HUGE step. Hopefully when you look back on telling her a couple years from now you will look on this as a smaller step and wonder why you didn’t tell her earlier. Also would it be better if she found out by accident or you told her yourself?
      .. Sandy

    • #488121
      Jamie Peridot
      Lady
      Registered On: February 19, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 267
      Has thanked: 1568 times
      Been thanked: 823 times

      Hi Candace!
      Just came out to my wife yesterday, so it is too soon to tell how it went. Last night went better than expected. I wrote a four page letter detailing my history with CDing, and tried to preemptively answer most of the big questions:
      Are you gay?
      Trans?
      Why do you do it?
      Why did you keep it hidden?
      Am I inadequate as a wife?
      It went “too well.” We both cried, hugged, kissed, told each other that we loved one another, and then we spent the rest of the evening “like nothing happened.” Unfortunately, she woke up in the middle of the night and was crying and couldn’t get back to sleep. She didn’t want to talk, but she did want me to hold her, so that was a good sign. Hope all goes well with you.
      Great big hug!🤗

      • #488475
        Candace Baci
        Lady
        Registered On: October 19, 2020
        Topics: 57
        Replies: 135
        Has thanked: 458 times
        Been thanked: 941 times

        Jamie

        thanks so much for taking the time to share your experience especially during this beginning time for you . I also thank you for all the suggestions, I really like the one of writing things down for I believe that would be a tremendous help.

        Thanks again and wishing you the best!!

        Hugs and Kisses

        Candace

         

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #488490
          Jamie Peridot
          Lady
          Registered On: February 19, 2021
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 267
          Has thanked: 1568 times
          Been thanked: 823 times

          Good luck when the time comes. The ladies here have been an invaluable resource!
          Much love🤗❤💋

      • #488198
        LisaT
        Lady
        Registered On: January 31, 2021
        Topics: 57
        Replies: 671
        Has thanked: 582 times
        Been thanked: 3212 times

        Good luck Jamie.

        I’m three months down the road and it’s been good on balance but still the odd wobble here and there.  Don’t be surprised if it’s several days just to get the foundations understood and how long the entire process takes I will let you know when I get there.

         

        Lisa xxx

        • #488227
          Jamie Peridot
          Lady
          Registered On: February 19, 2021
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 267
          Has thanked: 1568 times
          Been thanked: 823 times

          Thank you Lisa! It means so much to know I have friends to lead the way on this journey!🤗💋

          3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #488166
        Clara Cross
        Lady
        Registered On: December 7, 2020
        Topics: 10
        Replies: 327
        Has thanked: 927 times
        Been thanked: 1521 times

        Oh my Dear Sweet Jamie….I will be thinking of you all through the day.  I know that was a huge moment, a long time in coming.  If you hadn’t told her yet, let her know, nothing’s changed, she just knows more about you. The love is still the same.

        Very best to you and Mrs Peridot,

        Clara

        • #488230
          Jamie Peridot
          Lady
          Registered On: February 19, 2021
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 267
          Has thanked: 1568 times
          Been thanked: 823 times

          Thank you sweetheart! I will let her know that! She is still acting like business as usual today-I am sure she is still processing what questions to even ask.🤗💋

          1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #488158
        Jamie Taal
        Lady
        Registered On: June 14, 2019
        Topics: 5
        Replies: 130
        Has thanked: 720 times
        Been thanked: 677 times

        Jamie,

        It’s bitter sweet isn’t it? Now the waiting game to see how and if it has sunk in. I did almost the exact same thing with a letter and she had almost the exact same reaction. Not much conversation beyond a few questions, a few tears and lots of hugging. Not much discussed after that. I’m currently in a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell mode with very few exceptions of clothes that she is generally OK seeing.

        Best of luck Candace and keep us informed!

        • #488231
          Jamie Peridot
          Lady
          Registered On: February 19, 2021
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 267
          Has thanked: 1568 times
          Been thanked: 823 times

          Thank you Jamie! I will be picking your brain in the weeks to come I am sure.🤗💋

          2 users thanked author for this post.
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