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Hey gurls! Have been reading a bit on here and just created an account. I’ve been dressing regularly for over 15 years (now in my 30s). I was lucky enough to have have fairly supportive, or at least open gf’s, until my last serious one who didn’t accept at all, and clearly suffered a lot of anxiety at the very thought of me in any feminine things. I can’t tell you how many times a conversation on everyday dating apps (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder) were going spectacularly until crossdressing was mentioned. The interest died and the convo came to a screeching hault, and with always nearly the same statement: “not judging, but this is not for me. Best of luck!” …extremely frustrating. Of course, I could keep this aspect of myself hidden at first, but that also feels dishonest. All the stories of divorce and breakups because of crossdressing are a sad truth we have to contend with. I was wondering what you all have experienced and how you’ve navigated dating as crossdressers. Have you come across any apps or sites that make it easier for us? Thnx in advance! 💕
Hi Audrey 💕💕 (lovely name btw)
Welcome to CDH. I think that that experience is shared by so many of us wherever in the world. My dressing was a part of why my wife wanted a divorce. Now we have been divorced for 12 years and I have come out as transgender. If you want to know my story I have written an article “ the untold story of Lily-Rose”. Published here at CDH. It pretty much sums up my life up until now.
Lots of Hugs
Lily-Rose
Thank you so much for your reply, Lily-Rose! And I must say you look so beautiful! I wish I could look more feminine, but anyhow, I will be sure to check out your story. It’s always valuable to see these situations through another person’s eyes, especially in the secretive and often taboo world we inhabit as crossdressers and trans individuals!
That’s a really tough situation and coming from somebody who pretty much avoids any kind of ‘relationship’ situations I wish I could offer more help as to how to navigate this. It will be interesting to see what other advice people might have. I wish I could be of more help, but it’s something I purposefully avoid. Maybe within there is an answer too? I just think it’s an ‘easier’ (?) yet, maybe shallow way to live your life, the avoidance of hurting others …or disappointing them.
My single life has been very much by design. There’s been many opportunity for change, it just hasn’t seemed like the ‘right’ thing to do for ‘me’ I believe we have to prioritize ourselves over the needs or intentions of others, especially with other baggage such as our lifestyle is involved.
I do honestly wish you luck with your search though.
Thank you,
KvC
Hi Audrey
I’m gonna give you some bold advice…
Why NOT?? What do you have to lose? I suggest actually posting your feminine self on sites and looking for friends first!
WHY? I’m currently doing that right now with 3 different dating/friend sites. I don’t get flooded with responses BUT…there have been a handful of brave women who’ve reached out…no dates or get togethers yet…but reaching out on their part is a pretty strong and confident move.
Right now I think my feminine persona is less intimidating, more welcoming. Especially if you make it known “Friends First” I think they are more apt to reach out.
Doing nothing will get you nowhere, so you may as well take a chance and be bold.
Zero minus zero equals Zero. Doing nothing will merit nothing. So throw caution to the wind and be bold! You truly don’t have anything to lose.
Just my thoughts and experience
XO Robyn 🤗❤️💃
I am married so I never dated as a female looking for females, but I do have a LOT!!! Of gay female friends that go to lesbian bars and such and from what they told me is that I was every bi woman’s dream lol. I have had many women tell me they would date me in a heartbeat as a female/male but I’m not looking and my wife doesn’t mind me dressing so no need for me. I think the dating sites your talking about don’t really capture the audience your seeking. Just know there are many women who are into it more then you know, use your female appearance as an advantage to befriend women and the door will open to friends they may have or people they know. You gotta go old school and get out there like before smart phones and talk with women. They don’t put up defenses as much when a hot blonde approaches them and asks them a question.
Hi Audrey, Teralynn here. Welcome to our wonderful online community. I look at crossdressing from a psychological perspective concentrating on they why and how of the crossdressing journey. I always advise that honesty is the best policy because it resolves so many future potential problems that can ruin a relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to tell all when you initially make contact with someone for a casual conversation or get together. At the moment it occurs to you that – this is someone that I like enough to possibly have a serious relationship with – then you need to mention your crossdressing. This gives both of you the chance to walk away before you invest a lot of time and effort in the relationship. It will also give the other person a chance to ask any questions they might have so they get a real understanding of what a real relationship with you might be like. Will you have a lot decide not to pursue a relationship with you? Possibly! But do you really want to hide who you are only to have it discovered much later on when the consequences could be a lot more devastating. Better to continue to search for someone who will accept you as you are than be trapped in a relationship with someone who feels betrayed because you didn’t tell them about your crossdressing or have it end in a disastrous divorce. From your Introduction Post, I think you know whick situation works better for you. Don’t give up Luv! There are women out there that will not be turned off by your crossdressing and in fact may find it refreshing. If I can ever be of further service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall or a private message will get the fastest response. – Blessings
Hi Audrey!
I agree with Katie and Robyn. Good advice from both of them.
Katie is right. Some women are really attracted to crossdressers and transwomen. The thing is, there aren’t a lot of them out there. You have to look in the right places.
When I started going out it never occurred to me that some women might be attracted. It was quite the surprise! I’ve been hit on a number of times in gay and lesbian bars. One lady was very persistent and I almost cheated.
Any woman you encounter in a gay or lesbian bar isn’t going to be shocked by a crossdresser. If she shows any interest it’s obvious she knows what she’s getting into. All you have to do is be yourself. It’s a huge relief.
I like Robyn’s suggestion too. Why not be open on dating sites? Post some photos. Use your femme name. Friends first. You’ll save yourself a bunch of time and have a better chance of finding the right person.
You’ll miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!
I’d go one step further and consider dating sites that cater to alternative lifestyles. Yeah, I’m not naming any ’cause I like my CDH membership and intend to keep it. But they’re pretty easy to find.
One caution. If you create a dating profile for Audrey, don’t post info about your male self that a creep could use to attack you.
Hugs, Emily
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