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  • #382517
    Sara Miller
    Participant
    Registered On: October 17, 2017
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 7
    Has thanked: 44 times
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    Hello Girls!

    Needing a little advise or maybe ideas. A little background info. Like so many others, I’ve been dressing for many years. Wife, who I love dearly, found out about my dressing several years ago. She doesn’t approve. So I’m still dressing in private. Hence the problem. Before this pandemic I worked a swing shift and was off some weekdays. But since all this started my wife has been working from home. So other than some panties and hose under my guy clothes there is no opportunity to dress. This has been a good six months. I do only dress in private as mainly stress relief and cause it is just a really fun thing to do. I’m needing some ideas on how to get my feminine fix, that we all need!

    Thanks girls!

    Sincerely Sara

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    • #384303
      Laura Lovett
      Participant
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 316
      Has thanked: 854 times
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      Before I tried it, I found the idea of staying in a hotel and going to gay bars incredibly sordid and seedy.

      Having done it many times, I can safely say that it’s exactly what you make it.

      A hotel room is a great place to try on outfits, experimental with makeup and, when you feel the need to go out and explore en femme, the experience is just incredible. Scary the first few times, but I got totally hooked, and not on anything sordid or illegal.

      Hooked on the pleasure of being alive and being able to do ordinary, girly things, like shopping, eating, enjoying entertainments and talking to people while dressed as I choose.

      Doing it in a place that I have to travel to get to insures against meeting anyone who might know my wife and I, and have something spectacularly useless to say about it.

      Love Laura

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #384162
      Jennifer
      Participant
      Registered On: July 15, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 4
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      Hey Sara, I just wanted to share some of my experiences I have and hope you can learn something from it. My wife does not approve at all with my dressing up. I admitted to her that I liked to dress up several years ago and she stopped wearing any lingerie that I had ever bought her and threw out all the panties/bras I bought her in the past 25 years we have been married. Sex went from 100 to 0 in a hurry. I would wear jogging pants to bed with panties and pantyhose under them and felt shame for who I was big time. I joined this site and felt a little more pride in who I am and figured out who I really was after 57 years of dressing up. I told her I am a cross dresser & LOL she said yes I know who you are! She knew who I was but I really didn’t till last month. I told her I am going to wear panties to bed and she was ok with it but was not ok with me in a dress or anything more than panties. So for the rest of it I get up 2 hours before anyone else in the house and lock myself in the spare bedroom and dress up and have my pretty time. I have a filing cabinet that locks with my shoes and bras etc locked away. Sorry nothing magical but getting up early can be lovely.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #384160
      Paula1
      Participant
      Registered On: October 22, 2015
      Topics: 7
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      Hi Sara, Your wife knows about your dressing,

      1. be honest about the way you feel

      2. let her know the real reason that you dress

      3. let her know how much you love her

      4. find some time at night were you can dress when she is in another part of the house or she is sleeping

      5. most of all let her know that she is the most beautiful loved person in your life

      As i am in Melbourne Australia lock down has been almost 6 months here and my wife has told me I can dress when the kids are sleeping

      Hopefully it all works out Paula XX

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #383372
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Participant
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 599
      Has thanked: 3598 times
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      Hi Sara The ideal solution is to find a private club for trans and CDs. I believe i found the club when i was buying a corset and found a leaflet at the check out counter. You are asking the right questions I am sure you will find the answers just be patient. We all have had to deal with SO issue, There is no one solution. Its basically up to her how much she is willing  or unwilling to be a part of your desire to express your self in the fem. We all know it is just apart of you that needs to be expressed some how some way. The old saying” if there is a will there is a way” Many good wishes Luv Stephanie

    • #383343
      Dani CD
      Participant
      Registered On: September 10, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 18
      Has thanked: 53 times
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      Hi Sara,                                                                  I’m in the same boat, my wife caught me 12 months ago (just panties under my male clothes). It almost cost us our marriage. We had many discussions and she did plenty of research on the net but still can’t bring herself to approve. I’m only a private cd and would love to share it with her, but  She feels i would bring shame and embarrassment on her and the family if anybody found out.         In the end I had to get rid of all my cd things so she wouldn’t find them. One of the hardest things is she is a make up artist and i know how good she make me look. I love my wife deeply so Dani had to take an extended holiday but the desire to dress and bring her back is there 24/7.                                              Sorry my reply isn’t much help, but I understand what you are going through and want to thank you for raising the topic.              Dani👩🏻‍🔧

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      • #384121
        Molly
        Participant
        Registered On: October 22, 2018
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 217
        Has thanked: 1005 times
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        Dani;

        Wow, and I thought being envious of her clothes and looks were bad enough… If my wife was a make up artist, I’d be completely beside myself if I couldn’t take her advantage of her skills.

        Hopefully in time she’ll come to allow you some Dani time and offer some help.  Until then you have my sympathies, and should it occur, you’ll have to suffer my envy 🙂

        -Molly

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    • #383303
      patty williams
      Participant
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
      Topics: 62
      Replies: 1110
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      HI Sara,

      some one said Just because we are married does not give someone the right to dictate exactly what we do.

      A Marriage  has to have compromise but you need your time .

      I think you two need to talk and see if you can’t work something out even if you dress in another room.

       

      Patty

    • #383302
      Philma Bierstein
      Participant
      Registered On: May 28, 2020
      Topics: 34
      Replies: 118
      Has thanked: 1318 times
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      On a 10-hour road trip this summer with just me & the wife, we had a good long talk about why I dress.  I got a lit of good advice in CDH, which in short, amounted to:

      Be honest.  For me, this desire has always been with me and has manifested in many ways throughout my life.  It just is a part of who I am, and I should be allowed to express it (it IS 2020, right? )

      Be patient.  My wife had lots of questions, some of them I didn’t have a good answer for until I thought about it for a couple of days, then we talked again.

      Be reassuring.  I emphasized that I didn’t want to present female full time.  I enjoy being a guy and doing guy things, but I also want to go out in public as a woman every now and then.  It is not sexual, not kinky, not perverted.  It is simple.  I am still the man she married.

      Be understanding.  She will need time to adjust to the new “you”.  Talk about not being willing to maybe go to a neighboring town where you won’t run into people you know, or that for now you just want to dress at home.

      If she gets one time out shopping with you en femme, she’ll be hooked!  She’ll have the best shopping partner she ever imagined!! 😀

      You know your SO better than all of us, so do what feels right.  You need to be allowed to express yourself.  It is what adults do.  If she can’t handle it, she really needs to give you the space and freedom to do it on your own.  Forcing you to deny such a core part of your personhood is simply not fair.
      Sorry that got so long & deep (no pun…).  Be well and take care of yourself and your relationship.  Keep plugging away.  It took years to get my wife to the point we could have that conversation.

    • #383072
      Alison Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 312
      Has thanked: 152 times
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      You say she disapproves, but does she absolutely forbid it?  Perhaps you can tell her of your need to dress up, and go into one room and close the door and stay there a few hours and then undo everything and come back out.  She would leave you alone and not have to see you, and you can relieve some of your stress.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #383037
      rebekka moore
      Participant
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 71
      Replies: 752
      Has thanked: 335 times
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      Hi Sarah,

      I’m in the exact same situation.  My SO does not approve and although she does not like it, I keep my body smooth all over.  It comes with consequences.  Like no intimate activities between us.

      Over 2 years ago now I decided I had deprived myself and bowed to others for too long.  I started going to second hand stores and buying womans jeans.  Pretty generic looking at first, but then graduated to more obviously woman’s styles, and now capri length pants too.  I started wearing them around the house.  My SO never said a word, until one day she noticed I had amassed quite a collection!  I graduated to buying woman’s boots and some flats, that look pretty generic, and now that is how I dress at home and in public.  Oh and I shave my legs and everything else.

      My advise to you is;

      – Don’t deprive yourself (life is too short)

      – Start slow, an gradually progress

      – You may have to settle for a little less than what you really want to do

      – Be ready to accept and live with the consequences.  (Like me, no intimacy in my marriage)

      I hope you find your way, and happiness!

      Rebekka

    • #382603
      Seren
      Participant
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 35
      Replies: 374
      Has thanked: 3100 times
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      Hey Sara, I sympathise with your situation, but I‘m afraid I don’t have any solutions.
      I had about 10 weeks of the same. I’d just told my wife as the lockdown/wfh started so I was treading v carefully.
      We’re still working thro it although it is getting better.
      In the past I would’ve used any travel opportunities, or any time when she went out (even for a short period)

      Good luck hun, stay strong

      Seren xx

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #382599
      Amanda Burton
      Participant
      Registered On: January 15, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 101
      Has thanked: 1131 times
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      Hi Sara, just wondering if there is any CD clubs or meeting groups close to you that you could join. I had one local that meet in rooms above a pub, where you could go change and meet and chat with other like minded friends. You say your wife doesn’t approve of you dressing, yet it appears she is still married to you even after knowing you like to cross dress.
      I am sure many of us on here could explain why we enjoy this and need this in our lives.
      Maybe if she understood this harmless pleasure we enjoy, and that it’s not a reflection upon the sex relationship between you two. But purely a personal one you like to do.
      It can only be truly sorted face to face in a heart to heart. I wish you the best. Lol Amanda X

    • #382584
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 1346
      Has thanked: 2092 times
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      Hi Sara,

      I can think of three possible answers to your problem…maybe.  Presuming you can, and do go out en-femme, get Dressed and go visit a shopping mall.   Consider stealth Dressing;  ladies’ jeans or pants, tops, hose and shoes can provide that Dressed feeling without it being obvious that you are wearing women’s clothes (panties & bra, of course). And if you haven’t already done so, consider having The Talk with your wife.  Tell her this is something you have to do, and ask whether there is any level of Dressing she can accept, or even tolerate in her presence.  If she is able to set boundaries, she may be more accepting than you think.  And I hope you find the answer you need.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

    • #382567
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 130
      Has thanked: 748 times
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      Footnote…. Sara…if you really cannot face going out on foot,  which I totally understand, maybe stay in the car and just drive around for an hour….we all need our girl time…best wishes.  Grace x

    • #382561
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 130
      Has thanked: 748 times
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      Hi Sara….if your wife is at home all day, could you not get out for even an hour or two?. Maybe a local beauty spot, park or beach. Dress in the car, and wander about away from the crowds. Make up not too important as you could even wear a mask. Just a suggestion …..Grace xx

    • #382557
      Mikayla Welsh
      Participant
      Registered On: April 29, 2020
      Topics: 4
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      Has thanked: 327 times
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      other than sneaking down to the basement, after the wife is asleep, I have no other ideas.  sorry

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #382554
      Claire
      Participant
      Registered On: July 3, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 1
      Has thanked: 3 times
      Been thanked: 6 times

      Hi Sara!

      Good question. I’m in a similar situation. I honestly thought about finding a relatively inexpensive hotel room, but for some reason I think this just ads another layer of secrecy which I don’t like. I’d love to hear some suggestions from others as well!

      Thanks!

      Claire

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